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Made it

It’s that time of year when the Bluebells start to appear. We have a Bluebell Wood close by but today we headed a bit further. An hours walk over streams, fields and gentle hills. To a wood that we always talked about venturing to when we first moved here but never got round to it. Two decades later, much water under the bridge and finally we made it.

Beautiful walk but walking across farmers fields today bothered Hawklad. Just didn’t feel right for him, started to unnerve him. That’s the thing, somedays he can freely walk these paths, somedays not so. It’s not programmable, not predictable.

I was scrolling through an autism support website and a thread talked about employment. Just how difficult it is still to find employers willing and able to make the environmental adjustments and put in place the support individuals need to secure regular employment. Then for those in employment just how difficult it is to hold down regular employment. Many employment settings are just not autism friendly. On top of that, many talked about the unpredictability of work. Some days work is possible, other days it just isn’t viable. One young person described it as ‘some days I can walk into the office and work, other days I simply can’t get through my front door’.

Yet there seems to be an assumption at Government level, take away benefits and people will suddenly find regular employment to more than replace the lost benefits. Life isn’t that predictable sometimes.

Today we abandoned the farm tracks and walked along the quiet roads. That worked for Hawklad.

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Magical trees

The local Arboretum has over 7000 trees from around the world spread over 120 acres. That’s a lot of wonderful trees….

But we love one part of the wood fest in particular. The trees here have real character. They look like characters from Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings. Almost magical.

And if you look really closely, they also have hats…. Bird House Hats.

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Words

There was a time when our UK Prime Minister talked about the pressures faced by all of us. How we needed to better support those in need both here in the UK and around the world, support the disabled, support those struggling with Mental Health conditions, support those in work, support our pensioners, support our children, support families, support those living alone, support those in work, support those who can’t work, support businesses.

Now the words have changed, he carefully and repeatedly says ‘recognise the pressures faced and the need to support businesses and hard working people’. Some groupings are not mentioned now, I wonder why…..

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If only

Our modest village bungalow….. need to clean the brickwork…..

If only…..

Actually a pleasant walk around Castle Howard.

April 1st….

April Fools Day….

What’s it called when you think you have spotted an April Fools Joke and it turns out to be reality, no joke.

I had been out for a run this morning, which given the tight leggings I was wearing, probably counts as some form of joke….. Running back through the village and the Postman shouted over to me.

“There’s a horse in your garden chomping on your front grass.”

Yeh right…… not falling for that one…..

Two minutes later, I’m stood looking at our front garden and thinking…. Why is there a horse there eating grass.

Thankfully eating grass as just a few inches away was our daffodils and I think I remember that stuff is bad for them. Clearly somehow that horse had escaped from the farmers field behind us. I’m not really a horse person so was a bit unsure on how to encourage it back to where it should be. The kneeling down in front of it and shouting ‘here boy’ might work with dogs but not with this horse. Gently trying to push it in the general direction of the field gate (like I do with our pudding of a boy cat), was a tad unsuccessful. Ok back to dog tactics, wave a treat in front of it. A clump of grass didn’t work, a carrot didn’t work…. But unbelievably a Rich T biscuit caught its attention. Before one biscuit was consumed, the beast had shifted about 2 yards. Sadly about another 60 to go. I only have 2 biscuits left….

Thankfully the farmer then arrived having been alerted by the Postman. A few seconds later the horse was back home in his field. All it took was a few quiet words, a handful of seed and the horse followed the farmer.

Clearly I’m no horse whisperer and now I’m double checking some of the news items that I assumed were practical jokes. Trump as President and the Golf of America apparently aren’t practical jokes…..

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 45 Comments

Same story

Caught the end of an interview with a UK politician who was giving his esteemed views on what was holding the country back and he specifically mentioned AUTISM…. That’s right along with Tariffs, energy costs, international conflicts, planning delays and the impacts of climate change, the cost of benefits, he specifically mentioned AUTISM….. He quoted the number of children currently diagnosed with autism and argued that it was clearly too high, and the rising numbers didn’t make any sense. He added that we weren’t seeing the same rapidly rising numbers in Adults…. And how far too many young people diagnosed with autism don’t get a job after they leave school, he argued reliance on benefits was a root cause of this. So if you cut the benefits available, more young people will enter (forced back into) the workforce. He concluded that the country needed to go back to some good old parenting with a sprinkling of tough welfare love. Welfare reform will over time stem the tidal wave of autism while reducing the tax burden on businesses and hard working taxpayers.

