Sometimes I feel like the worst parent in the world (I’m sure most parents feel the same at some stage). I read some of the tremendously inspiring parenting blogs and then compare it to my chaotic approach. This morning I was reading a blog about Dyspraxia when I realised that I had forgot to put this down on my son’s school health form. So I dug out a copy of the form and confirmed the omission but also noted that I had spelt Aspergers wrong as well. I phoned the school to ask for a new form and they informed me that I had used the wrong form anyway. So they would send out a new form. While they were on the phone they reminded me that I had still not returned another two important forms.

So that went well.

Sometimes life sends you a curve ball that makes parenting an even more difficult job. Seemingly well beyond my modest ability levels.

I’ve been agonising over when and how to have THAT ‘Santa’ conversation with my son. Because of his Aspergers it is something which has to be managed really carefully. Trying to find the right words, trying to find coping strategies for emotional reaction. I decided that the best time was in the upcoming school holiday. I had decided on giving our son a special Christmas project to work on. My idea is that he can plan our Christmas programme. What we do, what we eat, where we go, the decorations. It will be his Christmas.

Seemed like a plan. Unusually for me, a plan that had been meticulously thought out. So now the curve ball. Off the bus comes and obviously distraught son. I hadn’t planned on the R.E. Teacher announcing some choice Christmas facts during her lesson. I had not planned on the said Teacher obviously handling this really delicate subject for some kids with the tact of a rampaging wolverine.

So we quickly headed off to one of his favourite places. With his favourite pet dog. Went to see his favourite wooden sculpture. We drunk some of his favourite drink. We then talked through some stuff and agreed that it was his Christmas his year. His mood has lifted somewhat. His Aspergers planning is starting to swing into action. I think he’s going to be ok.

I am probably not the only parent that is rubbish at planning and organising stuff. But maybe, just maybe like most parents, we find a way of making parenting work.

37 thoughts on “Model Parent

  1. Children do not come with an ‘owners manual’ or a usage guide. We all muddle along best we can and hope for a good outcome. Agonizing over it is only gonna cause YOU grief. Enjoy life. Let HIM lead your way.

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Millions of adults prove that children survive…no matter how impossible that seems at times. I made the mistake years and years ago of jokingly saying that my son had inherited my lazy streak…he puts me to shame. Everything in my life right now is a battle. He is strong-willed, borderline Aspergers, and according to the school devoid of emotions (yeah, its called introverted). The only thing he cares about is orchestra, anime, and doing what he wants to do. They all survive…it’s us parents that don’t 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Laughed at “So that went well.” I feel your mental anguish as a parent. You had a pretty good plan all set up for the “Santa” talk – it’s just a shame that the teacher spilled the beans with the “tact of a rampaging wolverine.” (Second laugh moment). It’s confusing and WAY more challenging than I had ever realized – But hey, we are trying our best. And I think you are doing a great job!

    Liked by 4 people

  4. Nope, I got you beat! Sometimes everything we do feels like a mistake. And while I still question what I did for them to do some of the things they do, it helps to know they are stronger because of it.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. My kids have all gone so I’m pretty sure I have 1 locked up! Stay strong, there is absolutely nothing worse than an absent father, and you my friend, based on all I’ve read, are an amazing dad. Stay true to who you are and what you believe, you can’t go wrong. (Kids are smarter than we give them credit for. They smell the BS and as they grow older they work your weaknesses. Mine did big time. And as someone said in a post to me, trust that you did the best you could do, that you didn’t give up and that you love them no matter what, and one day, could be tomorrow, in 5 or 20 years, they will recognize and appreciate all you did. My daughter (18) and I have had an estranged relationship for the last 5 years. I honestly felt (and still feel) like it was all my fault, and that I made some mistakes and made poor decisions in trying to compensate by being more of a friend than father. I tried to be the cool dad, I was someone I’m not. And for the last year I’ve done everything I could to fix it. But I feel by not sticking to my principles and beliefs, I damaged it more. Two weeks ago We took a road trip and moved her out west. We were forced to spend a lot of time in close proximity. I offered to drive her because, well she was only 18 and my paternal warning instinct was in high alert. But mainly I thought it would be a good situation to try and restore our relationship. I can’t tell you if it did that completely, I can tell you that when I left to come back I heard something I haven’t heard unsolicited in so very long. “I love you dad”

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I’m so pleased for you. I really hope it does work out better. I think at first I tried to do parenting like I imagined his mum would do. It didn’t work. I just had to do it my way. I will only know if it was the right decision in a few years time. But thank you for your really kind words.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. You hit the nail smack on the head with that one. You will know! I am glad I could share, for what it was worth! (sorry it was so longwinded) Sending many positive thoughts your way 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Parenting is an enormous responsibility and a very heavy burden. No one can say that they did everything right. We try, we make mistakes and then do something good too! Don’t worry, you are doing a great job as you love your son and have concerns about your own ability to handle things and then , his. Prayers for you both.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Personally I think lack of planning can be an asset to parenting – makes you better able to deal with the curveball, and allows for spontaneity. I do realise, of course, that you have very special circumstances. It seems to me that you are doing wonderfully well

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I’m constantly in awe of your approach to parenting. You so obviously love your son and seem to have him very high on your priority list.
    My organisational skills as a parent keep me constantly in a battle of chaos! Then every night I’m kept awake by my regrets and anxiety over what I’ve done wrong as a parent. (Whether or not I’m aspie, those are definitely some traits I have; poor executive functioning and worrying excessively).

    I think you need to acknowledge just what you’ve done and how much importance you give your role as parent. You’re doing a fabulous job!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My son normally greets me with the line “you haven’t burned the house down today” or “you haven’t been cooking have you” or “have you remembered to …”. Over the last couple of years chaos has been king here. But usually I’ve been able to fix the mistakes. I like you worry each night about not being the parent my son deserves. But everyday we pick ourselves up and have another go at this parenting thing. Hoping one day to be that parent. But thank-you for your kind words.

      Liked by 2 people

  8. There are no children manuals. There are other people’s versions of parenting manuals. I don’t have kids so any “advice” would be ridiculous.

    However, I can say that your struggle with bureaucracy is a unneeded burden.

    My own father could take lessons from you.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Literally every parent can relate to this post, No parent is perfect and thats the beauty of parenting its a non stop learning experience. I really enjoyed reading this its good to know that i am not alone that none of us are. very relatable and greatly enjoyed.

    Liked by 1 person

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