Martians just made the list…

Sometimes you just have to get up close to flowers. Neighbours must think I am stark raving mad….

Sometimes you have those days. Days were you get up close to flowers and also end up pulling out what’s left of your hair.

School has been verbally told (many times) and been provided with extensive case notes for our son. Just in case school didn’t fancy reading War and Peace I helpfully provided a two page bullet point summary. Bullet Point 6 said

Can have poor judgement in relation to risk.

Bullet Point 7 adds

Has a diagnosis of Dyspraxia. Has very poor fine motor skills. Struggles to use pens. One to one Care and supervision needed when using sharp objects.

Under the section relating to specific school subjects

Design & Technology. One to one supervision required when using cutting tools, drilling tools and impact tools.

Additionally school has been given a verbal and written update on his current broken hand. Although the bone has heeled he is undertaking physio to try and get his hand working properly again. So he in effect still just using his weaker left hand.

Today was his first Design and Technology lesson. So it was also a fingers crossed type day. Funnily enough it was also a plaster type day……

He came back home. His thumb and two fingers covered in large plasters.

“Dad I had a bit of an accident. I was trying to saw using my left hand. The teacher shouted out an instruction to the class. I got distracted and I started sawing my hand rather than the wood…”

Apparently he wasn’t given any one on one supervision. He was allowed to use a normal saw with his wrong hand, with no additional safety measures in place. – Maybe I’m just being an over protective parent. It’s a natural thing to do.

Dad funny thing is the lesson was about safety in the workplace. Guess I’ve already failed…”

So that’s something else we will be discussing at his school review meeting on Friday. Could be a long meeting because it’s one sizeable issues list….

But let’s try to finish on a brighter note. We sat on the grass next to the daffodil patch with ice lollies in hand.

Dad up close Daffodils take on a completely different perspective. If your a bug looking up at those yellow giants, it must be terrifying. Do you think HG Wells got his idea for the mechanical Martians from Daffodils”

As I pondered that the mad dog ran up and before we could stop him, he cocked his leg on the Daffodils. Poor bugs scared to death by Yellow Martian Giants and now doused in Acid Rain. I wonder if an overprotective parent bug may have just added an item to a miniature and a tad damp issue lists. We can wonder.

The Duvet Years

Thanks to everyone who suggested new ways of fitting a duvet cover. Yesterday’s Hulk Smash and Hulk Rage look is not good. So we had a second go this morning. Unbelievably the cover was fitted with 5 minutes. Happy Days.

The Duvet looked good on our son’s bed. Even Captain Chaos was excited. This excitement seemed to build and build. Suddenly he was desperate to get up close and personal with it. Urgently sniffing at it and wagging his tail. His excitement would not stop. So he was kicked out of the bedroom. But he just sat barking at the door.

What is wrong.

So again he was let back into the room. He immediately jumped onto the bed and started scratching at the Duvet. On a closer inspection – an unusual bump in the duvet. What alien object is that. So the cover was again removed. The alien object turned out to be a very well chewed blue crocodile. Sorry folks I must have missed the part of the instructions which talked about checking for dog toys before putting the cover on….

So order is restored. The cover is back on and Captain Chaos is reunited with his buddy…

Blue Croc

Captain Chaos with his beloved blue crocodile. That poor croc needs years of therapy.

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When a parent dies it is so tough it is difficult to explain the feeling. That’s a so called adult speaking. Imagine what it’s like for a young kid.

I lost my dad when I was 21. He had been ill for years. I got the feeling during the last period of his life that he was trying to keep going just to see me graduate. Sadly he missed out by a few months. It was a numbing experience but the pain was mitigated a bit as I had been expecting it to happen for ages. I was sort of prepared. My mum died a couple of years back. It was a complete shock. But a five years earlier she had suffered a massive stroke. Doctors told us to prepare for the worst. Yet in a month she was back in her house – still able to live independently. In some respects it felt like the years after the stroke were a real bonus. She got to spend time with her grandson.

But for our son we have no mitigating factors. He had just been to his beloved grannies funeral and a week later his mum goes into hospital for some routine tests. His mum deteriorated rapidly and completely unexpectedly. He was visiting his mum in the hospice two weeks later. For someone so young that’s devastating.

