Thinking of spring reminded me of visiting Switzerland at Easter. Came across this photo. It’s amazing how the wild flowers have started blooming, the green has fully returned and yet you still got plenty of snow in the background.
The day before that we took the early train to Gringelwald. Found ourselves stood in 3 feet of snow and battling a blizzard. Then a few hours later eating ice cream and playing crazy golf, toping up the tan.
A contrast of epic proportions.
Out of the blue I received a letter addressed to my partner. It was a friend who clearly hasn’t heard the sad news yet. Reading the letter was heartbreaking as this lady had tragically lost her husband. She was clearly in a bad place.
This leaves a dilemma. Do I tell her or not?
I know the right thing is honesty and I should inform her. And yet…. does someone who is in such a bad place really need another piece of bad news. I told our son when he noticed that I was distracted. Interestingly he said that I shouldn’t make her even more sad. I had assumed his Aspergers Truth Filter would have made him say – just tell her straightaway. It rather puts a lie to the frequently heard argument from experts that people on the spectrum are cold and uncaring.
Even after a few hours I can’t make my mind up.
It doesn’t help that I remember when my partner found out about a friends death. She had met this wonderful lady from Channel Islands on a trip to China. They became good friends. I remember she came to stay with us for a few days. We hadn’t heard from her for a few months. Unfortunately a birthday card my partner has sent her was returned unopened and marked ‘person has died’. It had such a profound effect on my partner, I’m not sure she ever fully healed from it.
The circumstances are different but do I want to put someone through this now. I really don’t know. I just don’t know….. What I do know is that I can feel those icy fingers of sadness starting to circle my soul again.
Four small delicate reminders that spring is coming
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Another sign that spring is coming – the annual water bill arrives
Another sign that spring is coming – the annual council tax bill arrives
Another sign that spring is coming – the house insurance needs to be paid
Another sign that spring is coming – the car insurance needs to be paid
Another sign that spring is coming – the car tax needs paying
Another sign that spring is coming – my accounting subscription is due
Another sign that spring is coming – the telephone, broadband, train and electricity companies have raised prices
Another sign that spring is coming – the boiler service is due
Another sign that spring is coming – new sports kit is required for school
Another sign that spring is coming – the weeds have started growing
Another sign that spring is coming – the trampoline is almost hidden by grass
Another sign that spring is coming – the lawn mower has died over winter
Another sign that spring is coming – Son has had another growing spurt and needs new clothes
Another sign that spring is coming – the birds have started pooping on the car again
Yes I think we can officially confirm spring is coming…..
Our son realises that he doesn’t naturally fit into this world. Certainly not in its current format. His attitude is basically
I might wait for the world to come round to my way of thinking but just in case I had better dip my toe in the icy cold water which is the big bad world. It’s something I’m not going to enjoy but it’s probably worth it….
As part of this process we have agreed to visit 12 new places this year. Doesn’t sound a big commitment but in-fact it’s huge for our son. We will have our first new excursion next week….
Tonight we started discussing potential places to visit but somehow the conversation careered off topic. It suddenly became name 12 things you like about you and your life.
I went first and it was a really uncomfortable experience. I do find it difficult to think constructively about myself these days. So much easier thinking about negatives. Anyway for someone who basically hates himself I kinda did ok
Son went next with his 12 things he likes about his life
I think this reveals that he is quite comfortable with himself. The problem is that he doesn’t have that much faith in the outside world. I could go on but GERBILS are a pressing concern……
One of those mornings. Can’t log onto the works system. Unable to drive into work as the narrow access lane is closed for urgent repair work. Made some butterfly cakes which sunk so badly they are ring donuts now. Then tried to make some cookies but only had enough flour to make 5 really small ones. Went shopping but really spent too much money due to the cost of healthy options.
Then I looked out of the garden window.
Sat by itself. Under the Apple Tree. We have the first Daffodil of the year. This would make my partner very happy.
Now how do I keep the mad dog off it….
When you set your children off on their educational journey you have dreams of an idealistic life of happiness, development and fulfilment. Then you wake up…
On todays episode of Fight Club.
An argument broke out on the morning school bus. Several kids got involved in a heated exchange. Resulted in one of the protagonists being hit over the head with a bottle. Thankfully a plastic one.
In the first lesson a boy accidentally bumps into another boy. Quickly a pushing and finger pointing encounter develops. This is broken up by the teacher and negatives are issued.
In the next lesson boy X makes a not very nice comment about boy Y. This escalated into a missile exchange. Pens, rulers, calculators and books are launched. Again the teacher breaks this up and more negatives are issued.
