Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 47 Comments

Wrong order

For years I’ve tried to learn a second language. At school, French was the weapon of torture preferred by the teachers. They tried, I was very trying….. After about 15 years of more self imposed French torture, after so many different language learning systems, I realised that there we’re still rabbits and chickens who could ask for a sandwich in Paris better than I could.

Experiment abandoned…..

I switched to German. Since then I’ve tried, I’ve really tried. Slowly the second language developed past rabbit linguistic levels. Increasingly on the Swiss trips, I tried out my German, usually spectacularly badly. But then in 2015, on one particular train heading towards Bern, with one particular German speaking Train Guard, a Guard asking to see our tickets and asking where we were going, I nailed it. The perfect response in perfect German. I actually spoke German for maybe 20 seconds…..

I looked over at my partner and whispered ‘that was unusually competent German for me…’

Well I thought I nailed it.

The Guard looked coolly at me over his glasses and said in perfect English…

“you used all the right words but pronounced them in the wrong way and you got the word order completely wrong”…

He then proceeded to give me an impromptu lesson on how verbs are parachuted to the end of sentences when certain words like THEN or BECAUSE are used. But then there are other words for BECAUSE that don’t send the verb flying all over the place….. what on earth is that all about.

So fast forward to 2024 and I’m still trying. I think I’ve just about sussed out the verb going to the end thing. Sadly my pronunciation is still very Yorkshire mixed with Geordie, think Monty Python. What chance have I got with actual German speakers when my very own car satellite navigation can’t even understand my accent. That’s when I’m speaking English…… But one day, hopefully really soon I will get the chance to try German again in Amazing Switzerland.

Ich kann es kaum erwarten, es wieder zu besuchen, weil es sehr schon ist.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 46 Comments

Northern Lights

Crazy night. The largest solar storm to hit our region in decades and the fickle Yorkshire weather unbelievably played ball. We found ourselves a quiet, remote part of the moors and for 4 hours we watched the patterns and colours unfold. The whole sky was filled with the ever changing lighting show, even looking south. Absolutely mesmerising and awe inspiring.

And even when we got back home, just before dawn, it was still going strong.

Yes LIFE can be really tough and challenging but it can also be truly breathtaking and spectacularly good.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 44 Comments

Love at first sight

Love at first sight. Can you see what captured the mad one’s heart.

Yes he fell for the little robot lawnmower. Tail wagging went into overdrive. ROMEO had to be eventually physically pulled away from his JULIET.

Since that first encounter, he rushes on his walks to this spot, wagging his tail. Tilting his head when he can’t see his new friend. Putting the brakes on in the hope that a few more moments would deliver his love to that lawn.

Maybe if it stays dry, the little robot will be back at work soon and the friendship can recommence.

I wonder, is the canine heart, the perfect reason I’ve been looking for to finally invest in this bit of Harry Potter Wizardry. Sat drinking coffee while the robot happily sorts out the garden, certainly does have its unquestionable appeals.

One question though, has the robotic lawn cutting quality ever been properly stress tested when you introduce a playful and most probably, RANDY MAD DOG.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 26 Comments

Dreams

What an odd night with two very different DREAMS. One really nice dream, but I can only recall snippets. One really weird dream and I can recall it vividly. With me I think the key is how I wake. Wake slowly and the dream is hazy, fading quickly. Wake with a START and the dream is clear, has a permanence.

The first dream felt like such a lovely, safe place to be. Based on real places. I know it was about Lake Brienz in Switzerland. The rest is hazy, no idea about any details, just that I was happy. I’ve been truly blessed to spend a little bit of time here, wish it was way more, such a stunning place. I woke slowly and quietly.

And then we come to the SECOND dream. Just an hour or so after Lake Brienz.

