Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 41 Comments

River

That’s called building right next to the river….

It’s taken over SEVEN years but finally it was time to sort through paperwork. Mounds of it. Her papers had sat largely untouched in and on the desk she used for work and in a huge old wooden cabinet which sits next to the desk. A large, heavy, immovable and very hard cabinet that is also just close enough to the room door that it’s caused many a bruise to my toes and shins during those years. Prior to that, not so many bruises as this was her room and I hardly ventured in there.

Not enough room in this little bungalow to have an unused room anymore. So it was time….

I had always assumed this would be an emotionally draining experience but in the end it was an odd feeling. I really didn’t feel anything, it just kinda happened. Occasionally I came across a paper with a handwritten note saying ‘speak to xxxxx’, ‘need to look at’, ‘needs sorting’. She never did….. That was unnerving.

I did find a few things which I put to one side for Hawklad to keep. But the pile of papers to get rid of steadily grew into a mound, then a mountain. A mountain that a few days later became a fine garden bonfire.

One work note made me smile. Before we met romantically we worked for a while in the same public sector organisation. Given the amount of paper, she was a conscientious saver of all documents, even seemingly irrelevant work ones. I found a few policies that I had issued, WOW, even I didn’t keep or ever look at those. But one random work document had a simple handwritten note about ME. She had written that I WAS RESPONSIBLE….. That was it, nothing else. Does that mean that she was so impressed with me as shining, go getting manager that I was clearly a RESPONSIBLE person. Could it mean that I was responsible for an area or budget or decisions in something that she was interested in. Or could it mean that there had been a COCKUP and I had caused it. 😂😂😂😂

As I am no Poirot we shall never know. So in the fine traditions of Public Service, I made doubly sure that particular document was especially well incinerated. I’ve spent decades avoiding responsibility and I’m not going to start now.

The room is looking very different now. Space now found for my books, my records, my stuff. It’s starting to not feel like her room anymore. I certainly couldn’t have done this 7 years ago, but those rivers keep flowing and eventually life moves on.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 18 Comments

Progress

It’s the Tropic of Yorkshire. Won’t be many braving those waters…. Actually a few surfers did give it a go. Talking to one of them as he headed out he mentioned having his warmest thermal suit on. That’s progress, I remember the surfers at my childhood seaside town. No thermal suits back then, it was smearing themselves with shedloads of LARD.

Progress is often held up by humans.

Quite a few places around here like football grounds and concert venues are switching to paperless entry systems. Time to get the mobile out of the pocket and use it as a ticket. Surely adding a ticket to the Wallet App and then waving the mobile screen vaguely in the direction of a scanner is something we can cope with.

Sadly not.

I ventured to see my team play football and encountered the stadiums new mobile ticket entrance system. Queues a million miles long. PROGRESS….

After an eternity I had made it to the turnstile and could see closeup that technology was struggling to cope with humans …. Hence the huge queue backlog.

One chap couldn’t seem to grasp the concept that waving the back of the phone and the back of his hand at the scanner isn’t ever going to work….

Then a guy got annoyed as he was refused entry for trying to get into the ground with a paper copy of the ticket. Clearly he didn’t register the meaning of the words on the ticket – ‘Paper copies of the ticket will not be accepted’. Phone left at home….

The next person did bring his mobile but hadn’t realised that he had to download the ticket to his phone. Surely the ticket just magically appears on the phone…

Not going well.

A mother and two children quickly gain entry, the system working seamlessly for them. Renewed belief in PROGRESS.

Then frustratingly it ground to a halt again. The next guy seemed to be doing everything correctly but nothing happened. After several attempts a senior steward arrived and asked what type of phone was he using.

“You what….”

Is it an IPhone or Android.

“I don’t ##@### know, it’s a phone….”

Eventually the Steward gave up trying to explain to the clearly LOST, he grabbed the unnamed phone and magic happened. The system let the man in.

The next person in the queue also failed to get the system to work even though he seemed to be doing exactly what he was instructed to do. When he was asked what type of phone he was using, he confidently responded…

“It’s an iPhone”

Odd that as I could clearly see Samsung emblazoned on his so called apple device.

He finally got the system to recognise him by appearing to hit his phone repeatedly into the scanner.

Finally my turn…. Disdain for the proceeding gross technological incompetence and overconfidence in my own skills.. The System refused my entry….

Well clearly if I try to scan a 2024 concert ticket for a 2023 Football Game, the system isn’t going to like that.

Ok now with the right ticket in the wallet.

Still refused entry and why is music now coming from my mobile. Clearly the entry system isn’t also going to like me accidentally flicking on the Amazon Music app and blasting out Aerosmith.

Finally the green entry light but the turnstile wouldn’t move. Still refused entry. What now.

