I bravely ventured out to a store in one of local villages It’s not what you would call very big…
“Do you sell any floor cleaner?”
“No not been asked for that in ages. I thinks we sold the last one to Janice when she bought the Grandfather Clock from a vicarage three years ago. She wanted the room to look nice for when it arrived.”
“Ok” – it’s always a bit of an out of body experience in the shop. No idea who Janice is!
“Would you like to try our new cake it’s a Lavender Sponge”
“It looks lovely but no thanks. I’m on a gluten free diet.”
“Oh that’s nice. Those clever scientists come up with some great inventions these days. Did you know that Bill has switched to contacts.”
“No I didn’t” – no idea who Bill is!
“So can I give you a bit of our Lavender cake?”
“No thanks I’m on a Gluten Free diet and I can’t have wheat.”
“That’s nice. Mary has become a vegetarian and she lives next to the farm. I wonder how that works?
“Oh” – Who the bloody hell is Mary!!!
“Did you see our Prime Ministers face yesterday. I voted for her at the last election. She seemed like such a nice person who would get things done. Last night she looked like she was chewing a wasp. She is a mean spirited, selfish idiot. If she had any decency she would have resigned by now.”
“I certainly didn’t vote for May but I completely agree with you. She is a complete embarrassment.”
“Did you vote to leave?”
“No I voted to stay. I asked my son what he wanted and I let him decide for us. It effects his future the most.”
“I voted for Brexit. It’s not that I wanted to leave Europe I just wanted to make a protest. Didn’t think that we would win”
Deep deep sigh – bite bottom lip before I say something.
“I can wrap the slice of cake up for you, freshly made this morning. That must be the same diet as that really famous Male Tennis Player is on, he was on the tv last week, oh what’s his name”
“Novak Djokovic I got the idea from an article I read a few months back.”
“No that’s not him”
“No, oh it will come to me.
“Do you sell anything like cleaning wipes?”
“No but we do have a special offer on. You get a free bag of bird seed when you buy the local paper”
Bizarrely I came out of the shop with some bird seed, a paper, piece of Lavender cake and a sensation which is probably similar to a frontal lobotomy.