We had an appointment today. Sat in the waiting room with three other families. All three with kids younger than our son. They were happily talking, running around and playing with the provided games. Son sat in the corner basically trying to hide behind a potted plant. This continued up to and during the appointment. Back in the car driving home he was back to smiling and talking about a multitude of subjects.

Since Aspergers became our byword this type of behaviour is common. I remember a Clinical Psychologist saying that it’s likely to be replicated throughout his life. Technically Aspergers is called a life long condition.

Son puts it so much better.

It’s just me. Its who I am.

Yet I had read a blog the other day which basically said Aspergers could be programmed out of people through repetition. It was an illness and as such could be eradicated. The cure…..

One of the subjects we talked about was. How does a Cow see itself. Not as a cow as that is our interpretation. It’s a great question to play with as we will never know the answer. As a result son couldn’t disprove my thesis that a cow sees itself as an actor in a Madagascar movie. Son informed me that about 63% of the worlds cattle population are from India, Brazil and China. He also allowed my random fact that the nosiest cows are from Switzerland – those beautiful cow bells.

Cows have 22000 genes with about 80% of them shared with humans.

I remember reading that cows like to stand either facing towards or away from the magnetic poles.

Apparently in Cow News – a cow walked through a classroom in India today.

Anyway after much deliberation son answered the cow question.

Should really ask a cow about that.

But that’s the secret. Too many humans make lots of assumptions and then answer questions they are not best qualified to answer. So when we talk about Aspergers maybe we should first ask the experts about it. Not the experts but the real EXPERTS. The kids and the adults with Aspergers.

88 thoughts on “The experts”

  3. You, sir, are one smart man! As is your son. Thumbs up to both of you! The trouble with people like psychologist and therapists is they think it’s their job to find a way to make everyone fit into the same mold, to act the same, like the same things, etc.

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  8. The real experts are those who live the experience. A neurologically typical person can’t really comprehend how a neurologically atypical person experiences life… full time.
    Having entered the world of neurological diversity through a ABI there are things I’m living that previously I couldn’t even imagine. I’m living in a drastically different world surrounded by the same people of my previous world and trying to figure out how to deal with the many challenges as I’m educating those around me how to take me. The ones who aren’t willing to work with me are the ones who have uttered the nonsense phrase “I understand what you are dealing with” and then proceed to do things that increase my personal challenges. (End of rant.)

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  9. So true Gary. The “experts”. Makes me spit feathers! Too many think that they know, and that we should bow to them. Happens in other areas of life too. It drives you nuts. Your son isbjust so bright Gary. And you’re a great Dad xx

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  10. These days (more than ever!!) you have to learn to be selective about what you read – and that never means only reading things you agree with, all of us do something like that ALL the time without realising it. (Confirmation Bias).

    Take the cows and the magnetic poles thing. In the picture you posted here the front 3 cows could be doing what was suggested, but then the 5 behind are not; or the 5 behind could be but then the 3 in front are not? 2 of them MIGHT be being temporarily attracted to the big thing on 2 legs that’s pointing something at them in the hope it is some kind of food? (I once read that cows see us 4 times larger than we really are, implying that would make them scared of us, but then they’d see everything else as 4 times larger, including each other, so we’d just end up being seen by them as ‘normal’!) 🙂

    Does your son Google all these facts at the time or just carry them in, what then must be, a fantastic memory??? 🙂

    We need more Cow News bulletins!! 🐮 🐮 🐮

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      1. Acknowledged! But i was not sure they were THOSE cows, cows all look pretty much alike to me (just 4 times smaller than they see themselves!) 😉

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      1. The other thing is, in this situation, he could just as easily have been feeling shy, uncertain, whatever and he might have felt that way anyway, whatever. But he’s got one hell of a lot sussed re life.

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      9. Yeah. Seen some brill bands there. We didn’t want to be travelling too long on our actual wedding anni, so we weren’t there on Sat nite when the bands are on. We treated ourselves for a laugh to a Highland Games dance on Wed in Arisaig while we were there. Well… boy was that something. When I say the second half kicked off at 12.15 I think you get the drift and that paying for a room was probably a waste. As for it only being the middle of the week ??? But then when we got down to Glencoe the next day we saw there was a band on on the Fri night after all which we didn’t expect. So a nice bonus.

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      11. I think up north there’s less going on socially for folks so they abso go for it when there is something. In the cities dances take a while to get going but everyone was up on the first number. They didn’t sit down either. So don’t worry re being ‘lightweights’. Was in Oban many years back.

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  12. I tried to “Like” some of these post but for some reason it won’t accept it. But there are a lot of responses here that I would like to “Like”!

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  13. Excellent post Gary – l like to say simply to the bloody Cure rubbish “I like who l am thanks – no cure needed – now Fluff Off!”

