Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 41 Comments

Dark clouds

Midday dog walk, under the rain clouds, YES it felt that dark .

Almost daily headlines about how Special Education is in crisis in the UK. Councils can’t afford to keep up with rising demand, parents are struggling to access the support their children really need and schools are being pulled in a million directions with limited resources. The tragic result is that way too many children are being let down by the education and health systems.

But is it the real pressing thought for everyone. Is it the real issue for the Mainstream Media, the Politicians, the Service Managers and the Government.

I’m not hearing much in the debate about how we can better help the children who need the support. What I’m hearing is….

We are spending way too much on Special Education….

Special Education is diverting too many resources away from Mainstream Education…..

Pushy Parents playing the system…..

We can’t justify the rise in demand for Special Education, something is going wrong, there can’t be that number of real children needing real help…..

Why should Hard Working People have to pick up the rising bill…..

There is growing noise from Government that change is coming, but who will this change be for.

Currently there is a huge obstacle course ultra marathon which needs to be fought out for months and often years before a child is granted an Education Health Care Plan (EHCP). This is a legally binding document that is supposed to ensure that a child gets the necessary support they need. The EHCPs aren’t perfect, a child can still miss out on support, but they can help. It’s a baseline to work from. Hawklad was granted one after 2 years of fighting the system, he was backed by his Doctors and Primary School. After getting the legally binding document, some support started to arrive and it really helped BUT then …

  • If services are cut completely then the support they provide is just not available. Hawklad was identified as needing help with his speech and started work with a Speech & Language Professional. Real progress was made, then the Service was cut in a wave of budget cuts.
  • Some services are stretched, with real underfunding leading to long waiting lists. Hawklad was due to work with an Educational Psychologist. In our area there were 2 Professionals covering a huge geographic area and over 300 schools. After a two year wait he received an initial 30 minute assessment then was due for further work, he was never seen again, never made it to the top of the waiting list. Some services navigate the long waiting lists by just increasing the need threshold levels. Hawklad needed help with his fine motor skills and handwriting but revised thresholds resulted in him being removed from the waiting list. Even now, he really struggles to write,
  • At Secondary School things changed, the school approach changed. In a small school he received dedicated teaching time, the move to a much larger school removed that dedicated time. The funding he was granted was given to the School and added to the general teaching support budget. Each class of up to 30 pupils had a Teaching Assistant there to support the Teacher. That support hardly ever filtered its way to Hawklad. The teaching approach was if ‘a student doesn’t put a hand up to ask for help then the assumption is the student is fine, no assistance needed’. Hawklad never put a hand up even when he couldn’t read stuff, he didn’t want to shout out in front of other children that he couldn’t read… Like many children with special educational needs, in the larger schools, they become lost, assigned to the Bottom Set.
  • At the age of 18 most support services end. It doesn’t mean the need has gone, it just means there isn’t an equivalent adult service to provide support. At 18 it’s basically ‘you are on your own now……’. Hawklad now has no support and we both can see the negative impact that is happening.

These issues are not unique to Hawklad, many are facing the same or way worse. But my fears are that the current policy change drive has nothing to do with these educational issues, improving support for future pupils. It feels more like a balancing the spreadsheet bottom line exercise. How can we cut the Special Needs Budget, how can we restrict the number of children receiving support. Maybe the Government is looking at get rid of EHCPs and the legally binding stuff, then it’s game on to make proper, real cuts.

I hope I’m wrong but it is starting to feel like even more dark clouds are rolling in for many great kids in our schooling system.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 43 Comments

Night shift

Misjudged a late evening walk. Walking past a graveyard, located down a very deserted country lane, just as the night roles in. Always a bit spooky.

Somethings are always a bit unnerving.

In the UK, having to contact a company called BT, that’s unnerving. BT is a big telecoms company.

BT aptly can also mean Bloody Terrible…..

BT provide our broadband and telephone service. Both have been broken for 6 days now.

