Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 97 Comments

Multitasking

Some can multitask some cannot. I am certainly in the latter camp. A few examples from yesterday to evidence the point

  • Attempt to make breakfast and prepare a pack up for lunch. Ended up pouring fruit juice on the cornflakes and using cold water in the coffee,
  • Driving to Doncaster and son asked my opinion on King James II. Two minutes later I had demonstrated a complete lack of historical expertise AND I also realised that I had missed our motorway junction,
  • I tried to pay the zoo entrance fee while holding a bottle of water and a cup of coffee. Although I did manage to purchase two tickets I also managed to drop the water and spill the coffee down my leg,
  • Trying at the same time to make soup, grill some vegetables and cut some carrots. Unbelievably I managed to not turn the cooker on the stove so the soup didn’t heat up, burn the vegetables and almost slice my finger off,
  • Tried to send a relative a birthday card while trying to make a telephone complaint to our broadband supplier. After posting the envelope I discovered the card still sat on the desk.

So I can’t multitask however our son…..

During the evening I found him sat with both iPads on his lap, while at the same time the TV was on. When I asked why the response was

“Somedays just don’t have enough hours to do all the stuff. Had three things I still really needed to do so I am watching a video about William Shakespeare on your iPad and a video about caring for gerbils on my iPad. Plus I am listening to a documentary about the Dinosaur mass extinction on the TV.”

Clearly from our later discussions he managed to absorb an unbelievable amount of detail from all three information streams. I could only dream of that.

Having said that if someone is so good at that how difficult can it be to put his dirty clothes in the washing basket…….

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 74 Comments

Fight Club

When you set your children off on their educational journey you have dreams of an idealistic life of happiness, development and fulfilment. Then you wake up…

On todays episode of Fight Club.

An argument broke out on the morning school bus. Several kids got involved in a heated exchange. Resulted in one of the protagonists being hit over the head with a bottle. Thankfully a plastic one.

In the first lesson a boy accidentally bumps into another boy. Quickly a pushing and finger pointing encounter develops. This is broken up by the teacher and negatives are issued.

In the next lesson boy X makes a not very nice comment about boy Y. This escalated into a missile exchange. Pens, rulers, calculators and books are launched. Again the teacher breaks this up and more negatives are issued.

In the final lesson of the day boy Y makes a comment about boy X. Suddenly a chair is hurled and a full fist fight breaks out with a few other kids getting involved. Teacher issues negatives and a couple of isolations.

On the afternoon school bus one boy accused another one of being unpopular and without friends. Quickly punches were exchanged. Several other kids got involved. Ended up with one boy in tears with a bloody nose.

Thankfully our son was just an observer in all these incidents. He did get hit by a stray projectile but it wasn’t intended for him and absolutely no pain inflicted. Not really sure how he views these incidents through his Aspergers filters. I suppose it teaches him about life. It might encourage him to start a martial arts club – these can really help with confidence and coordination. It highlights the issues many kids face when they are assigned to the bottom set. It’s certainly makes homeschooling look more attractive.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 89 Comments

Back to school

Warning this post contains bad language and monumentally pompous stupidity.

In 2018 the Switzerland Glaciers lost 2.5% of their volume. It’s expected that they will have disappeared by 2090 – at the latest.

On Friday thousands of pupils walked out of UK School’s to protest about our Governments inaction on climate change. Good to see the positive response it got from our Leaders.

“It is important to emphasise that disruption increases teachers’ workloads and wastes lesson time that teachers have carefully prepared for,” a spokesperson for the Prime Minister said. “That time is crucial for young people, precisely so that they can develop into the top scientists, engineers and advocates we need to help tackle this problem.”

Our countries so called Education Secretary “let me be clear, missing class won’t do a thing to help the environment; all they will do is create extra work for teachers.”

The Conservative Leader of the House of Commons “It’s called truancy, not a strike“.

Well if you got your head out of your arses and took meaningful action then the kids wouldn’t need to walk out. If you didn’t pander to the fossil fuel companies, actively promote the disastrous fracking industry and cut renewable energy investment…. then you might be taken seriously. What trust do you expect the next generation to have in you when they see the monumental f*****g screwup you are making of Brexit. The entire political system has abjectly failed its primary roles of protecting the world and securing the futures of the upcoming generations.

This has to stop. The kids get it. Unfortunately our dim witted, self serving leaders don’t. It’s time for the next generation to take over and time for our politicians to go back to school. Maybe then they would see what a gigantic mess they have made of the education system as well.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 49 Comments

No more than four words

We tried a new game a few hours ago. We had no more than 4 words to describe someone. It initially started as purely a wrestling game but spread out into the wider world. It sounds easy but I found it extremely testing. Just shows how verbose I have become.

