Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 103 Comments

Asking for trouble

This is my fault. I finally got round to ordering some factor 50 sun cream. It was always asking for trouble here in Yorkshire.

Asking for trouble has been my new middle name recently.

  • It’s 6am and I’ve crawled out of bed. With my indoor gym clothes on I headed outside for my workout. That black cloud looked menacing. Should I go back inside for a waterproof. No can’t be bothered and the forecast said no rain until after lunch. Asking for trouble. Ten minutes later and the heavens opened. Absolutely drenched. I was wetter than Aquaman.
  • Son asked if our lockdown was continuing. I said yes then added and nobody is due to visit us. Asking for trouble. Two minutes later a loud knock at the door. Someone asking if I wanted the windows cleaning. I clearly forgot that was classed as an essential service.
  • I had been such a good boy. For ages I separated out wash items into separate piles and then strictly followed washing instructions. Then I became lazy and started randomly throwing items in the machine. Asking for trouble. For some bizarre reason I decided to throw my favourite jumper (woollen sweater) into a wash with grass stained clothes. Strangely wool does not take kindly to the nuclear reactor like soiled item setting. Now my jumper has been shrunk. It might have fit me when I was say 10…..
  • I tried to bake some bread yesterday. Put the bread dough in the oven. I won’t bother setting the timer, I won’t forget. Asking for trouble. Three hours later my beautiful gluten free loaf was harder than iron. I’m going to sell it to the military as a missile defence shield. On a separate note. Even after three hours of incineration the gluten free loaf came out looking like all it’s colour had still been sucked out of it. One day I will learn how to make gluten free food look cooked.
  • Our freezer is not very big, so space is premium. A couple of months back we had a home shopping delivery which replaced some items with some random frozen vegetarian pies of different flavours. I removed the pie packaging and didn’t label them. Asking for trouble. Last night I fancied a treat. So I had mashed potato, peas, gravy and a pie. Unfortunately I forgot that the pies which had been sent all those months ago where Apple and Summer Fruits filled. Apple pie and gravy is not a great combo.

Asking for trouble…..

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 115 Comments

Look what’s cropped up

Some call it a weed. Some call it a flower. I’m definitely in the flower camp. It’s amazing where these things crop up in the garden every year.

Now we have had several weeks of schools version of homeschooling, I guess it’s time to look at the parent side of the process. What have I learnt during these weeks. The first thing to say is that it’s NOT been impossible. That was my fear when I always thought about homeschooling. I’m going to mess this up. I just won’t be able to cope. Well I’m still here. Son is still here. No huge disasters. Son doesn’t hate me. School haven’t demanded my sacking as a parent. So yes I kinda must have coped with this homeschooling lark.

Another thing I’ve learned is this IS NOT TRUE HOMESCHOOLING. This is schools version of teaching when the classrooms are locked up. Some lessons might come close to true homeschooling but others are just the same classroom lessons delivered in your living room. The Government and the Schools set the agenda, decide on what areas are covered and how they are delivered. The children and parents largely do what they are told. The point about true homeschooling is the freedom that it offers. You can tailor the education to suit the child. This version of homeschooling feels more like forcing the child to fit the needs of the system.

