Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 16 Comments

Raise your hand

Mid March and it’s still two jumper weather here in Yorkshire, definitely feeling way more like skiing rather than bikini weather. I would normally say, the kinda weather perfect for huddling round the fire however given the current price of home heating oil…. those two thick, warm, woolly jumpers will have to do.

It’s been quite a while since Hawklad hit 18, when he was officially signed off from the NHS Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service (CAMHS). As there are NO equivalent adult services here, any support he received, ENDED. His care was nominally handed over to the local Doctor service. But here’s the rub, sadly local Doctors are inundated with demands. In many parts of the country, available appointments are as rare as acts of modesty from the US Orange Nutter President.

It’s hard for local Doctors to be proactive, it’s mostly a call them service. Definitely no one has been in touch with Hawklad even to just say…

“Are you ok”

Here’s what really worries me.

So many kids like Hawklad are discharged from CAMHS and are lost in the adult health care system. The need for support doesn’t miraculously end on the 18th birthday, so what is supposed to happen next….. If they have any needs or require support they have to call the local Doctor. Firstly that usually means the dreaded 8am telephone scramble for an appointment. The record I’ve had on that one is

“You are caller number 57 in the queue….”

If you eventually do get an appointment, then mostly that will be a telephone call back by a Doctor. You get at most 7 minutes to explain what’s wrong and listen to the medical response. 7 minutes flies by, ends up feeling really rushed and pressurised.

Not exactly a welcoming experience.

Unless someone makes that call for him, Hawklad won’t. He won’t put his hand up if there is a problem. Just like at school, a large class would have a teacher and one teaching assistant. If someone needed help then you had to put your hand up and ask, support wasn’t proactive. As Hawklad used to tell me…

“I’m not putting my hand up in front of all the other kids and then announcing to the world that I can’t read something, or I’m struggling.”

School would assume if no hands go up, then everything is fine, no help needed. Hawklad ended up getting little or no in class support. The same will happen with support and the Doctor’s service. He won’t be the only one feeling this way. As a result, after becoming 18, how many miss out on the support they really need.

Way too many I fear.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 19 Comments

Signs…

It’s still looking like it’s Winter.

But if you look hard enough, Spring is coming….

Other signs of Spring include Tax Demands, eye wateringly humongous Utility Bill increases, Car spectacularly failing its annual Test, Postman wearing shorts and the first adverts for Christmas 2026. If only I could say Warm Weather as well…

Another sign of Spring is the start of revision for the May exams, Hawklad is definitely not enjoying that.

As he’s revising I must admit I do have a nagging thought. Hopefully the exams go his way and open up a path that will suit him. He’s super keen on University but is aware that there are many obstacles facing him on that way forward. My nagging thought goes beyond that point. What happens after University or whatever path he takes.

What jobs might be open to him, what jobs might still exist by then. A recent headline sticks in my mind.

“1.2 million graduate applicants chasing just 17,000 jobs in the UK”

And it’s only going to get worse. A friend’s daughter graduated over a year ago and after hundreds of applications, is still unemployed. AI is taking out more and more jobs that new graduates once started out in. Plus Graduates are saddled with huge student loans and when they do find a job, they then have the unnerving prospect of trying to find somewhere they can afford to rent or buy. Parents try to help out but here’s the trap. To help out financially parents face the prospect of working well beyond retirement age to fund this but by doing that, it means probably even less jobs available for young people.

I can’t help worry about the future for Hawklad. What career paths might be open to him, what might suit him and then just how many or few opportunities will there be for him.

It’s not always a particularly hopeful thought process.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 44 Comments

There is a storm coming…

A little bit of a Northern Lights Storm….

Need to keep remembering what a staggeringly wonderful world this can be.

The Government has started a formal review into the rising demand for ADHD, Autism and Mental Health services. But here’s the problem about that….

It’s the starting point for the review.

Setting up the review The Government has already stated what they see as being the key problem, ‘way too much over diagnosis’. Is this political opinion based on clinical or finance advice. Is it centred on a concern for individual welfare… sadly NO. The starting point isn’t about the families who can’t access the help and support they need, its not trying to help those struggling because they can’t access help, it’s definitely not about expanding and extending services . Rather it’s about a budget line on a spreadsheet which the Government wants to make much smaller. It’s about saving money. You can see what the end goal is….. Cutting the Special Education Budget by reducing which children can access services, cutting benefits paid to adults and reducing NHS services in these areas. THEN the Government will try to come up with a PR campaign to make it sound like it’s anything other than a budget cut. But it WILL be a budget cut probably dressed up as ‘helping’ those written off’. ‘Too many’ will be said to have been ‘written off’ by Doctors when they diagnose patients with ADHD and AUTISM, ‘allowing ’ too many education, benefit and support claims. And thus the Government will say that the best, and kindest way to help children and adults will be to just cut their benefits and services, ‘encourage’ them and families to help themselves. Remove more tailored education support and force more adults back into work regardless of their fitness to work. The last Government tried to do this, sadly this Government looks like they might do it this time.

Where are all these thousands of additional ADHD and Autism friendly jobs…..