I keep hearing this argument more and more in 2025. Similar arguments are being directed towards a range of mental health and disability areas. Tough love will work and reduce the tax burden. One Government Minister even likened reducing disability benefits to cutting a child’s pocket money and encouraging them to get a Saturday job. Let’s not forget, Ministers usually closely stick to a script pre agreed by those at the highest levels of the Government. Those in charge don’t care or they are completely out of touch with the reality faced by millions they are supposed to be representing.

The reason adult autism rates are not rising is down to a couple of key issues. At the age of 18 autism support largely stops in the UK. Clinicians providing Child Autism Services do not have an equivalent adult service to hand an 18 year old on to. As a result large numbers simply drop off the system as adults. Relatively few General Practitioners (Family Doctors) have detailed autism training and it’s hard for them to make an assessment on the basis of a 3 or 5 minute standard length Doctor Appointment. As a clinician who worked with Hawklad explained to me, if an adult approaches a GP with an autism related issue, the busy GP will have little time to make an accurate assessment and anyway they won’t have any adult services to refer on to. So far too often GPs just end up offering some leaflets on mindfulness and possibly a course of Anti Depressants or sleeping medication.

That’s assuming that GPs are actually approached in the first place.

At school Hawklad was expected to put his hand up to get help with reading, or if he was feeling uncomfortable or struggling. But that meant announcing to his classmates that he couldn’t read something or having to publicly announce he was feeling uncomfortable, that was never going to happen. We might be in 2025 but we live in a world where way too many people have closed minds and the media still paint with inaccurate and harmful stereotypes. Autistic children still get bullied and pointed at in the school setting. Not only by children, sadly by parents as well. So Hawklad never put his hand up and the teachers assumed he was ok, the end result, he never got the classroom help he badly needed. Years later, he still won’t put up his hand with strangers or people he doesn’t trust. Even if he’s struggling, he is unlikely to call a GP for help.

2025 and sadly it’s the same old story.

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Swan Lake

Whisper it, a few days of nice weather in Yorkshire, we can do it…

A bit of Sun brings out the hooligans.

This Swan is a bruiser.

Swims about on the lake until it sees someone he or she doesn’t like and then…. races out of the water to stand on the narrow lakeside path. That’s it, wings spread, puffed out chest and the path is closed. As we were walking towards the danger zone, we passed a couple heading back saying an aggressive Swan had forced them into a hasty retreat. As we passed we got a good staring at, but were granted a pass. The walker following us was not so lucky and after a brief standoff, the swan won….

Wonder why some people are allowed through and others are chased off. It’s not a nesting thing, as the nest is on the other end of the lake, and apparently the Swan is never aggressive there.

Bizarre old bird. Definitely swan of a kind….

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Can’t put my finger on it….

Nice calming photo before the rant…..

Politicians in designer power suits, talking platitudes and manicured slogans. On their 6 figure pay checks, with second or third lucrative jobs plus more than generous expenses, gold standard protected pensions. Dressed to kill while they announce drastic cuts to disability benefits hitting many of the most hard pressed and struggling members of our society.

Spin Doctors please note, it’s not a great look seeing politicians smiling to camera while announcing disability cuts….

Can’t quite put my finger on it….. Something not quite right about this in my mind…….

Yes this is a Labour Government who has spent the last 10 years howling with protest whenever the previous Government went anywhere near welfare cuts, taking the moral high ground. At least the Conservatives are upfront about it, if they can could get away with it, they would cut.

Listening to the politicians, they seem to have no idea about the real lifes many in the country are struggling with each and every day. In politician world many receiving benefits are just avoiding work, exaggerating disabilities, over playing the impact of mental health issues and are clearly a burden on society, holding the country back.

