Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 18 Comments

There is a storm coming…

A little bit of a Northern Lights Storm….

Need to keep remembering what a staggeringly wonderful world this can be.

The Government has started a formal review into the rising demand for ADHD, Autism and Mental Health services. But here’s the problem about that….

It’s the starting point for the review.

Setting up the review The Government has already stated what they see as being the key problem, ‘way too much over diagnosis’. Is this political opinion based on clinical or finance advice. Is it centred on a concern for individual welfare… sadly NO. The starting point isn’t about the families who can’t access the help and support they need, its not trying to help those struggling because they can’t access help, it’s definitely not about expanding and extending services . Rather it’s about a budget line on a spreadsheet which the Government wants to make much smaller. It’s about saving money. You can see what the end goal is….. Cutting the Special Education Budget by reducing which children can access services, cutting benefits paid to adults and reducing NHS services in these areas. THEN the Government will try to come up with a PR campaign to make it sound like it’s anything other than a budget cut. But it WILL be a budget cut probably dressed up as ‘helping’ those written off’. ‘Too many’ will be said to have been ‘written off’ by Doctors when they diagnose patients with ADHD and AUTISM, ‘allowing ’ too many education, benefit and support claims. And thus the Government will say that the best, and kindest way to help children and adults will be to just cut their benefits and services, ‘encourage’ them and families to help themselves. Remove more tailored education support and force more adults back into work regardless of their fitness to work. The last Government tried to do this, sadly this Government looks like they might do it this time.

Where are all these thousands of additional ADHD and Autism friendly jobs…..

What happens to the children who can’t access the Special Educational Services they need, have Teachers the training and spare capacity to pick up the pieces…..

Who’s best placed to make a clinical diagnosis, a Doctor or a Politician…..

Deep Sigh. It really shouldn’t be this way.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 49 Comments

Extra miles

A trip out to the beautiful Lake District, a three hour drive from us. Carefully chosen to be a safe, uneventful, Hawklad adventure.

Originally we had planned to park up by Lake Ullswater, well that was the plan. We made it to within a couple of miles of our parking spot and we hit road works. The road was closed and we were sent on a signed magical mystery diversion tour. This part of the world there aren’t ever too many alternative road options. We later found out that this diversion was over 50 miles long and given the windy, narrow roads, would have taken absolutely ages to drive. Thankfully the diversion went past another stunning lake, Thirlmere and we parked up.

You can see why Wordsworth was inspired to write here.

The trip back was an adventure…

A motorway tyre blow out driving at 70mph, two hours stood on a roadside bank waiting for a recovery truck. That wasn’t the place to try and change a tyre. Thankfully a very nice Highway Patrol parked behind our car to ward off any collisions.

Here’s the thing, Hawklad was perfectly fine with the breakdown but really struggled when first the Highway Patrol Officer turned up and then the Recovery Mechanic. It’s the fear that he could be seen, will stand out, will get noticed. Thankfully the tyre was safely changed and off we set again.

Another reminder that as much as you try to plan or micromanage a day, life still happens….

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 42 Comments

Still Grey

Another grey Yorkshire day, just a bit stuck under this blanket of greyness. It’s also still very green for this time in Autumn, usually it’s way more yellow and red. Definitely feels like it’s been a longer growing season here. We also still have a handful of Swallows still hanging around, these fellows are usually back in Africa by now. They clearly are not hanging around because of the sun…. Maybe they are just putting off trying to get through the chaos and queues that is UK Passport Control these days. One of my neighbours foolishly tried and failed to get out of the country a couple of weeks ago to go on holiday. Apparently she didn’t look sufficiently like her passport photo anymore. In her words “you try looking like you did 5 years ago when you hit 84…”

Made me check my passport photo. I’m ok, still looks like me, still looks like Shrek.

I remember going to a fancy dress themed party years ago at University. Themed around cartoon characters. I went as Fred from Scooby Doo, back then I could rock an orange ascot….. A friend of mine put in way more effort to go as Shrek. He was mortified when the first couple of people thought he had come as Alfred Hitchcock.

Hitchcock was famed for talking about “always make the audience suffer as much a possible”. My so called football team have clearly been following that principle for decades now….

Another thing Hitchcock talked about was ‘DRAMA is life with the dull bits cut out’. I always think you could take out DRAMA and substitute that with SINGLE PARENTING. I’ve had a few people tell me they were sorry I was a single parent. Don’t get me wrong, it happened for tragic reasons, but actually being a single parent is such a wonderful privilege and experience. Being a parent has been the best experience and it feels like because of circumstances I got the chance to get just a bit more of that wonderful experience. It has been a wonderful experience.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 32 Comments

Time

Someone asked why do we go to so many concerts…

The obvious answer is that we both like music. I seem to have inflicted my musical tastes on Hawklad so it’s also easy to agree on which bands to see.

