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Big City

A trip to the really really really big city…..Clearly it’s still not big enough as they are doing even more building work. Can’t believe no one asked for our Yorkshire Passports to come this far South.

While we were in the SOUTH we passed a local radio station doing an outdoor broadcast. The queue to get on LIVE seemed longer than the queue to get into this place…

I have never seen the attraction of being heard over the airwaves, just for a few short moments. The super wide berth Hawklad took around this Radio Unit clearly demonstrated his thoughts on that subject as well.

Back a few decades and at Warwick University I shared a student house with someone who was desperate to get their voice broadcast. This student spent so much time phoning in radio shows. Music Requests, Quizzes, Call-in Discussions, Traffic Updates, any method to get on air. Proudly telling anyone who would listen of the successful LIVE appearances. Hardly a week went by without another LIVE tale to tell. I’m amazed the Coventry Radio Stations never clubbed together to get a restraining order on him.

One time I did ask why he did this. His response sticks with me

“I hate the thought of being Mr Nobody…”

Rather ironic as I can remember the names of the other 5 housemates but can’t remember his name… It might have started with a P or S. AND actually Mr Nobody is kinda famous. Hawklad loved his Mr Men books and one of his favourite characters was this good looking chap.

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Yes I did that…..

Hawklad was watching The Simpsons today in between some seriously heavy summer showers.

It was the episode where Milhouse gets to watch ALL of FINDING NEMO. Hawklad was not impressed….

‘DAD, I need a serious word with you…”

“Say that again….. NEMO had a mum…..”

“I can’t believe you did the same as Milhouse’s parents.”

YEP, Hawklad has only seen that famous fish movie once when he was really young and yes I did that Milhouse Parent thing. I started the DVD at chapter 2. He was blissfully unaware of the tragic parent carnage that happened in the first few minutes. Blissfully unaware until today….

I wonder how many parents did the same thing.

But here’s the thing, who was I really protecting. I suspect it was ME. I would have definitively blubbed….

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College

A visit to Hawklad’s preferred college to see what it feels like during a normal, busy day. The key word is BUSY. Very, very busy. Overall the college has 8000 students. He found it often overwhelming and disorienting BUT HE STUCK IT OUT for a couple of hours. It also highlighted the things he needs to work on before he walks through the college doors for real.

He understands what college will feel like. Just how busy it will be. Busy and he won’t know any of the 8000 other students . His friends are all going to his former school’s sixth form, in a different town, 30 miles away. A sixth form that is not an option for Hawklad.

Hawklad also understands that the new college has strict exam entrant regulations for the courses he wants to do. He won’t find out how his exams went until the back end of August

He has to wait on exams and has just under 3 months to push on some things. But whatever happens this visit is another step forward.

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Poppy

One very lonely poppy, I’m pleased that today it had a number of visitors.

Just one poppy in the entire field.

They are such beautiful, resilient flowers with such powerful symbolism. Family meaning as well. Grandfather was gassed in the trenches during WW1. My mum had a younger sister called Poppy who died in infancy.

Always so many stories. Not always happy ones.

Sorry went all Leonard Cohen on you there.

School is still most definitely out. Even after a week Hawklad is still on edge after the exams. But hopefully a very loud and noisy Iron Maiden concert will soon blow those cobwebs away.

AND I am still brain fudged. Why can I still recite so many chemical formulas, quote Love Poetry lines and Shakespeare. Last night I even dreamed about being a university student having to do a practical exam in fractional distillation. I can remember writing down the formula and clearly getting it right. And yet when I went shopping today I couldn’t remember one single item we needed.

At least I can still remember the stories behind the Poppy. That is something.

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Longest

Sunset on the Moors, on the longest day, just a short walk from a Neolithic historical site. That’s almost Druid talk around here. I was also wearing some rather fetching brightly coloured shorts with a hint of a seventies bell bottom about them, That surely would fit in perfectly with modern Stonehenge Solstice dress code.

As the sun set we listened to those well known Druid bands, The Rolling Stones and The Beach Boys.

Hawklad likes to come to the same spot on The Moors, a little parking bay on a deserted road. Miles from anywhere. Few humans. Just a couple of isolated farmhouses and a not so secret, secret military base.

Hawklad loves the feeling of isolation here and the familiarity of this little parking spot. The more times we come, the more we get to know the free roaming sheep, the birds, the butterflies. We seem to see the same characters. Almost timeless.

We are going to see a lot of this place. There are worse places to visit.

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Almost out of the wood

Almost out of the deep dark wood. Isn’t it sad that even after all these years I can still recite The Gruffalo, word for word. Where did those years go…

One moment I’m reading out The Gruffalo to toddler Hawklad, and in the blink of an eye I’m trying to explain magnetic fields inside solenoids to him. Wow, bring Julia Donaldson back please.

Thinking about it, I look like The Gruffalo now.

Hawklad has done so well, 18 exams down, 2 more to go tomorrow. Then he is out of the deep dark wood, pesky school finished. The poor kid is out on his feet, sadly I bet he isn’t the only Year 11 feeling that way tonight. How is this supposed to be a true reflection of potential, skills, talents, character and personal accomplishment. IT ISN’T, in reality it was never supposed to be. It’s about the system rather than individual child.