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  15. I completely agree. Being an expert after reading something in a book isn’t understanding at all.
    And I laughed that your son hid in the potted plant while waiting. Yesterday I took D and C to the pool. Eventually D wanted a snack from the snack bar. As soon as we opened the door he froze. As soon as I was able to get past the now mummified D I saw there were three men in their just talking in the AC while waiting for customers. D’s automatic reaction to outsiders. Freeze or hide. Then I read “eradicated through repetition” Oh, that’s awful. I can’t imagine forcing him into that room to see and talk to those men. Like he would ever be comfortable with it. I know how much I hate it and I’m not on the spectrum.

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      1. He’s a sinker. I had him in swim lessons before as he loves the water – and if his arms were moving, his legs weren’t. If his legs were moving, he would turn himself to look at them and his arms weren’t moving 🙂 We have a line at the pool he is not allowed to cross and I never leave his side. Not that he goes over the line, he so wants to socialize and just can’t get it right all the time. Today another child stepped on D’s foot and brought D’s attention out of his own head. D was SO excited and asked the boy if he was playing something. The boy just ignored D – he was playing with his friends and accidently bumped into D. D wouldn’t leave though until the boy just told him “Stop! I don’t want to play with you!” I felt so bad for him. I just got in with him and let him jump off my legs for fun and so he could play with someone.

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    2. Robyn, please don’t be offended if I question your comment that you are “not on the spectrum”. I think the whole point about “the spectrum” is that most of us or on it to some extent. I know I am, at least in so far as socialising goes. I’m much happier listening to others than in verbalising my own thoughts.

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      1. I think it’s a personal thing. In an ideal world the best person to gauge is the individual. It’s very like the debate over whether autism is a disability or not. Some do see themselves as disabled others hate the thought. I think I’m on the spectrum but depending on the person doing the test – officially I may or may not be. I remember when our son was getting assessed. We had two clinicians involved. One said the spectrum includes everyone it’s just a matter of deciding where the official help area starts. The other said the spectrum covered about 25% of the population.

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      2. Not offended in the least – often questioned it myself. I feel like I lean more towards social anxiety/social phobias though. But the lines are so thin. I am prone to be an outsider that has learned how to read social circles. I am pretty good at reading body language – it’s like my second language which is not spectrum like. I agree though – I think a lot of us are on the spectrum to some extent. I have definitely thought about it!

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  17. Ok – you can kill me later if it annoys you to hear about others with Aspergers, but I have someone in my life who I think is awesome for just being him yet accomplishing things that frightened the life out of him.

    One of my besties (I met him when I was a kiddo) has Aspergers. When he wanted to be a volunteer and came along to a construction project with me, it seemed to me that he was in the inferno regarding how challenging everything was to him.

    But it has been a while…he is pretty awesome. He is him. But people have got to know him and love him. He has worked on scores of construction projects and travelled all over the country, staying in the homes of strangers.

    There have been a few situations that have been painful for him (and others) partly because someone who knew nothing about Aspergers challenged him over his behaviour in some way. Horrible horrible.

    He is a clever clogs. Music, languages and he earns money through his computer skills. But I just love most what he has accomplished as a volunteer. It must have been unbelievably daunting for him to turn up on a construction site with so many strangers and to work in cramped conditions with people. But he loved learning how to use various tools and he became very skilled over the next couple of years.

    Love him. His wife is fab too. She has been a superstar.

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      1. It’s all wrong isn’t it. I sometimes wonder about the mentality of those in charge. Having my own debate with DWP and Hubby’s disability at the moment. Just waiting for the letter to say they’re stopping it.

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  21. I hid behind everything when I was a kid (portable chalkboards, convenient cupboards, large chairs, and favourite – behind the sofa). I actually like potted plants better than a lot of people. They don’t give you any lip when you talk to them. No one cured me, and I manage just fine. Your son will always be him just as he is. 😊

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  22. I’m sure we all have some behaviors that could be programmed out of us through practice. Sometimes, in myself, those behaviors are actually things that make people think I’m quirky. But, personally, I think I’d be an anxious mess if I tried to change those things. First and foremost I have to be okay with who I am. Not all behaviors should be eradicated, especially not to achieve the approval of others. Like your son said, “It’s just me. It’s who I am.”

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  24. Ugh, people can be dumb. People can’t program something out of themselves that’s there. This is something I try to emphasize with family members who ask about the boys and their sensory thing. It’s about helping them learn how to be in the world when the world is too much for their senses. It’s about…some new programming, I guess? I dunno, I’m rambling.

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      1. And the worst of it is feeling like you’re never listened to. Or when people throw THEIR science at you and assume you’ll just listen to them when they base their own conclusions on 0 observations.

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  25. What does a cow think? It is my hope that when we get supertintelligent AI — hopefully in 20 yrs or so – they will develop communication with the non-human world. If they succeed, I think we’ll
    learn some surprising things. Maybe with a translator that would come out of such research your son will one day talk to cows.

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