I guess many parents have probably done this. A Ninja Argument with your partner. Our Individual flaws mean that things like arguments can brew up anywhere, anytime, sadly even when our children are present. What follows next is an argument while desperately trying to hide this from the kids. Trying to portray normality, happy families while having a right ding dong…. Using all the tricks in the book, those looks, silence, sarcasm, sign language, under your breath anger, referring to your partner in the third person….

One of those arguments sticks in my mind even now, even after something like 10 years.

This argument’s fires were stoked in the gift shops of Interlaken, reaching their zenith on the lake boat returning to the hotel. It was one of those arguments that we couldn’t even agree on the length of the conflict. Sat at a boat dining table, I’d moved to let’s park this argument stage. Withering looks, caustic comments and a well placed under table shin kick clearly indicating that feeling wasn’t yet mutual.

Here’s the madness, I can remember the argument yet I have no idea what we were arguing about. Parents with a wonderful son, in a wonderful location, so many adventures to be had and we were consumed on pointless, destructive arguments. No recollection of good moments, just the self inflicted negativity. Apart from the madness the only other thing I can recall from that day was getting seasick. Seasick for the only time in my life. I’ve been on really rough North Sea crossings, NOTHING. Yet on this beautiful, wave free Swiss lake, as the argument finally subsided on both sides, the gentle movement of the boat got to me. Everything was moving and swaying, wow was I feeling nauseous. Even trying to hide this from Hawklad. Stumbling off the boat at our destination and slumping on the nearest bit of dry land grass.

My last memory of that day was one more comment I heard – ‘that’s a little too over dramatic…”. All I wanted was the world to stop spinning. Now I just want to play out those few hours again. Replace negative memories with fun ones. Life can be such a wonderful adventure , if only we let it.

34 thoughts on “Let it”

  1. I have long felt that we’re somehow conditioned to remember negative things & pain FAR more strongly than good/pleasure. Maybe it’s a basic thing about keeping us alive.

    In this case, maybe a negative memory is better than none?

    Like

    Reply

    2. Yer know, there’s around 200,000 new cases of leprosy reported every year, where people cannot feel the pain, but that could mean holding onto something that is so hot it is burning our skin off. So, yes, negative things and pain are far more important than we’re lead to believe. It keeps us alive and out of dangerous relationships perhaps (unless the clever bugger is cunning and uses those mind games I’ve heard of lately in The Instant by Amy Liptrot).

      Like

      Reply

  2. I hope your brain will flood you with good memories that outweigh that bad one!
    I understand the desire to want to go back and redo the moment. (((Hugs)) my friend! Thanks for the reminder to enjoy the time we have. 💛

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  3. Hmm. Good and not so good memories… lots of mine have disappeared. However, I have just thought about the ferry crossing from Hull to Rotterdam – very choppy and very seasick. So for me, it’s best not to remember!

    Like

    Reply

  4. I’m sorry that you remembered that argument and the negativity of it. But perhaps it is a way of recalling so many occasions which were the exact opposite of this one?

    Like

    Reply

  6. Our brains like to entrap negative events. They are unfortunate, but remind us of what we hold onto that perhaps we need to release. As you said, life offers us a lot of wonderful things too.

    Like

    Reply

  7. You probably can’t remember what it was about because it was unimportant. We often argue over something trivial because we have been irritated by something else or perhaps not feeling well. Maybe your seasickness was the result of some other malaise? And our brains like to torment us with things we’d be better off purging. It is the wonderful, happy moments that count.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  9. We all have those moments … we wish we could turn back the sands of the hourglass and do things a little differently. Unfortunately, we’re only human and we ALL do things we look back on with a bit of chagrin, a bit of regret. But in the long run, there were far more wonderful times than dark ones, right? Focus on those!

    Like

    Reply

  10. Life just doesn’t have a reverse slot in the gear stick luv. Can’t go back to my punk hair teenage days, where I might be spitting on the pavement, because I was doing the angry at the “Normal” people thing. Which in retrospect was disgusting, same goes with those years I smoked Silk Cut, plastered my skin with self tanning lotion, had something like five earrings in each ear, insisted on a piggy back so that I could wear my high heels in the snow… flippin Nora I was a bloody nightmare! Your ding dong argument was small fry, compared to things like: Having a lift of someone that actually stopped to take some heroin (of course I got out and walked away). Anyone that has an ounce of conscience has a ton of regret on occasion, but that ton of shit is actually already composted by now and it means life can thrive now knowing yourself as imperfect. Am I right? Please don’t tell me, it will go to my head.

    Like

    Reply

  11. 🩷 I think we are prone to revisit those places of regret – it’s just part of how our human brain works.

    It’s also important to remember at some point there was a repair after that moment, many memories made, and learning ( always so much learning :).

    Grief is such an unknown journey.

    I love your realness and appreciate your writing, Gary.

    Like

    Reply

  12. You’re right that we let such petty moments get in the way of enjoying the bigger picture.

    But I’m glad you have these lovely photos of your family trips. I bet they’ll jog up the happy and positive memories too. 🙏

    Like

    Reply

Leave a reply to Chris Hall Cancel reply