If only elections were like Saturday Afternoon Football. Turn on the TV at 4.50 and you get the results. Election Night just drags on and on and on. I managed 5 minutes of the CNN coverage, that was more than enough for me. Why not just show great themed movies like Mr Smith Goes to Washington, do a 5 minute election summary and then move on to the next movie.
Even better idea, if you can trust a rodent with the arrival of Spring, let the Groundhog choose The President. Way cheaper, way quicker and way less opportunity for election fraud. Now that’s an Election Special Night I would watch.
Today, walking along a leaf covered path. We had to wait to pass a Father out walking with his young Son. The Toddler was kicking leafs about with his Thomas The Tank Engine Welly Boots. At the same time he was using a stick to try and sweep the path clean. Humming a tune to himself. That’s pure joy, pure happiness.
As we eventually made our way past the happy little road sweeper, my mind wandered to holidays in Switzerland. Toddler Hawklad, taking his bag of bread from the Hotel Kitchen to feed his new friend, Mr Swan. Every morning, same ritual. You could see the pure joy and happiness on our Son’s face.
As adults do we way too quickly stop searching for those moments that produce pure joy and happiness. Yes we have to work, we have responsibilities, anxieties, pain, fears and stress but in our free time, when we get the chance, how often do we find the time to be truly happy. Just how often do we settle for way less, just the mundane, maybe overcomplicating life, doing things that aren’t lifting us up, forgetting where we will find that pure joy.
I so hope you can find that joy and happiness, find what makes your world come alive.
It’s amazing what you can find if you just keep your eyes open or notice where your dog is heading to cock his leg…..
Last night I went with Hawklad to a large Halloween Fair which is held every year just outside the local city. Music, dancing, rides and 5 huge, live action haunted house like mazes. Well over 100 actors, theme dressed, all with the purpose of jump scaring you. All great fun. Even when you try to be prepared, they do get you…. On two separate occasions a poor woman behind me screamed and she involuntarily grabbed on to the nearest thing to her, ME… Through the giggles both said sorry and one said that she won’t mention that to the husband. 😂😂😂.
Another maze section has a room where the floor is heavily tilted (with disorienting lighting), it makes it feel like gravity is heaving pulling you in completely the wrong direction. One young actress dressed as a vampire lost balance there and crashed into me, with the immortal line ‘you will have to marry me now’. Clearly I would be a big hit in Transylvania…. Clearly disorientating lighting works for me as well 😂😂😂😂
But to balance things out, that yin and yang thing. One actress dressed as a mad scientist, with a manic laugh took one look at me and said ‘wow that’s some amazing Halloween Makeup you’re wearing, it makes you look a couple of hundred years old… oh wait, your not wearing makeup’. Or one middle aged actor, dressed I think as a female Ogre bride, gingerly climbed over a barrier next to me to scare some people in our queue. As he got over he looked me in the eyes and said ‘ I’m getting too old for this, everything hurts, I feel like rigor mortis is setting in…. But wow you’re really ancient, I dread to think how much you will be hurting, try not to dance too much tonight …’. Now that’s a proper chat up line 😂😂😂😂😂
The main thing was that Hawklad enjoyed himself. Life can get a bit too serious at times, too stressful. It’s so good to see him laugh.
Tropical Scarborough on a blisteringly hot Autumn Day.
Forget the ice cream, hot soup was the order of the day.
Not sure if it was just the weather but when I offered to buy one of the brightly coloured beach hutches, Hawklad firmly declined…. The huts cost between about £70,000 to £160,000. You can rent them as well, Peak times set you back something like £300 for a week. For that you get a few kitchen items, a sink, deckchairs, use of the shared public toilets and free pet seagulls.
Peak includes Christmas, Wow that would be a brave call. Not sure the paper party hats would stay on too long with the inevitable Winter North Sea skin shredding sand blasting wind and icy horizontal rain.
Walking along the beach we passed a few groups of teenagers clearly starting the Half Term Break with some beach fun. I couldn’t help think about how Hawklad might view these scenes. It’s a part of teenage life that has so far eluded him, spending far too much time with his ancient relic of a Dad. Not sure those teenagers would spend too much time discussing beach huts…..
Living in the UK has many negatives, things like the weather, road potholes, useless Water Companies, Nigel Farage, Fuel Prices, Morris Dancing, late running trains, Brexit, did I mention the WEATHER. But then again we have some beautiful landscapes and CASTLES. Lots of Castles.
So when the clouds parted we headed off to one such castle. Helmsley Castle, over 900 years of history. It’s a wonderful adventure.
Know those times when you don’t engage the brain before you open your mouth to talk. It usually ends badly or maybe you just end up being a US Presidential Candidate….
One of the worst ones I ever did was many years ago, in a Catholic Church in Newcastle, a friend was having his baby baptised. Badly times as there was a Newcastle game starting in 3 hours, yes a few black and white shirts hidden under respectful jackets. As the service progressed a church official came round and invited people up to take part in communion. I was first in line of our group, so the pressure was on me to set the precedent, to get the reply right. I didn’t engage the brain. I responded with a polite ‘better not I’m with the other side’, which I thought was fine as I’m an Anglican. As the chap moved on a friend behind me whispered in my ear ‘He will think your a devil worshipper now’. I just groaned…. Why didn’t I just do what my friends did and just say ‘no thank you’.
