We are so blessed to live on the edge of The Moors. Close enough that just 30 minutes after Hawklad’s last lesson of the afternoon we can be here…
The Bridestones…..
The name is likely to come from the Norse Brinkstones, stones on the edge.
Natural sandstone sculptures formed through an Ice Age and shed loads of Yorkshire Weather….
Late afternoon walk on the North Yorkshire Moors.
A three hour walk and not one sign of another soul anywhere on these moors. Definitely felt like a proper wilderness only 30 minutes drive from our front door.
On the drive home we got stuck in a traffic jam, a farm tractor decided to break down on a steep, narrow hill road. Just goes to show that we are also less than 30 minutes drive from a traffic queue.
Another much needed break in the weather, so we headed for a late evening Moors walk. We had the place to ourselves and wow did we enjoy it.
I’ve been venturing here for decades and wonderfully, it never seems to change. Along the path there is a creaky old gate which is a nightmare to open but also which is just low enough to step over. For years I would simply jump it but recently I started taking a short detour and opting for a gap in the fence.
After all these years I still can’t figure out how to open that gate….
And WHY did I stop jumping over the gate…..
I can still easily clear the height but for some reason I stopped. I kinda assumed it was simply about the fear of PAIN. For years I played contact sport, the bumps, the hitting the ground didn’t seem to matter. But at some stage it started to really hurt and I suddenly really knew it. I became way more careful and cautious playing sport. So if I mess up that gate jump, it’s a very hard ground, it will hurt…
But now I’m wondering….
Is it the fear of PAIN or is it the fear of BEING WATCHED MESSING UP. What happens if someone sees me fall, make a fool of myself. The EMBARRASSMENT. I’ve started to notice that I will turn opportunities down simply because I might be noticed messing up in public.
A few months back I was out trail running on a popular path and I jumped a fence, or tried to. I slipped and basically crashed into the fence, landing like a bag of spuds on the other side. A few bruises but no pain… But I was seen falling by several walkers. I bet they laughed. Is that the reason that I’ve stopped jumping that Moors Gate. It’s crazy it wouldn’t normally have bothered me, in fact I would have loved the idea of people getting a giggle, so where did this social embarrassment come from.
Well this time I jumped the Gate but guess who looked around first to check that no passing walkers were looking.
Well the longest day came and went.
We have a bit of a tradition going now. On the Longest and Shortest Days, we head off to the Moors to hopefully see the sun slowly set over the distant hills. A favourite little parking spot on a hardly used byway is the perfect spot. We only share these moments with sheep…
We like this spot because quite often, immediately after the sun sets you get a few brief moments of optical illusions. Often it appears that we are now looking down on the coast. A golden sea with islands. This always takes me back, back to my climbing days and the trips to the West Coast of Scotland.
Always poignant thoughts. I vividly recall standing by my car, near Torridon, watching a stunning sunset over water. Then getting in my car to drive overnight back to the rat race in England. Thinking, I can’t wait for my next climbing adventure here, already drawing up plans as I drove. That was over 20 years ago and I still haven’t returned.
Time moves on….
Here’s the crazy thing, if I had been told back then, it could end up being at least 20 years of no returns, then I would have almost certainly made more of an effort to find the time. To actually make that trip way before now but life can have a habit of just slipping through our fingers if we are not careful.
Sunset on the Moors, on the longest day, just a short walk from a Neolithic historical site. That’s almost Druid talk around here. I was also wearing some rather fetching brightly coloured shorts with a hint of a seventies bell bottom about them, That surely would fit in perfectly with modern Stonehenge Solstice dress code.
As the sun set we listened to those well known Druid bands, The Rolling Stones and The Beach Boys.
Hawklad likes to come to the same spot on The Moors, a little parking bay on a deserted road. Miles from anywhere. Few humans. Just a couple of isolated farmhouses and a not so secret, secret military base.
Hawklad loves the feeling of isolation here and the familiarity of this little parking spot. The more times we come, the more we get to know the free roaming sheep, the birds, the butterflies. We seem to see the same characters. Almost timeless.
We are going to see a lot of this place. There are worse places to visit.
A cold chill blowing across the Moors. It might be June but it’s feeling more like November. Spot the well hidden, very secret military listening base in the distance.
They hid that one well 🤣🤣🤣🤣
I wonder if those at the base will listen in to me having a rant about education, AGAIN. If they are listening well can you record the next message. Boris Johnson has blood on his hands, he’s taking us all for fools and he should be in prison….
Anyway I’m GNARLY today…..
School finally sent through a bundle of mock exam papers. No instructions, so I guess it’s work through them under exam conditions and send them back for marking. So poor Hawklad sat the first paper today. In the living room wearing his Ron from Parks & Recreation T-shirt. You never see Ron and Ned Flanders in the same room together – just saying.
