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Still cold

An April trip to Scarborough. Time to put on the Simon and Garfunkel cover of the old English Folk Song.

Are you going to Scarborough Fair…

Well I hope they got wrapped up as it was seriously COLD, AGAIN. Beautiful but COLD.

The Scarborough song is about asking too much of others, asking impossible tasks, love fracturing. Well it would mess up if one lover was expecting a Caribbean beach holiday and they ended up on a long weekend in not so tropical Yorkshire.

We had been over here for an appointment, the last bit of formal support Hawklad gets these days. One 45 minute session every 3 weeks or so. From about the age of thirteen the support levels have shrunk rapidly. Get to 18 or 19 and they will have completely disappeared. Not because the need isn’t there, it’s likely to be there more than ever, but because nationally access to services are being restricted. Years of cut backs and efficiency restructurings have led to ‘streamlined’ services being overwhelmed with demand. So we get frustrated and angry with the lack of local support but unless mental health is given the priority it needs nationally, then it’s an IMPOSSIBLE task to support every need, it just can’t happen.

Or is it IMPOSSIBLE, at least could we do better, could we give some more support to those who need it. I guess it comes down to a couple of drivers…

– Maybe those in charge see more votes in focusing on tax cuts and immigration crackdowns,

– There are just not enough profits to be extracted by greedy hands from Mental Health Services.

The UKs so called Prime Minister will give daily speeches solely focusing on how he is being tough and proactive on trying to fly a few desperate refugees to Rwanda at a cost of £500 Million (plus…), yet he never seems to ever raise an eyebrow at the mental health crisis unfolding across the country. But what is clear.

The money is there, the money to fund services is definitely there.

This shouldn’t be impossible.

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Muddy paths

Muddy paths everywhere.

At this time of year this should be a nice, dry way through the local woods. Not this year. In fact part of the path is closed off as it is flooded. Early morning runs through here are currently a slide FEST. Hopefully it can dry out as the bluebells will be out real soon, maybe they can swim.

As my muddy legs got even more muddier this morning, I was pondering on something a work colleague had said in a meeting.

‘Daughter will be going to University September next year. That’s it, most of my full time parenting will be definitely over. She wants to go to St Andrews, then travel for a few months, then get a job in London. So in 17 months we get a spare room and maybe I can finally get that pool table….. Just need to get her through her driving test in November.

A clear timescale. Yes things might change, but still plans. It feels quite ordered with clear milestones.

I don’t get that feel, never have with this parenting gig. The way forward is hopefully full of so much potential, but it’s filled with so much uncertainty, so many unknowns, so many complications. When will he be able and willing to leave home. How much support will he need, where can he get that support from. Even have no idea about if and when he will be able to start driving. So much uncertainty, I’ve given up trying to plan or put in milestones. Just got to keep being there as best as I can for Hawklad and see what the future brings.

And YES, I ain’t ever buying a pool table. It will just end up being another shredded, pet hair disaster zone. I can definitely predict that fact.

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Never the same

In the quiet my mind wandered. Watching and listening to the latest rain storm to crash into our little bungalow, sat on a little Yorkshire Hill.

How can I get Hawklad for a holiday somewhere. How to do it without ramping up his anxieties, how to fund it, where to go. I kept going back to previous holidays, holidays before our little world changed. Coming to the same phrase in my head.

Can never be the same again.

The logical approach is to go back to our former Swiss trip base, Spiez. I know how to get there, the ways that would work and not work for Hawklad. Ways to avoid queues, and crowds and anxieties. Familiarity is important to him, reassuring. Spiez would offer that.

Plus it is a wonderful base to explore the rest of Switzerland and even Northern Italy .

Plus it is one of Europe’s most beautiful bays.

BUT

Things have changed. It’s not 3 or maybe more now. It’s just 2 of us. So many memories there. Maybe so many ghosts round every corner…

Much to ponder, but it is one stunning place. Always will be a special place for us.

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searching for

The weather isn’t playing ball but the flowers have had enough, they are starting to bloom.

Just need the sun now….

It might be a bit of a wait for that ….

Excessive handwashing,

Excessive clothes changing,

Excessive need for reassurance,

Excessive need to order and arrange things,

Excessive need to check and recheck things,

Excessive hoarding.

I was told by a Paediatrician that OCD was one of the potential anxieties that we should look out for with Hawklad. As a toddler he was obsessed with lining toy animals and cars in increasingly long straight lines. Apparently that can be a forewarning of later life OCD and an early flag of Autism. The Paediatrician said for unknown reasons there is a link. I think he said that 2% of the population can experience severe OCD, for Autism the percentage jumps to 20%.

Whatever the reasons, whatever the numbers, OCD has a huge impact on daily life, it ramps up anxiety and stress levels. It does with Hawklad. If anything the OCD grows. Sadly up to now the advice and support with OCD can be best described by the phrase

Best of luck with that….

It’s often down to individuals and families to try to chart a path through these never ending storms. Trying to find ideas, anything to try.