Anyways moving on…
Today I was trying to get a few things in our local supermarket when I walked pasted the skincare aisle. Some salespeople where trying to attract interest in some new moisturising thingy. They must have been desperate as one of the ladies pounced on me.
“Excuse me Sir, can I ask do you use moisturising products. We have a new product which might well interest you…..”
Really, I look like a Neanderthal these days…. time to make a quick exit.
I didn’t engage the brain…..
And my mouth opened…..
“I’ve got to that time in life where I find using Embalming is way more beneficial than skin care products “
The poor lady looked bemused and after a few seconds responded…
“I’m usually pretty up with things but I’ve not heard of the Embalming range, I must look it up“
I did the only decent thing in that case and basically just ran away as quick as possible.
Somethings never fail to work. With Hawklad it’s HISTORY. So what better way to spend an unusually sunny day than to walk around a city with a shed load of history.
YORK
The Viking Capital of England, once for a brief time the political heart of the Roman Empire, Saxons, Normans, Middle Ages. History on History.
And wonderfully still no skyscrapers…..
If you get the chance, come and see it for yourself.
Bereavement brought in stark focus the thought ‘YOU ARE ON YOUR OWN’, NO one to bounce ideas off, to talk to, definitely SINGLE Parenting. It’s often a scary place to be, feeling like you are way out of your depth. Sink or swim without arm bands.
I’m getting that feeling again…..
All too quickly the Child Health and Autism Services that have worked with Hawklad since he was 5, that have provided support, therapy and help will be pulled when he hits 18. We’ve been warned that after that date, the support he can get will almost be nonexistent. If he does try to speak to a doctor, on the basis of at most, a 3 minute consultation, he may well just be prescribed Antidepressants, provided leaflets on Mindfulness and then sent on his way. Sink or swim without armbands again.
At least its the season that yields perfect mushroom weather….
I also think it’s the season that yields just a bit of muppetry as well.
We went for a very wet windy walk at a local venue. I apologised to the person sat at reception as I fumbled in all my pockets to find the season ticket cards. A few things struck me about the bloke sat at the reception desk. He was pointing vigorously at my left hand and secondly he was bizarrely almost bent double as he appeared to be trying to cover the ticket machine bar reader with his other hand. He also looked really uncomfortable as he was also trying to contort his neck into an unnatural position in an attempt to continue a call with a phone wedged precariously under the chin.
It wasn’t until the phone crashed onto the desk, terminating the call that it was all explained to me.
I was holding the missing tickets in my left hand as I fumbled with my right to dig deeper in a pointless pocket search…..
The reception chap was on a call to IT trying to get help with the poorly reception software, explaining his plight to a never ending stream of call centre IT Helpers. Been this way for almost two hours…..
And apparently he had been repeatedly and way too frequently contorting his body trying to cover up the bar reader with his hand while talking with the Helpline. Every time someone scanned a ticket, the system crashed. His back unsurprisingly was killing him now…..
Why don’t you just pull the power cable out of the back of the bar reader, no need to keep bending forward. You could also just cover the bar reader with a bag, or just put a ‘don’t scan’ sign up.….
“Pants why didn’t I think about that two hours ago when I still had a pain free back” is a more family friendly translation of what the receptionist said.
We’ve all been there, especially at this damp time of year….
This afternoon we drove to a city on the coast, to Hull, visiting its large £50 million pound aquarium, The Deep. So many memories flooded back walking around the maze of tanks and glass tunnels.
The last time we had ventured here was when Hawklad was about 4. The three of us came with his Dutch friend and parents. Life was way different then, preschool Nursery was working out really well, Hawklad was flourishing with loads of friends. A never ending succession of meet-ups at various houses, parks and attractions. On top of family and work contacts, it felt like a socially full and connected world. Aspergers was still a year or so away from really knocking on our front door.
So many thoughts now…..
Piggy backs looking at the fish now replaced by someone towering over me. That bubbly child who would run up to anyone and excitedly tell them all about the sharks, now we carefully pick the moment to look at the tanks, waiting for the crowds to part and plenty of space to appear. Now we are a family of two (four counting mad pets) with a barren social diary. All the families and friends from Nursery have long since dispersed, including the Dutch family. Home based Work and College is proving socially isolating. Our Family Photos seem to feature fewer and fewer loved ones.
It’s a sobering thought, just how quickly life can change, just how easily people can become cut off and isolated within this increasingly noisy world. The other prevailing thought came from watching the various sea creatures effortlessly change direction in the large, populated tanks. At times with me it definitely felt like rudderless sailing, buffeted by the storms of life. Definitely not feeling much like effortless and intentional changes of direction of my part. But who’s to say that my planned direction would have turned out any better than the reality. Plus, in this life I’ve not yet ended up stuck behind glass windows, being gawked at, swimming round in never ending circles. I wonder how the fish feel, in control, socially connected with all the other creatures in the tank, immune from the storms in the real world or boxed in, constrained. Without the storms of life, stuck in one place.
A Dad trying to cope with the loss of his Partner and becoming a single parent. 