Thanks to Bill Murray, we know it’s Groundhog Day today. Various Groundhogs seeing or not seeing SHADOWS, Six or NOT Six more weeks of winter. Looking at the various Groundhog Facebook videos emanating from across the States, there isn’t just one Master Hog these days. It’s like Boxing with its multiple champions across multiple sanctioning bodies. So might as well add another weather predicting body.
Unfortunately groundhogs are a bit scarce on the ground in Yorkshire.
So it’s HoundDog Day in Yorkshire.
Ok he isn’t a pure Hound Dog, more an accident between a randy Cocker Spaniel and an unsuspecting fluffy German Spitz. But needs most. Another problem, unlike Batman, this hero hasn’t sussed out the concept of shadows yet. Actually he hasn’t sussed out many concepts. Thankfully he has found the delights of SOCKS. So the 2024 winter forecast is based on will the nutter grab the long or shorter sock. Long winter or shorter winter.
And the results….
It’s a LONGER WINTER forecast.
Actually he then picked up the short sock. So what does a Long and Short sock mean. Where is Bill Murray when you need him.
Our nearest city’s flood defences are being tested this winter.
There is usually a path here…. Initially I thought there was also an alligator waiting for hardy souls still committed to using the path. I didn’t risk it even though my online phone map was trying to send me down it. In this case I definitely ignored the naviGATOR.
Work Team Calls are always an experience, bit like bathing an 80 plus month old puppy.
Today’s work call was no different. An Ex-Police Officer was illuminating everyone on his new found movie philosophy. Apparently you can tell lots from the movies someone goes to see at the cinema. He highlighted that his cinema experience this year had been Barbie, Disney, Taylor Swift. To him that clearly showed that he had a teenage daughter. Another Ex-Police Officer then said that his cinema experience had been entirely Jason Statham related. To that our Philosopher pointed out that it shows an ex copper who missed his true vocation, in the FIREARMS team. Someone else was said to be a closet romantic.
Then it came to me. Pick the bones out of this list…
Napoleon
Marvels
Great Escapers
Oppenheimer
Killers of the Flower Moon
Mission Impossible
Indiana
Guardians of the Galaxy
Ant Man
Flash
The Philosopher smiled and stated. “Given how tight you are, to see that number of movies indicates you are on that tv contract which gives you free movie tickets each month…”
The absolute cheek… but annoyingly I am on that free movie ticket deal.
Quality parking from the farmer, not many cars, or bikes, or dog walkers passing here for a while.
Some times you just need to pass stuff…..
Like a fine wine or malt, they get better with the years. That’s ME…
So NOT the case….
I remember a few decades back and a trip to the cinema was a pleasure and not torture. As many Kia-Ora cartons as my Paperboy job would pay for, not forgetting a small tub of ice cream if the person on the door could find the office keys. Then bring on the movie, short or long. Then bring on hiding under the seats at the end of the movie and then getting to watch the movie all over again. Never a need to bolt to the toilets, which was a good thing as the toilets at our towns beach cinema would often flood at high tide.
Photo from The BBC archives
It’s all changed now.
A brand new cinema has replaced the old battered Picture House.
My bladder has clearly been replaced with a small thimble.
Kia-Ora replaced with seriously overpriced black coffee.
Movies seem very very long and are now absolute torture.
🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽
Today’s Marvel Epic was just 100 minutes long yet to my lower regions it felt like back to back Gone with the Wind’s. The pre movie trailers had just about started to roll when the first pangs of regret started for buying a coffee. As the movie started I was shifting uneasily. Halfway through and I was seriously preoccupied with matters of state. And as the heroic ending played out, I was having an out of body experience. I now know how John Hurt’s character in the Alien felt like just before the pesky alien popped out…..
It’s the Tropic of Yorkshire. Won’t be many braving those waters…. Actually a few surfers did give it a go. Talking to one of them as he headed out he mentioned having his warmest thermal suit on. That’s progress, I remember the surfers at my childhood seaside town. No thermal suits back then, it was smearing themselves with shedloads of LARD.
Progress is often held up by humans.
Quite a few places around here like football grounds and concert venues are switching to paperless entry systems. Time to get the mobile out of the pocket and use it as a ticket. Surely adding a ticket to the Wallet App and then waving the mobile screen vaguely in the direction of a scanner is something we can cope with.
Sadly not.
I ventured to see my team play football and encountered the stadiums new mobile ticket entrance system. Queues a million miles long. PROGRESS….
After an eternity I had made it to the turnstile and could see closeup that technology was struggling to cope with humans …. Hence the huge queue backlog.
One chap couldn’t seem to grasp the concept that waving the back of the phone and the back of his hand at the scanner isn’t ever going to work….
Then a guy got annoyed as he was refused entry for trying to get into the ground with a paper copy of the ticket. Clearly he didn’t register the meaning of the words on the ticket – ‘Paper copies of the ticket will not be accepted’. Phone left at home….
The next person did bring his mobile but hadn’t realised that he had to download the ticket to his phone. Surely the ticket just magically appears on the phone…
Not going well.
A mother and two children quickly gain entry, the system working seamlessly for them. Renewed belief in PROGRESS.
Then frustratingly it ground to a halt again. The next guy seemed to be doing everything correctly but nothing happened. After several attempts a senior steward arrived and asked what type of phone was he using.
“You what….”
Is it an IPhone or Android.
“I don’t ##@### know, it’s a phone….”
Eventually the Steward gave up trying to explain to the clearly LOST, he grabbed the unnamed phone and magic happened. The system let the man in.
