Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 16 Comments

Raise your hand

Mid March and it’s still two jumper weather here in Yorkshire, definitely feeling way more like skiing rather than bikini weather. I would normally say, the kinda weather perfect for huddling round the fire however given the current price of home heating oil…. those two thick, warm, woolly jumpers will have to do.

It’s been quite a while since Hawklad hit 18, when he was officially signed off from the NHS Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service (CAMHS). As there are NO equivalent adult services here, any support he received, ENDED. His care was nominally handed over to the local Doctor service. But here’s the rub, sadly local Doctors are inundated with demands. In many parts of the country, available appointments are as rare as acts of modesty from the US Orange Nutter President.

It’s hard for local Doctors to be proactive, it’s mostly a call them service. Definitely no one has been in touch with Hawklad even to just say…

“Are you ok”

Here’s what really worries me.

So many kids like Hawklad are discharged from CAMHS and are lost in the adult health care system. The need for support doesn’t miraculously end on the 18th birthday, so what is supposed to happen next….. If they have any needs or require support they have to call the local Doctor. Firstly that usually means the dreaded 8am telephone scramble for an appointment. The record I’ve had on that one is

“You are caller number 57 in the queue….”

If you eventually do get an appointment, then mostly that will be a telephone call back by a Doctor. You get at most 7 minutes to explain what’s wrong and listen to the medical response. 7 minutes flies by, ends up feeling really rushed and pressurised.

Not exactly a welcoming experience.

Unless someone makes that call for him, Hawklad won’t. He won’t put his hand up if there is a problem. Just like at school, a large class would have a teacher and one teaching assistant. If someone needed help then you had to put your hand up and ask, support wasn’t proactive. As Hawklad used to tell me…

“I’m not putting my hand up in front of all the other kids and then announcing to the world that I can’t read something, or I’m struggling.”

School would assume if no hands go up, then everything is fine, no help needed. Hawklad ended up getting little or no in class support. The same will happen with support and the Doctor’s service. He won’t be the only one feeling this way. As a result, after becoming 18, how many miss out on the support they really need.

Way too many I fear.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 19 Comments

Signs…

It’s still looking like it’s Winter.

But if you look hard enough, Spring is coming….

Other signs of Spring include Tax Demands, eye wateringly humongous Utility Bill increases, Car spectacularly failing its annual Test, Postman wearing shorts and the first adverts for Christmas 2026. If only I could say Warm Weather as well…

Another sign of Spring is the start of revision for the May exams, Hawklad is definitely not enjoying that.

As he’s revising I must admit I do have a nagging thought. Hopefully the exams go his way and open up a path that will suit him. He’s super keen on University but is aware that there are many obstacles facing him on that way forward. My nagging thought goes beyond that point. What happens after University or whatever path he takes.

What jobs might be open to him, what jobs might still exist by then. A recent headline sticks in my mind.

“1.2 million graduate applicants chasing just 17,000 jobs in the UK”

And it’s only going to get worse. A friend’s daughter graduated over a year ago and after hundreds of applications, is still unemployed. AI is taking out more and more jobs that new graduates once started out in. Plus Graduates are saddled with huge student loans and when they do find a job, they then have the unnerving prospect of trying to find somewhere they can afford to rent or buy. Parents try to help out but here’s the trap. To help out financially parents face the prospect of working well beyond retirement age to fund this but by doing that, it means probably even less jobs available for young people.

I can’t help worry about the future for Hawklad. What career paths might be open to him, what might suit him and then just how many or few opportunities will there be for him.

It’s not always a particularly hopeful thought process.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 45 Comments

Drizzle

Another glorious Yorkshire lunchtime…. A local amateur weather station has recorded so far 40 days of consecutive rain. Mostly not the biblical type of rain, often that dreaded Yorkshire Drizzle, blanking out the Sun, nithering, slowly seeping into your bones.

The kind of weather that even Count Dracula clearly thought too grim. In the novel, he arrived in Yorkshire during a storm and quickly scarpered.

