Old moon

A couple of full moon photos from last week. My poor old iPhone tries it’s best.

I remember looking up at the moon. I was lying on my back on the cold patio trying to keep still and give the camera phone a chance of trying to focus. Anyway I was looking up at the moon and thinking it was stunning. I really hoped that my partner could be seeing this as well. Maybe she was? Was she seeing it from a different angle? Was she looking up at it from one of her favourite places. Was she above the clouds?

These days I frequently look at things in a different way. For a long time after my partner died I felt bad about looking at beautiful things. Sunsets, landscapes, the Sea, our Son playing. It just wasn’t right that I could and my partner was missing out. She had been cruelly denied this chance. Her time ran out.

But slowly that feeling of guilt started to ebb.

Now when I look at beautiful things, I try to look that little bit harder. Look for just a few moments longer. Truly embrace the moment. Because now I’m looking for the BOTH of us.

Back to the moon. After a few minutes I was becoming distinctly uncomfortable. My back is not designed these days for lying on a cold, hard surfaces. Then a thought. What was I thinking about. My partner was the sensible one. She would be sat inside. Occasionally shouting “that’s very nice Dear”. She would not be outside freezing her butt off. She would be warm inside with a glass of something, watching one of her favourite movies.

That’s a view she would be happy with.

Moon

A few nights back we had the most glorious full moon. Appearing to be much larger than normal but what took the breath away was the colour. For about 20 minutes it was a free cosmic air show. Almost like a second sun. My poor mobile struggled to capture it but I did my best.

While talking through the show our Son misspoke a common phrase. It’s always a dilemma whether to correct him or not. We’ve had conflicting advice from a number of professionals on the best way to handle communication skills and Aspergers. The approach I’ve taken (certainly not saying it’s the best) is to quietly point it out then immediately reinforce that everyone does these things AND his Dad is as bad as anyone. This is so important with our Son because the slightest thing can effect his confidence. After I pointed this one out he immediately stumbled over his next few words. So the Silly Dad stories got trotted out.

The time I was supposed to say Area and said ARSE.

The time I was delivering a team talk and my stammer crashed back into operation over the word Operational. After seconds of not being able to say Operational I did my normal trick of replacing the word with something easier to pronounce. Unfortunately this time the brain decided to replace it with OCTOPUS.

As a kid I was playing cricket and I got struck in the balls with the very hard ball. Absolute agony. To make things worse I was given detention for saying my balls really hurt, maybe I should count them’. Apparently this was inappropriate language. So later I asked the sports teacher what was an acceptable phrase. He kindly told me that the ‘nether regionswas the phrase I should use. Unfortunately I misheard him and for years I called them ‘my Netherlands‘.

Thankfully this made Son laugh and his little bit of mispronunciation was forgotten. Then it was back to the Moon show.

Alpine sunset

This photo was taken on the last night my partner had in her beloved Switzerland. During a stunning sunset. Watching the moon rise over the Alps was just the most wonderful experience.

Little did we know that she would be gone 12 months later.

This is a photograph I can look at and still smile. Other photos bring tears but not this one. Don’t know why. In fact the more I think about it this was probably the last Swiss Photograph. It really should bring tears. Strange.

That night we racked our brains trying to work out ways of emigrating here to retire. Drawing up plans for spending all of our long life’s together. So many plans. In reality just pipe dreams with no chance of coming to fruition. The one thing we never factored in was an early death. You never do probably.

A few days ago I walked behind an elderly couple who had been shopping. They walked slowly hand in hand. Behind them a broken man walked sobbing his eyes out. In our pipe dreams that was us in thirty years.

I can’t tell how much that hurts.

Moon Lander

If there was ever a competition for the most inept computer gamer on the planet – then get all your money on me. I am beyond useless. My latest gaming disaster involves trying to land a command module onto the moon. When you look up at the moon tonight just remember most of those craters you can see are down to me.

Pressure was on, son looking over my shoulder. Looking good then panic and yet another smoking crater formed.

“Dad I’ve found the perfect job for you. NASA have started crashing space crafts into the surface of planets. Cassini was smashed into Saturn. You would be the perfect remote pilot. You would never fail.”

“Having said that you would probably hit Saturn that hard you would probably knock it out of its orbit”

AGAIN MY SHAME IS COMPLETE