Today

DEEP BREATHS – MOVE ON

Grief is a double edged sword. Yesterday felt like repeated thrusts to the heart. Focusing on what has been lost. That ‘why did it happen to me’ feeling. Everything reminded me of the loss. That video. Sad songs. Radio advertising – anything from where to go for your romantic Christmas meal to the perfect present for your loved one. Her favourite painting. Her favourite cat. That empty bed.

The walk, the wet walk did help a bit. It did help me get focused and ready for our son.

Today I’ve experienced the other side of the grief sword. The positive side. Now the focus is on how privileged I am. Even someone like me was able to experience 16 golden years. Romance. So many happy memories. A beautiful, perfect son. Grief is really everlasting love. That is something which can’t be lost.

One Million Minutes

For the first time in years I sat with my laptop doing some admin with breakfast TV on. I don’t know why, maybe the house just seemed too quiet. Then it all changed.

The TV programme showed an advert in support of a campaign to help lonely people in the U.K. – 1 Million Minutes. Within two minutes I was a flood of tears and a world of pain. I hadn’t realised the advert was about people who had lost love ones. Bearing in mind I cried watching an Indiana Jones movie. This took it it a whole new level. I’m still really shaky an hour later. Just thank god our son didn’t watch it. Not really sure why I’m sharing this or what I’m wittering on about. I think it probably shows the enduring power of love. Going to take the dog for a very long walk.

The video link is below.

http://youtu.be/AKLWE2bCYpQ