Even now, everything from that dream is so vivid. It started off in another real place, at my parent’s old house. I was in the garden and it was a perfect copy of reality. Little long forgotten details brought back, the gap in the fence under the hedge where my tortoise would go exploring, the crooked apple tree, the missing pane in the greenhouse, the lavender smell. So many details. The dream kicked on. A young couple had moved in next door. I talked with them over the fence, but quickly the guy had to go inside to feed the pets. He liked it here, she hated the new house. She hated the area, the people, the weather, her new home, everything. She even hated the plants in her garden. She bitterly talked about wanting to be anywhere but here, it was her husband’s bad idea. I felt really uncomfortable. As soon as she could get out, she would. She was even going to burn those two ugly Japanese shrubs in the pots, I asked if I could give them a new home. She shrugged and stormed off. So I headed inside to see Mum, to tell her that I had met her new neighbours and that she might get those two nice plants that she likes. The reality was actually my mum left that house nearly 30 years ago and although the garden in the dream was perfect, the other bits of the story had much fiction. That couple never existed, the inside of mum’s house wasn’t quite right, the neighbouring garden looked odd, but I do remember those two Japanese plants, they were definitely real, although I’m not sure mum ever noticed them.

Here’s where the dream slammed in a sudden handbrake turn…..

As I went inside I heard mum’s voice scolding my older brother. He was apparently sleeping his life away and his breakfast was still on the table….. now there was some reality to part. I can remember my older bro liking to party at the weekend and as a result he would stay in bed till nearly midday, that didn’t please mum…..

Back to the dream, my brother’s bedroom door opened and out came my bro. As he walked passed me on the way to the kitchen, he patted me on the back and said in am AMERICAN ACCENT ‘Hi Bro….’.

But that’s not my brother, he’s not American and hold your horses ….that’s Jack Black……

That jolted me out of my dream, and I’m sure I woke shouting ‘Jack Black ain’t my brother’.

Figure that dream out, not been back to that house in decades, haven’t spoke to my brother in months and no I have not seen any Jack Black movies recently.

Really odd and just a bit frustrating….. So many unanswered dream questions and really frustratingly, why can’t I remember all the good details from the nice dream.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 44 Comments

Tropics…

It’s either beach weather or…

Frosts at night.

Maybe warmth next….

I think it’s getting to me, water and cold penetrating my wiring. Today went to the Post Office to buy some wrapping paper. Paper collected, I went to pay at the counter using Apple Pay on my iPhone. Easy enough, mobile in hand…..

Well not so easy as my mobile was still at home on the living room table and the thing I’m clutching in my hand, turns out to be the TV remote control.

There are no words…..

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 41 Comments

Still cold

An April trip to Scarborough. Time to put on the Simon and Garfunkel cover of the old English Folk Song.

Are you going to Scarborough Fair…

Well I hope they got wrapped up as it was seriously COLD, AGAIN. Beautiful but COLD.

The Scarborough song is about asking too much of others, asking impossible tasks, love fracturing. Well it would mess up if one lover was expecting a Caribbean beach holiday and they ended up on a long weekend in not so tropical Yorkshire.

We had been over here for an appointment, the last bit of formal support Hawklad gets these days. One 45 minute session every 3 weeks or so. From about the age of thirteen the support levels have shrunk rapidly. Get to 18 or 19 and they will have completely disappeared. Not because the need isn’t there, it’s likely to be there more than ever, but because nationally access to services are being restricted. Years of cut backs and efficiency restructurings have led to ‘streamlined’ services being overwhelmed with demand. So we get frustrated and angry with the lack of local support but unless mental health is given the priority it needs nationally, then it’s an IMPOSSIBLE task to support every need, it just can’t happen.

Or is it IMPOSSIBLE, at least could we do better, could we give some more support to those who need it. I guess it comes down to a couple of drivers…

– Maybe those in charge see more votes in focusing on tax cuts and immigration crackdowns,

– There are just not enough profits to be extracted by greedy hands from Mental Health Services.

The UKs so called Prime Minister will give daily speeches solely focusing on how he is being tough and proactive on trying to fly a few desperate refugees to Rwanda at a cost of £500 Million (plus…), yet he never seems to ever raise an eyebrow at the mental health crisis unfolding across the country. But what is clear.

The money is there, the money to fund services is definitely there.

This shouldn’t be impossible.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 52 Comments

French Cartoon

It’s funny how those long hidden memories suddenly decide to reawaken.

We were on our way to Switzerland by train, a day after an incident on a train from Amsterdam to Paris. Armed police were swarming everywhere. Usually a wonderful, restful trip from London to Paris, then Paris to Strasbourg, then Strasbourg across the border to Switzerland. This time it was distinctly edgy.