We still get tears but now he can talk about his mum. He can laugh at the good memories. But the anxieties caused by that period of death are still impacting his daily life. He is so worried about becoming ill and also about losing others close to him. Today is common. We have had anxiety about catching illnesses. Worries about dying. On top of that every time I sneeze or cough he runs to make sure I’m ok. We try to find ways to ease the anxieties but it is still so tough for him…..

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Son comes back from school to be greeted by Captain Chaos and a well chewed croc. That’s one thing that works.

Sequel

When you need a smile here comes our own member of the Avengers. Captain Chaos.

As we surveyed the second attempt at a fudge cake.

Well Dad the first one was burnt to a crisp. However the sequel has completely collapsed in the middle and smells of curry….”

This brought on a discussion about sequel (sort of) films.

Son thought the Depp Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was warmer and did not feature Charlie breaking rules. In his opinion Mike TV should have won the first movie.

The first Guardians of the Galaxy beating the sequel. Son believing the second was too sad at times.

The second Paddington movie just edging out the first one. Son thought the first one had a better story but the second was funnier.

The first Home Alone winning over its sequel. Son thought Kevin was just too annoying in the second and that the poor criminals were just unnecessarily tortured.

The second Jumanji edging the first one. Son found the second one just a bit more funny.

Any thoughts. Now onto the third fudge cake attempt.

Train journey

We are on a train heading towards Grindelwald. It is a beautifully warm spring morning. My partner is gazing out of the window smiling. Our son is playing with a couple of toy animals on the table. My coffee tastes stunning. The views are breathtaking.

Then I wake up. It’s been a dream. An almost exact replay of a holiday from 8 years ago. So exact that I have found a photograph from that very train journey.

I fling open the curtains and take in the fine Yorkshire View. FOG. THICK FOG. Not a dream this time…..

Son enters the room and asks what I’m doing. Admiring the view.

He looks out of the window while I go to let the dog out into the garden. On my return our son is laughing.

“It’s a fine view Dad, especially the sight of our pup running about with your pants in his mouth…..”

Give me that train window view back please……

Looks don’t tell the full story.

The boy cat has six talents:

  • Getting stuck up trees, wardrobes, roofs …..,
  • Eating,
  • Opening Doors,
  • Missing his litter tray – halfway up the wall is his latest favourite,
  • Tripping people up,
  • Sleeping.

I don’t know who he is so good at sleeping. Nothing wakes him. This photo might suggest a scene of tranquility and quiet. No. Only two yards away the mad dog is going ballistic. Currently barking at 110dB as he tries to get the attention of his friends the sheep. I wish I could sleep like that.

Face of evil

This is the face of evil. An entity so without remorse. So utterly malevolent that even the likes of Thanos and Professor Moriaty won’t mess with her. Her name Daisy…

This weeks role call of shame:

  • Pulled not one but two sets of curtains down,
  • Ripped to shreds the floor mop,
  • Smashed a picture frame after she decided to would be kinda fun to whack it with her paw,
  • Somehow managed to delete an important file when she decided to sit on my computer keyboard,
  • Twice scoffed all the dogs food,
  • Sat on the boy cats food bowl so he couldn’t get to his food,
  • Used a sofa cushion as a scratching pole,
  • Used the corner of the sofa as a scratching pole,
  • Completely decimated the dogs favourite cuddly teddy bear,
  • Bit the head off one of our son’s favourite wrestling figures,
  • Somehow gained access to my wardrobe and covered all my black clothes with white hairs,
  • Chewed the corner off a £5 note,
  • Knocked a full bowl of porridge onto the carpet,
  • Deliberately pushed the boy cat into the toilet as the poor cat was sat on the edge having a closer inspection (wish I had captured the moment, it was both vindictive and truly funny at the same time).

All these evil doings while giving me that “what are you going to do about – do I care” look…..

Truly an apex predator.

Cat Stew

Sometimes wonderful views take your breath away. This was taken on our last holiday. While my partner and son slept I would sneak out for an early morning run. The run would take me along a path which ran along the edge of Lake Thun. It was just stunning.

