Remoteness and Silence still exist in this mad old world.

I was watching an old Cary Grant, Loretta Young and David Niven movie. Definitely a different but really good variation on a Wonderful Life.

The Bishops Wife.

As the plot unfolded I noticed something about David Niven. He just looked so haunted, almost lost, in pain. Tragically his wife had died in an accident just a few months prior to filming leaving him completely broken. After the movie I listened to an interview where he talked about those months after the tragedy. Friends has been there for him including Clark Gable. But in his words, friends inevitably have to get on with their own life’s. When this happened he felt lost, surrounded by darkness, isolated, out of step with the world.

Looking back 7 years almost to the day and I so understand that feeling. The darkest times definitely for me were when friends moved on and suddenly the phone stopped ringing, no text messages, no cards, no knocks at the door.

Silence.

Thankfully I made it through the darkness but now I remind myself, when someone I know is going through loss, to never forget how that SILENCE felt to me. Even something as simple as a card, a text message, a phone call, or a coffee invite can make such a difference.

Break that Silence.

32 thoughts on “Break the silence”

  3. A beautiful and also heart wrenching post, Gary. Life can be very harsh and this is so evident when it comes to friendships – and what lasts and what drifts. I’m glad you made it through your darkness and sharing your and Hawklad’s light now with the world.

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  4. I believe every curse has a blessing. When remembering the darkness, the feeling lost and alone is transformed into empathy for another’s struggle, that is a gift. Jim’s illness went on months longer than originally anticipated, and two friends faithfully sent us cards every week–up to the time he died, and then ever since on his death anniversary. I cherish those friendships and try to be that for others.

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  5. I had no idea about Niven. I watch that movie a LOT because it’s on tv a LOT.

    People think I’m weird because I talk about death and grief openly.

    After being unexpectedly hospitalized (years ago), I recommend not sending flowers, only non-scented gifts, because a beautiful bouquet nauseated me. Also from experience, grooming products (waterless bodywash wipes, dry shampoo, good comb/brush, even underwear) are GREAT if the person has an extended stay.

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  7. How well I understand. My husband died 6 1/2 years ago. For those first weeks people were there. For a few months they were there as I fought the pain, the sadness, the trying to find my way. Then, they did move on to their life. Even family stepped away. It is a difficult, painful, long journey to finding peace.

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  8. How? How to respond? What can I possibly write or say to the one who is at the heart of the grief? It’s so hard to comprehend the loss of others, when the loss is also close to your heart? I am at a loss, but I hear what you’re saying and will attempt to support somehow. Geez, someone we love dies and it’s just not right, it’s not right!

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      1. It does. In our culture, people come to the home of a departed family member every week, for weeks. As a tradition and to support family. In western culture, family bonds aren’t that strong. And sadly you lost your mom, and your parent’s moon soon after this tragedy.

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  15. Pastor Mark said something like this on Sunday. He was talking about how during the pandemic he recieved no phone calls asking how he was doing. He said he had big enough shoulders to carry what he needed to carry, but it bothered him so that he took initiative and started to call other Pastors to see if how they were coping. Later he recieved a thank you note from some of them saying how much they needed that and how much it encouraged them. Everyone needs that. Whether it’s during a time of grief, isolation, or simply to know that someone is thinking of them and cares. Reaching out to others is definitely something we all should think about more.

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