Just out of Paris, a young mother got really spooked by soldiers patrolling up and down the train with a machine guns. This upset her young son. Step forward a French passenger who was clearly a cartoonist. Out of his bag came sketch books and pens. For the next three hours he drew wonderful cartoons and drawings for the child. Whatever the child asked for, he drew amazingly. The young mum smiled, the young child laughed, so did everyone around them.

That proved to be our last trip to Switzerland as a family of 3 and amongst the emotions around that, I completely forgot this wonderful cartoonist. Now thankfully I can see it all clearly again.

What’s the line …..

Heroes don’t have to wear a cape…..

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 36 Comments

Saltburn

Three…..

3…….

Stood on Saltburn Pier today and it was 3C. As the wind howled across the North Sea, I dread to think what the wind chill factor was. Apparently it’s still Spring here. Thermal T-shirt, thick jumper and a down jacket simply wasn’t enough. We were FROZEN. But then again as Basil Fawlty once said when told there was always someone worse off than yourself

“REALLY, I’d love to meet them as I could do with a b…..y laugh”

We weren’t those poor souls trying to SURF. We heard frequent bloody curdling screams as they entered the water and that wasn’t a monster JAWS shark causing that. I’m sure I saw an iceberg at one stage, or maybe that was a surfer who had spent more than a minute in those frigid waters. We passed one surfer sat in his car, with the heating full on, holding a steaming cup of something, who was uncontrollably shaking….

Yes good old Saltburn. An old Yorkshire coast childhood haunt of mine. Every year my so called school would do a sponsored beach walk from Redcar to Saltburn and back again. The teachers spent the child free day in the Hydro pub. Don’t tell them but quite a few of the pupils had curtailed the walk after 100 yards and were in the Dolphin Pub, a bit further down the beach. I usually made it to Saltburn as then I got to ride the little funicular up the cliff. Back then that was as near as this part of the world got to Disneyland.

Sadly last years Oscar nominated movie called Saltburn had nothing to do with this little coastal town. Shame that, it might have livened up the movie a lot. I would like to see them attempt a lot of the raunchy stuff they apparently got up to in that movie anywhere near Saltburn beach, in these temperatures. Maybe that surfer sat shaking in his car had tried to recreate some movie scenes and spectacularly failed….

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 45 Comments

Northern lights

More storms, more rain, more wind. The Farmer’s hard stacking efforts are now completely wrecked.

A cold often, grim, winter like day.

Not much fun, a day that felt like hard work.

But you never know what is round the corner. Forced ourselves and the very reluctant mad dog out for a cold, windswept, late evening walk.

The clouds cleared just enough for a few, brief light show moments. The Northern Lights never fail to be thrilling. If only my old phone could capture the beauty just a little better.

It can be such a wonderful life.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 18 Comments

Muddy paths

Muddy paths everywhere.

At this time of year this should be a nice, dry way through the local woods. Not this year. In fact part of the path is closed off as it is flooded. Early morning runs through here are currently a slide FEST. Hopefully it can dry out as the bluebells will be out real soon, maybe they can swim.

As my muddy legs got even more muddier this morning, I was pondering on something a work colleague had said in a meeting.

‘Daughter will be going to University September next year. That’s it, most of my full time parenting will be definitely over. She wants to go to St Andrews, then travel for a few months, then get a job in London. So in 17 months we get a spare room and maybe I can finally get that pool table….. Just need to get her through her driving test in November.

A clear timescale. Yes things might change, but still plans. It feels quite ordered with clear milestones.

I don’t get that feel, never have with this parenting gig. The way forward is hopefully full of so much potential, but it’s filled with so much uncertainty, so many unknowns, so many complications. When will he be able and willing to leave home. How much support will he need, where can he get that support from. Even have no idea about if and when he will be able to start driving. So much uncertainty, I’ve given up trying to plan or put in milestones. Just got to keep being there as best as I can for Hawklad and see what the future brings.

And YES, I ain’t ever buying a pool table. It will just end up being another shredded, pet hair disaster zone. I can definitely predict that fact.