With every visit to the optician there seems to be more and more technologically eye tests to complete. Focus on the balloon, look at for the white dots, green and red circles, track the moving line. They seem to change every year, shame the one that fires a jet of air into the eye never gets phased out. ‘Try to keep your eyes open’… try telling that to my eyeballs who clearly remember the last visit and what’s about to hit them. By the time you finally get to read the letter chart, you are definitely as Bruce would sing ‘Blinded by the light’.

‘Can you read the 3rd line’… well I might if you hadn’t covered up my good eye….

But at least I didn’t cheat. Years back, I took mum to get her eyes tested. She was clearly pleased with herself when the optician told her that her prescription hadn’t changed since her last visit. Driving home, mum casually let slip that she memorised the 3rd and 4th lines, as she waited to start the test. “I’ve got a perfectly good pair of glasses already, don’t need to change them…..”

Then the real nightmare starts. ‘You can pick your new frames now…”. Hundreds and hundreds of them. I always crack under the pressure. Randomly poking a couple of frames before grabbing a frame that roughly looks like my current ones. Then the optician assistant asks you to try them on to see if they fit. They never do, I don’t care what you do to them, as soon as I take them home they slide down my nose like a ski jumper picking up speed to fly. Then you get the inevitable sales compliment. This time it was ‘you look very handsome in those’. Clearly someone else needs an eye test……

54 thoughts on “Eye test”

  2. I only need readers now since I had my cataract surgery about 13 years ago, but I remember year after year trying to pick out new frames. I needed my glasses on to see if the new ones looked OK, but of course that wouldn’t work, so I had to just hope for the best. I had one pair of frames that I just loved and had for a number of years until I fell, hit the corner of the frames and bent them all out of shape. The optometrist had fixed them so many times he could do no more. That was a sad day. 😦

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  3. After discovering VooGlam for fun frames at low prices, and the complete lack of help that I got at my last eye appt, I’ll never buy from the ophthalmologist again!! Give me my scrip, I’ll buy online!

    Good luck with your purchase!

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  4. You had to go and remind me that it’s time for my vision test where they’ll remind me for the gazillionth time since I was six-years-old that I have astigmatism. Thanks! 😒😵‍💫😄

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      1. Worked for my sis – two years younger, but not my brother – six years older. I’ve been on the fence ever since because I have the worst sight in the family. 🤓🙃🤓

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      2. Laser surgery worked for my sister and son-in-law like a charm! Not so much for my brother who developed keracotonus – he didn’t know it was in our family genetics until after the surgery. Our Mom had glaucoma and guess who inherited her high eye pressure? 🤓 My oldest son was diagnosed with glaucoma in 2023. (He blames the Pandemic!) 🤣 I cut my losses and embraced a lifetime membership to the “four eyes” club! 😄

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  7. Oh, so so true. The air spitting machine, the hot air balloon, the little twinkling lights you just know are having a party exactly where you can’t see them. Fiftyish years later I can still feel the shame of failing my eye test. I wonder why no one ever pointed out to me that the failing wasn’t of my doing

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  9. Always take friend of the oppissite sex to help pick new glasses IF YOU ARE WORRIED ABOUT HOW YOU WILL LOOK IN THEM. Unless they are a practical joker. 😂

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  15. From what I can see WAY over here you look handsome in those specs, Gary! Tee hee. Oh, I needed this giggle. Literally, yesterday, I ran into the eyeglass place to pick up my prescription. It’s good until May and I think I might try an on-line “store” of try-on’s for cheaper? Cuter? lol?

    For my 40th, 15 years ago, I had Lasik. It didn’t last. I’ve been wearing glasses for the last 2 years.

    The blast of air…yeppers! It STILL makes me jump!

    Take care my friend! You’re amazing!🤗🥰

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      1. Oh, Gary, I’m giggling. My glasses cover up SO much. I get it! LOL!! I’m smiling today! I hope you are too! 😂❣️❣️🤗🤗❣️🙏🏼

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  17. Oh God, I hate that gust of air in the eye thing too. I always feel like it’s gonna take my eyeball out. I dread it too. Thankfully we do eye tests here every two years!

    Your mom’s technique cracks me up. I’m gonna have to try that next time!

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  20. Are you considering, or maybe already got, replacement lenses?

    Most of my career was software testing eye surgery devices (laser correction, laser-assisted transplant, and phaco – for cataract surgery).

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      1. As someone who worked in device testing, check out the doc thoroughly, and try to find someone using newer devices. The extreeeeme majority of complications (90%?) are due to poor sterilization practices, reusing tools meant for single use (that was mostly in China), and ovetall poor practices by docs (lasik on people who are not good candidates, very old secondhand equip, etc).

        With a good doc, outcomes are outstanding!

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