Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 17 Comments

Three

A late evening walk on the Moors.

Three….

Hawklad now has three support sessions left then he’s discharged from Child & Adolescent Mental Health Services. He’s discharged because at the age of 18 there is no equivalent Adult service to be handed over to. There is some voluntary charity provision but it is very patchy.

Research has repeatedly highlighted the implications that can flow from the removal of dedicated mental health support as soon as someone reaches the age of 18

– Increased risk of Isolation and loneliness

– Escalation in untreated/undiagnosed mental health conditions

– Increased risk of depression and self harm

– Life opportunity limitations

– Increased risk of unemployment and employment insecurity

Even for under 18’s, services are stretched and far too many children don’t get the support they need.

From the age of 18 any formal support has to accessed via the Doctor Lottery system. Post Covid, in many areas patients have to try to navigate the appointments labyrinthine. Join a telephone queue at 8am and wait in line to be answered, a few minutes late and all the appointments for the day will be booked solid. If slots are still available you then first have to explain the symptoms to the Doctor Receptionist who then decides if you can have a face to face GP appointment or more likely a telephone call back. Way too frequently you are either told to try again tomorrow for an appointment or to try to self treat. If you do get a precious appointment or callback, you have at most about 5 minutes with a Doctor. In our surgery it is quite rare to get your own GP, often speaking to someone who is looking at your records for the first time. It feels very rushed and pressurised. Then you’re faced with a Doctor who is unwilling or unable to refer you to a specialist mental health service. As one Consultant told me,

Many Doctors just don’t fully understand specialist Mental Health areas. They are stretched and sadly they often try to treat anything that might look like Autism or ADHD with Antidepressants and a leaflet on Mindfulness.

This whole process ain’t going to work for Hawklad, he isn’t going to go through this process to get any support that he might need in the future. Family support is going to be even more important for him in the future. But then again, he doesn’t exactly have many trained mental health care professionals in the family…. That’s such a worry going forward.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 41 Comments

Uneasy feeling

Bereavement brought in stark focus the thought ‘YOU ARE ON YOUR OWN’, NO one to bounce ideas off, to talk to, definitely SINGLE Parenting. It’s often a scary place to be, feeling like you are way out of your depth. Sink or swim without arm bands.

I’m getting that feeling again…..

All too quickly the Child Health and Autism Services that have worked with Hawklad since he was 5, that have provided support, therapy and help will be pulled when he hits 18. We’ve been warned that after that date, the support he can get will almost be nonexistent. If he does try to speak to a doctor, on the basis of at most, a 3 minute consultation, he may well just be prescribed Antidepressants, provided leaflets on Mindfulness and then sent on his way. Sink or swim without armbands again.

Definitely getting that uneasy feeling again.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 41 Comments

Still cold

An April trip to Scarborough. Time to put on the Simon and Garfunkel cover of the old English Folk Song.

Are you going to Scarborough Fair…

Well I hope they got wrapped up as it was seriously COLD, AGAIN. Beautiful but COLD.

The Scarborough song is about asking too much of others, asking impossible tasks, love fracturing. Well it would mess up if one lover was expecting a Caribbean beach holiday and they ended up on a long weekend in not so tropical Yorkshire.

We had been over here for an appointment, the last bit of formal support Hawklad gets these days. One 45 minute session every 3 weeks or so. From about the age of thirteen the support levels have shrunk rapidly. Get to 18 or 19 and they will have completely disappeared. Not because the need isn’t there, it’s likely to be there more than ever, but because nationally access to services are being restricted. Years of cut backs and efficiency restructurings have led to ‘streamlined’ services being overwhelmed with demand. So we get frustrated and angry with the lack of local support but unless mental health is given the priority it needs nationally, then it’s an IMPOSSIBLE task to support every need, it just can’t happen.