Sometimes it’s other things that take your breath away.

Last night I had made a stew. I left my steaming plate of food on the kitchen table while I delivered our son his stew and 2 tons of tomato ketchup. Crash. On my return to the kitchen I had an out of body experience. We have a very accident prone boy cat. Yes you have guessed it. He was lying in my stew. Waiter there appears to be a cat in my food. He was covered in gravy and vegetables completely oblivious to the world. He seemed most puzzled when I pushed him onto the floor. He was even more puzzled and slightly terrified as the dog decided to feast on the four legged plate. My option b meal, a cuppa soup was far less appetising.

I’m still finding bits of stew strewn around the house.

Usually the dog won’t have anything to do with the boy cat. His bestie is the girl cat. However today it’s a different story. Now he’s discovered the boy cats talent as a mobile dinner plate. He is hopefully following him around trying to be friends. Let’s hope the boy cat has learnt his lesson as tonight it’s a curry.

World War petZ

All hell broke out today. Sat with a hot drink trying to convince the laptop that the Excel Macro I had just produced was in fact perfect and not full of errors WHEN

The two cats and dog started scampering around the house like crazed banshees. Chairs crashing into walls, photos knocked off tables, books sent flying. I found the Living Room in a state of destruction as if World War Z had broken out. Three pets clawing and scratching at the bottom of a large sideboard. Oh bugger have we got a visitor and it’s the hunt. Annoyingly the sideboard had a small gap at the bottom big enough for a hiding space but too small to squeeze my hand into. Wonderful going to have to move that 8 tonne chunk of wood. Have to try and rescue the trapped creature.

Could it be a scary House Mouse

Could it be a deadly little shrew

OR is it

one of these little plastic Dalek (Dr Who) megalomaniacs.

Yes after breaking my back, trapping my fingers and squashing my toes – the sideboard was finally moved to reveal a DALEK. Yes the little darlings had been having a fantastic time warping adventure game. The pets excitedly claimed the prize and continued the game in another room. Well that was 2 hours well spent. Unfortunately now the 8 tonnes of wood have to moved back and the pets can’t help because they are too busy saving the earth from a Dalek invasion. Deep Joy!!!!!!

Going Artistic

The sheep are back in the farm at the back of our house. As a result our mad dog has parked himself at the fence, getting very excited and wagging his tail. He’s been doing this for 3 hours and showing no signs of getting bored.

If it keeps him happy…

Meanwhile inside it’s the dreaded artistic adventure.

Dad can you cut my hair”

Trying to convince him that a trip to the hairdressers would result in a much better final product than the usual dad disaster.

No no no. I’m not going to have a stranger cut my hair. I’d rather take a risk on one of your shockers…”

So we started. I could feel my hands shaking. My IBS gripping my insides.

Dad did you know you stick your tongue out when your cutting my hair”.

I do it every time I panic. I also strangely do it when I watch my football team play.

“Dad you didn’t tell me that you had bought a hair trimmer.”

Didn’t have the heart to tell him I was using the Dogs trimmer.

“Are both sides of my hair supposed to match.”

Theoretically yes.

You don’t think you have taken too much off my fringe.”

Now you mention it that was a bit brutal.

Looks like I’ve got one hairstyle on the left and a different one on the right.”

Technically speaking it’s a highly scientific mix of layering and blending… Or just one massive mess up.

Next time do you think I should grow my hair long. Maybe I would be like Hercules, instead of being super strong I might be super intelligent or be able to read.”

I tried to boost his confidence again. I wish I could find some new words of wisdom. The words I use seem tired and ineffective. I also mentioned my experimentation with 80s metal hair. Unfortunately rather than look like a rock god I ended up looking like Cousin It (Adams Family). This made him laugh. That’s about the only thing I seem to be able to do these days.

Eventually the ordeal was over. Out of 10 I was given a 4. Which is 2 higher than the last one and considerably better than the 0 I got last summer. Let’s see what the dog is up to. Still sheep watching.

Dad that sheep has my hair cut”.

Sadly I agree.