Well this is my rubbish football team. Yes they have installed this new high tech scanner but it doesn’t operate the turnstile. It just lights up a Big Green Light. A steward then looks out for this big green light and then presses the old manual button to open the turnstile (the same button that has operated the turnstile for years). Well my particular steward had clearly seen far too much incompetence for one day and was now distracted and not looking at the Green Light, he was fumbling about trying to open the biggest of big chocolate bars. When he did notice the light was green, he pressed the button. Still nothing.

“Can you give the turnstile a bit of a kick lad, it gets a stuck.”

“There you go, you can get in now. See cutting edge technology….”

PROGRESS but as Spock would say ITS PROGRESS BUT NOT AS WE KNOW IT JIM.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 55 Comments

Bad parenting

That’s a moody landscape, maybe it knows just how messed up this LAND has become. That it has become the LAND of BAD GOVERNING.

Every single day more evidence of corruption, lies, self interest, extremism, vacuous morality and staggering incompetence.

The Environment, The Economy, Education, The NHS, Public Services, Democracy, Governance, Law, Support to those in Need, Equality, Families, Communities, Futures, ALL being TRASHED.

But what do you expect when we vote in clowns and charlatans to lead this Land.

Case in point, The Deputy Chairman of the Conservative Party and frequent spokesman for the Government. Lee Anderson MP who previously claimed ‘Poverty in the UK’ was NONSENSE has now stated that….

ADHD is down to BAD PARENTING.

That bad science bombshell is news to the actual Scientists, Experts, Professional, Families and everyone who better understand ADHD. ADHD is associated with factors such as Genetics, Brain Structure, Brain Chemical Reactions and with extremely low levels of associated neurotransmitter transmission.

This bloke from the Government is spouting unfounded urban myths and conspiracy theories, AGAIN. This time by stigmatising caring and loving families who are just trying their hearts out and doing the best they can. He is trying to turn people against them. Divide and conquer.

As a parent who still lives in the ADHD world, I’m not going to take any lectures from this CLOWN. He has no idea, he doesn’t care but sadly has a massive ego and even bigger mouth.

Come on people of the UK, when the time comes, DO THE RIGHT THING and get rid of the Charlatans.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 31 Comments

Moments

Yorkshire has its moments on the peaceful walk front….

This walk had a definite start and end, the Car Park. Some journeys don’t have that luxury so how do you ever know when it’s nearly over.

It’s odd, I usually love this time of year. The AUTUMNAL colours, the freshness, the tranquil peace after the packed summer crowds – the new season arrives and we had this beautiful location virtually to ourselves.

Yet this year there is also a feeling of unease and melancholy. The shorter days, longer nights and yes, the feeling of increased isolation. Even family and friends seem just that little bit further away. I definitely feel significantly less prepared for that isolation this time around AND ITS NOT a surprise. For over a decade the focus has been on Hawklad and School. It brought purpose, provided goals to aim for, even provided a few too many battles to fight. Plans all had a set date, Summer 2023. All this was way more pressing than any feelings of isolation but now that date is history. The Plans worked but are now completed.

What happens next for Hawklad is taking longer to sort out than expected.

Currently life without Plans or more accurately, life while new Plans are still yet to be formulated. Without that immediate focus I’m kinda feeling in limbo. With me LIMBO is letting the mind wander off into feelings of isolation and melancholy. At this rate I might even have to sort out some stuff about my future, it’s been so long it feels like I have forgotten how to do that. At least when we know what Hawklad’s path is, focus will return.

But this time around, I also need to work on some plans of my own.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 33 Comments

Spot the balloon

In all my euphoria over Hawklad’s exam results (https://bereavedsingledad.blog/2023/09/10/bridges-2/) I completely forgot that I was going to get some party balloons for the house. When I did remember, well to be accurate, when Hawklad finally reminded me a few days later……

We immediately rushed off to the Supermarket but with perfect timing, they had completely sold out. Pants….

But sometimes life has a habit of trying to bring balance and so it did. As we drove back empty handed what did we see….

BALLOONS

VERY BIG BALLOONS

Lots of HOT AIR BALLOONS

Maybe not quite the same but definitely memorable and definitely less taxing on my lungs. Now play spot the balloons.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 50 Comments

Waterfalls

Surprisingly given the amount of rain, Yorkshire isn’t exactly overstocked on waterfalls. However over the last couple of weeks we have ventured to a couple of the local examples.

Not too shoddy at all.

There is one much bigger Falls just over an hours drive from us.

There is history there as well. It was the last place we visited as a family of three. After the world changed, going back seemed impossible. TWO could never be THREE. But now 7 years have passed. TWO still isn’t THREE, but now THREE is about memories, TWO is about living right now,

Maybe we will venture there this weekend for an adventure.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 44 Comments

Pudding…

Sometimes even I can’t totally mess up something. Coming from Yorkshire, it would be the stuff of excommunication if I couldn’t cobble together an edible Yorkshire Pudding.

They might not be the biggest, or crispiest or most golden in The Land but in my defence they are egg, dairy and gluten FREE.