Do you remember when you had to queue when ever you went into a branch in person. Then the Call Centre was introduced and you ended up queuing for that, listening to the endlessly awful piped music and recorded message – ‘your call is important to us’.

Then CONTACT US ONLINE was brought in to stop the hours wasted waiting in person and on the phone. With good old BT you now have to queue online to use their online service.

Initially the wait time was 15 minutes, which in normal time was actually over an hour. The ‘less than a minute’ wait time turned out to be another 20 minutes. Deep joy.

Fast forward 6 days and still no telephone or broadband. Back on to BT again for the 6th day running. This time going old school, having to use my mobile to call them. Apparently to the BT person, we weren’t a customer priority as we were just a reduction in service rather than a service down issue. I was keen to understand if we only get two services from BT, and both are 100% not working, why wasn’t that service down. Service reduction sounds like we are still getting some services….

On the call, I think my tone went from friendly, to cordial, to a little gnarly… But nothing over the top, no raised voices, quite calm really. But it was a bit too much for Hawklad. One of the things he’s always struggled with is conflict. It throws him, he gets anxious, completely on edge. I have to be careful and over the years I’ve got better, much calmer, trying to avoid putting him through those emotions. Very few things brake me out of calm mode these days. My Football Team’s inability to pass to a colleague and the name ‘Nigel Farage’ are the only things recently to bring on the red mist. But I can’t micromanage every situation. When he went to school, one of the things that constantly unsettled him was the daily, frequent conflicts. Teachers raising voices, pupil on pupil stuff. He would frequently struggle to differentiate between real conflict, minor disagreements and play acting. I wonder if it’s because he struggles to read social interactions, pick up on tone, body language, taking some dialogue too literally. It could be that he really doesn’t like seeing anyone suffer or be hurt. But it does make the modern world a difficult place for Hawklad to fully integrate in to. We are still trying to figure that one out.

And yep, still no broadband……

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 48 Comments

We need a bigger bin.

‘We need a bigger bin’ doesn’t seem to have quite the same dramatic ring as ‘we need a bigger boat’ from Jaws….

Houston We have Problem….

In the great scheme of things, it’s not an Apollo Spacecraft is running out of fuel level crisis. It’s not even anywhere near the patio weedkiller isn’t really working with the Red Weed from War of the Worlds emergency.

Ok it’s just a wheelie bin issue…

But a common one round here.

As a cost cutting idea the local Council changed our recycling collections from every 2 to 4 weeks. To be fair they did give us a slightly bigger bin but in the good old days, every two weeks you would just pile up all the cardboard next to the inevitable full recycling bin and it would be collected. Now if it’s not in the bin, it ain’t being collected….

So these days, after about 2 weeks you see local residents employ various strategies to fit more and more into the already packed bin. Some carefully cut up the cardboard into smaller pieces (takes them hours), some madly folding and refolding as if in a crazy origami tournament, others have bonfires, others just start cramming cardboard into the normal refuge bin. I’ve elected for the get the ladders out, step into the full bin and start jumping up and down to compress. I dread to think of the internal pressures being applied to that poor wheelie bin. You never see good old Dr Who having to do that with his Tardis.

Anyways enough of Yorkshire Troubles.

We clearly haven’t had enough Castle trips this summer. Let’s have a look at Warwick Castle, one of Britain’s finest historic sites. Brings back a ton of memories, I went to university many many moons ago at Warwick.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 39 Comments

The elephant in the room

There is a lot of political and media focus on certain carefully framed questions at present in the UK…

  • Why are so many parents keeping their children from attending classroom education?
  • Why are there so many autistic children now compared to in the past?
  • Why are schools having to divert so many resources away from core teaching and into special needs support?
  • Why is there such rising demand for Child and Young Person Mental Health Services?
  • Why are so many young people unable to work and pay taxes?
  • Why are we spending so much on disability and carer benefit support? Why is it so easy to claim……

I will say it again, these are CAREFULLY FRAMED. All designed to support a narrative about the pressure this puts on businesses and hard working taxpayers. It’s like the framed questions and narrative which is being pushed about how immigration is causing unemployment, the lack of affordable housing, the breakdown in communities and public services. As a result many in our society now find themselves very much labelled as problems, a burden on others….