Anyway it started off with Wrestling.

AJ Styles – Son (Best Wrestler on Earth), Dad (He has lovely hair)

Becky – Son (The Man) *** that’s on all her T-shirts

Undertaker – Son (A bit creaky now) Dad (Older Than Me)

Edge – Son (Best Entrance Music Ever)

Kane – Son (Still my favourite)

Brock Lesnar – Son (Paid Too Much) Dad (Scary but very boring)

Vince McMahon – Son (Likes Pretty Women) or (Likes Big Sweaty Men)

Then we went outside the Wrestling world

President Trump – Son (Sneaky and not nice) Dad (Plays too much golf)

Stephen Hawkings – Son (Science GOAT) *** GOAT stands for Greatest Of All Time, Dad (Appeared on The Simpson’s)

Einstein – Son (Science Second GOAT)

Homer Simpson – Son (Dad)

Hillary Clinton – Son (How did she lose)

Barack Obama – Son (Very Nice Clever Man) Dad (Can We Have Him)

Bill Clinton – Son (Cheeky and Naughty)

Bono – Son (Dad hates him) Dad (I hate him)

Gordon Ramsey – Son (Never heard of him) Dad (###@### f### off)

Bear Grylls – Son (Too mean to Bugs)

Squidward from Spongebob – Son (Dad)

PewDiePie – Son (YouTube Sensation) Dad (Who ???)

JK Rowling – Son (Made Money from Magic)

Patrick from Spongebob – Son (Dad)

Messi – Son (Footballs GOAT) Dad (Sign for Newcastle Please)

Arnold Schwarzenegger- Son (Terminator) Dad (Get Into the Chopper *** with an Austrian accent)

David Attenborough – Son (Mr Wildlife, Legend)

James Bond – Son (Drinks, Women, Guns) Dad (Sean Connery)

Prime Minister May – Son (Useless and Not Nice) Dad (Worst Ever PM)

Angela Merkel – Son (Proper Leader) Dad (Better than ours)

David Cameron – Son (Useless but almost nice) Dad (Caused this Brexit mess)

David Beckham – Son (Overrated) Dad (Never Liked Him)

Bill Gates – Son (Very Clever Very Rich) Dad (No More Updates Please)

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 76 Comments

Made up

Today I was thinking about how nice it would be to have some colour in the garden again. I tried to picture some flowers. The flowers I could see in my mind were last years plants. Couldn’t imagine any new flowers.

Our son’s school does ask the kids to do an awful lot of homework. Too much really. One of his assignments was to start putting together his autobiography. Red flag alert. This is a recipe to just reopen old wounds. Son was equally apprehensive. So I contacted school and expressed my concerns. We agreed that rather his own biography he would come up with a fictional one. As his hand is still not fixed I was going to scribe his thoughts.

“Ok I am in my 70s”

“I was born in the South of England”

Good start.

“I like music”

“My best friend is called Keith and he also likes music”

“I have another friend called David who I often share clothes with”

Not sure where this is going.

“I joined a band with my friend Keith”

“We played our first concert in 1962”

This sounds a bit like Mick Jagger.

“Well it is Jagger”

No you can’t use him, it’s supposed to be made up.

“Oh, Ok.”

“I am middle aged and I am a lecturer”

This sounds more like it.

“My father is very religious”

“I am an archaeologist”

“I’m scared of snakes and I am also an adventurer”

By any chance does he go looking for the Holy Grail.

“Yes, how did you know?”

Because its Indiana Jones. You can’t use him.

“Why he’s made up”

You just can’t use him, make one up about a child not a famous adventurer.

“Alright can I be an 8 year old boy”

Yes much better

“I am a bit cheeky”

“I live with a large family with many kids. I have a really annoying older brother and uncle”

“I am always getting shouted at”

This will make an excellent biography.

“Every Christmas my family go on holiday but they always forget me, so I am home alone”

Deep sigh…. Fine you win, you can be Kevin….

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 51 Comments

What works

Anxiety, sadness and fear. Three words which unfortunately are too often near the top of our household vocabulary. Along with fart, burnt food, turn the music UP, where’s the remote, sorry I forgot and Dad you Muppet.So what have we found that actually works for both of us. Here are some of the winners.

5,4,3,2,1

We have found that this technique is really good at taking the edge off panic attacks. It doesn’t work on any underlying problems but buys some time. At the first sign of increased anxiety:

Think of 5 things you can currently see,

Think of 4 things you can currently hear,

Think of 3 things you can currently touch,

Think of 2 things you can currently smell,

Now do 1 large breath.