One old legend states that these puddings got the name YORKSHIRE from COAL. Originally these were made over an open fire and because of the Yorkshire Coal, the higher coal fire temperatures made for a crispier, bigger pudding.

See everyday is a school day…..

Surely you can do way better OR maybe you are truly a Generational Talent and can actually lower the bar even lower than ME.

The EXPRESS YOURSELF Great Bloggers Bake-off is back. (26th-27th August 2023).

If you fancy having a go either wonderfully well or worryingly woefully, you can send photos of your creations or monstrosities to

crushedcaramel@gmail.com

Check out Mel’s wonderful site for more information and the latest baking creations. 

Express Yourself In Baking Form

YOU KNOW IT MAKES SENSE

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 47 Comments

Age

A bit of that Tropical Yorkshire Jungle….

We knew this would begin to happen eventually. Almost 10 years back, the first Autism Specialist who worked with Hawklad warned us what would inevitably happen. Initially he would get support from a number of health and education teams. This would last until he became an older teenager and then it would start to change. Services and support would then be withdrawn until basically he was on his own, with his only support system being Family. As the Specialist explained, the system hasn’t got enough resources and is continually being further squeezed. Support needs to be available LIFELONG but in the UK you get to an age when that support is withdrawn. Hawklad will then be expected to fend for himself come what may with only family to turn to. Some describe Adult Autistic Support Provision in the UK as PATCHY, others call it NONEXISTENT.

That is such a worry going forward,

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 65 Comments

Mission Impossible

The kinda weather not for hanging off the side of a fast moving train….

We ventured off to the cinema to watch the latest Mission Impossible instalment. Here if you go to one of the early afternoon screenings it’s usually pretty quiet but by the end of the movie, the cinema is mobbed. It was this way today, when we arrived we had the food and drink counter to ourselves.

What could possibly go wrong….

“Can we have a medium sized sweet popcorn bucket….”

The chap on the till helpfully pointed out that for just extra 50p more we could get a LARGE tub.

‘No thanks, medium is good”

The chap looked puzzled, ‘but you can get twice as much for just 50p more’

‘No it’s ok, we won’t even finish the medium’

The chap was unrelenting, ‘but it’s better value for just 50p more’

‘We never finish the medium, it would just mean more food wasted’

The chap wasn’t letting go, definitely trying to be INEVITABLE. ‘Well if I was you I would get the larger one, makes sense, as it’s much better value’

‘No, it would be a waste’

‘But much better value…’

‘Well only if we eat it all’

After what seemed like an age the MEDIUM bucket arrived. Guess what. Asking for a medium Dr Pepper, then a medium Coffee brought about the same philosophical debate. I was exhausted before the movie. Well at least this made us miss the annoying pre movie adverts.

Medium sized snacks in hand we enjoyed the frantic Tom Cruise ‘Save the World’ madness. Enjoyed with the added spice of picking out the parts of the movie filmed just a few miles from our house. The Alps Train segment was partly filmed on the North Yorkshire Moors Railway. I hope when Tom was hanging off the top of the train that he had his thermals on…

It’s getting a bit of a common theme as the latest Indiana Jones movie had Harrison Ford visiting our local train line.

Back nearly six decades and Hawklad’s Grandad helped reopen the Steam Railway after it had been closed by the Government. After the movie we mused over what he would have made of all this. Movie stars hanging from the side of his beloved Steam Trains, with explosions, gunfire and much carnage.

We agreed, his Grandad would probably have ‘tutted’, ‘sighed’ then made sure that Tom and Harrison had bought a ticket for the journey.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 25 Comments

Summer

Yorkshire SUMMER..

Proper WEATHER..

This is midday and it’s 12C..

We are most definitely missing the frightening heatwave hitting much of Europe.

So School is most definitely out, I guess it has been for a month now. But nothing official, just kinda happened. The fabled Parenting Handbook doesn’t really cover this, WHAT HAPPENS NOW. Like most things, I’ve ended up WINGING it. I supposed that School would be in touch. Providing guidance on what needs to be done with things like picking up books, passing on key records, returning school property, official last day when school is shot of the pupil, where to get career guidance, college help, exam results, who you need to contact if you have any queries about next steps, if problems are encountered. We just knew what day the last exam was happening. He just walked out the exam room and that was it. Well part from a Muppet Dad embarrassing him as he walked towards the car. Apparently it’s not COOL to stand precariously on the car roof and applaud while wearing a bowler hat which is at least four sizes too small.….

But we received nothing. I did email school to get Hawklad’s results emailed to him. The only other email we have received since his exams was a bizarre one about the School Prom. He had no idea the Prom was happening but a couple of hours before the Event, we received an email asking that if pupils attending the Leaving Prom were arriving in a TRACTOR, could the Tractors not drive over the School Lawns or Fields.

Glad that’s been cleared up then.

Thankfully Hawklad saw the funny side of things. “At least I don’t have to comb my hair… I’m hoping to go the whole summer without doing that “ So far so good in that one then….😂😂😂😂