I find myself increasingly feeling at odds with the direction of travel the country is heading in. I guess I’m not the only one increasingly feeling like our voices are being drowned out.

Deep sigh….

In all this, in all the political, press, tv and social media coverage I’m not hearing three issues ever being discussed. I guess because they don’t fit in with the CAREFULLY FRAMED NARRATIVE. The large elephants in the room.

Just how difficult, stressful the process is, just how many hoops you have to jump through to try and claim any sort of financial help, disability and carer support. And when you get that support it is at best mo more than the bare minimum, it is NOT a life of luxury.

Child and Young Persons Mental Health Services are stretched to breaking point. It’s a service that has been cut back and underfunded for years. Huge delays in accessing services, services spread way too thin. Again it’s also a nightmare trying to get a young person registered for these stretched services. In our case it took two and half years. A process designed to discourage use. Far too many miss out on the help and support they badly need.

In the UK, as soon as a young person hits 18 they are signed off the support service. There is no equivalent adult service. With Hawklad his Care Lead wanted to hand him onto another service to continue the support after he reached the age threshold, but there was no service to hand him on to. So he was signed off. Support ended. To the number crunchers and spreadsheet decision makers, he is now classed as FIXED as he has been signed off from support. How many young people, how many families suddenly find themselves with no support, no help, no one to turn to. How many don’t even get the support when they were younger. The question shouldn’t be why are so many young people unable to work, why are so many listed as …… it should be why are we LETTING so many young people and adults DOWN.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 34 Comments

What they need

Kinda sums up the Yorkshire weather this week…

Foolishly I listened into a radio phone in as I drove towards home. I think the show was supposed to be a discussion about the proposed disability benefit cuts but had rapidly become a ‘this is how you parent’ rant. Caller after caller jumped on a populist bandwagon. Far too many young people are receiving benefit payments rather than being FORCED to work. Mental Health issues, autism, adhd, you name it were modern day fairy tales allowing the youth of today to stay in bed, play games and be PAMPERED….. ‘In my day’ the rants continued, National Service and a good clip round the ear was the answer.

Not one young voice was aired.

Not one Health Professional voice was aired.

Not one parent voice was aired who had any experience in supporting a your person with daily, life affecting real needs.

I would have called in but strangely the show never gave out a number as the switchboard was jammed, I suspect with even more ‘in my day’ tirades….

After thirty minutes of this madness I switched off and drove the last few miles in stony silence.

This is supposed to be 2025 and it might well just have been Victorian times.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 25 Comments

Huts

Tropical Scarborough on a blisteringly hot Autumn Day.

Forget the ice cream, hot soup was the order of the day.

Not sure if it was just the weather but when I offered to buy one of the brightly coloured beach hutches, Hawklad firmly declined…. The huts cost between about £70,000 to £160,000. You can rent them as well, Peak times set you back something like £300 for a week. For that you get a few kitchen items, a sink, deckchairs, use of the shared public toilets and free pet seagulls.

Peak includes Christmas, Wow that would be a brave call. Not sure the paper party hats would stay on too long with the inevitable Winter North Sea skin shredding sand blasting wind and icy horizontal rain.

Walking along the beach we passed a few groups of teenagers clearly starting the Half Term Break with some beach fun. I couldn’t help think about how Hawklad might view these scenes. It’s a part of teenage life that has so far eluded him, spending far too much time with his ancient relic of a Dad. Not sure those teenagers would spend too much time discussing beach huts…..

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 49 Comments

18

That’s a proper sign post, although I’m not sure how feasible it is to walk to Canada or The US from this part of the world.