The next person in the queue also failed to get the system to work even though he seemed to be doing exactly what he was instructed to do. When he was asked what type of phone he was using, he confidently responded…
“It’s an iPhone”
Odd that as I could clearly see Samsung emblazoned on his so called apple device.
He finally got the system to recognise him by appearing to hit his phone repeatedly into the scanner.
Finally my turn…. Disdain for the proceeding gross technological incompetence and overconfidence in my own skills.. The System refused my entry….
Well clearly if I try to scan a 2024 concert ticket for a 2023 Football Game, the system isn’t going to like that.
Ok now with the right ticket in the wallet.
Still refused entry and why is music now coming from my mobile. Clearly the entry system isn’t also going to like me accidentally flicking on the Amazon Music app and blasting out Aerosmith.
Finally the green entry light but the turnstile wouldn’t move. Still refused entry. What now.
Well this is my rubbish football team. Yes they have installed this new high tech scanner but it doesn’t operate the turnstile. It just lights up a Big Green Light. A steward then looks out for this big green light and then presses the old manual button to open the turnstile (the same button that has operated the turnstile for years). Well my particular steward had clearly seen far too much incompetence for one day and was now distracted and not looking at the Green Light, he was fumbling about trying to open the biggest of big chocolate bars. When he did notice the light was green, he pressed the button. Still nothing.
“Can you give the turnstile a bit of a kick lad, it gets a stuck.”
“There you go, you can get in now. See cutting edge technology….”
PROGRESS but as Spock would say ITS PROGRESS BUT NOT AS WE KNOW IT JIM.
Unbelievably our Yorkshire Garden has just about dried out. Time for a bit of Croquet. A simple, uncomplicated sport…. NORMALLY. Introduce a 4 legged LITTLE HELPER and mayhem ensues.
A helpful MOLE also adding some additional course features…
And this time it’s not a risk to dental work. Moist and almost like a proper cake. Ok, I admit that some careful cutting has masked the collapsed part of this culinary delight. I also ran out of ingredients, hence only one layer and the jam on top….
Surely you can do way better OR maybe you are truly a Generational Talent and can actually lower the bar even lower than ME.
The EXPRESS YOURSELF Great Bloggers Bake-off is THIS WEEKEND.
If you fancy having a go either wonderfully well or worryingly woefully, you can send photos of your creations or monstrosities to
crushedcaramel@gmail.com
Check out Mel’s wonderful site for more information and the latest baking creations.
Several decades ago, it was similarly wet when the University Rugby Team I was playing for travelled to Oxford for a cup game. What a mud bath. Damp must have got into my system as our huge shed of a Prop and the normally mild mannered ME decided to have a fight with the Opposition Front Row. The end result 5 SENT OFF including ME.
Our team operated a FORFEIT system for disciplinary breaches. The Coach had acquired a huge pack of adult party cards listing various odd punishments. My punishment was to ‘Taste Perfume’. Talk about Eye Watering. Trust me with some of these forfeits, I got off lightly.
On this occasion, my fellow miscreant was forced with his Forfeit Card to dress up for a day. He walked about the campus and city centre dressed as a GIANT PARROT. Biggest Bird you have ever seen. Very impressive and yet a nightmare for him. The costume cost him a fortune to buy, it was heavy, uncomfortable and almost impossible to do anything in. At one stage he even got stuck in some revolving doors and caused a bit of a scene in the local supermarket. He had a truly miserable day.
But here’s the thing. He misheard the challenge. He was supposed to dress up for the day as a PIRATE. No one had the heart to tell him. I guess it was his way of Expressing Himself.
The EXPRESS YOURSELF Great Bloggers Bake-off is THIS WEEKEND….
If you fancy having a culinary go either wonderfully well or worryingly woefully, you can send photos of your creations or monstrosities to
crushedcaramel@gmail.com
Check out Mel’s wonderful site for more information and the latest baking creations.
It looks almost edible…. It looks almost like a flapjack……
I wouldn’t know what it tastes like……
Another baking tooth breaker. It might look soft but looks can deceive. My kitchen knifes could not cut it. It was even beyond the electric knife, definite burning smell after a few seconds. In the end this almost square flapjack was made using my Wood Saw.
Oh dear….. I guess it’s a talent.
Surely you can do way better OR maybe you are truly a Generational Talent and can actually lower the bar even lower than ME.
The EXPRESS YOURSELF Great Bloggers Bake-off is back. (26th-27th August 2023).
If you fancy having a go either wonderfully well or worryingly woefully, you can send photos of your creations or monstrosities to
crushedcaramel@gmail.com
Check out Mel’s wonderful site for more information and the latest baking creations.
The Farmer has been busy, definitely been trying to dodge the rain.
Just a few days back it was like this….
In the time its taken The Farmer to sort out this field and several others, I have been trying to make Chocolate Cornflake Cakes. Trying is the key word there.
How hard can it be….
Actually probably as HARD as most of the cakes have turned out. Like concrete, no actually more like Wurzite Boron Nitride which apparently is even harder than Diamond. Its amazing how something as soft as runny chocolate can produce these armour plated baking abominations.
Surely you can do way better OR maybe you are truly a Generational Talent and can actually lower the bar even lower than ME.
The EXPRESS YOURSELF Great Bloggers Bake-off is back. (26th-27th August 2023).
If you fancy having a go either wonderfully well or worryingly woefully, you can send photos of your creations or monstrosities to
crushedcaramel@gmail.com
Check out Mel’s wonderful site for more information and the latest baking creations.
A Dad trying to cope with the loss of his Partner and becoming a single parent. 