It’s amazing what you find as you wait for your pet to do his stuff… A few years ago I would missed this.

So today I put all my work gear and laptop into the attic for safe keeping. Not going to need it for many weeks now. Watch me forget where I’ve put it now.

My big sis phoned today as she was bored and there was nothing on the telly. Unusually son answered the phone. I suspect he wanted to intercept any potential messages telling me that the school closure policy was off.

Hi Auntie P, I will just go and find the old man”.

THE OLD MAN!!!!!

Yes I can do more press-ups and sit-ups than ever before. I desperately need some new weights as the ones which have lasted me since I was a teenager are now just not heavy enough. My long distance running times are as good they were in my early 20s. I can still remember phone numbers, even ones from decades ago. And that’s all I’ve got.

Son is not wrong with the Old Man wise crack. The other side of the equation is a rapidly growing list of age progression signs.

  • I can’t bend over without swearing or making some grunting noise,
  • My knees are better at clicking than my fingers,
  • I spend the whole time moaning at the TV,
  • My brain has lost the ability to compute the word SPRINT. Snails are quicker than me over 100 yards,
  • Increasing numbers of world leaders are clearly younger than me,
  • When I get the local paper the first section I look at is the death notices,
  • If I wanted to catch up with old friends then a seance is often more useful than Facebook,
  • I can grow hair brilliantly all over my body apart from where I need it the most,
  • My jet black hair is now black with white stripes. I’m a pigging walking barcode,
  • When I was a kid my mum would have that piece of string attached to my mittens and then run it through my coat, so I didn’t drop them. Now I need that for everything. Each day it’s a nightmare hunt for keys, glasses, wallet, pants, shoes, remote control, screwdrivers, pens….. basically everything.
  • I watch a movie staring George Clooney and I spend the entire film trying to remember his name,
  • I just need to look at a bar of chocolate to put weight on,
  • I am increasingly talking like my mum and dad did when I was young. Poor son is getting bombarded with epic lines like ‘well can you remember where you had it last’, ‘it was never like that in my day’, ‘would you like this in brown’, ‘these chocolate bars were much bigger when I was a kid’, ‘they don’t make things like they use to’.
  • Most nights I’m waking up earlier than when I used to roll in as a young hell raiser,
  • Suddenly cardigans seem like a cool fashion statement,
  • I’ve got a Masters Degree in Computing yet I have to get my son to show me how my mobile phone works,
  • Getting through the night without having to go to the toilet a million times is clearly beyond me,
  • When I was younger, every time I fell over (which was often) people would burst into laughter. Now they run over and check that I’m all right.

Have I missed any? (Most probably) So yes I’m getting older. We all are but at least we can grow old disgracefully together.

85 thoughts on “Old man

  1. It’s a shame there’s no equivalent of the Red Hat Society for men. The chapter that my sister belongs to actually uses “Growing old together disgracefully” as a motto. Good on them 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Other than my Master’s being in Education instead of Computing and coloring my hair, I can relate to all. Don’t know if you know the kid’s song “Head and shoulders, knees and toes?? When I leave the house I sing that melody with the words, “Glasses, wallet, keys, and phone.” Sometimes I forget the order of the words though. Haha. The doctors are looking pretty young nowadays too!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. The last one, the falling over… that’s so me!! A few months ago I tripped over my own feet saying hello to a dog outside the corner market and did a slow motion fall on my butt. I sat there in the open door laughing at myself as people rushed to check on me.

    My hair is a weird blond, brown, red, grey so it’s really not that noticeable where the grey is🤷🏼‍♀️

    The only reason I know my own name is because Ben says it a million times a day. My name is Gramma😉🤪😂💌

    Liked by 4 people

  4. Yes… you overlooked the fact that you read newspaper at all. Do they still make those things??? (I’m 57… I used to sell newspaper subscriptions by phone, from a printed list that we dialed by hand).

    Liked by 2 people

  5. You forgot to check your height, Gary. But you might not want to, it’s scary. I stood my whole life from 14 on at 6’0″. Ten years ago they measured me — 5’10”. Now, 5’9.5″ Yet my weight keeps going up. I’ll keep that one to myself for now.
    The only good thing: When I fall it’s not so far to the ground anymore.

    Liked by 3 people

  6. hilarious ..very good list there…yes, you DID forget one…walking 2 feet and forgetting why you started walking in that direction… at home i look like a hamster on acid most of the time…and soon i fear my roommate will have to call in the authorities. I walk about talking to myself as i turn in multiple circles ..may as well be a bobble head…

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Yup – I can relate to pretty much all of these. My biggest one though is eyesight loss for reading/computer work or even seeing the food I’m eating. Such a shock to the system having had 20/20 vision all my life. The deterioration is way too rapid too. Oh and there is the added annoyance of forgetting where you left your glasses.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Oh, this is funny! Cracked me up 🙂 I’ve been given a similar slight – Declan compared me to someone and said we looked similar. Except I was much older and had more wrinkles. All I could do was smile and nod 🙂 Honesty!

    Like

  9. Familiar with all the sayings as well as When I was your age…….
    My hair is brown with grey stripes now rather than pepper and salt.
    I know about the chocolate thing, mine is doughnuts, rocky road and lately caramel flapjacks.
    Mrs Michelin looks back at me from the mirror.
    Keep smiling Gary.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Now there’s a thought and I’ve got Hubby thinking about it too……….. you never know! As most people haven’t got a dartboard handy, we will think of something more universal…. watch this space!

        Liked by 1 person

  10. I’m worried you can’t find your pants. Especially as you were planning on wearing only your pants to the supermarket or when running!

    I regularly plug my phone in to charge at work and then spend 10 minutes looking for it. Plus I put my car keys in the freezer the other day. 🙈

    Liked by 1 person

      1. We are all only human. I find I am behaving like a freaking ping pong ball from “everything will be all right” to absolute despondency. Hang in there. You don’t have to be funny all the time. No pressure whatsoever.

        Liked by 1 person

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