Just seems such a waste. Such a beautiful flower and yet it’s in our garden so it only has an audience of two. But that’s how it is.

He is so caring. When his class had the last day in the old school one of the girls cried her eyes out. The only one to go across to her and ask if she was alright was our son. Yet because he is on the spectrum he must be unfeeling and cold…..

He brain is far more powerful than his Old Pops yet somehow I went university and he is seen as being low attainment.

He has a love for scientific enquiry yet that counts for nothing as he can’t accurately hand draw a plant cell structure or spell correctly common science words.

He can create awesome self contained worlds with detailed mythologies, politics and cultures. Yet because he can’t construct a grammatically correct postcard he is written off.

He can forensically debate historical details yet because people assume that he will never read a textbook he is not encouraged to foster that subject love.

The education system has written off his reading as something which won’t develop yet he can read and send texts without help. He is told to just get used to using a reading pen yet today while watching the Justice League he read the sub titles almost perfectly.

He is not part of the in-group of kids who live and breathe football. Yet he can talk for hours about football stats. Relive the sports greatest moments. Can talk for hours about the minutiae of Team setups and tactics.

He can be so relaxed, so astute and so naturally funny. Yet only I see this. It does seem such a waste. But that’s how it is.

96 thoughts on “That’s how it is”

  3. He will grow into his great strengths and will be an adult you will be proud of. I am so glad you believe in him and can see him or who he is. As long as you believe in him, he will be able to shine one day on his own!

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      1. Yes that is true. Unfortunately. My son says that people do not see beyond what they see. In his case it is his not being able to see. But of course there are many who do see beyond that. He gets irritated at people’s lack of understanding.

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  7. With you there supporting him, he’ll find his way. The education system is US is a joke and from everything I’ve heard/read UK is just as bad. They teach kids how to take and pass tests, memorize facts and regurgitate them. Your son obviously knows how to learn and that’s what is most important. Others will discover what you already know.

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  8. I keep wondering what niche my children will be able to fill as adults. Your son has so much talent and intelligence! The world needs it.

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  9. This is just gut wrenching to read. Its the fucking system that out of order not your son… I want to punch someone when I read this but I know it would only convince them I was ‘mad’ too. I just hope these beautiful spiritual and deeply emotional souls will one day move outside of this dying systems and start to show us how to really live. I wish that truly and ever so deeply from the bottom of my heart. I hear your pain in all of this. Hugs and love ❤

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  11. That is a special flower, i imagine each one is pretty unique – although there are some pansy’s that can appear at first glane to be all the same.

    Humans, of course, are all absolutely unique, yet many become trained so as to appear virtually identical. (In all but the most minor details).

    Not quite sure how desirable it is to be recognised by large numbers of other people for your particular uniqueness, but i think the main thing is that you recognise it yourself – and are comfortable with it and use it to your best effect.

    And just so you know, that flower is now able to be seen and appreciated by millions all around the world, just because you took the time to notice, appreciate and capture it, and then posted it on-line. It is not in any sense wasted in your garden. It also has a far greater purpose than to serve as an item of aesthetic beauty for bi-pedal mammals pretending to be intelligent. 😉

    Neither are your son’s abilities which you have revealed, if only to a little degree, to so many on-line. (Of course, he is still only 12 – VERY few people knew anything of my incredible talents when i was his age. Now that really WAS a waste! 🙂 )

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  13. I don’t know if you have ever read up on Indigo Children, Gary but there are special souls who just don’t fit into the system. They are here to bring in change and healing and awareness. It was a while back I read up on it, but it is something I was thinking about after rereading your post a few times. Your son is special and he may never fit in with the mainstream but as everyone here knows that is his gift. xo

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  15. I feel your frustration! I don’t like the idea that school are putting him in a box, labelling him, predicting the outcome of his life… it sometimes sounds as if they have decided not to invest in him.

    I don’t know.

