Tired

Back to dark, moody weather. Apparently it’s warmer that’s why I’m wearing a wooly hat, gloves and 38 layers….

You know your tired when you function without using your brain. You make a drink with the coffee machine but forget to put a cup in the holder. You drop a full toilet roll into the bowl. You put your shirt on inside out and back to front. You give the cat dog food and the dog gets cat food. The washing machine programme settings are several pay grades above your abilities. And you microwave a tub of mint chocolate ice cream rather than a frozen cottage pie.

Yep getting a few of those days recently.

And then I just have to raise the brain fail stakes….

Cutting hair while tired. Starting to trim without putting the No2 guard on. In fact NO guard. End result a rather fashionable shaved area. On the plus side it’s a national lockdown so no-one outside the house is going to see it for weeks. Plenty of time to grow back. And as my parents would say ‘a rider on a passing horse won’t notice..’. They would also say ‘only 2 days between a bad hair cut and a you need to comb your hair cut’ – in this case make that a few weeks…..

Star Wars

A new day. New hope.

I should pen the next Star Wars movie.

**********

Dad what are you looking at Amazon for?”

I was kind of toying with the idea of getting ME a Lego set.

Which one Dad?”

I’ve always wanted the Star Wars Death Star. Wanted that for years. Maybe even the Millennium Falcon.

Are you going to buy one then?”

No. Definitely No. have you seen the prices. Death Star is £600 and the Falcon is £250.

Wow. Think of the milkshakes you could buy me with that money…”

Stop sniggering, I might just get that big box of loose lego out and make my own creation. Much cheaper and probably more fun.

Dad you could script out a new Star Wars movie..”

That’s an idea. Could give myself a role in the movie. Maybe a heroic Jedi night. Maybe the new Hans Solo. Maybe even the dashing new evil Sith Lord….

No Dad, only one rule for you. Jabba The Hut….”

I walked right into that one 😂

L

Posture

This time last year exercise was so easy. Didn’t need to think about it. Chuck some kettlebells about and then go running in the hills. Happy days.

Then the pandemic happened. Anxiety and fears of my son brought the walls up. Suddenly we were housebound. Running stopped.

So now it’s chucking a kettlebell about and things like yoga. It’s not easy anymore. Not just running in the direction of my nose anymore. Need to think about things. Lots of things…

  • Are the feet, hips and shoulders in line,
  • Imagine the feet sinking into the ground, a great base,
  • Am I correctly rooted,
  • Is the back straight,
  • Am I controlling my breathing,
  • Am I extending that hip opener,
  • Is this an up dog or a down dog,
  • Is my neck extended,
  • Have I just done a clockwise or anticlockwise circle with my knee,
  • Which is my left leg again,
  • Is that my knee clicking,
  • How am I going to get out of this knot,
  • Have I done my 3 minutes in the tree pose yet,
  • Remember to lower my back one vertebrae at a time,
  • Do I bring my feet together, hip wide or wider,
  • What on earth is a virabhadrasana II,
  • Is my bum tensed,
  • Don’t forget to say namaste….

If the thinking was bad enough what about the pain. Never again will I ever moan about a muddy hill climb. The agony of a delicious hip opener. The dizziness of my head being below my buttocks. The shooting pain from holding my entire and not insignificant weight on just two dodgy old wrists for a torturous crow. The brain shakes that come from yet another extended plank. That soul destroying feeling that hits you when after suffering 5 minutes of a triangle pose you here the words ‘and now for the left side’.

So yes I really do miss the good old days of just running.

Start with a change

It’s still a little cold here. Definitely a cold start to 2021.

We have a family tradition. For the last 7 years I’ve taken Hawklad on New Years Day to Yorkshire Wildlife Park. Set off at 8am. Get there for when it opens. Spend a few hours wandering round the animals. Then grab a burger and leave before the real crowds arrive.

It’s a lovely tradition that Hawklad loves.

But life happens. Only essential journeys are recommended. Avoid out of area travel.

AND

Hawklad just isn’t in the right frame of mind to go. He is seemingly a million miles from venturing into public places.

So no Wildlife Park visit this New Years Day. So we improvised. A homemade burger and a Pepsi, just like he would have had. A hot donut replaced with a warmed up cake. Then we sat and watched a David Attenborough wildlife TV series.

Not quite the tradition but a decent replacement given what was available to us. 2021 feels like a year for making the best of it.

Give it a miss

Finally a little bit of blue sky but it’s really wet under foot. Prefect mud for a long haired dog. Definitely a long bath is heading his way.

Maybe not as long as some things.

Dad have you got some homemade bread in. I fancy a ham sandwich.”

That’s right I was making a loaf. What happened to it? I did make it, I think.

****a check of the kitchen revealed no fresh loaf****

Dad are you sure you made one.”

Yes I did. I made it. Put it in the tin and put it in the airing cupboard to rise….. Oh I didn’t did I

Dad what have you done.”

****a check of the airing cupboard revealed a loaf of bread left to rise****

Dad how long should it have been in there for?”

About 45 minutes

How long has it been in there?”

A bit longer

Dad how much longer?”

About 4 days…. In my defence I put it in there and my sister phoned and I completely forgot all about it.

What a muppet Dad. You really are. Might give the sandwich a miss then.”

Lines

Remind me not to fly my kite here.

It’s Christmas. Hawklad is happy. Very happy with his presents so far. Amazed that his Dad hasn’t messed up yet. Well apart from his new FIFA computer game seems to come wrapped with a free pair of scissors. I wondered where they disappeared to. Thankfully he has given me them back.

It’s an odd house these days. Probably something to do with it being completely MALE. Two humans, a dog, a cat, gerbils – all with an X and Y chromosome. That explains so much.