But hope shines eternal.

As I walked through the sodden village, a hardy chap wearing about 30 layers of clothing was carefully weeding his soon to be planted flowerbeds. He looked up, smiled (might have been a grimace), and issued the immortal words

“I pigging hate the Yorkshire weather. Why do I keep living here. Lived here for over 70 years. Well, at least it’s perfect weather for my rhubarb. I do love my rhubarb and custard”.

I think it might well be a bumper rhubarb crop this year….

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 66 Comments

Aurora

2026 welcomes in renewed struggles with WordPress. On my iPad, the App is about as stable as one of my soufflés. But at least it seems to be letting me post something now, that’s a step in the right direction, so here goes……

On a grim old Yorkshire weather day…..

Can’t wait to see how the new Wuthering Heights movie paints the Yorkshire weather. Will they make it grim….. in fact will they be brave and use the second part of the book. Now that would be GRIM. Wasn’t that part of the book described as unfilmable.

Anyways in a brief break in the clouds on a grim old day, suddenly that grimness was replaced with awesome beauty. It can be such a wonderful life.

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Eve Tides

New Years Eve stood by the North Sea. That’s a dictionary definition for the word, FROZEN….

My poor old iPhone was really struggling in the darkness.

When we saw the wonderful Kate Rusby in concert, she told the story of a Cornish Village tradition. Where the Village would meet on New Years Eve on the beach. Meet whatever the weather. They would gather around a beach fire. Spend the night chatting, remembering, dreaming, singing, drinking, eating until the Sun comes up. With the first rays of light, silence falls. It’s as if the tide takes the old year away and brings in the new one.

I love that idea.

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Nearly missed it

What do you see and feel when you see a rainbow.

The morning dog walk and a rainbow started to break out over the fields. Did I stop and take in the wonder.

NO…

I was too busy thinking practical matters.

PANTS…. There’s rain heading this way and I don’t have a raincoat. The fleece top was a bad call..I’m going to get wet….. I wasn’t really seeing the rainbow, I wasn’t seeing much through my worry filters.

The best of the rainbow had passed before I came to my senses. What a beautiful rainbow and I nearly missed it. All the wonderful thoughts and feelings started to flood in at last.

But here’s the crazy thing about those worries and angst. Did I get wet…

NO.

The rain did arrive for a while but I was then walking under a canopy of trees and I stayed completely dry. How much energy do I waste on worry, how much do I miss unnecessarily. WAY TOO MUCH. I can remember a huge study by Penn State that talked about over 90% of our worries never coming true, often working out way better in reality.

One day I will remember this, hopefully I won’t miss too many more rainbows lost in my thoughts.

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There is a storm coming…

A little bit of a Northern Lights Storm….

Need to keep remembering what a staggeringly wonderful world this can be.

The Government has started a formal review into the rising demand for ADHD, Autism and Mental Health services. But here’s the problem about that….

It’s the starting point for the review.

Setting up the review The Government has already stated what they see as being the key problem, ‘way too much over diagnosis’. Is this political opinion based on clinical or finance advice. Is it centred on a concern for individual welfare… sadly NO. The starting point isn’t about the families who can’t access the help and support they need, its not trying to help those struggling because they can’t access help, it’s definitely not about expanding and extending services . Rather it’s about a budget line on a spreadsheet which the Government wants to make much smaller. It’s about saving money. You can see what the end goal is….. Cutting the Special Education Budget by reducing which children can access services, cutting benefits paid to adults and reducing NHS services in these areas. THEN the Government will try to come up with a PR campaign to make it sound like it’s anything other than a budget cut. But it WILL be a budget cut probably dressed up as ‘helping’ those written off’. ‘Too many’ will be said to have been ‘written off’ by Doctors when they diagnose patients with ADHD and AUTISM, ‘allowing ’ too many education, benefit and support claims. And thus the Government will say that the best, and kindest way to help children and adults will be to just cut their benefits and services, ‘encourage’ them and families to help themselves. Remove more tailored education support and force more adults back into work regardless of their fitness to work. The last Government tried to do this, sadly this Government looks like they might do it this time.