So what have I learned as a kinda homeschooling parent then

  • I know diddly squat about Art, Music, Religious Education and Drama.
  • I can look like the worlds most intelligent parent when I hide my iPhone in my shirt pocket and find a way of discreetly typing in questions to google.
  • Homeschooling is far more tiring for the parent than the child.
  • My spelling is worse than my dyslexic son.
  • For homeschooling to work really well you have to engage the child. Focus on the things that make him or her tick. What seems to work for me probably doesn’t work for our son.
  • I need my own school stationary cupboard. The amount of time I waste hunting in draws for things like pens, paper, paints and art materials.
  • Science hasn’t half changed since I got my A-Levels in Physics and Chemistry. Was Quantum even a word back then?
  • I might have a master degree in computing but that counts for nothing when you are trying to get the iPad to talk to the school computer.
  • Things like housework and working for money are really not going to happen during the homeschool day. For the parent homeschooling is as time consuming as it is for the child.
  • I’m so lucky just having one child to homeschool.
  • Me trying to explain French pronunciation is a complete waste of time. Maybe investing in something like Rosetta Stone is the way forward. But that’s a key point. Some of the homeschooling will be beyond me. I will need to invest in online support, book tuition time and additional help so as to make this work.
  • Getting son to just read a textbook is not the best approach. If homeschooling is going to truly work it will mean doing things like taking son out to historical sites and geographic locations. The parent needs to fully commit to this.
  • As the home school day has to replicate the normal school timetable I have learnt to be fairly strict on the time Son spends on each lesson. Trying to avoid overruns. Once these start they just accumulate and that just drags the day out for Son and ME.
  • Homeschooling increases the urge for things like strong coffee and biscuits.
  • I don’t care how many weeks I do this – I still can’t remember the school timetable.
  • Broadband failure just as work is being submitted is seriously stressful.
  • I’m very good (as are the PE teachers) at reminding the kids to warm up before the do exercise. I of course forget to warm myself up. Although I like to think of myself as fairly fit, I also tend to forget that I am basically an old fart…. So without warming up and then trying to do something like a forward role is basically asking for trouble.
  • How much paper does schooling use ….. far too much.
  • Homeschooling is tiring. But it doesn’t help with nighttime sleep. Too many school things to think about.
  • If I pick up the courage I can make things like homemade play-doh without the need to panic buy off Amazon.
  • As the homeschooling week unfolds my dress sense deteriorates. By Friday I look like a badly chewed dog rag doll. Don’t even start me on my hair.
  • Just go with the flow. If Son wants to learn outside, or walking about or stood on his head or whatever … work with that. I need to keep telling myself that what works for me will probably not work for him.
  • Over the years I’ve often had sleepless nights wondering what mystical substance has the chemical formula C12H22O11. Now I realise it’s Sucrose.
  • I’ve also found out how difficult it is to try and type chemical formula properly. Surely in 2020 we must have found easier ways of typing numbers which are littler than letters. AND Don’t start me on trying to do French and typing things like acute accents and circumflex’s. The process extends writing an answer from seconds into months. On these I have been no help to our Son.

So basically I have survived this form of homeschooling so far. Yes it’s not always easy. Yes I’ve resorted to pulling my hair out in some lessons. Occasionally I have sworn. It’s demonstrated that homeschooling and work don’t really go together. But actually I have also smiled quite a bit. Sometimes even had fun. That’s just for schools version of this. How good could we make proper homeschooling.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 88 Comments

Week whatever

At least we are getting a few glimpses of the sun. But it’s mainly very very dark. For those with good eyesight – you can just see our friendly mole has taken a shine to our neighbours front lawn.

I guess sunshine amongst the darkness is a good way of summing up this weeks school at home project. I think it’s week 7 but I’ve lost any real grip on time.

Some lessons continue to work well. This week PE managed to bring in new exercise routines and somehow find a way of getting the kids to practice cricket fielding skills, in the garden. The teachers have embraced the heaps of resources on the internet. It’s amazing how many coaches and sports stars have uploaded fun things for us mortals to do at home. It also helps that the games teachers are engaging positively and with a real sense of humour with each pupil.

A subject like maths continues to use existing online national teaching resources to run the lessons. Online teaching lessons are followed by online questions. The class teacher keeping an eye on progress and tailoring the online lessons to each child. It’s reflecting how the class operates when the schools are open. It works so well and it does raise the question – can maths become a fully home based lesson when schools start again.

Then the darkness….

We still get lessons which are so formulaic. Here’s some text read it and then answer these questions. The approach never changes. It’s the same approach which is used for each lesson in the classroom. Ok it might work for some kids but for many it just won’t. Talk about trying to make a lesson as dry and boring as possible.

You then get the lessons where content and the knowledge a pupil has is seemingly not assessed. Marking just focuses on spelling mistakes and handwriting neatness. Interestingly the actual English Language subject is one subject which doesn’t use this approach. Some of the most brilliant and talented people I have met seem to have the worst grammar and spelling skills. Surely a pupils understanding of the subject matter must count for something.