The search is ongoing here.

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Sigh

That’s as bright as it’s been really….

But at least there are the first signs of this year’s flowers.

I recently bumped into someone we got to know at Hawklad’s first school and she asked after him with the following words…..

“Is he now over his Autism….”

Deep sigh…. Where do you start with that….

What’s really worrying is those words came from a Teacher.

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Autumn

It’s been late this year but finally the trees have truly changed colour.

Change can be such a good thing.

I was talking to a mum who’s daughter goes to the same school as Hawklad went to. Hawklad is a couple of years older. The daughter is dyslexic with some specific educational needs. It’s telling that NOTHING HAS CHANGED. The daughter is going through exactly the same trials and tribulations that Hawklad went through. The School Approach and Attitude is UNCHANGED and as INFLEXIBLE as ever. It might be working for the School and System, but it’s still NOT WORKING for far too many pupils.

Change is needed.

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Pre storming

As the next storm is about to wing across the UK. We took a pre storm trip to the coast.

Yes we we got drenched, yes it was cold.

Hawklad loves this kind of bad weather trip…. he basically gets the place to himself. Space is a wonderful safety blanket.

Plus no one gets to see his hair, WOW was that a blinding cut from Muppet Dad. Actually it looks like I was blinded while doing it.

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The Wall – disc two

That’s a shed load of water heading towards the sea just a few yards further on.

Too many times in Hawklad’s school life, he came across an inflexible school system, setting him up to fail, blocking his path.

Two of many examples…..

He was struggling with French. The way it was taught wasn’t working for him, he was falling behind and getting really anxious. Parrot learning how to spell and read French for weekly tests. I approached the teacher to talk about this and our preference to try something different. A more visual and interactive learning App approach. An approach producing great results in some US schools for dyslexic pupils. We even offered to pay for the software. The response sadly predictable. No learning approach could be used that differed from the standard national programme. Even when I pressed on the fact that it just wasn’t working for Hawklad, it was a firm, he just has to work harder using the set learning script. In the end Hawklad was given just two options. Follow the class programme or drop the language course. So he dropped the subject, even though he really wanted to learn a language……

Computer Studies featured a significant element of learning and practicing coding. Month after month, trying to read stuff of a classroom screen then re type it. Get it slightly wrong and it errors out. A nightmare with dyslexia. Again Hawklad started to fall behind. Again the teacher was approached. This time more understanding but still inflexible. The teacher realised it wasn’t working for Hawklad and talked about in the past being able to try different things or switch out coding out for something else. But now the Teacher wasn’t allowed to do that even when the method isn’t working. He had to stick to the set curriculum. End result, Hawklad dropped the subject at the first opportunity…….

So many more examples but you get the picture. At no stage did school ever ask Hawklad what he wanted to do, what were his dreams, his big hopes, the things he was interested in. At no stage was the learning environment tailored to his needs or wishes. It was always, here is the education you must follow. What makes it worse is that this set education is ultimately dictated not by children, not by educational professionals, not by parents but by vested interests and politicians.

As a result far too many children are overlooked and forced into moulds that just won’t ever work for them. A WALL is built blocking the child from thriving, from enjoying developing, from dreaming big and for going down the path that works for them.

This has to CHANGE, that WALL has to come down.

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The Wall – disc one

Our little bungalow needed a small water feature.

Please someone tell my I’m wrong…..

In the UK, in the STATE schooling system, far too often the focus is on the wellbeing of THE SYSTEM rather than on the interests of the individual pupil.

The key is that the system runs efficiently, can cope with limited funding and ultimately produces the UNITS the ECONOMY is expected to need. Not much mention of the needs of the individual child. Not much mention of the system going the extra mile for every child.

Am I being ……

Pupils pushed through one educational route regardless of whether it suits the individual. For many it’s never about how high they can fly, never about big or beautiful dreams, not about asking what the child what they want. Far too often it’s about what the SYSTEM decides the child IS.

Pink Floyd got it so right in The Wall.

Tell me I’m wrong……

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Lake one

Ullswater in the English Lake District. The usual grand weather there….

About 200 years ago the poet William Wordsworth spent much time here, you can see why. A hundred years later Donald Campbell disrupted the creative peace by braking the world water speed record here, over 202mph.

When we visited Hawklad blew my mind, again. Randomly he started to list every top division football champions in both England and Italy. On the patchy internet I checked, every single year answer was correct. Staggeringly that went back to 1889 for England and 1898 for Italy. Even taking the time to fill in the key footballing history, managers and top goal scorers. How on earth does he do that, apparently I’m his Dad and I can’t even remember what I had for breakfast.

2019 – School gave up on him. I remember a Head of Year saying that ‘HE is low attainment with many special educational needs… there are plenty of alternatives for pupils who leave with no qualifications…. College isn’t everything’.

2023 – still on track for his goal – UNIVERSITY.

How many great kids are wrote off by the system when with the right support, THEY CAN FLY.