Where are all these thousands of additional ADHD and Autism friendly jobs…..

What happens to the children who can’t access the Special Educational Services they need, have Teachers the training and spare capacity to pick up the pieces…..

Who’s best placed to make a clinical diagnosis, a Doctor or a Politician…..

Deep Sigh. It really shouldn’t be this way.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 43 Comments

Sayings

Yorkshire between the rain storms…..

Talking to a fellow Yorkshire Citizen this morning and as he tried to navigate his possessed General Waste Wheelie Bin passed his brand new electric car. Very Carefully passed as the Wheelie Bin looked like it would win in any head to head contest. I asked him how is new car was and the reply was

“Sound as a Pound”….

Instantly I was taken back to my old Dad, that was one of his favourite sayings. Sadly since Brexit, even Dad would have to concede that there are way more financially stable currencies than ours.

But it did make me think about all those old sayings that were such a part of the cut and thrust of Yorkshire life back then. Most are now probably not best said before the children are safely in bed. But a few just about ok for polite conversation. I have also tried to write these in English rather than in Yorkshire. Trust me people in deepest Yorkshire don’t speak like those folk in that quite famous Yorkshire posh house, Downton Abbey.

“Where there’s muck there is brass”

As an Accountant I can confirm that is true.

“Back in my day”

Hawklad will confirm that I’m saying that one more and more along with the Danny DeVito line ‘Getting Old Sucks, don’t let anybody tell you any different’.

“Eat your crusts as it will make your hair curl”

Dad would say that one even after he had gone bald and now I’m getting to that stage where I would happily settle for curls, settle for any hair really.

As we continue the food health advice…

“Eat your carrots, you never see a rabbit with glasses”

That’s very true but unfortunately I’ve eating a shed load of carrots over my many centuries and it has done nowt for my Lazy Eye.

“I’m off to see a man about a dog”

That one is easy, Dad would say that when he was off to the pub for a drink.

“There’s no accounting for taste”

Our old headmaster would always say that to any child with a new haircut. Plus as I became an Accountant then clearly there is no accounting for taste…

“As fit as a butchers dog”

I’ve never seen a butchers dog so can’t confirm and deny that one.

“You would make a better door than window …”

Basically get out the way I’m trying to watch the TV.

“You don’t get owt for nowt…”

Never trust anything that is given to you for free. Strangely although Dad would say this one, I also never saw him turn down anything for free.

The best one I can remember was a favourite one Dad would say down his allotment. You can explain this one to me…..

“Never trust a man who doesn’t know his Leeks from his Scallions”

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 49 Comments

Extra miles

A trip out to the beautiful Lake District, a three hour drive from us. Carefully chosen to be a safe, uneventful, Hawklad adventure.

Originally we had planned to park up by Lake Ullswater, well that was the plan. We made it to within a couple of miles of our parking spot and we hit road works. The road was closed and we were sent on a signed magical mystery diversion tour. This part of the world there aren’t ever too many alternative road options. We later found out that this diversion was over 50 miles long and given the windy, narrow roads, would have taken absolutely ages to drive. Thankfully the diversion went past another stunning lake, Thirlmere and we parked up.

You can see why Wordsworth was inspired to write here.

The trip back was an adventure…

A motorway tyre blow out driving at 70mph, two hours stood on a roadside bank waiting for a recovery truck. That wasn’t the place to try and change a tyre. Thankfully a very nice Highway Patrol parked behind our car to ward off any collisions.

Here’s the thing, Hawklad was perfectly fine with the breakdown but really struggled when first the Highway Patrol Officer turned up and then the Recovery Mechanic. It’s the fear that he could be seen, will stand out, will get noticed. Thankfully the tyre was safely changed and off we set again.

Another reminder that as much as you try to plan or micromanage a day, life still happens….