Anyway back to the two hour home sat mock exam. We tried near enough exam conditions. No help, no books, no internet, no extra time. But he could get up and walk about. No need to put a hand up to go to the toilet. If he wanted to get a snack from the kitchen, he could. Exams stop children doing what comes naturally to them. Modern day Victorian enslavement.
I am GNARLY…..
After the exam I checked how it went….
Hawklad struggled. Clearly in this subject much of what has been taught in the classroom has not found it’s way here. You can’t revise if you not taught the area first….. Then we come to the exam paper wording. Do this and you fail, don’t do this and you fail, your not allowed to do this…. Is it possible to make the instructions more cold and foreboding. And then the question wording. They’re not exactly brief…. Not exactly clear. Misread one key word and you’re stuffed. The convoluted wording is often open to multiple interpretations but only one will get you marks. That is a nightmare for pupils under pressure and stress. That is a nightmare for those who struggle with reading skills. It’s a nightmare for kids like Hawklad who often interpret things in different ways, who can read most of the words but occasionally get the odd word wrong.
Hawklad talked about two questions in particular that really spooked him. I’m not at all surprised. I have a Masters Degree in this area, I’ve worked for years doing things covered in these two questions. One question involved working out an angle. A seriously complex problem to solve that I would describe as a two coffee solution. I would need at least two coffees to work this one out. How can that be a fair school exam question. The other question involved completing a technical drawing of a complex 3D shape. I’m not entirely sure I could ever do it by hand, maybe with an online drawing package. If your going to do this as a question surely you use a far simpler shape that gives the pupils a chance of completing while under pressure. Again….
How can this be a fair question….
Why do we let our children go through this. The stress of exams. Some are good in exams, many are definitely not. Countless studies have shown the negative impact exam pressure can have on mental health. And why, what are they trying to achieve. These exams are not about showing what the child can do, it’s about showing what they can’t do. Exams like this are setting many up to fail. It’s definitely not about finding the special talents that every single child will have. They are only about filtering out, child weeding based on such a narrow, arcane part of life. PINK FLOYD definitely got it right with Another Brick in the Wall.
Look at the state of those in charge of The UK and you realise that the education system just doesn’t work. It definitely doesn’t work for the children.
A short drive takes us into the heart of the Yorkshire MOORS. A stunningly moody setting for generations of fantastic storytellers. Wuthering Heights could only be set here in Yorkshire.
Today seemingly a perfect place for a trip out for Hawklad. He wanted to go out but to somewhere quiet and remote. The busiest time of the year for tourists yet we had the place to ourselves. Often it felt like we were the only two humans in these lands. That’s what Hawklad needed.
The setting perfect for forgetting the anxieties starting to build around the upcoming school return decision.
Then the decision was back centre stage for me. One small occurrence bringing the enormity of what Hawklad may soon be facing into clear focus.
A wall to be climbed. A set of steep, uneven narrow steps to be navigated. Helpfully a wooden handrail helped with my balance. But Hawklad couldn’t touch the handrail. Didn’t matter that I was probably the only person to touch the surface in hours. He just couldn’t touch it. Don’t laugh but he found a use for his old Dad. I stood next to the steps and he used the top of my head as a temporary balance aid. We laughed.
If he can’t touch surfaces how can he return to an overcrowded classroom with shared learning materials and equipment. He can’t touch door handles. He won’t even be able to touch his desk.
Two weeks to go and how can this school return happen.
Moody Moors. Moody Dad.
A small family trip to the moors. A carpet of pink.
I’ve always considered my family pretty close knit. No conflicts. No splits. Yes we got geographically spread but we still kept in regular contact. Regular visits.
Then three things happened .
Mum left us…..It wasn’t until she was not there anymore that I noticed that she was the gravitational force that held us together. We would frequently meet up at her house. We would have family get togethers but these usually happened because of mum. We would make the effort because of mum. Now that force of attraction has gone, the family meet ups are becoming less frequent and fewer turn up when they do happen.
Lockdown……The less frequent meet ups STOPPED for over 18 months. One sister who I would see really frequently has ended up not seeing Hawklad in over 2 years now…. Brother its 3 years now.
Time……As time passes we develop our own worlds. New families.
So we had a small meet up today and it felt strange. We should have had plenty to talk about, lots of catching up to do. It never happened. Even though we were physically close there still seemed to be a distance. Even Hawklad felt it. He pulled his hoody fully up – that’s a sign that he wasn’t comfortable. That never used to be the case.
When will the next meet up be, who knows. Zero sign of getting all the brothers and sisters together. The last time that happened was my partners funeral. The slow drifting apart of my family is sad but it feels kinda inevitable.
A Dad trying to cope with the loss of his Partner and becoming a single parent. 