It’s amazing what you find as you wait for your pet to do his stuff… A few years ago I would missed this.
So today I put all my work gear and laptop into the attic for safe keeping. Not going to need it for many weeks now. Watch me forget where I’ve put it now.
My big sis phoned today as she was bored and there was nothing on the telly. Unusually son answered the phone. I suspect he wanted to intercept any potential messages telling me that the school closure policy was off.
“Hi Auntie P, I will just go and find the old man”.
THE OLD MAN!!!!!
Yes I can do more press-ups and sit-ups than ever before. I desperately need some new weights as the ones which have lasted me since I was a teenager are now just not heavy enough. My long distance running times are as good they were in my early 20s. I can still remember phone numbers, even ones from decades ago. And that’s all I’ve got.
Son is not wrong with the Old Man wise crack. The other side of the equation is a rapidly growing list of age progression signs.
- I can’t bend over without swearing or making some grunting noise,
- My knees are better at clicking than my fingers,
- I spend the whole time moaning at the TV,
- My brain has lost the ability to compute the word SPRINT. Snails are quicker than me over 100 yards,
- Increasing numbers of world leaders are clearly younger than me,
- When I get the local paper the first section I look at is the death notices,
- If I wanted to catch up with old friends then a seance is often more useful than Facebook,
- I can grow hair brilliantly all over my body apart from where I need it the most,
- My jet black hair is now black with white stripes. I’m a pigging walking barcode,
- When I was a kid my mum would have that piece of string attached to my mittens and then run it through my coat, so I didn’t drop them. Now I need that for everything. Each day it’s a nightmare hunt for keys, glasses, wallet, pants, shoes, remote control, screwdrivers, pens….. basically everything.
- I watch a movie staring George Clooney and I spend the entire film trying to remember his name,
- I just need to look at a bar of chocolate to put weight on,
- I am increasingly talking like my mum and dad did when I was young. Poor son is getting bombarded with epic lines like ‘well can you remember where you had it last’, ‘it was never like that in my day’, ‘would you like this in brown’, ‘these chocolate bars were much bigger when I was a kid’, ‘they don’t make things like they use to’.
- Most nights I’m waking up earlier than when I used to roll in as a young hell raiser,
- Suddenly cardigans seem like a cool fashion statement,
- I’ve got a Masters Degree in Computing yet I have to get my son to show me how my mobile phone works,
- Getting through the night without having to go to the toilet a million times is clearly beyond me,
- When I was younger, every time I fell over (which was often) people would burst into laughter. Now they run over and check that I’m all right.
Have I missed any? (Most probably) So yes I’m getting older. We all are but at least we can grow old disgracefully together.