Then you come to human nature. Teachers are not robots, they are just like the rest of us. We have those people we like and appreciate. We also have those we don’t get and probably don’t treat as fairly as others. Son has two teachers who just don’t get him. Whatever he does he never seems to get any positive feedback or credit. This week he submitted a piece of work for one of these teachers. I checked it with the marking scheme and his answer definitely went way beyond the standard answer. All the additional marks on offer were definitely covered in his response, and more. The actual teacher marking was predictably distinctly underwhelming. Purely highlighting the negatives. As Son pointed out

No point working harder for this one as it really doesn’t make a difference. Always going to be a C- regardless of the work. I must be the only kid in the class not to get a house point all year from this teacher.

So yep it’s been another dark and light school week. Bring on week 8 (or whatever number it is)….

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 78 Comments

The need for travel

Last night we were watching the new Sonic the Hedgehog movie. Yes we really do like to stretch our cultural boundaries. A couple of times during the movie I found myself thinking – wish I could visit that location. I’ve been doing that quite often recently. Can’t really blame the pesky virus completely for that. I was having those thoughts before the lockdown. Our Son’s world is naturally contracting. So mine is as well. The last time we spent more than one night away from our home was back in 2015. Sporadic day trips and the daily run partially helped fill my mind with some connection to the wider world.

So after Son had gone to bed I went in search of photos. Photos which would remind me of trips and holidays. Soon I was back in Northumberland with my partner. A week in a gypsy cottage.

Walking alongside Hadrians Wall and in the footsteps of Roman soldiers, almost 2000 years ago. Touching and drinking in ancient history.

Enjoying the open spaces. Hardly meeting another soul. Feeling that cold northern wind and walking on the soft moorland. Feeling no limits and letting the map decide the route.

Places like Northumberland have a unique atmosphere. A bleakness. An almost somber beauty.

And then a reminder of why I am so thankful for life.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 71 Comments

Leave it

When we first moved into our home, my sister bought us two plants as house warming presents. 18 years later they are still going strong. The red one doesn’t flower for long but it’s just springing into life.

It’s quite amazing that after 18 years both plants are still going strong. I don’t have a great track record with plants. I remember my partner for a joke buying me a plant which was described as – the worlds most resilient….will survive anywhere. Clearly they missed off the words – apart from one house in Yorkshire. It was dead within months. But these two have survived. They arrived, I bunged them in large plant pots and left them. Since then they have occasionally been watered and that’s it.

Sometimes the secret is clearly to leave things to sort themselves out. Not always, but definitely occasionally.

I was listening to a politician last night talk about how schools should immediately reopen. According to him schools didn’t need to worry about things like hygiene or social distancing. Kids have been going to cramped classes for generations. Yes kids can catch our current nemesis but its an acceptable risk. Apparently teachers are paid to teach so they should ignore any concerns about things like social distancing and PPE. The economy is paramount. In one notable concession apparently government officials and assessors should avoid schools because of the risk of catching the virus. When asked about kids and parents fears the response was – tough, the economy is more important and if they refuse to attend then they should be forced to. It’s up to the government and the PM if a child attends school.

Really. I will see you in court then.

Schools do need to reopen when it is safe for kids, parents (guardians) and staff. Now is the time to make school a better place to learn and work in. Surely the days of treating schools like archaic education factories must be finally over. Yes schools have been this bad for years and years. That doesn’t make it right. We burned witches for years and years – does that make that practice right…..

And as for the idea that school visits by inspectors are too risky yet it’s ok for the kids and teachers…..

Let’s start making positive changes to schools and then we can start a process of gradually reopening schools. Fully involve teachers, pupils and parents in the process. That way we can build confidence in the system. Some families will be able to go back quickly. Others (like our son) will take longer. Some bloke in London telling people what to do would be just so wrong. My Son will only go back when HE IS ready.

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Kinda day

Surely it’s that kinda day.

The alarm rings and I drag the body out of bed and stumble towards my gym kit. Before exercise the important stuff. Feed the pets.

Start with the Gerbils. They will only eat one type of small animal feed and strangely it’s not the cheapest. Trying to change the food and water is always a challenge when you have three little white chaps scurrying up your arm.

