Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 58 Comments

Elephant in the room

Don’t get many of these around here. It’s a FORD. It’s about the only time my car gets a wash….

You can see the houses still have sandbags up against the front doors. These days this lovely village sadly suffers from floods way more frequently.

Parked up in a traffic queue waiting to cross a storm damaged bridge, I unfortunately got to listen to the NEWS. MOST Unfortunate as it involved listening to the Government Education Minister trying to explain why more and more pupils are not attending school. Record numbers. Apparently it’s down to a number of factors,

Bad parenting

Immigration

Really bad parenting

Not enough discipline

Truly awful parenting

Benefits culture

Liberal politics

Moral standards

Monumentally bad parenting

Not enough Parents being fined for letting the Country down. Well over a quarter of a million parent fines just isn’t enough….

I guess I am one of THOSE parents the system has a problem with. Well as ONE of those parents I was surprised that the School System and Government Education Policy wasn’t mentioned. No mention of school budget cuts. No mention of the complete collapse in Special Education Provision and Support. No mention of NHS Mental Health Services struggling to cope with the huge numbers of young people crying out for help. No mention of rising class sizes and overcrowded, unhealthy classrooms. No mention of crumbling school infrastructure. No mention of rising teacher workload and stagnant pay. No mention of increasing Government control of what is taught, how it’s taught, how it’s assessed. No mention of the fanatical focus on exam results and discipline. No mention of the drive towards Victorian Education Standards.

That’s a large ELEPHANT in the ROOM.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 46 Comments

Peter Pan

Netherlands inspired Christmas at the local Country House. Maybe next year we can try a slightly downscaled version in our little bungalow.

Still the Country House is a good place to come when our village power is off, AGAIN. You don’t apparently get supply problems in Netherlands….

I was reminded that we haven’t been inside this place since our world changed back in 2016. We would come here often, then life abruptly changed course and our smaller family stopped coming. That’s been a common theme.

It’s been a while since I read Peter Pan. From what I can remember it’s about the inevitability of growing up and plans suddenly changing. Life happens. Too often losing our sense of adventure and missing opportunities. Losing confidence to LIVE and FLY. BUT IT DOESN’T have to be this way.

Need to remember this….

It doesn’t have to be this way.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 36 Comments

Lights

Trying new stuff is always a good idea. Well kind of. For Hawklad new stuff has to be carefully mapped out, introduced slowly. If you get that right then it is a good idea.

This time it was me that got caught out by NEW.

A trip to see some Christmas lights at Doncaster. Really enjoyable if not exactly very festive at times. A little more Lion King and Star Trek than Santa. But still good and Hawklad enjoyed it as long as we kept our distance from the crowds.

You can see the issue I would have later…l
At last a Festive feel….

So all great until I was dragged on this torture device.

I am petrified of heights, yes I admit it, that rather held back my climbing career….. Even a couple of rungs on a ladder is an issue for me.

This is way too high and most certainly not part of the carefully mapped out plans. Camera focusing is not easy with my eyes firmly shut….

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 30 Comments

Panto

Back in 2015 we had planned to take Hawklad to the theatre to see Panto. Many countries don’t do Panto so here is a short Yorkshire Guide to it.

Panto runs at many theatres across the country over Christmas and New Year. Silly, family musical comedies based on Fairy Tales. Each Panto tends to have at least one almost semi famous TV star, one kinda local celebrity and a group of actors, with a few just starting on their careers. Cheesy jokes, slapstick action, catchy songs, big sets, great costumes and really over the top acting. Much audience participation, compulsory booing of the pantomime villain and shouts of ‘it’s behind you’. Some really unfortunate parent always gets singled out for much social embarrassment.

It’s still hugely popular in the UK.

Roll back the clock and in 2015 Hawklad’s mum wasn’t well which stopped us going. Our world changed in 2016 so no panto. Years passed without panto, then COVID.

But finally in December 2023, many years late and WE got to PANTO. Better late than never…… in York’s old Theatre Royal.

Hawklad absolutely loved it. Muppet Dad thankfully avoided being the unfortunate Dad picked on throughout the 2 hours show. Yes it was a truly wonderful, enjoyable family show. That good that tonight we are already booking tickets for next years Panto which is going to be Aladdin..… It took too many years but now we can’t wait to keep up this new tradition.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 40 Comments

Change

Sometimes things can move forward.

OK, sometimes it’s forced, but it’s still change.

Back to 2016 and our world changed. I remember being handed a help booklet with the Death Certificate. It explained all the stuff you had to do when your partner had died, how to arrange a funeral, possible help. It read like an IKEA Wardrobe Assembly sheet.

I remember reading the financial support section. It talked about claiming Bereavement and Widowed Parent Support from the Government. It explained that these benefits were available if you were a married couple with a child in full time education. In BOLD it said NO SUPPORT for Unmarried or Civil Partnership Bereaved Partners.

