Two days ago it was 34C and cloudless. Today we are back to jumpers, rain and mist. Again the weather matches my mood.

Today I am missing my partner more than usual. Maybe it’s because we are starting to approach the fateful anniversary. Maybe it’s the weather. Maybe it’s 2 hours sleep last night. One thing it is most definitely not to do with is our son. As ever he is the shining light. The only thing that keeps me going.

So as he is watching ScoobyDoo and the Witch’s Ghost my mind is wandering. Not only am I missing her so much there is something else. I am still enjoying parenting today but I’m not enjoying being a single parent today. Does that make sense?

  • Nobody is there to tell you that are doing some parenting thing right or wrong.
  • Nobody is there to give you a hug.
  • Nobody is there to give you that knowing smile.
  • After son goes to bed nobody to snuggle up with to watch a movie.
  • Nobody is there to share a quiet moment with.
  • Nobody is there is ever to make you a cup of coffee.
  • Nobody to cover while you pop out for that bottle of milk or a bag of flour which you have just run out of.
  • Nobody to calm me down when I am about to throttle the hoover as the belt snaps again.
  • No more holding hands.
  • Nobody to share that special moment together when our son does something magical.

Don’t get me wrong parenting is still the most rewarding thing I will ever do. Maybe I need to write a post about the upside. It is the best gig in the world. Just somedays it’s a bit tougher than usual and certainly more lonely than I envisioned all those years ago.

85 thoughts on “Lonely

  1. You have more than enough reasons to feel that loneliness… And I don’t think you have anything to feel bad about, when the loneliness gets more intense. I never get the feeling that you don’t enjoy parenting your son because of it. The two things are completely independant from each other, I think. All the best to you and your son, for the days to come! *big hugs*

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Hugs by proxy (I’m sure my Hubby wouldn’t mind).
    It must be very difficult and as you say, your son is your shining light, but there are times when just knowing someone is there, close, sharing your space is sufficient to keep loneliness at bay. Any more thoughts on hobbies you can take up together that won’t cost an arm and a leg?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I know my daughter gets lonely too. We live in the same house and share the parenting of Ben but she’s been without a partner for years. Ben is her main focus but it’s totally normal to want to share your life with someone.
    You’re doing it all completely by yourself, and doing magnificently. Melancholy days are to be expected.
    Sending hugs! 💌💌

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I so wish I had been writing a blog when I was a struggling single mum. It really is so hard when you don’t have that other person to just take the load off at times, and yes nipping out for a pint of milk or the ever running out loo roll is so much harder when you’re a single parent. I think you are doing the right thing though by just getting through each day and allowing yourself time for the wounds to heal. You are doing a fantastic job I’m sure.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. There are so many reasons why people end up bringing up their children on their own and most of the time it is not through choice. Having to cope on your own with a task that often two parents struggle with is no easy thing. Everyone needs an arm around them and someone to lean on at times.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. I think you do write most positive posts about your life. It’s okay to feel depressed when special dates are coming up. I still feel them. Funny how we seem to remember sad dates more than the others. It takes a toll and no one can be Pollyanna all the time. I’m sure your son understands very well the situation and reactions. He’s a great kid!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. The loss of your most beloved leaves the most gaping hole. I understand. You think you know what it will be like, but you have no idea. The loss of intimacy and a shared past, present and future. So hard. Be kind to yourself. Sending loving thoughts x

    Liked by 1 person

  7. My daughters are both successful adults, and my ex doesn’t bother them too much now that he’s medicated. But last weekend at the wedding I felt lonely. Everyone was paired up except me and the young kids. Even old divorced and widowed people had found new partners, but I’m still alone. No dates any more at all. 😢

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’m sorry you experienced that. It’s just no fun at all. Crazily I often feel embarrassed when that happens. Just want the world to swallow me up. Once you drop out of the social world it is a nightmare to get back into it. Whatever happens I hope it brings you smiles.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You reminded me of an experience with some guys wearing lederhosen hotpants and nuns in suspenders (all men) when we took a group of ladies in their eighties out to the theatre – it was quite an ordeal!

        Liked by 1 person

  8. I like the fact that you are writing about the sad times as well, it’s keeping it real and it is life. Writing it out like the above post helps release thoughts like this from your mind and that helps free it up and also acknowledges these feelings. Sending you a big hug XOX

    Liked by 1 person

  9. There are no words, but as you can see just from the comments, a lot of us have come to care about you, even if we live a whole pond away, and we’re here for you, or as ‘here’ as we can be. Hang in, my friend. HUGE HUGS!!!

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Love those poppies… i was going to ask you if there were any fields with poppies still in them to take a pic for me but i figured they would have all been long gone by now – especially after two ‘heat waves’ this Summer! 😉 Is that a recent photo? Are there any fields left full of poppies?

    I have my first few poppy buds starting to stand up on tiny stalks (out way earlier than previous years) so soon my blog will be nothing but jokes AND poppy photo’s – I can’t wait. 🙂

    ‘Those’ anniversaries are always going to emphasise the negatives in our lives and they will pull our thoughts towards all of the stuff that puts us in a similar mood, basically all of the cr@p. 😦

    Just remember there is balance in the Universe and we can seek out and find the good stuff that makes up for the not good… sometimes it takes a big effort so it may be necessary to try to let the hurt slide by a little so you don’t have to use so much energy overcoming it.

    Not an easy thing to do but one that will become easier with practice.

    And in case no-one above mentioned it, or you might have missed it… You ARE doing a brilliant job given the circumstances!! 🙂

    Hang in there!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Yup! With you there… our flowers are coming out about a month early?? Others have been flowering from start of Summer to middle of Winter.

        Absolutely nothing unusual or noteworthy about that! 😑

        Liked by 1 person

  11. Some days, the cold of sorrow will bite very deep indeed.
    For me, I soon learned that while I never wallowed in it, it wasn’t wise to try to escape it either; often grief was worse when I got back.

    Let the pain in when it knocks on your door. Let us in too whenever you can, for the angels (and some of us here) will weep with you as we journey with you.

    That’s what friends are for, even if we are a pond or a couple of seas away.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Yesterday I felt the same kind of thing. Driving along the M1 (fortunately very close to home), the glass fell out the wing mirror. Fortunately, it’s all sorted now – and I can relax again. But yes, it would have been nice to have another adult to share the shock with etc. Still popcorn and The Rise of the Guardians film on Netflix went down well in the evening.

    Liked by 1 person

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