Friday was going to be a big work day. After that video Thursday was a write off. Friday was positive, Friday was going to be a big work catchup day. So taking no risks with unexpected grief reminders – a carefully selected range of cds was lined up. Work started.

Then the phone rings. The phone call parents dread from school:

“I’m sorry your son is not so good at the moment can you come and pick him up”

As a couple you then have that urgent exchange of calls or texts to decide who is best placed to pick up. Unfortunately as a single parent all you can do is sigh, switch off the laptop and head to school. Monday is now ‘manic work Monday”.

Luckily it was nothing too lasting. Anxiety leading to an upset stomach which is quickly remedied by Tomato Soup and the prospect of the weekend. We often forget how stressful school can be for kids. Added to that – Autism and schools are not natural bed fellows.

Schools often forget that they don’t really do that much to relieve this anxiety. I haven’t forgotten that national budget cuts restricts what schools can do. But surely progress can be made. Large parts of the school are quite old and pretty grim. Without doubt the grimmest location tend to be the toilets. They are awful. Dark, smelly, completely unwelcoming. His last School’s facilities were awful and as a result many of the kids refused to use them. According to our son he only used them once in 5 years. At his new School the toilets are equally Victorian. With the added ingredient that they are poorly monitored and are a hive of bullying.

IS THIS NOT 2018….

OR IS IT A PINK FLOYD VIDEO

52 thoughts on “Call from school”

  2. So glad you have a remedy for the anxiety. Yes, when I see the school calling, my heart drops. Thankfully it hasn’t been too bad of calls, often times, it’s a little one feeling sick. Please try not to stress about Monday, as you’ve been able to manage on your own, you’ll get it done Monday. Remember to breathe and know it all be ok. 😊🙏🏽

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      3. Awe! It’s tough. But reassurance helps. I don’t know how it is where you’re at but here in the states the public school system offers parents to teach their children at home with the public school curriculum.

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      5. Yes, I understand. I agree, I didn’t do it with my son – as you know he has autism also, because it’s hard enough to make friend in school, let alone not being there. I considered it for this new school year.
        Ugh, it’s tough! We want to do what best, and school is really the best but there’s also down sides. Just want to know if that was an option.
        No worries! Keep doing what you’re doing! Baby steps, one day at a time. We can’t become overwhelmed because then the kids feel it! And they know.

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      9. Ugh I know! Even then we follow protocol for all children that need the help in school. We go to the specialist, we get the papers signed, we do all the running around, we meet at the end of the year with the teachers and counselors for the new year. And STILL, I’ve come across teachers that don’t bother to read the documents!
        It’s ridiculous! I’ve complained about a few because of their lack of respect towards my sons record and them not bothering to read it.

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      11. Exactly! They have it all, and yet when I tell them he needs more of the help he’s eligible to receive according to his file, they’re shocked to learn he has autism because he’s so quiet and well behaved.
        Haha! It is truly very annoying, you’re absolutely right.
        This reminds me last week, my son left his computer headphones on our home computer – he takes it back and forth to use at school also. He forgot the headphones at home and he came back home that day, saying the teacher said, next time he forgets it, he will get detention. 🤔 Excuse me, it was his first time forgetting them at home, he’s not a disruptive child, he has autism and has ADD. How is a teacher helping him by telling him you’ll give him detention, when he has these diagnosis?! It’s ridiculous!
        There can’t be one plan for ALL the children, it’s not a one size fits all. And I’m not saying to bend the rules but do realize with whom you’re speaking with when speaking. A child with autism doesn’t react the same then a child without an autism diagnosis.
        I think schools still treat all the children the same, regardless if they have a diagnosis or an IEP, etc. They’re all the same. It’s so wrong!

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      12. Our school is the same. Forget your headphones then it’s a negative. Four negatives is detention. If you forget your planner it is automatic detention. If your top button is undone it’s a negative. Hardly welcoming and a nightmare of anxiety. No allowances.

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      13. Wow! That’s crazy! I’m taking it all in. It’s overwhelming for an adult to understanding let alone a child. Is this a private school?
        My daughter was enrolled in a private school up until two years ago and the school was very strict! Down to the color of your school shoes and sneakers for physical education.

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      14. No it’s a state school. Just super strict. Apparently one poor kid last year got detention for throwing a snowball on his way home from school. So school rules extend out of school as well. You get a negative for having the any design on your PE socks or leggings.

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      15. Wow, poor child. He wasn’t even on school grounds. Ugh. Poor parents too.
        My children’s school now has their rules – it’s a public school, but they also have their set of rules. Nothing like a private school though.
        Makes you want to work from home and teach your child at home. In a perfect world. For now we’ll continue to pray for patience and guidance.

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      16. Like you – continue to pray for patience and guidance. The 48 hours he’s been off sick with his hand, apart from the pain, he’s been so chilled out without the school worries. Does add to the school from home argument. If I could afford to do it then I suspect I would go down this route.

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      17. Yes, I live with chronic pain and am a stay at home. I’ve considered to do the homeschooling but, the cons outweigh the pros. I have more bad days then I have good days. Would I be able to give him my time and attention on my bad days, how much will I be able to help him?! Not sure.
        So, even if I can, with other aspects, I can’t. Perhaps later, not sure. We all have our reasons, and very legitimate ones at that.

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      19. Yes! That’s exactly it! I almost did it last year, I wanted to disenroll him from school and homeschool him myself, when one of his current teachers told me in response to me telling her he was autistic, she said, oh yeah, I wouldn’t have known if you hadn’t told me, he’s so good. 🤔
        But, my health not being the best, I was afraid I’d set him back.

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  4. School toilets will always be like that 🤢
    My son’s school has a time out space for him if he has an anxiety attack, I think more schools should have them instead of sending children home…
    Hopefully you’ll be able to get some work done next week.

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    1. Thank you so much. This school does but they have picked the smallest, most cluttered and dingy room. Not very welcoming. I know the health professionals keep asking for something better. But at least they have tried. I think they mostly use it as a meeting room and place to store lost property.

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      3. Damn.

        Public schools are nothing more than giant daycares. The good kids are traumatized by the kids with bad parents or the teachers themselves.

        I just recently caught a video of how US public education was started and its intent was NOT altruistic.

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  9. Oy, I don’t get the balance in school budgets. My daughter’s school is physically falling apart, while my brothers have SOOOOOO many teachers I can’t keep track of who does what. It just feels like money’s never going where it could go to better things for kids.

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    1. It is. I was talking to a really great Health Professional. They told me that our school is going to be given an award for how it provides services to autistic children. I won’t say what she thought of that – it included a few expletives. In our country now you don’t get awards for the quality of the service you get awards for how efficient and how much money you save with the service. Madness. They have a state of the art sports facility with the latest artificial playing surfaces. Yet the toilets are leaking, smelly and broken. They are a specialist science school but they won’t fund any specialist support to kids who need it.

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      1. Oh the athletics around here. Yeah, those all need to be up to date and will cost you hundreds of dollars per kid to use every year. Thankfully neither Bo nor I are athletic, so we’ve never pushed the kids into those things. I know the time’ll come when I encourage at least the boys to try something for the sake of burning off energy, but sooooo many parents thrust their kids into sports without any thought on whether or not they actually WANT to play. Because sports are considered such a big to-do in college, they’re pressured in primary. It’s ridiculous.

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