Then it’s the big boy cat. He suffers after years of substance abuse. He has had far too many trips to the vets after sampling various harmful items – usually from the farm. Now he’s banned from going out and has to go on a strict diet. He can only eat gluten, grain and dairy free food. Special food which happens to be three times the price of normal cat food. He’s far from impressed and he is surprisingly fleet of foot which he eyes other food opportunities – usually my dinner.

At least the dog has cheap food tastes. He will eat anything. So he dines out on cheaper branded food. Anything works for him. Cat food, our food, vegetables from the garden. His favourites are particularly healthy options

Yorkshire Puddings

Chips and crisps.

Although cheap to feed he does have his very own foible. He can’t and won’t eat food direct from his bowl. He picks up each individual biscuit and carries it to a chair or the sofa. Munches it there and then returns for the next little piece of food. The process repeats for hours. Takes him ages to eat anything and the mess…..

Here’s the key thing. Yes the pets cost money, add workload and create so much mess.

BUT

They bring so much joy to our son. They bring life to the house. Bringing them into our world was the best parenting decision ever.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 77 Comments

Big Sky 2

May brings my beloved partners birthday. It’s still a painful day but we now try to make it more of a celebration.

For the last couple of years her favourite white rose has produced at least one flower for the day. This year it will be cutting it fine looking at the lack of rose buds. But let’s hope.

We started trying to visit at least one of her favourite places on the day. We have an arboretum really close to us. She would love to walk there, especially one particular silver leafed tree alley. We started going there on her birthday. Even finishing off in the little cafe with her favourite sandwich and crisps. Sadly the arboretum is closed at present.

This year we had decided to have her favourite Chinese takeout meal. It would be first time we have had one since she left us. It just never seemed right that we should enjoy it without her. But now seemed like the time to change that. Again sadly the restaurant is closed at present.

So with our birthday options running out it’s time for some blue sky thinking. What can we do assuming the lockdown in in place (even if it lifted I suspect our very own lockdown will still be in operation).

Maybe we should resort to the very first birthday celebration idea. The two of us had a great idea. Why not write some lovely birthday messages on a card and then attach them to a balloon. Let’s launch it into the big sky and see it fly off into the distance. Where would the messages land. Somewhere in Yorkshire. Maybe the wind will carry them into Europe. So we launched the balloon while singing happy birthday. Unfortunately the first balloon never made it out of the garden. It was as floaty as my big backside. A second attempt made it four feet. Precisely to the farm fence but it exploded on some barbed wire. The final attempt made it to the giddy heights of about 8 ft high. Crawled into the farmers field and landed in a cow pat.

It’s the thought that counts.

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Big Sky

Today our little world is uniformly cool and grey. Feels almost autumnal. I suspect no Sun today. Rewind the clock a few days and it was a very different story. Looking out over the farmers fence and one thing struck me – that’s a big sky.

Living on top of a hill with no surrounding mountains and no tall buildings, nothing blocks out the sky. It does create the impression of a big sky. On days like the one above, it can be so impressive.

It might be grey but it’s now time for some more big sky thinking.

“Dad, I have to start a project for school. For last weeks lesson I had to describe my own version of Middle Earth or Narnia. Well today’s lesson we now need to create a 3D version of this. The teacher says that we can use whatever we have in the house to build it. This might be a daft question but since the lesson started 10 minutes ago …. do we have any plasticine or playdoh in”

No…

“Do we have enough newspaper and glue to make a papermache model”

No…

“Do we have enough green, brown and blue lego to make a mountain landscape, with rivers, waterfalls and massive valleys.”

We do have lego but it would have to be a real multicoloured, mixed up type of landscape.

“If I had realised that I would have to actually build this world then I would have definitely lowered by creative threshold. Maybe a small desert island with one tree and a rock. A really small, boring islands set in a randomly coloured lego world”

We tried to create his complicated world with cushions and rugs.

“It’s a bit rubbish but at least we had the stuff. Problem is that we can’t leave our creation on the floor as it’s a pet magnet. We will need the world for lessons in the coming weeks and I don’t fancy building this every time we have this lesson.”

