Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 22 Comments

What you see

I went first scanning the world around me for 30 seconds. So what could my mighty mind recall. With my scatter gun memory approach, it was over in a few seconds. I remembered some birds flying overhead, a few clouds, someone cutting the lawn, bit of a breeze, plane flying overhead, a car, a number of cows, think I saw a sheep and a dog barking (not ours). I was quite impressed with myself until my son’s turn. I knew I had lost the challenge when my son’s first words were “17 cows”. The list he came up with was something like:

  • 17 cows,
  • 6 sheep,
  • 7 birds in flight (4 crows, 2 starlings and a bird of prey possibly a Buzzard),
  • 1 bird whistling in that hedge,
  • 2 more birds chirping in the other hedge,
  • breeze
  • 3 aeroplanes, looking at the cloud trails one of the planes has four engines,
  • 1 lawnmowers in the distance,
  • About 15 white clouds,
  • 2 Wasps or Bees buzzing behind us,
  • A couple walking a white dog in the distance near the far gate, which they didn’t close. The dog is barking,
  • Someone has fire on as I can smell the smoke, given the wind direction it might be the farm,
  • 2 cars and probably from the sound of it a bus driving up the road,
  • Next door has the television on, it’s loud
  • plus ‘you tried to put me off by pumping’ – (sorry thought I’d got away with that one).

I was expecting my son to win this observation game. I remember watching a programme by TV nature presenter Chris Packham in which he was talking about his Aspergers. In the programme he demonstrated how much he sensed and detected from his surroundings. It was just beyond my comprehension. Part of me was hoping that our little game would demonstrate to our son some of the positive elements of Aspergers. What it did demonstrate was how much sensory information his brain was having to deal with. When I looked only a few minutes later so much had changed. He’s processing all this sensory information all the time. I get why he likes listening to rock music, it helps block out some of the sensory distractions. I’m not sure what his Headteacher’s would say if I recommended playing Motörhead over the school p.a. system. Anyway as we walked towards the house our son smiled and said “ah the sweet smell of a barbecue or is it the cakes you put in the oven”. What would a Sunday be without burnt to a crisp fairy cakes. Just grand.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 35 Comments

Words of Wisdom

“You’re only given a spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it” – Robin Williams

“For all autistic people it mustn’t any longer be about what we can’t do, it’s got to be about what we can do” – Chris Packham

“You’re an interesting species. An interesting mix. You’re capable of such beautiful dreams, and such horrible nightmares. You feel so lost, so cut off, so alone, only you’re not. See, in all our searching, the only thing we’ve found that makes the emptiness bearable, is each other” – Carl Sagan

“When we meet real tragedy in life, we can react in two ways – either by losing hope and falling into self-destructive habits, or by using the challenge to find our inner strength” – Dalai Lama

“It takes a village to raise a child. It takes a child with autism to raise the consciousness of the village” – Elaine Hall

“It’s so much darker when a light goes out than it would have been if it had never shone” – John Steinbeck

“Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim“- Vicki Harrison

“You are allowed to feel messed up and inside out. It doesn’t mean you’re defective – it just means you’re human.” – David Mitchell

“We’re out of our comfort zones with depression. I certainly was and whenever I have bad days now I speak to someone to get it off my chest. I have no shame telling that and that’s why I’m here today” – Ricky Hatton

“Once you choose hope, anything is possible.“ – Christopher Reeve

“I didn’t succeed despite my dyslexia, but because of it. It wasn’t my deficit, but my advantage. Although there are neurological trade-offs that require that I work creatively/smarter in reading, writing and speaking. I would never wish to be any other way than my awesome self” – Scott Sonnon (World Champion in Martial Arts)

“There is a time to live, a time to die, a time to laugh, and at no time are the three of them very far apart” – Spike Milligan

“Life is too short to do the things you don’t love doing” – Bruce Dickinson

“When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change” – Wayne Dyer

“A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.” – Josh Billings

“Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow” – Jeff Valdez

“The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma” – Patrick from Spongebob

“Bums to big” – Our son on why the Dodo couldn’t fly. Probably explains why I can’t fly as well.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 8 Comments

Progress

The hustle and bustle of school summer holidays is something which does not sit well with my son. Aspergers and crowds is often not a good mix. Added to this was the fact that since his mum died, the sight of happy families would often greatly upset him. Reminders of what he had lost.

But now we have some progress. Now when he sees families it often reminds him of some wonderful memories. Memories he loves to share. Good times which make him happy.

Today was almost a perfect setup for him during a walk with the mad dog. Occasionally we came across families playing in the park. Today these encounters prompted memories of holidays we shared together with his mum. All precious and warming memories. No tears just smiles.

But today it often felt like we had the park to ourselves, no hustle and bustle, just the sound of birds. Today no anxious looks over his shoulder at the swirling crowds around him. A boy at ease with his surroundings.

Days like today feel like progress days. Often it seems like you get good days and bad weeks. Dark periods seem to go on forever. But when you do get a good day it reinforces the importance of trying to keep moving forward.