Most of the support had already started to be pulled from Hawklad when he approached his teen years, that’s how it goes in the UK. Now at 17 the inevitable letter arrived. At 18 he will be signed off from the last service still providing support to him and his care will be handed over to Adult mental health care. In other words, the day he hits 18 any support he may need will need to come in the form of self help, or from family, friends, internet, leaflets and a few overstretched voluntary groups. NOT from health professionals.

As a Paediatrician cautioned me when Hawklad first started receiving support

Some support and help could be required for life. The level of support required may diminish over time, sometimes no support is required but often the level of support can grow as people try to forge their own adult life. But when someone reaches 18, we stop asking as a society, in fact we stop providing the support almost completely. Child Mental Health will inevitably hand over virtually every child under its care to an adult service that doesn’t exist in the UK. After that if someone picks up the courage to go to see a doctor, in most cases that doctor will have little real understanding of areas such as autism and will probably just want to put a plaster over any problems in the form of Anti Depressants.

As adulthood fast approaches for Hawklad, I keep increasingly focusing on the immediate future, the next stages. Trying to develop that independence yet worrying about where he can turn to if he ever needs support. It’s a sobering thought sometimes.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 49 Comments

Squall

Somedays you end up looking back more than you look forward….

That brief rain shower had passed through a earlier. A heavy squall but soon no evidence on the ground that it happened. Just a receding cloud on the horizon.

Yes it’s been one of those days.

Reflecting on life rather than looking forward. I know it’s not good for me. Can so easily descend into a world of full on melancholy Pink Floyd and Leonard Cohen lyrics.

I did try to refocus. Do stuff but so much is really working today. I even got a pencil and blank piece of paper out to write out some short term goals. An hour later no writing just a brown circle matching perfectly the base of the coffee cup which had found its way onto the paper.

Signs of a half empty coffee cup on a so called sheet of Hope…….

Pants…. gone all Leonard Cohen and Roger Waters on you already.

Yep somedays are like that….

But then I remember what is important. Truly important to me. I smile. Even on days like, the sun can shine.

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Thoughts and dreams

In years gone by if I needed to think. Be with my thoughts. I would go for a run. Maybe go climbing. Those things worked best for me. But then parenting and then single parenting curtailed the climbing option. It was then running. Fell running to collect and process my thoughts. Often I would start a run then become lost in my thoughts. Only the alarm on my watch would bring me back to reality. I would be miles into the hills and it would be a mad sprint to get back home for the return of the school bus.

Then the pandemic happened. We went into our family lockdown. So far 16 months of a lockdown. I lost running. But I didn’t lose my need to think. So I discovered the joys of leaning against our back garden fence. Thinking while looking over the fields and scanning the distant horizon from a little hill top home.

It worked.

So this morning I was leaning on the fence. Thinking. Looking at a distant beautiful tree. Dreaming.

But then I was joined. Someone decided to invade my space and block my view.

I’m can’t really see the tree now. I’m having to stroke and feed this one. I’m telling this cow my dreams. She seems udderly fascinated. Or maybe she’s herd then all before. Definitely deja moo…

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Nothing

It’s nearly 1pm. I need to pinch myself. Is it really a school day. School at home day. So far absolutely nothing from school this week. No lesson material, no assigned work, no idea what the class is doing. Nothing. That’s three blank lessons so far.

It’s been that quiet we even checked to make sure we hadn’t got the dates wrong and school is on holiday. But no, it’s a full school day.

“What shall I do Dad then….”

Well as we have no idea what his class was doing. No idea even what subjects the class was looking at. It’s a blank sheet of paper. A good chance for Hawklad to set the agenda. Take control of what he learns. So I said what any self respecting Dad would say.

Well Son you can go and wash my car……

“No Dad. What school work shall I do.”

What one subject do you most want to learn about.

“History, definitely history. Second World War.”

Ok spend the morning indulging yourself in the that. And when you finish. You can get off your backside, go outside and clean my car 😂😂😂

***********

And that’s what he did. He studied the Nuremberg War Trials. He so far hasn’t got round to cleaning my car. But here’s the problem. He’s taller than me so I can’t really put my foot down anymore. I might just have to do that job myself.