Not for the first time – sounds a bit like a Foreigner song.

How many times before I learn.

Why are life lessons so easily forgotten.

The older we get the more we are visited by loss, the more emotional baggage we carry.

Not for the first time, a character, a personality, someone with a rich story to hear, explore and understand. Let’s have that coffee next week, after this and that, let’s set something up tomorrow, maybe the weather will be better in a few weeks. Sorry busy, there’s a delivery I need to stay in for, shopping, work, housework, family….

Let’s have that coffee soon.

Time sometimes runs out…. I know…. I should know…. It’s happened before….

For months been talking about having a coffee with a wonderful chap in our village. A few decades older than me, lost his partner similar time to me, an artist. Much to talk about, share and discover. For this reason and that the coffee kept being put off till next week, then next week, then…..

He passed away a few days back. So many stories unheard, didn’t get to hear about his artist life. Just have to treasure the chats outside his house as I passed on the daily dog walk. Chats often quickly reverting to mutual disbelief at what is becoming of our country and its so called government. Little glimpses into each others worlds, a few tantalising snippets gained on an artist’s life.

If only that coffee had happened. If only I had asked this question and that question. Spent some more moments talking.

How many times have I thought that. Family, Partner, Friends.

Maybe this time, I’ve really learnt the life lesson.

72 thoughts on “Not for the first time”

  1. You’re such a wise, compassionate, and thoughtful human, my friend. Your honesty and authenticity, through every path in life (loss, love, regret, and good) always touches my heart. Thank you for reminding me each day what matters. Love and prayers. I’m going to toast my coffee cup to you and Hawklad in the morning. I’m sorry for your loss. ❣️🙏

    Like

    Reply

  2. I’m sorry that happened. I guess if there’s a lesson in it, it’s to never put off the things you wanna do.

    I say that, because in my own life, I’ve made choices that were very costly and now I’m living in the moment and trying to do what I enjoy the most and with the people I enjoy since life is so short.

    Thank you for sharing and for being so compassionate in this writing.

    Like

    Reply

  3. There are so many great humans out there. Just the other day I met a friend I hadn’t seen since before Covid. We sat in the coffee shop and did exactly as you wrote. We ‘caught’ up! It was lovely; and yet I probably won’t see her again for who knows how long.
    Life moves on; we move on. However, I do believe we can all learn that lesson of – Make every single moment count…

    Like

    Reply

  4. Oh Gary, I am so sorry. Life really is a vapor, but so easy to forget that.
    I am glad you have good memories of him and hope that helps the pain of regret.
    (((Hugs))) to you! 🩵

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  5. This one brought a tear to my eye, dear friend. How many times have any/all of us been “too busy”, but “we’ll do it next week” … until one day next week ceases to exist … opportunity lost forever. I am so sorry for the loss of your friend and the opportunities missed. 😢 Big hugs

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

      1. Just wait ’til you get to be my age, my friend! Your mind wants to rush and cram as much as possible into today, for tomorrow is not a given, but the body won’t cooperate. ❤️

        Like

  6. I’m sorry for your loss and the missed opps. I mostly learned the lesson in my 30s but could never quite get time & funds together to fly across the coubtry, to Nova Scotia, to meet & take classes from a dear internet friend who’s paintings I collected. She died very suddenly, of cancer, right around the start of the pandemic. I remain devastated.

    Do those meetups!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  8. I don’t know, Gary… as sad as this has turned out, lives run at different speeds and in different directions. That makes it tough to find intersecting points where we can slow down and allow our paths to cross for a while. You’re not like some who put off those precious chats over coffee just to chase another million for your coffers or for some other similar pursuit. You’re a dad struggling to make life for yourself and your son. You do the best you can, and sometimes it’s the chats by the gate as you go by on your walks. In God’s eyes, the little things we get to do, they’re grand, Gary.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

      1. Turning it over in my mind, I see your point. True, not everything can wait. Some days, the sparrows may call out louder for our hearts. On such days, to them our hearts must turn.

        Like

  11. So very sorry about your friend. Yes, this happened to me a while back. A very elderly lady, a far out relative, who may have been the only one alive who could tell me the names of the people related to me, in a large ancient picture my great aunt left me. She lived a distance away but I should have made a time to go and see her, despite illness etc. etc. Thanks for this timely reminder… there are others I need to visit too! At least you had some good passing conversations with him, though.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  14. I’m very sorry for your loss, Gary. 😔 Life is so precious and I feel your pain. Every day does matter and it is indeed important to not put off these moments because we never know what’s around the corner.

    Wishing you lots of coffee dates and conversations to come.

    Like

    Reply

  16. And an extra hug to you. I have felt this hard regarding Bo’s father. Regret we did not visit him more often so he could spend time with his first grandchild. He died the winter after Blondie was born, all those intentions of spending more time with him during coming summer days gone. We do not know the time of anyone’s thread being cut, but we see them and always hope for that coming time together, that coming coffee, that coming summer day. The hope in us always sees that coming Next Time. We can’t lose that hope. xxxxxxxxxx

    Like

    Reply

  19. I’m sorry Gary. I know how you feel. I heard recently that an old friend had been diagnosed with cancer and I planned to send a card but I left it too late. In a similar circumstance a few years ago, I mailed a card to someone dying in hospital. I thought at least she would know I thought of her. Months later a bunch of mail was found in the corner of a post office and it was returned to me, undelivered. I think there are messages in this. The not putting things off, for sure.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  22. The more I feel I’m getting “used to” loss after loss, parent, family, friends- the more I realise I don’t want to lose what remains. It’s a strange relationship- we know we will lose again, but instead of breaking (which it seems like it’s out to do), it also builds- hope, if nothing else.

    Like

    Reply

  23. Live gets in the way so often with good intentions. It makes me sad for you, for I am sure that person who wanted to meet up with you did have word that would have encouraged your heart. One cannot go through a mate dying or leaving for other reasons without learning how to cope. I have several ladies friends who I have been friends with for years and I know if I lost my husband they would be the ones I would want to talk with. I love the way you are open about your life. I pray God bless you.

    Like

    Reply

  25. Oh, my goodness! Just ran across this blog. First of all, great lesson taught! I have a friend who keeps asking to have coffee, and I keep putting it off – because I work so much. You just taught me to take a break, take a few hours for that coffee and time together – because you never know what the next day will bring, and to cherish the little moments. Thank you for that lesson! Love the tractor photo by the way, and I hope to use this story in my blog if that’s okay?

    Like

    Reply

Leave a comment