I was sent a report to read this morning. I couldn’t work out what it meant when it said D.A. and FUWSM. When I phoned to ask, the report sender was really apologetic as they were local office acronyms. Apparently Diagnosis Awaited and Follow Up Within Six Months.

I went for a run today and a white van passed with B.O.N.G down the side. What could that mean. All I could think of was something to do with a Kangaroo.

This got me thinking about acronyms. We seem to get more of these pesky things everyday. I have come across a few I really like:

LMAO – Laughing My Arse Off. Someone much wiser than me introduced this to me. I really like this one. I might not like it so much if an employer said that after they read my job application.

TIFU – Today I Fudged Up. Maybe the F stands for something else, can’t think of anything currently.

TMI – Too Much Information. I fancy having that tattooed on my forehead.

NOYB – Non of Your Business. I fancy having that tattooed to my bottom.

LOL – Lots of Love. Thinking about it could also be Laugh Out Loud.

But some acronyms I either don’t get or I just think they sound odd. Some notable ones include:

FTW – For The Win. I once had a football coach who would continually shout ftw ftw ftw …. why couldn’t he just say win please.

ICYMI – In Case You Missed It. How on Earth are you supposed to remember that one. It’s only practical use is to employ someone with a big ICYMI sign and have the sign pointing at my tattooed rear.

TWAT – The War Against Terror. Controversial project and not an acronym you can use if your mum is in the room.

Acronyms do have had a habit of causing trouble. I once worked for an organisation which went through a merger process. The merger project team was called TRTHMG. I never found out what that stood for. My Finance Team had to be combined with the other organisations Budgeting Department. The TRTHMG decided on a new name for combined team. Unbelievably they came up with Transitional User Resource Department. So for 6 months I could walk round with T.U.R.D on my name badge.

Not sure why but I qualified as an accountant, maybe I craved excitement. Anyway I got to put CPFA after my name. Strangely this could stand for the Canadian Pigeon Fanciers Association. But for years I thought that my CV proudly displayed these letters after my name. Unfortunately I recently discover that my spell checker must have at some stage auto corrected it to CACA. No wonder I never got many job offers.

While we are on the subject of auto correction my last thought has to go to a time when I was doing some work for a Police Force. I sent a report to the four senior Police Officers in the area. I blame a faulty auto corrector as the report ended up being sent to the Arse Commanders.

LOL