Maybe part of it is also to try and create as many memories as possible. It’s not always easy for Hawklad to feel relatively as ease in the wider world. But we have found a way to make concerts work for him. They are definitely something we can plan and do, minimising some of the risk factors for him. Concerts in that sense are easier to setup, much less problematic, more controllable than say going on holiday. Since our world changed we have been able to make happen quite a lot of concerts without encountering too many things going wrong. Over those nine plus years we haven’t managed yet to go on holiday. Still just feels a step too far for him yet. You can’t micromanage every factor that could happen, but at least with concerts there is a level of predictability that makes them safer bets for Hawkkad.

But we are still trying to find a way to make a holiday happen.

So we found ourselves at the new state of the art arena in Manchester, to see ELO on their last tour. This time life’s unpredictability happened to the band. Poor Jeff Lynne broke his hand in a taxi accident just before the short final tour started. He was also struggling with a systemic infection which was getting worse. The concert was really good but you could see Jeff was starting to struggle. He managed to finish the set but needed to sit for the final few songs and was quickly helped off stage at the end. Subsequently he had to cancel the final two concerts so currently we saw the last ELO concert. Maybe they can still do something down the road when he is properly healed.

Driving back from the concert I realised just how many of the bands I grew up with, bands I love and now Hawklad loves, are getting older. Time is moving on. More and more we are seeing bands on their last Tours. Some stars are sadly passing on. Hawklad never got to see Ozzy, we tried twice but the concerts were cancelled on health grounds. Wasn’t to be. I saw him once in the eighties, never imagining that would be the only time.

Time moves on….

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Years

I wonder how many years these wooden poles have survived the North Sea….

Looking in the mirror most mornings, they have clearly weathered way better than me. The front one has even got more hair than me. I’m not jealous, much 😂😂😂😂

We’ve been coming here since Hawklad was just starting school. Always the same routine. Find a parking spot where you can see the beach, let Hawklad see how busy it is. Too busy for him and we drive off, no questions asked. If it’s quiet enough, we hit the beach. Sometimes we don’t even park up, if the car park is busy, the beach will be.

So how does he manage concerts and now a F1 race.

We have a routine. Always try to buy the two seats at the end of a row, the back or front rows are best. If those seats aren’t available, then we don’t go. It’s the same for the cinema, has to be the two end seats on the front row. Hawklad takes the end of row seat. Sometimes that’s not enough and Hawklad decides it’s still too much. There have been a few concerts, movies and a football matches where it just never happened, still feeling too crowded, just never felt right for Hawklad.

At Silverstone it was even better, 168,000 watching an F1 race. But we still were able to find two end row seats, with no seats behind us. Plus next to our two seats was a roof support column, three more seats missing. Hawklad found space amongst the masses. All we had to do is arrive really early to miss the queues to get in, let Hawklad get to his seat before the crowd mayhem started. Setting off at 3.30am sorted that out.

That felt early, too early. Probably one of the reasons I’ve weathered worse than those beach poles.

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Bruce

There are concerts and then there are CONCERTS….

Just a bit closer to the stage than the last time we saw BRUCE.

It’s strange how life works out sometimes. When I was much younger, I really wanted to see Bruce but the stars wouldn’t quite align. There was also quite a bit of that ‘shedloads of time in my pockets’ thing going on with me. No rush, plenty of time to sort stuff out.

But the years and decades rolled on. Bruce got older. I got older. That growing, nagging feeling, is there really plenty of time.

Then life hit the buffers. Bereavement. Single Parenting. Life felt like it had stopped. Permanently stopped. Bucket list stuff, things like seeing Bruce seemed like a million miles away and ever receding in the rear view mirror.

But slowly life started to spin again. A different life. Now a growing realisation that I won’t figure most things out in life, why things happen when they happen or don’t happen. That really clever, brilliant stuff is way beyond my pay grade. The other growing realisation, we really don’t have plenty of time in this life, but maybe, just maybe most of us will be given ENOUGH time to get enough done. Enough time to learn and grow. Enough time to experience enough in life, the good, the bad. It’s how we use that time, what guides us, our priorities, the choices we make, the doors that are opened for us, the doors that are closed to us, how we deal with the stuff of life.

No Bruce for decades and then wonderfully, unexpectedly, twice in 13 months. It’s a funny old life.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 37 Comments

Summer of 69

Trip to see the wonderful Bryan Adams. The last time I saw Bryan, I was still in my twenties, wow where did those years go. Looking at most of the crowd, I bet there were quite a few thinking the same.

Odd times back then. I had been with this girl for nearly three years, about that time we had started talking marriage and kids. Planning for the future. We went to see Bryan starting to plan for the long term.

Yet just a few months later, it was over. Life happened and we went our separate ways. We parted well and vowed to stay friends, maybe try again if the right moment came. But staying friends was maybe the problem. We could be friends but never really developed into best friends and soul mates. Careers took us in different geographic directions and we ended up seeing each other only once in the subsequent few years. A nice restaurant meal around the time a certain Bryan Adam’s love song was never off the radio. I remember almost asking her if she wanted to try again, but couldn’t find the words and I wasn’t completely certain. From a mutual friend, apparently she thought about asking the same thing but likewise didn’t. That was it, haven’t seen her again, decades have passed. No idea where she is now.