The Sweetie Jar Oracle

If our son is going through a period viewing the world through unhappy filters we start the Sweetie Jar Oracle. Find a large clear jar and a bag of brightly coloured sweets. Not sure about the rest of the world but in the U.K. smarties, fruit pastilles or Skittles work well. Sort out say the red and yellow sweets. Then identify one of the colours as good and the other as bad. Then over a period of a few days, maybe a week start to fill the jar with the appropriate coloured sweet every time a good or bad thing happens. After a few days hopefully you will see more good sweets than bad sweets. This usually convinces our son that although bad things do happen, good stuff happens more frequently. You can then eat the sweets….

Good Memories Store

We have an old small suitcase which we use to store good memories in. It’s full of old photos and handwritten notes. Every time we remember a good memory I write it down and put in in the suitcase. When times are bad we can then dig out the memory store and hopefully receive an instant boost to the soul. Has the added advantage of making sure you don’t forget those all important wonderful moments in time.

YouTube

Just losing himself in a YouTube documentary works somedays. I remember one occasion when he had an awful day at school but after 45 minutes of YouTube watching he was a happy little bunny. Worryingly he had found solace in documentaries about Caligula. What happened to Peppa Pig…

Wheelbarrow Train of Pain

Talked about this in a previous post. It stops my sudden urge to punch the wall with frustration. Basically load up a wheelbarrow with heavy stuff then push it round the garden. The number of circuits depends on the severity of the frustration.

Lego

Found that building a Lego set really helps take our son’s mind off his anxieties. It’s also good for his fine motor skills. It’s often frustrating for me as it just reminds me that I never got round to buying the Star Wars Death Star Lego set. Now it would be cheaper to buy a real Ghostbusters Proton Pack and get Bill Murray to personally deliver it to us.

Trampoline

Almost everyday on his return from school our son heads for his trampoline. 20 minutes later many of the frustrations of the day are put to the back of his mind.

Late night dog walking

Walking the dog never really helped our son. He was often too concerned about bumping into others. We would be having a happy conversation but suddenly someone would appear on his radar and he would be lost to anxious social thoughts. Almost by chance we then found the delights of night time dog walking. At night no one is about in our village. We have the fields and lanes to ourselves. Now it has become an excellent stress reliever. We frequently use the walks to plan out in detail the next days schedule.

Bad things league table

Every so often we run the bad things league table. We both list all the things worrying us. We then work together to rank them in order of how much pain they are causing us. Points are awarded for the severity of the issue, it’s frequency and how difficult it is to solve. It quickly identifies the stuff we need to focus on or prepare for. Because it’s done as a league table our son finds it easy to talk about and work with. For the issue which is the league winner we then spend a few minutes working out a couple of actions which might help knock it off its top spot for the next league table.

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One of the activists 100% guaranteed to raise our spirits will feature in the next post…

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 90 Comments

Countries gone mad

“Dad if we won the lottery could we buy a deserted island and live there?

It’s kinda sad that an 11 year old thinks that way. But I fully understand why and YES I would jump at the chance. I remember a time when I loved my country. Those days have sadly gone. Like many folk from Yorkshire we would happily declare independence. York becoming a capital city sounds cool. The national dish could be the Yorkshire Pudding. Our national sports would be cricket and being grumpy. The national animal would be the Ferret. Instead of having a nuclear deterrent we could threaten people with our rhubarb sticks.

You might think this is daft but trust me this is off the scale sensibility compared to the stupidity of modern Britain. Nothing sums up the state of the union better than just one single news story. Given all the potentially catastrophic events circulating around us (and there are many) – the attention of the media and a good proportion of the population has been on …… the horror of a bakery introducing a vegan sausage roll across its 900 stores. The likes of Piers Morgan (one of the not funny loonies and self pronounced TV Star) went into meltdown saying things like “Nobody was waiting for a vegan bloody sausage you PC ravaged clowns”. The news story is everywhere, you just can’t get away from it. I use the term news story very loosely.

I waited with anticipation for our son to return. He would cheer me up, bring much needed sensibility to my world. Unfortunately not this time.

“Dad the school want me to either write left handed or type left handed until my right hand gets better, that includes trying to do exams with my weak hand. I told them that I struggle to coordinate my left hand and that’s the reason I can’t tie knots. Told them that the Doctor was trying to help me with it but the teacher said I just had to do it”

“Dad did you complain about the behaviour in our bottom class”

Yes….

“Well they did something”

Please let it be something positive

“They moved a really well behaved girl up a set because she was struggling with the behaviour in our class and they moved a really naughty boy in to replace her. It was a lot worse today”

Only thing left is to go and buy a lottery ticket. That remote island is calling. Anybody fancy joining us.