You get these days……

Hawklad was taking his science revision really seriously. We were in the garden playing football. Actually I was trying to show off. Trying to show Hawklad that I could curl a free kick around the sundial and nestle the ball into the top corner. All with my left peg.

Sadly I am no Messi.

The ball screamed into the farmers field. Like an Exocet missile it landed perfectly into a new and very deep cowpat. I jumped over the fence again landing perfectly into an even bigger cow gift. I wasn’t picking that ball up so I decided kick it. Have you ever kicked a cowpat. It explodes…… I was covered. It even went up my nose. Up my pigging nose. That’s emasculating.

The smell taking me back to days living near a sewage treatment facility. All very Nose-talgic……

Definitely one of those days….

55 thoughts on “Pat”

  8. I am presuming you did this purely for Hawklad’s entertainment, and to give him a moment of badly needed hilarity. Surely you knew better than to kick a pile of cowshit.
    But I wonder? Did Hawklad make you get naked before he allowed you in the house? I certainly would have, given the, uh, circumstances. ROTFLMAO.

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  11. I am another saying sorry, because all I could do was laugh, while reading this post, because you created that perfect picture. I have tears in my eyes, from the laughter.

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  19. I can totally empathise, I truly can.
    For if we’re sharing shit stories, then do read on:
    See in your minds eye a hurried walk down hill, towards a garden gate.
    Suddenly one foot trips over fresh air, then t’other foot argues the toss wi’ that one and both freeze together in a mutual hug below. 🦶🦶 My body keeps the down hill momentum as my hands in an attempt to right myself splay out like an eagle. One digit gathers a huge splinter sliding over and off the gate post, but my face needs to be top of the pile, so literally plants itself side on into a still warm cat turd. 🐈💩 As I rise, the neighbour has started a manic giggle 🤭 and I decide to play on that wi’ my best snooty look o’ distain (because yer canna miss a chance to get a belly laugh rolling). 🤣

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      1. Better still, if you can, try your imagination round this, as you feel the heat on the side of your face and almost taste the pungent aroma! 🤪 Now we’re talkin’ now we’re talking being there and seeing that. 😁 😂 🤣

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