So last week when Bryan played that love song, it took me briefly back, I had completely forgotten about that time in my life. To a relationship that came close but never quite worked out for both of us. No regrets, just hope she did find the one, someone who could be her best friend and soul mate. Someone I was never really going to be.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 35 Comments

Old music

I was in one of those vacant mind states as I ploughed through the daily house chores. The domestic zombie was just drifting through the preprogrammed cleaning, tidying and washing routines.

Glancing out of the window I caught sight of a couple of pigeons flying around the trees and suddenly I was roused out of my zombified state.

It’s funny how a sensation, a sight, a smell, a sound can suddenly bring back a flood of long forgotten memories. Those pigeons in flight had in that moment taken me back to the late eighties. Sat in my parents garden, listening to my Sony Walkman, watching scores of pigeons fly around the trees. Mr Cook, the next door neighbour, raced pigeons. At the bottom of his garden was a Tim Burton like strange, three sided, lob sided gothic style pigeon mansion. Get too close and you can almost taste those pungent cigarettes that Mr Cook was always smoking while he talked to his prized birds. The Walkman was new, well it was to me, it was a hand me down from my older brother. Sat in my parents garden I only had two cds back then. One was Whitesnake, the other was one of those random NOW this is supposed to be MUSIC compilations, a friend donated it to me as it was ‘crap’. It only had one listenable song, a belter from The Bangles, I kept playing that one song on repeat, watching the pigeon show.

Looking back to that former version of me, The Bangles music has aged way better than I have. The other thing is that my younger self was a tad mixed up. I had got use to wearing so many emotional masks to so many different people, I wasn’t sure who I was anymore. And WOW was I making some really bad life calls and yes making some really questionable fashion choices. Life was complicated, unfathomable, yet it seemed so simple to those pigeons.

Flying pigeons still seem to have such an uncomplicated life.

Today, in 2025 those pigeons had sent me to my record collection to find my Bangles album, to find that song. I’m still making life mistakes, still making questionable fashion choices daily. And now, I’m still playing that song on repeat again. Does life make any more sense now, not really but I’m kinda used to that now. If I still can’t figure out the washing machine cycles, what chance have I got figuring out life. Just got to keep my eyes open to helpful, guiding signposts. Maybe just like those pigeons today.

Do you know just how hard it is to photograph pigeons in flight with an iPhone. Gave up and cheated, much easier photographing them when they are feeding…..

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Swan Lake

Whisper it, a few days of nice weather in Yorkshire, we can do it…

A bit of Sun brings out the hooligans.

This Swan is a bruiser.

Swims about on the lake until it sees someone he or she doesn’t like and then…. races out of the water to stand on the narrow lakeside path. That’s it, wings spread, puffed out chest and the path is closed. As we were walking towards the danger zone, we passed a couple heading back saying an aggressive Swan had forced them into a hasty retreat. As we passed we got a good staring at, but were granted a pass. The walker following us was not so lucky and after a brief standoff, the swan won….

Wonder why some people are allowed through and others are chased off. It’s not a nesting thing, as the nest is on the other end of the lake, and apparently the Swan is never aggressive there.

Bizarre old bird. Definitely swan of a kind….

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 34 Comments

Reasons

Midday, perfectly sums up the Yorkshire weather currently.

In a few months, is it really coming up 9 years…..

The latest Bridget Jones movie got me thinking. Good job we didn’t see Alvin and The Chipmunks, lord knows what I’d be thinking about then. Pest control maybe 😂😂😂

That first morning, waking up and everything had changed. Who am I kidding, no sleep that night. Trying to figure out what words to say to Hawklad. Trying to get my head round the new reality. Even the house seemed changed, very different. We often talked about the house being cramped for 3 but on that morning it seemed cavernous for just two of us. It wasn’t just too much space, it was too quiet. But there was something else. Everywhere I looked I could see objects that now had no purpose.

A cup…

A plate …..

Women’s clothes, coats and shoes….

A pile of 80s pop cds

Romance books….

A toothbrush …..

Study books…..

Makeup….

Perfume….

Hair products…..

Set of car keys….

Set of house keys…

So much more…..

Everywhere I looked there was now redundant items. Items that were never going to be used again, glaring reminders of loss and bereavement. Feeling like I needed to get those items out of the house as soon as possible.

Yes some redundant items found a new life through Charity Shops but other items stayed.

It’s 2025 and there are still items scattered around the house that have no purpose anymore. Untouched in 9 years. But something has changed, redundant items now making perfect sense. Making perfect sense that they are staying exactly where they have been for years. No use, will not be used again but they have a reason to be there. The house wouldn’t feel right if they weren’t there.