Deep sigh.

Benefits don’t lead to a life of leisure, rather they allow people just to survive. Even with benefits many in society are living on the edge or beyond. Plus the process of trying to get those benefits is laborious, taxing and angst filled. The system is already stacked against claimants. The ‘cut benefits and suddenly people will get a job’ tag line just isn’t the reality for many. Health, Mental Health and Social Care support is patchy, overstretched, chronically underinvested and in many areas, NONE EXISTENT. Many are having to give up work or reduce hours to care for loved ones as a result of the lack of support. Now even these carers are facing losing the meagre care allowances they currently receive. So if these carers are now financially forced to stop caring, who then looks after those you need full time home support.

Unless this can be reversed or properly thought through, this is going to be a nightmare for many in our country.

Definitely deep deep sigh.

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Is this really 2025

Eleven years ago I remember reading a newspaper headline about Autism. I can picture the scene clearly, sat on a platform at a London train station, waiting for my connection back North. A once smart black suit now a bit creased and unfortunately showing clear signs of an egg sandwich accident. Under the headline a politician was claiming that finally autism was now mainstream, embraced and on the political agenda. Individuals on the spectrum were finally going to start to get the help and support they needed. I remember the article so clearly because the newspaper had managed to spell Aspergers wrong….

2025 and I’m sat in a traffic jam, listening to the news. A politician is talking about Autism. Apparently far too many children are being diagnosed as autistic and it’s costing way too much money. The reason behind the rising cost couldn’t be real and was clearly due to pushy parents playing the system. It was unfair on taxpayers, businesses and other parents. That’s why it was right that the Government was going to crack down on the issue. Crack down on the rising tide of Autism….

Is it really 2025.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 27 Comments

Years

Night time in Newcastle.

Walking to the first concert of the year.

2025 still finds concerts as a dependable friend. A break from the routine, a link with my earlier self for me. An adventure that Hawklad has confidence in and can rely on, a bridge for him. While holidays are still feeling a step too far, concerts take their place.

Some of the concerts are for me, some are Hawklad’s idea, most we agree on. This year is an eclectic mix. Springsteen, ELO, Al Stewart, Iron Maiden, Guns n Roses and Andrea Bocelli.

This one was my idea. Finally getting to see Fish after years of waiting. Left it late, this was his fourth last concert, his last one in England before he retires to his Croft on a Scottish Isle.

I wonder if quite a few in the crowd had the same feeling as me. Got really into music listening to artists like Fish, followed their careers as time passed. Now decades have passed, the bodies aren’t so willing to stand for hours now. Most of the long hair and tight jeans have gone. Yet we are still fans, the music sounds just as wonderful as it did at the start of this adventure. But increasingly we are attending final concerts of our music heroes.

Where did those years go……

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Last one

The dust is now settling on what feels like a new world. A while back Hawklad had his last bit of support from the Child Mental Health Team. As the threshold for Adult Support is so high and because there is actually no equivalent Adult service, that’s it. The need doesn’t suddenly go away as a birthday is reached, but in the UK, the service does.

It was odd, I wasn’t sure what to expect with the last appointment. Maybe a number to call if he really needs support, maybe some pointers where he could seek help, maybe a support website, a handful of support guides. But in reality it was a simple ‘best of luck’ and you will need to speak to your Doctor if you need help from now on. However Hawklad had already been warned that most Doctors support will be limited to Mindfulness Leaflet and the offer of Antidepressants.

Yes I’m concerned for Hawklad going forward but my heart really goes out to those who need way more support and suddenly find themselves cut adrift. I heard it described as a Trapeze artist who is performing a routine and suddenly finds the safety net missing. Maybe but just maybe the safety net is also there for the artist who can’t even make it onto the high wire. The artist who is struggling to even leave the house, struggling to function in daily life.

Without health support it’s down to self help, family and friends, thankfully Hawklad has some of that around him. But we need to recognise that most of us are not trained health professionals, effectively relying on a Wikipedia knowledge base. But at least it’s still support, importantly support that cares.

BUT many who are struggling are on their own, without any kind of local or specialised support. That can’t be right.