Cold cold cold….

You know it’s cold when you can step across ice and not hear a single crack or ice groan. Even having gingerly tottered halfway and inevitably hitting the ice with the force of a giant meteor about to wipe out the dinosaurs…. not the slightest ice indent.

Now filled with unbounded hope and belief in that ice, I visioned the perfect opportunity to excel in life once more….. I can do this. Sprint like a cheetah, build up vast amounts of momentum, jump on the snow sledge and majestically sail across the mighty ice lake. The first human ever to successfully sledge from East to West on this huge swath of lake ice (sounds way better than a big pond)… A cold Yorkshire hill, the theatre of dreams…..The beauty and grace of Swan Lake seamlessly combined with the power and agility of an elite sporting superhero.

Once again reality rips asunder unfounded hope….

A few moments later I’m stranded halfway, now face down in the ice and with the sledge riding on top of me. Going nowhere, unable to even get any purchase on my limbs to get up.

Spreadeagled on ice….. That’s probably a video title from the very top row section of Blockbusters….

It took me 5 minutes to find dry land again. It’s incredibly emasculating to be basically pushed by your sniggering son, helplessly across the ice like a curling stone….

Bring on summer……