A wet old evening on the Yorkshire coast.

It’s odd how our memory works. I can see my Mum vividly but almost entirely from her later years. As she described it, the ‘grey haired Little Nan, don’t you ever dare call me Grandma, that makes me sound old…’ period. I have a memory glimpses of her when she was younger, but not as many and definitely a bit faded now. Dad died in a different century, so his memories are all way more faded now.

But something struck me, I have so very few memories of both my parents together, almost entirely they live in different memory sets. I really can hardly see them together. One joint memory I can recall is from this Pier, by the sea, on a bench like one of those. On a family day trip in equally grim weather as in the photo. One of those trips that is described as being good for the constitution rather than actually being fun. I can see them eating fish and chips together, off increasingly wet newspaper, not talking to each other, not even looking at each other. Maybe one parent was ignored when they suggested the weather might not be conducive to a pleasant seaside visit….. It’s not a particularly loving memory.

Just really odd, I can remember that damp coastal moment yet I can’t recall any memories of them together from say Christmas mornings, happy times, adventures, daily family life. It’s as if they inhabited different places, different parts of my childhood. Old photos don’t help, all the family photos are taken by one of the parents, so they aren’t together there as well. It’s the same with Hawklad’s family photos, just one parent ever seen at any one time as the other is behind the camera. There are a couple where we tried to use the timer but invariably you have a blur, or a back of the head shot of the sprinting camera operative. Hawklad has a few from Nursery of the 3 of us together, taken when the school photographer came in but wow they look like mug shots.

Maybe we were just like my parents. We just never thought about having joint photos, never thought that in the future someone might be wanting to see us together, living shared family lives.

37 thoughts on “Damp memory”

  2. Such a timely post for me as I was just looking at the last photo I have of my mom, sister and I together – 3 years ago – before they both passed away over the coming year. Time flies and yes the memory does become fuzzy. And it’s interesting what we remember vividly or not remember of our parents. We’ll definitely be in their shoes one day too, creaky joints and all!

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  5. If we can, Keith and I generally ask someone to take our pic when we are out and about. We have tons of ‘selfies’, Keith is an avid selfie photographer. He also has a very good camera that he uses to take pics of his mineral collection – an amateur photographer! But, you are right. Apart from a photographic studio portrait of my parents (when in their 30s) most images are of one or the other.

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  7. We just donated a lovely framed 1920s photograph to charity because nobody in the family could remember who it was. Someone will, I imagine, buy it for the frame and throw away the photograph. Memories, in some ways, are better than photographs. It was thought-provoking post today.

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      1. The road from parlour wall to charity shop is only a couple of generations – a sobering thought. One day our great blogs will just be pixels gradually flickering into extinction. However, it was fun writing them! 🙂

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  8. Now that you mention it, I don’t think there are any photos of my brother and I with both parents. We both went off to boarding school aged 11 and afterwards were very seldom together as a family. Because there are so few family memories I have nothing to miss. Maybe it’s easier that way?

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  9. It’s interesting that our memory works this way around recall. It makes it all the more meaningful in our present memory making moments.

    In reading your blog, I see and hear the many memories you are making with your own son. ❤️ I can only imagine his cup (and memory bank) will be very full ❤️.

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  10. I have a memory of my parents together in the garden, but it is a memory of the photo of them in the garden. They were doing things in different places normally. Maybe you could use two photos, get a pair of scissors (or use technology) and paste them together in a lovely frame.

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  12. You’re such a wonderful writer, Superdad. You shared your memories and feelings here in such a relatable way. I noticed that one of your blogging fans and friends mentioned the memories your making with Hawklad. I agree, you’re definitely building a strong memory bank for your son.

    Sometimes we learn what to do or what not to do from the people in our lives. It’s admirable that when you consider past experiences and visit memories, you choose to learn from them to better the lives for those in your family. 🧡

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  13. This is so well put. I think many of us end up with large chunks of our lives undocumented — things move fast, we get distracted, it just isn’t prioritized, whatever. I love how intentional you are with your own child.💛

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  14. Oh my this post of yours feels clothes to my heart! I feel this ,I so relate to this It feels that way when I think back on my parents .Was it just that time… but then I look at my family photos or think back and its the same way as well always one parent missing ..my case it was me lol because I was taking the pictures . Did we inherit this from our family? Hugs ❤️

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  17. As others have said, you do a wonderful job of making memories with Hawklad! It is interesting how memories work and what memories may spark up out of the blue and how they can motivate us.
    I have been looking at family photos that we just had done this past weekend. Has been forever since we had professional photos done, and it warms my heart now to look at them. But photos don’t need to be professional to create memories and touch the heart. Some of the best photos are the unplanned ones, when the person doesn’t even know you are taking their photo. Most importantly, it’s the memories you are making that matter the most. 💛

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