So we are moving to Plan C. After we have hopefully finished his other project which needs handing in, then we will be trying to make his world using flour dough. Could be messy.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 113 Comments

Ants

The little Apple tree is springing into life. This is the time of year when you can gauge what type of crop it will produce in 5 months. This apple tree does have different yields. Sometimes too much fruit. Sometimes hardly any fruit. This year looks like an ok year.

Sometimes you can get a feel for what a day is going to be like by just looking at the first few minutes.

Dragging myself back into the house after the early morning workout. Desperate for that first warming brew of the day. A particularly zombiefied version of exercise today. Very tired today. So nothing better than entering the kitchen to find ants. Lots of ants. Reaching for the ant poison is not an option with pets. Especially with our big boy cat who is the cat version of Ozzy Osbourne. Any substance is getting sampled. So out comes the one part lemon, one part water spray. Apparently ants don’t like lemon. If that doesn’t work then it’s time for the pepper and the inevitable sneezing cat. A few years back ants was no issue. We had a lovely but psychotic girl cat. The ultimate apex predator. Only creatures with a death wish came in the house. But now it’s up to me to sort this issue out.

So by the time schools version of homeschooling started – I was already feeling like it was way past my bedtime.

Then within minutes the first school crisis. Son has failed to submit a project in time. To be fair to him he was not in the lesson when it was given out to the class. That’s not a valid excuse for school as the child or parent should check the school emails and online files for assigned tasks. We did eventually find the relevant document hidden away in a random class file. To be fair to us – it was like searching for a needle in a haystack – when your not aware that a needle has gone missing. The teacher has granted a couple of days extension but that means son will have little free time this week. At least it gives me another excuse not to start any DIY projects. Not that I need much excuse these days.

The rest of the school day passed in a groggy haze. Trying to explain the vagaries of the English Language and working out why so many marks have been deducted for spelling mistakes. Trying to fathom out why a subject is seemingly asking questions about a completely unrelated area. And finally trying to understand what precisely is the teacher wanting the class to do. I think there is still a lot of merit in putting the questions at the end of a document. The teacher referred to 9 questions in the text but after much searching, we could only find 5.

So it’s back to the kitchen and THE ANTS. Clearly our ants are immune to lemons. So now I must resort to using up my dwindling supply of salt and pepper as weapons of ant destruction. Failing that then it’s testing various other kitchen supplies as ant repellents. Curry Powder, Chilli flakes and Turmeric. Let’s hope ants are not fans of spicy cuisine.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 62 Comments

Safety

Today’s out of focus wildlife action shot is of someone who lives in our roof. Actually taken yesterday when the sun was shining. Our housemate is about the only member of our household who gets out these days.

This is the seventh week of Son’s own version of the lockdown. A few dog walks in the early weeks but then going through the garden gate became increasingly difficult for him. Even in the security of our car, a simple trip out onto the road becomes an anxiety crisis. When he returns he immediately washes his hands for minutes then has to have a shower and bath. These are genuine fears. Fears that effect his life. The excessive need to wash is not new. He has been shown how to clean his hands like a nurse. He has hand washing drills that set time limits. But sometimes it’s best to let these lapse as the excessive cleaning is often more about ridding his soul of anxieties rather than purely removing germs from his skin. Especially when a virus surrounds him which has so many unknowns.

He won’t be alone in these fears and feelings.

A chap in London with a little NHS badge announcing that the lockdown is being eased or lifted is not the end of the matter. It’s not as if it’s a water tap which we can instantly turn on and off. That’s also assuming that the virus remains under control and doesn’t spike again. Under Control is a rather worrying definition these days. It appears to mean keeping daily infections running into thousands and deaths below 300 a day. That’s just hospital based deaths not including the huge numbers occurring in care homes or in the wider community. For many the easing of restrictions is just the start of a long and painful slog. No sudden street parties for them. It’s about trying to repair bridges between the safety of their homes and the wider world. Picking up sufficient confidence to walk past that front gate. To meet people again. That’s going to be so tough with no guarantee of success.

So for the foreseeable future, our little starling will be the only one venturing out.