For years I’ve tried to learn a second language. At school, French was the weapon of torture preferred by the teachers. They tried, I was very trying….. After about 15 years of more self imposed French torture, after so many different language learning systems, I realised that there we’re still rabbits and chickens who could ask for a sandwich in Paris better than I could.

Experiment abandoned…..

I switched to German. Since then I’ve tried, I’ve really tried. Slowly the second language developed past rabbit linguistic levels. Increasingly on the Swiss trips, I tried out my German, usually spectacularly badly. But then in 2015, on one particular train heading towards Bern, with one particular German speaking Train Guard, a Guard asking to see our tickets and asking where we were going, I nailed it. The perfect response in perfect German. I actually spoke German for maybe 20 seconds…..

I looked over at my partner and whispered ‘that was unusually competent German for me…’

Well I thought I nailed it.

The Guard looked coolly at me over his glasses and said in perfect English…

“you used all the right words but pronounced them in the wrong way and you got the word order completely wrong”…

He then proceeded to give me an impromptu lesson on how verbs are parachuted to the end of sentences when certain words like THEN or BECAUSE are used. But then there are other words for BECAUSE that don’t send the verb flying all over the place….. what on earth is that all about.

So fast forward to 2024 and I’m still trying. I think I’ve just about sussed out the verb going to the end thing. Sadly my pronunciation is still very Yorkshire mixed with Geordie, think Monty Python. What chance have I got with actual German speakers when my very own car satellite navigation can’t even understand my accent. That’s when I’m speaking English…… But one day, hopefully really soon I will get the chance to try German again in Amazing Switzerland.

Ich kann es kaum erwarten, es wieder zu besuchen, weil es sehr schon ist.

47 thoughts on “Wrong order”

  3. You have to admit “I canna” (yorkshire accent english) is very close to “Ich kann es” (german) and is the same meaning. So maybe that is why you get on with german better than french.
    I do hope the guard wasn’t pulling your leg. Do the verbs parachute to the end? Plus, he did know what you meant, so “Ah can’t see eur problem theear a’ orl. theur just call propa kindly ‘n smile, as smiles are t’ sem i’ orl languages, reet?”

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  4. Great story! My parents chose to send me to a Lutheran school, even though we are not Lutheran. The only foreign language offered was German, which I studied for 8 of the 12 years I was there. It’s been a very long time since then and I can say things like “Helene is going to the dance”, “What time is it?”, “Where are my galoshes?” and my personal favorite, “What is wrong? You look so pale.” It’s a tough road.

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    1. When learning Spanish, I asked my parents if they wanted to hear me say something. I came up with, “Juan monta su caballo en el aeropuerto “… Juan mounts his horse at the airport. Still my fave phrase!!

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  5. I was taking French in High School, so I thought it would be an easy credit in 1st Year university. I couldn’t speak it, but I could read it and, I thought, listen to it. 50% of my exam was translating a recorded passage. i listened to it twice then started to write. I thought it was perfect, but I got a 0. I went to see my prof and complained. What had I done wrong? She translated aloud what I had written, and asked me, “Can’t you hear the difference?” I said no, they both sound exactly the same. No, she said, “you translated the first words as The fox, for example (I can’t really remember what it was,) but what I said was “Because oxen…” That changed the mesning of the rest of the passage. I had heard the opening word as “the,” but she insisted I broke the word after the wrong syllable. I said “But didn’t I translate everything perfectly if the first word was “The,” and she agreed. But it wasn’t what she said, so would not change my score. I dropped out of that class and never took French again. If two passages can sound exactly the same, but say totally different things, I wanted no part of it. English at least I know the difference between “read” “read” and “red.” But obviously French all sounds like Greek to me.
    I’ll stick to English.

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  6. Wishing you continued good luck.

    I learned 2 american sign languages (ASL & SEE). My brain mixed them and I can no longer communicate in either one. So you’re doing better than me!!

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  7. I hope you do! It sounds like the guard had a sense of humour. Probably different from a Brit one though. I’m pretty shocking at Portuguese, and I live here!

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  11. Doch, es ist wirklich schön. German was ok for me (a surprise B at A level) but I recently tried to learn mandarin and couldn’t remember anything from one week to the next. Hopeless.

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  13. I have been studying Polish (off and on) for the past 15 years. I have a decent vocabulary and can use infinitives quite well, so I can make myself understood; and I have accepted I will never progress beyond sounding like a three-year-old when I am in Poland (or in the Polish-speaking community near me in Michigan). It is still fun to learn, and I tell myself I am staving off dementia.

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  14. Positive thinking! I admire you for attempting German. All those big words would scare me. It really helps when you meet someone like that train conductor who can explain it all. Have you tried using YouTube?

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  15. All you can do is try, Gary. And I hope it happens for you one day again!

    We have to start French in grade 4 next year. Looking so forward to it. 🙄

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  19. Photos are a universal language. Those are beautiful! I’m rooting for you and I admire you for ot giving up.

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