Or is it IMPOSSIBLE, at least could we do better, could we give some more support to those who need it. I guess it comes down to a couple of drivers…

– Maybe those in charge see more votes in focusing on tax cuts and immigration crackdowns,

– There are just not enough profits to be extracted by greedy hands from Mental Health Services.

The UKs so called Prime Minister will give daily speeches solely focusing on how he is being tough and proactive on trying to fly a few desperate refugees to Rwanda at a cost of £500 Million (plus…), yet he never seems to ever raise an eyebrow at the mental health crisis unfolding across the country. But what is clear.

The money is there, the money to fund services is definitely there.

This shouldn’t be impossible.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 36 Comments

Saltburn

Three…..

3…….

Stood on Saltburn Pier today and it was 3C. As the wind howled across the North Sea, I dread to think what the wind chill factor was. Apparently it’s still Spring here. Thermal T-shirt, thick jumper and a down jacket simply wasn’t enough. We were FROZEN. But then again as Basil Fawlty once said when told there was always someone worse off than yourself

“REALLY, I’d love to meet them as I could do with a b…..y laugh”

We weren’t those poor souls trying to SURF. We heard frequent bloody curdling screams as they entered the water and that wasn’t a monster JAWS shark causing that. I’m sure I saw an iceberg at one stage, or maybe that was a surfer who had spent more than a minute in those frigid waters. We passed one surfer sat in his car, with the heating full on, holding a steaming cup of something, who was uncontrollably shaking….

Yes good old Saltburn. An old Yorkshire coast childhood haunt of mine. Every year my so called school would do a sponsored beach walk from Redcar to Saltburn and back again. The teachers spent the child free day in the Hydro pub. Don’t tell them but quite a few of the pupils had curtailed the walk after 100 yards and were in the Dolphin Pub, a bit further down the beach. I usually made it to Saltburn as then I got to ride the little funicular up the cliff. Back then that was as near as this part of the world got to Disneyland.

Sadly last years Oscar nominated movie called Saltburn had nothing to do with this little coastal town. Shame that, it might have livened up the movie a lot. I would like to see them attempt a lot of the raunchy stuff they apparently got up to in that movie anywhere near Saltburn beach, in these temperatures. Maybe that surfer sat shaking in his car had tried to recreate some movie scenes and spectacularly failed….

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 48 Comments

Stormy Weather

Two storms with names this week, that’s 10 named storms this season so far. It is definitely a bit bracing perched on top of a little Northern Hill. I would tell you the average wind speed in our garden but the recently purchased weather station was obliterated during the last storm.

Let’s just say it’s BREEZY and a tad DAMP.

The perfect time to put the recycling out for collection. I dread to think which country our cardboard is currently flying across.

It’s odd that you can live in a little bungalow for over 20 years and still feel completely lost when the lights cut out. The perfect time to test the various torches and battery lamps, because this newfangled piped electricity has proved a bit part time over the last few months. The other odd thing is the different perspective torch light gives on familiarity. Sat by myself in a king sized bed, in a room clearly made for two with half empty wardrobes, all illuminated by a cheap torch….

It shines a flickering, underpowered light on life and loss.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 19 Comments

Autumn

It’s been late this year but finally the trees have truly changed colour.

Change can be such a good thing.

I was talking to a mum who’s daughter goes to the same school as Hawklad went to. Hawklad is a couple of years older. The daughter is dyslexic with some specific educational needs. It’s telling that NOTHING HAS CHANGED. The daughter is going through exactly the same trials and tribulations that Hawklad went through. The School Approach and Attitude is UNCHANGED and as INFLEXIBLE as ever. It might be working for the School and System, but it’s still NOT WORKING for far too many pupils.

Change is needed.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 40 Comments

The Wall – disc one

Our little bungalow needed a small water feature.

Please someone tell my I’m wrong…..

In the UK, in the STATE schooling system, far too often the focus is on the wellbeing of THE SYSTEM rather than on the interests of the individual pupil.