    I know it won’t be easy, but I want him to have a satisfying rewarding life – and from the sounds of things school might not be envisioning the full extent of opportunities that are waiting for him. But he deserves plenty of wonderful after all the hard times he has faced already.

    I sailed through school with all A grades and 95%+ in almost every subject. But I left school and nobody was ever interested in my grades. Employers were only interested in whether I would turn up day after day, on time, whether I would stick at the work and not be playing solitaire on the computer or playing with a mobile phone all day, whether I was polite and could get on with other colleagues….and listen to my boss, and not think I knew better etc. The actual academic side of my education does not seem to have made much difference, just qualities like being reliable, faithful, enduring difficult people, obedient to instructions – they all seem to have been more important to whatever boss I have had.

    The most fulfilment I have had from work is all the projects I have worked on as a volunteer – much more rewarding and a huge inspiration to my life. Especially as I have worked with so many fascinating people with real life stories to share. I have worked with people from all walks of life, some were victims of severe domestic abuse, some had been in prison, or the army, people who had overcome all manner of challenges. That has been the best education and the best career.

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    1. I was the same degree, masters degree, accounting qualification yet no idea where my certificates are – been no use to me at all in the new world. I would love to find a way to set him up,so he doesn’t need to worry about money and he can then be free to choose his own path and his own route to fulfilment.

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      1. I know what you mean about setting him up so as not to worry about money – that’s every parent’s dream.

        But that’s where having the ability to think outside of the box can be a huge asset. My parents sold the family house to clear debt (before my Dad married mum, he gambled, and what with seven children to rear, he never cleared his huge debts) and moved into a little bungalow, it was frightening because all of us kids (now adults of course) knew we really were on our own feet. In some ways I am glad there has never been a slush fund from my parents to fall back on. I have thought in terms of what I need to earn from day to day from week to week and from month to month. I have been a lodger, which was easily affordable. I lived rent free in tied accommodation – roles where I was able to learn new skills and do work I really enjoyed – cooking, being a chauffeur, gardening, animal care, laundry and cleaning. It opened my eyes up to all the things people will pay you money to do! It led to me being paid to carry a phone round wherever I went to take an entrepreneur’s business calls, editing and proof-reading the auto-biography of a rich bloke, dog-walking (!5 per hour per dog – I could walk up to 6 maximum, but preferred 4) painting and decorating, party-planning and catering, being a paid companion to somebody’s mum – ie I got paid to take this lady out to lunch and shopping – all expenses paid of course, cutting the toe-nails of sheep, helping to relocate squirrels, swimming pool maintenance – oh all sorts! In fact the biggest reason people would offer me work is they were sure they could trust me with their keys, their alarm codes and all of their material belongings – I was trustworthy. That reputation has opened some astonishing doors to me.

        And…of course the work I did as a volunteer which included accounts, purchasing, health and safety, roof tiling, painting and decorating, joinery, plaster-boarding, insulation, carpeting, upholstery, groundworks – including digging trenches.

        When it comes to money – I am a big believer that thinking of what you need and being open minded as to how you earn your bread and butter is a huge asset and can be great fun. People sometimes save money and buy property thinking it will bring an element of security – but natural disasters, financial crises and all sorts of other events scupper their plans.

        But keeping life fairly simple, thinking about working for the money you need to cover your needs and viewing everything else as a bonus and avoiding debt like the plague seems wisdom that is far more secure than money or property.

        Everyone is different I know. My aunt has had severe challenges from birth and so my grandfather wanted to make some arrangements for her not to have to worry about money. His heart was absolutely in the right place, but it ended up with her staying indoors all day watching day time TV. I wish in some ways that she had reason to be out with people. But because she has had no reason to leave the house, that has been her default choice each day.

        Everyone is different. And there are many ways to skin a cat and all (apologies to cat lovers) but don’t get pushed into thinking that the world only works one way – always be ready to think outside the box.

