I thought yoga was supposed to be relaxing. My new Yoga dvd arrived yesterday . So I eagerly tried to open it so I could see my stress levels tumble off me. Unfortunately it had been cellophane wrapped by Superman. Eventually I managed to slice open the wrapping and my thumb with the kitchen knife. Good start to my yoga career.

After applying plaster to cut thumb put yoga dvd into player and get an error message. Invalid dvd region – note to self seemingly very heavily discounted US disks are discounted for a reason here …. So onto the internet to find the code to unlock all regions on the player. Sods Law dictates that of the 100 models listed for our well known brand of Japanese Player ours is the one that is not listed. After randomly trying codes for many minutes I stumble across one that works.

The first solid piece of advice provided was to select a cd of some of your favourite music which you can play while following the routine. Do you think Motรถrhead would work….

So I started… 10 seconds later the phone rings. My sister.

10 minutes later we un pause the dvd and off we go again…. 1 minute later the doorbell rings. Do I want to buy some freshly caught Whitby Cod. Every few months the same bloke comes round trying to sell his so called fresh fish. Given we are 40 miles from Whitby I suspect the fish was more likely caught from the local Quick-E-Mart.

Few minutes later settled on my back in the bridge pose. Maybe pulse starting to fall…. unprovoked dog licking attack to the face …. dog banished to another room, face feeling distinctly tainted.

2 minutes later we again un pause the dvd…. and 2 minutes later the phone rings and keeps ringing. Another sister.

15 minutes later we try again…. we just settle into the cat pose when the doorbell rings again. I try to ignore it but then there is a knock at the window. Look up to see the Postman waving. After accepting a parcel for next door I officially give up more stressed than I started.

That is not what the DVD promised.

That is not what Yoga promised.

101 thoughts on “Yoga is not good for you

  1. I know i shouldn’t – but i was laughing all the way through this! ๐Ÿ˜€

    VERY well done on jamming the DVD code though – masterstroke! ๐Ÿ™‚

    See – that’s why you need some martial art practice… so you can whump anyone who tries to interfere on your peace and serenity!! ๐Ÿ˜‰

    And may i also just say… that is a magnificent snap of the wildflowers, Sir! More please!!
    (Definitely musk thistle (aka nodding thistle) and cow parsley).

    Did they let you through at the border? How were the dinosaurs?? – and How’s your boy’s hand holding out – good i hope?

    Liked by 2 people

  2. The cellophane wrapping on DVDs is insane — annoying and completely unnecessary. I always use a knife to open the things although I have, so far, managed to avoid opening my thumb in the process (he says, tempting fate)

    Liked by 3 people

      1. Your dog would find you. And give you another round of relief licking๐Ÿ˜Š!
        Maybe yoga didn’t work out but you could always put your music CDs to good use – play them and boogie away, working in some exercises for all parts of your body.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I repeat what I have said before: You are the poster child for ‘If it weren’t for bad luck, I’d have no luck at all.’ I am sorry, but I can’t help a bit of a chuckle over your mis-adventures! I may start a book: The Mis-Adventures of a Yorkshire Dad ๐Ÿคฃ Hugs! ๐Ÿค—

    Liked by 5 people

  4. I agree about the wrappings on items these days. Try opening a childproof anything! Then the industrial strength shrink-wrap. Ridiculous. And then of course all that wrap and containers go straight to the dump, and the cycle starts again. Hmm seems I went off on a tangent here…good luck with your next yoga session!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. That regional DVD thing is a serious pain in the ass.

    I’ve done yoga for over a decade. It is very good for you…sans interruptions. Start small. Start slow. Small counts. BREATHE. Always breathe in every position. Yoga is not a speed sport. Yoga class makes you move with the teacher. Sometimes, that is not good…if you go to a class.

    It will get better. Keep at it.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Got kinda onto a Yoda theme today (pun intended) …” You must be the force, Luke Skywalker, believe in yourself, you must. Light saber the fish man, you can. Block the telephone, you will, and conquer your muscles, you should!”

    Seeing as word predict tried to turn conquer into ‘conger,’ you could also try dancing around the room with son, kicking away all obstacles, whilst listening to favourite music. (Not the chipmunks). It will be very cathartic, (but perhaps not so good for your doggy and furniture) . ๐Ÿ˜

    Liked by 1 person

  7. As someone who initially struggled to find yoga relaxing, I understand your struggle. It’s hard to relax with all of the distractions in life. When I unroll my mat I am usually greeted by a cat who wants to scratch her claws on the mat, my phone rings as well with a message from a friend who wants to talk or work, and then I lose my focus. I encourage you to try again, but maybe not with a DVD; look up pose pictures or a video on the internet. Once you are able to block everything out, I completely understand how hard this, then you will begin to feel the wonderful effects of yoga. Best wishes! I hope you are able to find some relaxation time soon.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. We all get days like that and it’s such a pain. I sometimes do yoga first thing in the morning because less likely to be bothered and switch my phone on flight mode. I used to buy dvds until I found free videos on Youtube, Yoga With Adriene is my go-to. Yoga helps me so much

    Liked by 3 people

  9. Yoga is another bad word.
    The only good word is #THANKYOU.
    As in “#ThankYou Cosmic Mommy Dearest” as you notice your deep slow natural orgasmic wordless zoned out in breathing.
    If it pleases you GET AWAY from all of this Exquisite blah blah Neurolinguistica Yoga CULTure that has eaten into our brains with the words like these. Perhaps go to the forest, desert, ocean and BE ONE WITH THE COSMIC MOMMY YOUR ARE A even if you have a Peniis.
    THANK YOU ALL BEINGS FOREVEMORE.
    THANK YOU

    Liked by 4 people

  10. Yoga truly isn’t very good for me since I have hypermobile ehlers danlos and have a tendency to stretch too far and hurt my muscles and ligaments even more than I do normally. Wish I had known that during the years I did yoga regularly!

    Liked by 1 person

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