What happens to the children who can’t access the Special Educational Services they need, have Teachers the training and spare capacity to pick up the pieces…..

Who’s best placed to make a clinical diagnosis, a Doctor or a Politician…..

Deep Sigh. It really shouldn’t be this way.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 23 Comments

Little monsters

Every year we get the return of these little monsters….

Stand on one of these and you know it, wow you know it. Try picking one up and it’s like those dreaded Covid vaccine jabs all over again, just this time 50 jabs for the price of one.

And yes, for a month, it’s the gift that keeps on giving. All these have to come down……

The other night I was listening to someone from one of the exam boards on the radio. Not intentionally, I was waiting for my so called football team’s match to start, it was the next programme. Anyways this exam person said something that worried me a lot…..

One of the big complaints about the UK school system is that it is too inflexible, almost like a factory production line. Pushing too many children, regardless of individual need, regardless of if it’s working or not for them, through the same education channels. A one shoe fits all approach. Then the kids get to exams and then often 10 years of schooling comes down to 10 or more written exams, crammed into a couple of weeks. Written exams just don’t suit every child. They often don’t allow the individual child to demonstrate what amazing talents and skills they have. Don’t get good grades in those written exams and you can be way too quickly written off.

Thankfully things started to change a little. More course work counting towards final grades in some exams, allowing scribes and allowing typed answers. Hawklad got a bit more time and was allowed to type his answers, two fingered typing on a school laptop. Surely more flexibility is good for our children, it must be about making schools work for each child.

Back to this exam person on the radio. He was talking about the spread of AI and the problems it’s causing. AI has apparently got so powerful, it is just too professional at writing top answers to whatever you ask it. He was saying that he’s been in meetings nationally were there has been real concern that the treasured school exam integrity is being undermined now. It’s too easy for pupils to use AI to write top mark coursework, producing complete essays in just a few seconds and because AI is developing, it’s way harder for exam boards to pick out those pupils who are ‘cheating the system’ . It is also way harder for exam boards to make sure those pupils sitting exams via a laptop are not also using AI to cheat the system.

So one option being considered is too go back to old school exams. Absolutely no coursework counting to marks, no use of laptops in exams. Pupils sit old school exams using just a pen. That way the exams reputation and integrity is protected……

I never heard him mention the needs of the children once. It was all about the needs of the schools, the exams and the economy. No consideration of if AI could allow for more individuality in schooling, provide more options for teachers to find what works for each child. If they did go back to just old school written exams, it’s going to hurt way too many kids, all to just protect an outdated system. What a huge mistake that would be.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 38 Comments

Grand Old Castle

Brough Castle, built around 1092 on the grounds of an old Roman fort.

Once a grand old well kept castle. Once an impressive, seemingly impenetrable fortress. Attacked by an army from Scotland, destroyed and rebuilt. Rebuilt to be stronger, even more impenetrable. It was for 250 years…..

Then it met its new destroying army in the form of a Christmas Party… in a desperate attempt to cook the Brussel Sprouts properly, a fire broke out, destroying much of the castle.

OK I’m guessing on the Pesky Green Veg Villain, but something went badly wrong with that Christmas Feast in 1521.

The castle was partly rebuilt in the 17th century, but within a couple of years, fire struck again. Maybe don’t have 24 fireplaces…..The harsh northern weather has subsequently taken its toll since then.

Far too many children in the UK never get the support they need from the health and education systems. Hawklad was fortunate, it took over two years but he finally started to get some of the support he needed. Over the years that support made a real difference.

Then the day he reached 18, it was pulled. There is no equivalent adult support service. It’s only been a few months since then but I have started to see some changes, not positive ones. Hard earned progress starting to slow, halt or even reverse.

How many more are in the same position.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 56 Comments

Language

Language is so important. More than ever it frames the debate, creates headlines, fills social media channels and sadly can alienate, castigate.

We all have different views on society, on politics. In the UK, to me the last few years has been unremittingly grim. And yes I’m not the only one who thinks that.

Am I pleased there was a change in government last year, YES, maybe the right word is RELIEVED.

Am I pleased with the new government. NO, but to me it’s way less bad than what came before it. A bit of good stuff, some puzzling stuff, some bad stuff.

The BAD stuff includes LANGUAGE. I don’t like the language the government often uses in terms of Mental Health and Disabilities, in terms of the many needing real help. Way too often the language is grim, divisive, and riddled with stereotypes which easily make its way on to the front page of gutter newspapers. It portrays a real insensitivity and a clear lack of understanding on the real issues and problems many face during every day life. What happened to the so called enlightenment that society went through on how it sees Mental Health and Disability.

I completely understand the need to control spending, to ensure it’s targeted where it’s needed. BUT…

The language often being used creates the false impression that most on Mental Health and Disability benefits are intentionally work shy, have a choice to either push through any issues they may face to work or to choose to stay at home, lead a life of leisure paid for by taxpayers. How the rising mental health crisis is just a sign of an increasingly work-shy population, it just can’t be based on real need. How the rising demand for special educational support is more down to pushy parents than actual individual child need. How every pound spent on a child with specific educational needs is in some way depriving the vast majority of pupils much needed new books or teaching opportunities. That those benefits that are essential to so many people are in some way an extravagance, a waste of resources, unfair on hard working taxpayers.

