How I start the day makes such a massive difference to me. My day seems to go better if I exercise early in the morning rather than after lunch. Get my breakfast right and my dieting becomes easier. Avoid caffeine first thing and I feel less on edge for the rest of the day.

But there is one morning thing above anything else that has the biggest impact on my day.

How I wake up.

Do I wake up under my own steam or am I suddenly woken by some external factor. The pesky alarm…..

If I wake up naturally, even if that’s after a night of little sleep then I’m usually good to go. The day seems in synch. Even nights without any sleep at all, I find work ok for me. I can do this single parenting gig.

But if the alarm brings me abruptly to life and it’s all so very much different. Today was like that. Not much sleep until after 5am and then I crash out. All too soon the noisy alarm ends the dreams. But it has not brought the real me to life, it’s the zombie version of me. I can barely function, certainly can’t think straight, parenting is seemingly beyond me. That feeling of being completely out of synch stays with me all day. These are the days I really struggle to overcome depression.

All because of how I wake.

Am I alone in this?


Britain is getting back to NORMAL. That’s what our so called Prime Minister tells us under his still to be combed hair. It was also confirmed by our postman. Apparently this week, three kind souls have either sneezed or coughed over the postie without bothering to cover their mouths – never mind them not wearing masks. With a shrug of the shoulders the postman sadly left with the comment ‘back to normal then’…..

Here’s the thing. Was the old normal that good…..

Surely we should be aiming for something better than just going back to the old normal.

It’s not as if the last year has just been a little blip in the world. We have gone through something which is of historic significance. It has changed so many things. So many have suffered. So much has been lost. Surely with something this significant there should be changes. Some enforced by life but surely some changes should be driven by us. Driven by us to make the world and our life’s BETTER. Not just being happy with the old normal.


The first thunderstorm of the season and wow it was a big one. They don’t often get this close, usually the follow the river out to see. This one headed straight over head.

As a child I loved thunderstorms. Would sit outside and watch the free show.

It’s different now. Hawklad hates them. They add a level of unwanted unpredictability into his world. Something he can do without. So now I wish they quickly pass by but a part of me still loves the excitement they bring. But got to adapt. Have to be mindful.

Sadly being mindful doesn’t seem to be a universal quality. Going back to my childhood I remember a kid in my class who was petrified of lightning. One day a storm passed over the school and he freaked out. The teacher simple dragged him out of class and made him stand in the playground. Tough medicine….. At the same school I was petrified of water. On my first swimming lesson I refused to get into the pool , so the instructor pushed me in. Tough medicine.

A different time but still no wrong.

Sadly it still goes on. I’ve seen it in some teachers and parents and how they ‘care’ for some pupils. How they have reacted to Hawklad. Maybe not as obvious but it still happens. Some children have problems with the texture, taste or look of certain foods. Hawklad just won’t try certain foods. But I still hear the old approach ‘well just let him starve, he will get hungry and he will eventually eat the food item’.

Hawklad struggles with meeting new people. He needs to sit with people he feels comfortable with. Change that and he can freeze up. When teachers become aware of it some work round it, are supportive. Yet other teachers insist on randomly switching who sits next to him as this will be good for him.

When he was struggling to get his head round Aspergers and what it meant to him, he went through a phase of trying to hide. Always have a hood pulled over his head. Hide in corners. School brought in an ‘expert’, a ‘school psychologist’ who recommended that he should do a presentation to the class about Aspergers. Tell his classmates why he was ‘different’. Anybody who spends anytime with Hawklad will know that is no different than just pushing someone petrified of water into a 4 ft deep pool.

As a society we kid ourselves about just how inclusive and developed we are. Some amongst definitely are sadly too many are simply not. Today I heard a Government Minister talk about some children needing TOUGH MEDICINE. The years might pass but certain countries are REGRESSING.

Who you looking at

I so remember this beautiful falcon. Happily settled on Hawklad’s glove. Calm and a definite trusting look in her eyes as she stared into Hawklad’s eyes. What was striking was the difference in the look she gave me. Think much less calm and at ease. Think much more, ‘you do know I am a bird of prey’……. The look this wonderful falcon gave me clearly had an underlying message. But what was it. Maybe……

That’s one ugly chubby pigeon, how on earth is that thing going to fly.

Or maybe it was

That’s some kill. That will feed me and my family for about 100 years. But how on earth am I going to carry it. Might need to hire a troop carrying helicopter…..

Oh that look. Ok it’s telling me that I’m moving down the food chain league table but it’s utterly mesmerising. It’s exhilarating. It’s what life should be about. Memorable……


It’s inevitable that if you spend anytime on this planet then you will experience what LOSS feels like. Losing something precious to you. A person, a dream, a way of life, a friendship, a love, a companion….. It’s inevitable.

When I experienced LOSS I also LOST something else. MYSELF.