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Plans

Dark Moody Moors.

Every time that I go to our local waste dump, a sign on the gates makes me smile. I know what they mean but…

If you can’t dump waste at the Waste Dump, then what is the point of it 😂😂😂😂😂

So Hawklad hits the last week of final school exams. 6 in 5 days. Then as Alice Cooper puts it

SCHOOL’S OUT FOR SUMMER

SCHOOL’S OUT FOR EVER….

It’s kind of such an unnerving thought. After about 3-30 on Friday, that’s it for Secondary School. After the world changed, so often I thought just in terms of the period covering mainstream schooling. Plans kinda didn’t go past this School. Plans didn’t go past 3-30 on Friday. Everything seemed so far in the future. Where did that TIME go.

So I guess it’s planning time again. Try to give Hawklad the best summer possible. See where the exams results leave Hawklad and then help him get on the next path which he wants to follow. Currently he would love to do college, focus on History. That particular Plan is very dependent on his exam results.

I also need to think about his Muppet Dad as well. Where does Hawklad’s next path leave me… Is it more of the same or new doors. That definitely sounds like a TWO COFFEE problem to sort out. Just need to get Hawklad through this last school week….

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Privatisation

I think I hit new BRAIN FUDGED exam heights this afternoon. Just driven back from school and for about 10 seconds I was stood bemused next to the house front door. The locked front door. Why wouldn’t it open. I was repeatedly pressing the car remote door opening key.

D’oh.

Once I had finally opened the pesky front door with its traditional key, I found a letter from a rather large public utility company which had been privatised a few years decades back. Customers were told that this would significantly improve service levels and keep prices down….

We are still waiting for those particular benefits to arrive.

The letter was addressed to Hawklad’s Mum. Over the 6 plus years since the world changed, I have repeatedly tried to get them to change this. Apparently the main database has been changed but other databases not linked to the main one keep popping up. Clearly the privatised company can’t afford to link all its systems. Got to pay those Dividends…..

Well back to the letter. A few years back, seeing my partners name on the address would have wrecked me. Things have changed now. The grief journey moves further down the road. This time I focused on the text next to the address.

We know times are hard, we are here to help. We want to do all we can, so open the envelope to see what we can do for you…

Well for a start you could stop fleecing your customers with ridiculously sky high prices and monumentally poor service levels. You could also stop your Chief Executive getting millions in performance related bonuses.

I dealt with the letter in the appropriate manner. Throw it to the mad Cat and Dog, let them rip it to shreds.

But the key point is that I focused on the contents of the letter rather than on the name on the letter. I never thought I could ever do that but when the time is right, the journey starts to become just a bit less painful.

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Rush hour

One of those mighty motorways that cut through the North Yorkshire Moors. This is rush hour….

It’s rush hour with Hawklad’s exams now. Two weeks of mayhem, 12 exams in 10 days. It’s an official slog now. That’s how it’s designed to be. Zero marks for coursework, everything on final exams. Exams squeezed into just a few weeks

Hawklad has officially got to the ‘hit the wall’ stage. He has really tried, tried to catch up on being out of the classroom for over two years. Tried to catch up that time, with let’s say ‘patchy’ support from school, over just a few weeks. Too much cramming, trying to force in so much information. And now, with two weeks of exams to get through, he is zonked out, brain fudged. He is still trying to learn, revise, but it’s not going in anymore.

It feels like running a marathon. At the starting line you stand with high hopes, focusing on running a great time. You set off and it feels ok. Then at some point, it all changes. It starts to hurt. After that it’s just about survival. The mind and body have gone. Any thoughts of a decent time have gone, it’s now about just trying to get to the finish line in one piece.

So one particularly bad day for Hawklad when he was tired, nothing was going in. He felt like he was going backwards. STUFF IT. We went for a drive on the Moors. Exams are supposed to be everything, but life goes on. Exam Rush Hour will never give you views like that.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 38 Comments

Break

I must have walked past this tree at least a 1000 times and yet today was the first time that I truly noticed it…..

So it’s 8 exams down another 12 to go. So much for Hawklad to learn and revise over the next three weeks. Currently he is ‘enjoying’ a week long revision school holiday before the exams come flying back at him. Poor Hawklad is mentally shattered, these exams are taking so much out of him, he is drained. Trying to cram in almost 3 years work into just a few weeks, across a number of subjects. Trying to do this while trying to cope with the stress which the revision and exams are placing on his hard earned reading skills. Trying at the same time trying to learn to type exam answers up without any speech or grammar assistance.

It’s unbelievable to think that just under three years ago school had decided that he would never be able to read. The fact he is doing these exams unaided is already the biggest of big WINS for him.

But he is drained. Really drained.

So we through out the revision playbook. He needed a break. So he is having a couple of days off before he dives back into the work again. Two days off will hit the revision but it was the right decision. We all need to recharge sometimes.