This language then fuels so much which is wrong in our modern world. False information, bullying, victimisation, mistrust, division and hatred.

Is it really 2025, is this really positive change and new hope….

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 35 Comments

Listen

Newcastle…

The view from the top of the modern art gallery, The Baltic. A converted old flour mill set next to the River Tyne, on this cloudless yet cold Saturday afternoon. Trying to forget the proceeding two hours, where my alleged football team successfully donated 3 points and way too many goals to a visiting, actual football team….

The Baltic is the Joseph Rank building…

I’ve been thinking about the support Hawklad has had from the Education and Health services. Lots of ups and downs, hopefully a few more ups…. In the UK it can be a bit of a postcode lottery. Some parts of the country offer more support, more joined up support than others. Our area is definitely in the OTHERS column. An area that has prided itself on highly streamlined services, so streamlined that a few too many services have disappeared completely in repeated budget cuts.

Fortunately a few services survived and have tried to help Hawklad. So thankful for those. But even for those services, what hasn’t helped is the constant change over in staff. The longest Hawklad had the same nominated support clinician was 18 months, often they would change at least twice a year. He’s had 7 different Paediatricians. As for his Education Support Officer, they have changed more frequently than managers at my so called football team… Over the last 3 years, this officer has changed 8 times. This week we phoned to talk about exam support and yes, the person has changed again. Every change brings delays and the need to bring the new person up to speed on Hawklad, who he is and his needs. Above all things, Hawklad has to try and build up a connection, time and time again. That’s so not easy for him. It really doesn’t help him. Some changes are unavoidable, people move on, that’s life but frequently, the change has been down to management decisions. Too often we’ve read or heard the following words ‘unfortunately he’s been taken off my case list so I’ve had to hand his files over to another professional, hopefully they will be in touch with you soon….’

Continuity, hard thought connections and openness based on trust are so important to successful support and therapy. Listen to Hawklad and he will talk about this way better than me. But here’s another thing. How often do the services listen to the kids they are trying to support. In our area, the answer is I suspect somewhere near, never. To my knowledge, he has never been asked. Maybe if they did they might start to understand better the importance of qualities such as Continuity in the services they are trying to provide.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 88 Comments

Sigh

That’s as bright as it’s been really….

But at least there are the first signs of this year’s flowers.

I recently bumped into someone we got to know at Hawklad’s first school and she asked after him with the following words…..

“Is he now over his Autism….”

Deep sigh…. Where do you start with that….

What’s really worrying is those words came from a Teacher.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 58 Comments

Elephant in the room

Don’t get many of these around here. It’s a FORD. It’s about the only time my car gets a wash….

You can see the houses still have sandbags up against the front doors. These days this lovely village sadly suffers from floods way more frequently.

Parked up in a traffic queue waiting to cross a storm damaged bridge, I unfortunately got to listen to the NEWS. MOST Unfortunate as it involved listening to the Government Education Minister trying to explain why more and more pupils are not attending school. Record numbers. Apparently it’s down to a number of factors,

Bad parenting

Immigration

Really bad parenting

Not enough discipline

Truly awful parenting

Benefits culture

Liberal politics

Moral standards

Monumentally bad parenting

Not enough Parents being fined for letting the Country down. Well over a quarter of a million parent fines just isn’t enough….

I guess I am one of THOSE parents the system has a problem with. Well as ONE of those parents I was surprised that the School System and Government Education Policy wasn’t mentioned. No mention of school budget cuts. No mention of the complete collapse in Special Education Provision and Support. No mention of NHS Mental Health Services struggling to cope with the huge numbers of young people crying out for help. No mention of rising class sizes and overcrowded, unhealthy classrooms. No mention of crumbling school infrastructure. No mention of rising teacher workload and stagnant pay. No mention of increasing Government control of what is taught, how it’s taught, how it’s assessed. No mention of the fanatical focus on exam results and discipline. No mention of the drive towards Victorian Education Standards.

That’s a large ELEPHANT in the ROOM.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 55 Comments

Trains

A trip to the world’s biggest train museum.

When I was a kid many centuries ago I wanted to be one of FIVE things when I grew up.

Astronomer

Mountaineer

Professional Football Goalkeeper

Cricketer for Yorkshire

Train Driver

IT NEVER HAPPENED…

Actually never happened for clear reasons

– grew up in a town surrounded by heavy industry so never really saw a star in years…

– scared of heights with the balance of a three legged drunk giraffe…

– 5ft10 ain’t tall enough…

– basically crap at cricket…

– couldn’t ride a bike so assumed a big old train would be way beyond me…

No one ever asked me if I had any dreams , any hopes. Not once was I asked that at school. So my dreams faded. Never really had any more dreams to follow after that and looking back that makes me kinda sad. I was just expected to follow the path chosen for me and my fellow classmates.

Now Hawklad thinks I’m barking mad as I keep going on and on about him following his dreams. Him dreaming big.

And as the festive season approaches I might just buy myself a train set and do just a bit of that dreaming for myself.