Look at these.

Really early for here but most welcome.

Gelbe Blumen…….

Know that feeling when someone asks you to do something way beyond your abilities… think me and hairdressing, think me and parenting, mainly me with scissors (or to be more precise, dog sheers – don’t tell Hawklad).

Well that was me last week.

I’m not very good with anything which has an engine, four wheels and a steering wheel. I can drive them just don’t ask me how they work, might as well get me to explain why Avatar is anything other than a monumental CGI bore fest. So what were WORK they thinking about when they got their numbers guy to get the three work vans fixed. I nodded vaguely as the various technical gremlins were explained. They had lost me almost immediately at ‘the bonnet release is in the passenger side footwell’. After five minutes of explanation all I could manage was

So basically those three big white things are poorly.

A few hours later I found myself at the Garage Reception with one big WHITE THING badly parked outside, I’m not a natural white van driver. I had memorised the many things making this particular van POORLY. Here goes, time to try to explain the faults to the Garage Owner.

Why was he looking like I was speaking in a foreign language confirmed when he said ‘YOU WHAT’. I started again then realised, I WAS IN FACT SPEAKING A FOREIGN LANGUAGE. The night before I had been going through my German Course and it had been rather aptly been a module called ‘CARS and key parts’. Staggeringly this muppet had tried to explain van faults in a combination of English, Yorkshire and GERMAN. Clearly this particular Garage Owner had no idea what ‘AUSPUFF’, ‘AUTOBREMSEN’ and ‘REIFEN’ meant.

At least that part of the course had sunk in with me.

Anyway I tried to tell the bemused chap about my German Course and why I clearly sounded like I was a completely crazed crackpot. I’m not sure he was that impressed.

“Not much call for German round here lad, we’ll unless you are on your holidays to the beach in somewhere like MADRID. Personally give me Scarborough….”

So much I could have said to that on the geographic location of Spain’s Capital vis-à-vis the distant coast and even more distant Germany, but wisely I bit my lip.

Part Two to follow when we throw in to the mix, sports car envy and a million year old coffee vending machine that fights back TERMINATOR style….