        The big issue for most employers was trust and honesty and doing what I had been asked to do. Nobody ever cared about the A* grades!

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      2. I’m a cat owner……..

        So so true. It’s being opened minded and being prepared to change track. I think the penny started to drop with me when I was part way through a doctorate and realised it was basically crap and just about money. We could have achieved so much in those 17 years but let ourselves get side tracked. All I can do is prepare son as best I can for a world that’s not suited to him. Yet keeping an eye out for opportunities to feather his nest to take the pressure off him.

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      3. You know what you are doing! ❤

        I must admit while I have winged it with regards how I earn my bread and butter, I have never had the added anxiety of being a parent. I guess as a parent the inclination to plan for the future is very natural.

        I just don't like the idea of you suffering due to anxieties about the future…I am confident that there will be many and varied opportunities for your son.

        We care about you two and don't want the world and it's worries to suck any more out of you. Happy thoughts and happy hugs to both of you…xx

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      5. Such is the wonder of life! If you don’t seize opportunities – who knows what you might miss?

        We feel tremendously for the challenges your son has had already (and no doubt more challenges ahead) but don’t forget how much of an advantage it is to have an awesome Dad!

        …don’t blush….

        …although…

        …you do suit that pretty shade of pink!

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      7. Oh you so badly guesstimate my age! I am proud to say I have only seen pictures of leg warmers in history books.

        But I have to say it’s not unwelcome, the image of you wearing pink leg warmers.

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      9. I might drop my real age in an e-mail to you. I don’t know…it would be a huge detail to trust you with. As far as the public domain are concerned, I am she without an age.

        I do like older men. But 970??? Oooooh! That would be an age gap that could divide opinion. Do you have all of your own body parts?

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  16. You believe in your son. Maybe that’s not good enough in terms of securing training or therapies to help your son achieve his full potential but as someone else’s child myself, my family/parent’s acknowledgment and acceptance of myself is the most important support and recognition I seek after. And in this respect, I know your son is under good care.

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  17. I know your frustration. A very close friend of mine has a genius 11-year-old with autism. He is amazing, smart, funny and kind and yet, the school system will not allow him access to their school because they can’t handle him when he gets frustrated. It’s so sad because the world is missing out on the greatest minds of our times because of a label and a box that these kids don’t fit in.

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  18. Physically yes you are the one seeing all the wonders of your son but you are not the only one to see it. Through sharing him with us we all get to see what a smart funny wonderful boy he is. To hell with what people think or assume of him. You know what he can accomplish and how he learns so you are feeding his desires nourishing him in a way that he can use to learn. I always feel that doctors should never say that a child is only going to be able to do so much. That they will never pass certain age milestones etc. I realize that there are children who are born who require intensive life long care but I am talking more about those who are being written off due to being made differently. I babysat a little girl whose mother had been told she would never walk, talk etc. The little girl was born missing part of a chromosone but she was awesome. By the end of my two months she was walking. She grunted to communicate and as she got older, learned sign language. She graduated grade 12 at 21. Lives in a home with others has a job and loves life. Yet doctors told her mom to expect her to never pass the age of 5 in milestones and abilities. Doctors have the book learning, they do not have the 24/7 experience that we as parents do. From what I have read your son is turning into an amazing compassionate empathetic young man and you should be so proud of him and yourself. (I know I always write you a page when I leave a comment I am sorry)

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      1. Ha stop with that. You won’t or can’t make a difference? Of course you can with your son. It starts small and the ripple effects will be felt. You are doing an amazing job with your son. Focus on that and what you can do for him. You know him best friend so you know the best way he will learn. Not to push but T asked if he was still going to penpal with your son. Or email pal I guess lol

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  22. Just you watch–he’s the dark horse of your land. In ten years he’ll cross the line ages before others and everyone’s going to wonder “where did HE come from?” So many brilliant souls are like thatxxxxxxx

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