Fast forward all these years and CHANGE. A Successful Legal Challenge against the UK Government has overturned this rule. Now Bereavement Support has to be offered to ALL couples. So last night I completed the 12 page claim form, Hawklad is still in Full Time Education. No guarantees as the Government is trying to limit the damage BUT worth a try.

Better late than never…..

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 55 Comments

Trains

A trip to the world’s biggest train museum.

When I was a kid many centuries ago I wanted to be one of FIVE things when I grew up.

Astronomer

Mountaineer

Professional Football Goalkeeper

Cricketer for Yorkshire

Train Driver

IT NEVER HAPPENED…

Actually never happened for clear reasons

– grew up in a town surrounded by heavy industry so never really saw a star in years…

– scared of heights with the balance of a three legged drunk giraffe…

– 5ft10 ain’t tall enough…

– basically crap at cricket…

– couldn’t ride a bike so assumed a big old train would be way beyond me…

No one ever asked me if I had any dreams , any hopes. Not once was I asked that at school. So my dreams faded. Never really had any more dreams to follow after that and looking back that makes me kinda sad. I was just expected to follow the path chosen for me and my fellow classmates.

Now Hawklad thinks I’m barking mad as I keep going on and on about him following his dreams. Him dreaming big.

And as the festive season approaches I might just buy myself a train set and do just a bit of that dreaming for myself.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 41 Comments

7

Has it really been SEVEN years.

It’s exactly 7 years since we welcomed this little hooligan into our world.

For 2 months I hadn’t been functioning, I was a mess and seemingly unable to take control. It had just been over 2 months since we had buried Hawklad’s Mum.

But then in November I realised that the house needed more LIFE, more noise, rekindled fun. A mad puppy was the answer. And do you know what, it still is the single best parenting decision I have made.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 39 Comments

Toffee Apples

How hard can it be to get a toffee apple right…

It’s beyond me. It has been beyond me since 2016. I’ve tried every November with varying degrees of incompetence. Before then his mum would get it right each year. That’s either making her own excellent ones or remembering to buy them before they sell out. I’m still waiting after 7 years to achieve either of these.

This used to bother me lots. Just how much of this parenting GIG I felt totally out of my depth in. Trying badly to do things his mum would seemingly do effortless.

But you just do the best you can. Just keep trying. Keep smiling at the many mistakes and think maybe next time it might improve.

‘Dad that’s your worst haircut ever, wow I look like a cross between Scooby Shaggy and Krusty the Clown.”

Yes it was a bad one. But on the bright side, when he popped into a Halloween Festival a few days later…

“That haircut looks like something perfect for a Halloween Scare Look. It’s not out of place here, I can take my hat off finally….”

When did his mum ever get a Halloween Hair Cut, THIS RIGHT.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 44 Comments

Pre storming

As the next storm is about to wing across the UK. We took a pre storm trip to the coast.

Yes we we got drenched, yes it was cold.

Hawklad loves this kind of bad weather trip…. he basically gets the place to himself. Space is a wonderful safety blanket.

Plus no one gets to see his hair, WOW was that a blinding cut from Muppet Dad. Actually it looks like I was blinded while doing it.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 22 Comments

The Wall – disc two

That’s a shed load of water heading towards the sea just a few yards further on.

Too many times in Hawklad’s school life, he came across an inflexible school system, setting him up to fail, blocking his path.

Two of many examples…..

He was struggling with French. The way it was taught wasn’t working for him, he was falling behind and getting really anxious. Parrot learning how to spell and read French for weekly tests. I approached the teacher to talk about this and our preference to try something different. A more visual and interactive learning App approach. An approach producing great results in some US schools for dyslexic pupils. We even offered to pay for the software. The response sadly predictable. No learning approach could be used that differed from the standard national programme. Even when I pressed on the fact that it just wasn’t working for Hawklad, it was a firm, he just has to work harder using the set learning script. In the end Hawklad was given just two options. Follow the class programme or drop the language course. So he dropped the subject, even though he really wanted to learn a language……

Computer Studies featured a significant element of learning and practicing coding. Month after month, trying to read stuff of a classroom screen then re type it. Get it slightly wrong and it errors out. A nightmare with dyslexia. Again Hawklad started to fall behind. Again the teacher was approached. This time more understanding but still inflexible. The teacher realised it wasn’t working for Hawklad and talked about in the past being able to try different things or switch out coding out for something else. But now the Teacher wasn’t allowed to do that even when the method isn’t working. He had to stick to the set curriculum. End result, Hawklad dropped the subject at the first opportunity…….

So many more examples but you get the picture. At no stage did school ever ask Hawklad what he wanted to do, what were his dreams, his big hopes, the things he was interested in. At no stage was the learning environment tailored to his needs or wishes. It was always, here is the education you must follow. What makes it worse is that this set education is ultimately dictated not by children, not by educational professionals, not by parents but by vested interests and politicians.

As a result far too many children are overlooked and forced into moulds that just won’t ever work for them. A WALL is built blocking the child from thriving, from enjoying developing, from dreaming big and for going down the path that works for them.

This has to CHANGE, that WALL has to come down.