The key is that the system runs efficiently, can cope with limited funding and ultimately produces the UNITS the ECONOMY is expected to need. Not much mention of the needs of the individual child. Not much mention of the system going the extra mile for every child.

Am I being ……

Pupils pushed through one educational route regardless of whether it suits the individual. For many it’s never about how high they can fly, never about big or beautiful dreams, not about asking what the child what they want. Far too often it’s about what the SYSTEM decides the child IS.

Pink Floyd got it so right in The Wall.

Tell me I’m wrong……

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 55 Comments

Bad parenting

That’s a moody landscape, maybe it knows just how messed up this LAND has become. That it has become the LAND of BAD GOVERNING.

Every single day more evidence of corruption, lies, self interest, extremism, vacuous morality and staggering incompetence.

The Environment, The Economy, Education, The NHS, Public Services, Democracy, Governance, Law, Support to those in Need, Equality, Families, Communities, Futures, ALL being TRASHED.

But what do you expect when we vote in clowns and charlatans to lead this Land.

Case in point, The Deputy Chairman of the Conservative Party and frequent spokesman for the Government. Lee Anderson MP who previously claimed ‘Poverty in the UK’ was NONSENSE has now stated that….

ADHD is down to BAD PARENTING.

That bad science bombshell is news to the actual Scientists, Experts, Professional, Families and everyone who better understand ADHD. ADHD is associated with factors such as Genetics, Brain Structure, Brain Chemical Reactions and with extremely low levels of associated neurotransmitter transmission.

This bloke from the Government is spouting unfounded urban myths and conspiracy theories, AGAIN. This time by stigmatising caring and loving families who are just trying their hearts out and doing the best they can. He is trying to turn people against them. Divide and conquer.

As a parent who still lives in the ADHD world, I’m not going to take any lectures from this CLOWN. He has no idea, he doesn’t care but sadly has a massive ego and even bigger mouth.

Come on people of the UK, when the time comes, DO THE RIGHT THING and get rid of the Charlatans.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 38 Comments

When will it stop….

Famous old Whitby. Captain Cook, Dracula and probably the best Fish & Chips on the planet….

Ok, Deep Breath.

The so called UK Government strikes again. Several reputable news agencies are reporting that the Government has started work on cutting by a fifth the number of New Education Health Care Plans issued to children with Special Educational Needs. The millions saved by this cut are to go into funding tax cut giveaways which will be an election promise.

These plans are already a nightmare to get hold of. It took us 18 months of fighting, scraping and torture to get some additional funding for Hawklad. Huge numbers of children with special needs already fail to get any additional help and what help that has been made available has been significantly cut. Schools do not get enough funding to cover additional help and as a result thousands of children suffer. AND now the Government wants to cut even more, make it even more difficult for families to get hold of help and support. The very same Government who cut the tax on Champagne costing millions….

It’s a mess and it’s going to get way worse.

How do people still willingly vote for these Charlatans.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 28 Comments

Fear

Less than a month before Hawklad potentially starts College. A return to the Lecture Room (rather than Classroom) for the first time since March 2020. The first step to cross is the upcoming Exam Results then it’s hopefully onwards to the return in September.

But there is another huge hurdle facing Hawklad. His fears and phobias relating to health, disease and germs. The impacts are significant on his lifestyle. Inability to touch surfaces and objects. Constant, excessive hand washing. Need to disinfect furniture before he uses them. Frequent need to change clothing. So much more.

This has been part of his life since well before Covid but Covid’s arrival ramped everything up even further. He had been working on these issue for years but frustratingly for him, the fears are currently stronger than ever. Many are struggling with similar phobias, speaking with his NHS Professional, cases of this type of phobia have risen alarmingly. In addition there is growing evidence of some form of link between Autism and significantly higher risk of experiencing life inhibiting phobias. Unfortunately health and support budgets in this area have been cut by the Government. It’s not seen as a health priority currently.

The bottom line is Hawklad will try to figure out ways to survive at College. This doesn’t get any easier for him.