LOSS is about losing something permanently. Never getting it back. That’s why it hurts so much. All you can do is to try to learn to live with that LOSS. But with LOST it can be different. It doesn’t have to permanent. You can find it again. That’s what I did with MYSELF. It took several years but I have found MYSELF again. And here’s the thing, I actually may have found more than I LOST. I may have grown as a person. May have a better outlook in life. More appreciative of what is truly important to me. I definitely understand MYSELF better now.

That’s why there is always HOPE.

We can do this.

I want a

Hawklad was trying to do some French school work. I’m not that much use, especially when I’m tired. So when it came to translations I secretly backed up my limited expertise with some discreet finger work. Can I use Google Translator to make me look awesome. All going well. With the iPhone hidden on my lap, I amazed Hawklad with my almost perfect knowledge and interpretation of French phrases.

Then it all went a bit mental.

All over a simple looking translation. I had covertly typed into Google what appeared to be an innocent phrase….

Je veux un bain

Clearly it was ‘I want a …..”. I think it was BATH. Problem was that I misspelt the last word. Easily done on a small screen and when you are trying to hide exactly what you are typing.

Je veux un baise

So I was a little taken back by the translation.

I want a f##k

Sorry….. You what…..Double take…..Until I spotted the typing mistake my parenting world had become very confusing and just a little unsettling. I definitely aged several years. See parenting is bad for you.


The perfect late Spring weather….

Perfect weather for getting stuck in a queue…

When you are stuck in a car waiting for any movement the mind tends to wander. Many questions.

What has happened to my country?

When did we become such an inwardly looking, uncaring, reactionary and thuggish country?

What type of twisted and broken country are we leaving for future generations?

What hope is there when a country becomes so utterly fractured?

Just how bad will things get for so many with Brexit going so badly wrong?

Why are so many voters happy to vote for a corrupt, inept, racist, lying, misogynistic clown?

Then the mind wandered to…..

Is it me. Is it me that is the outlier here?

If I don’t belong in my country anymore, what do I do, where do I go?

Then the traffic started to move. The hail kept coming down. The view out of the car windscreen started to change, sadly my view about my country didn’t…..

Swiss Sunday

It’s Sunday so it must be time for our weekly trip to Switzerland. A place of unrivalled peace and beauty. It’s now almost 6 years since our little family has made it the 1000 miles to this stunning land. Our next trip can’t come quick enough.

Of all the things that come to mind when you think of Switzerland, Boats and Yachts won’t be that high up the list. But spend anytime here and you will change your mind. Switzerland has so many wonderful lakes with unrivalled views. It’s a brilliant country to head onto the waters.

It’s also a brilliant place to go for a paddle.

Get me.

I’ve just listened to the lead BBC Political Editor basically say that British voters are not interested in questions about the PM honesty. They don’t care if he is corrupt or not. To them it’s just tittle tattle. What they care about is that how he is delivering Brexit for them, how he is keeping them safe from Covid and how he is one of them.

Excuse the words ….. what utter #########. Clearly the Political Editor doesn’t speak for me….

That’s the thing in life. Something I’ve noticed as the years have passed. I haven’t found many who I feel get me. Who understand me. Who can speak for me. Even those who should be closest to me. Family, partner, many friends. Do they really get me. Why don’t they see how I see things. Do they really understand me. They might but is that more what they want to see or feel. Probably not. That’s just human nature. I’m probably exactly the same with most other people. It will be the same for all of us. If your lucky you might find at least one person who does get you. And to set the record straight that is most certainly not The Prime Minister or the BBC Political Editor……

Sod’s law again….

In all of scientific practice the law which is the most robust, the nose watertight, the most constant is SOD’S LAW. Some scientists call it Murphy’s Law. Basically if something can go wrong, it will go wrong at the worst time and worst way.

Today that law has been repeatedly confirmed here during carefully conducted scientific experiments.

I dropped my toast and it landed butter side down, picking up just enough pet hairs to render it even inedible for me….

I found two unopened letters which had dropped behind my desk. One was a Bill and one was a small cheque refund. Which letter ended up being the one that had clearly sat unopened and forgotten about the longest. Yes the cheque. So long that it was now out of date. Confirmed by the bank, if I had found it yesterday then it would still have been in date. It became out of date midnight last night…..

The power went off earlier today. Just when I was doing something really important to me. It didn’t go off when I was say hoovering or unfortunately when U2 was playing on the radio….

I went to make an omelet for lunch. In the fridge I found two boxes of eggs. One stuck at the back and well over a month past to best before date. The other the new box. I carried both egg boxes, one scheduled for the bin and the other for the frying pan. I tripped over the cat and dropped both boxes. One opened and smashed all the eggs. The other stayed shut and the eggs survived. And yes only the fresh eggs smashed…

So there you have it scientific proof the Sods Law is real…..