Maybe it explains one strange Christmas tradition. Hawklad has had that Santa conversation. So why do we still put out mince pies and a drink for Santa. A large pile of carrots for the reindeer’s. We even still draw lines on bits of paper pointing the big red fella to the location of the feast.

Maybe it’s time for someone to have that Santa conversation with ME…..

Feels like

Christmas Eve brought the first snow flurries of winter. Not much but it certainly changed the mood. Kind of feels like December now.

Last night we had our first ever Santa Christmas Drive. It replaced a ride on the Christmas Train which is not happening this odd year. Engine 1264 is getting a well earned rest. It is 73 years old.

The car was decked out in Christmas lights. Filled with party food. Christmas music on tap. And off we set to look at the various Christmas lights in the surrounding villages. We parked up halfway round to give the sleigh driver a break and to see how badly we could do at a Christmas Quiz. Spectacularly badly. We couldn’t even answer the questions about a movie we had seen only a few hours previously.

The Santa Christmas Drive definitely worked. Hawklad really enjoyed it. That’s all that matters. Ok he had to have a really really really long bath on his return. A complete change of clothing. Several sessions with the mouthwash. But it was worth it.

Only time will tell if it’s a one off stand in event or it’s now a new tradition. But it’s certainly another reason why it now feels a lot like December.

Cinema

It’s that time of year. A definite feel to the movies we have watched. Can you see the theme.

Scrooged

Home Alone 1, 2, 3, 5

The Grinch

A Christmas Carol

Muppets Christmas Carol

The Santa Clause 1,2,3

Elf

National Lampoons Christmas Vacation

The Polar Express.

For me I just can’t quite catch the connection. Sure there must be one if I look hard enough.

One of the things that feels amiss this most odd year (that doesn’t work as 2020 is even) is the cinema experience. Before Hawklad we would always have a Christmas trip to the pictures (as my mum would have said). A meal before hand and then a movie. Such a lovely experience. So many wonderful memories.

Taking my mum to see The Horse Whisperer on Boxing Day. She hadn’t been to the pictures in 40 years. She was most puzzled not to watch the Pathe News segment before the movie. She refused to get up at the end and waited until the credits played through. Apparently she was waiting for the National Anthem to be played…

Trips with my partner to see huge blockbusters on Christmas Eve like the Lord of the Rings Movies. Then coming out in time to sing carols in the city centre.

Even after the world changed Hawklad and I kept the tradition going. A changed Aspergers tradition. We would take in the first, early morning screenings of movies like Jumanji and the Rise of Skywalker. Popcorn at 8am works on so many levels. Then we would go and get him his favourite takeout. All before midday.

But this year it’s no cinema. Any trip is just so out of reach for Hawklad and his anxieties. The world has changed. Even the prospect of Wonder Woman and Black Widow epics won’t overcome those fears. Maybe the trips to the Pictures have stopped for good. We will just have to see what the future holds but life goes on. It’s time to recreate that Christmas tradition at home. So we will pick a movie. A good movie. Set the dvd off at 8am. Microwaved popcorn in plentiful supply. The Christmas Cinema tradition continues.

Say that again

Say that again…..

I so need to have a notebook which I carry around in my pocket at all times. Every time something is mentioned that has the slightest chance of becoming important then I could write it down. A permanent record to prompt my sieve like memory and stop those say that again moments.

Had a few too many of those over the last few days.

“Dad did you get the glazed cherries for our Christmas Eve treat?”

Say that again!!!!

Dad did you buy the Home Alone 4 dvd for our Christmas Day movie?”

Say that again!!!!

“Dad did you phone school before they broke up to tell them that the Teams password isn’t working?”

Say that again!!!!

Dad did you remember to make a donation to the school charity appeal last Thursday?”

Say that again!!!!

Dad did you phone up XXXXXXX mum to get hold of their address so we can send them a card?”

Say that again!!!!

Dad you haven’t forgotten that we are having Salmon to eat on Christmas Eve?”

Say that again!!!!

“Have we got the sausage rolls, French sticks, onion rings, pineapple rings, Doritos and mango chutney in for our Christmas Eve buffet?”

Say that again!!!!

Dad did you remember that you said that you would send a copy of the family tree to Auntie Xxxx”

Say that again!!!!

Dad did you remember to take the bread out of the oven. It’s been in there for most of the day and it’s looking a bit burnt.

Say that again!!!!

Mr Xxxxxxxxx did you remember to submit form 5a. It needs to be received by the end of this month or the service will stop.

Say that again!!!!

Ok you will need to give your dog these nasal sprays at least once a day. Will your dog sit still to let you do that.”

Say that again!!!!

Sensible person

This is a fine, beautiful tree. A special tree. Any tree that is shaped by lightning strikes is special. Definitely so worth walking there. Maybe even one day a lovely picnic under its branches. One day.

It’s also a completely sensible tree. Sensible is much needed some days.

I did something silly this morning. Monumentally silly. Not sensible at all.

I forgot that the delivery man had can come yesterday and dropped a small parcel into the outside metal letter box. So I went outside to retrieve the parcel. It’s a lockable letter box. So this muppet went out with the keys in hand. A sensible person would have separated the three keys for the box by now. A sensible person would then unlock the front box door and retrieve said parcel….

A sensible person certainly wouldn’t think it was much quicker to just stick his hand in the letter slot and try to rummage around until his fingers found the parcel. A sensible person must certainly wouldn’t use a hand to do that – which was still holding the only keys for the letter box. Only a monument muppet would get his hand stuck.

The only way I could pull my hand out of the slot was to let go of the keys. The only keys.

So now my hand is free but the keys have now joined the parcel at the bottom of the box. So with no keys to now unlock the box what would the sensible person do?

Unfortunately this muppet keeps coming up with plans that involve large hammers.