In the final lesson of the day boy Y makes a comment about boy X. Suddenly a chair is hurled and a full fist fight breaks out with a few other kids getting involved. Teacher issues negatives and a couple of isolations.
On the afternoon school bus one boy accused another one of being unpopular and without friends. Quickly punches were exchanged. Several other kids got involved. Ended up with one boy in tears with a bloody nose.
Thankfully our son was just an observer in all these incidents. He did get hit by a stray projectile but it wasn’t intended for him and absolutely no pain inflicted. Not really sure how he views these incidents through his Aspergers filters. I suppose it teaches him about life. It might encourage him to start a martial arts club – these can really help with confidence and coordination. It highlights the issues many kids face when they are assigned to the bottom set. It’s certainly makes homeschooling look more attractive.
This is a week of school tests. At the moment it’s due to be 4 tests. French (x2), Science and History. I’m pretty sure they will sneak in a couple more before the week is up. I keep reminding myself our son is still only 11 – just too many tests for someone so young.
French could be interesting. One of the tests is a reading test. The kids need to read french text and then get the pronunciation correct. No reading help can be provided. The positive is our son is currently quite relaxed about this test. As he says
“I’m dyslexic so I will just do my best. On the basis of probability I should fluke a few words. And the worst thing that can happen is I get to be dyslexic in another language.”
Today was the History test. When I asked how it went the response was interesting
“It went well. Didn’t get much help. All about Kings and Queens. But the questions where just too easy. As long as I guessed all the questions wording right then I probably got 100%. Probably a few minuses for spellings. I finished a bit early”
How early did you finish?
“Well it was a 60 minute test. A couple of the other kids finished after about 40 minutes. I was a little bit sooner.”
So how soon did you finish?
“I was finished after 18 minutes….”
Just after my partner died I remember reading a book which suggested that grief was like a black hole. All consuming yet over time it’s energy shrinks and eventually it disappears allowing new life to replace it. I’m still waiting….
Everybody is different. Everybody deals with grief differently. This approach worked for the author but not for me.
Maybe another way to look at it could be that life exists outside the black hole. The black hole is always there. Somedays it’s powerful and sucks so much life force out of your universe. Other days not so strong. But the key thing is that although it never disappears a new life exists outside it – it’s your choice, your journey that determines how far you move from it. – that’s a bit of my inner Carl Sagan coming out in me.
My current take is a little different. It’s a dark place with doors – maybe it’s inside the black hole. My thinking is that when Bereavement occurs doors begin to shut (many permanently) on my old world. My old world will always be there I just can’t go back to it. It’s up to me to decide if I want to continue to stand next to these closed doors. As well as doors I will also discover windows into my old world. Those windows are too small for me to re-enter my old world but they do allow memories to enrich my soul. In the darkness other doors are created. They lead to new worlds, new experiences. On my grief journey I will come across these new doors. It’s my choice whether I decide to open the new door opportunities or not. Maybe I will make a few drinks, pull up a chair and take my time.
I carry my family’s trait of not having any sense of direction. What could possibly go wrong with me stumbling about in the dark trying to find some random doors…..
I love effective targeted marketing. Those emails carefully selected to match your profile. So I really enjoyed today’s little gem “Perfect for your needs …a beautiful camisole Tutu dress. Available in a range of sizes.” – I suspect not in my size…..
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Jim has given us Hill and/or Mountain as the theme for this weeks Song Lyric Sunday.
https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/64726988/posts/2175747300
This instantly flagged up the brilliant Joe Bonamassa and Mountain Time. Beautiful and almost hypnotic. This song just instantly takes me back to days those golden times with my partner.
Written by Will Jennings and Joe Bonamassa
Lyric source – AZLyrics
Warning this post contains bad language and monumentally pompous stupidity.
In 2018 the Switzerland Glaciers lost 2.5% of their volume. It’s expected that they will have disappeared by 2090 – at the latest.
On Friday thousands of pupils walked out of UK School’s to protest about our Governments inaction on climate change. Good to see the positive response it got from our Leaders.
“It is important to emphasise that disruption increases teachers’ workloads and wastes lesson time that teachers have carefully prepared for,” a spokesperson for the Prime Minister said. “That time is crucial for young people, precisely so that they can develop into the top scientists, engineers and advocates we need to help tackle this problem.”
Our countries so called Education Secretary “let me be clear, missing class won’t do a thing to help the environment; all they will do is create extra work for teachers.”
The Conservative Leader of the House of Commons “It’s called truancy, not a strike“.
Well if you got your head out of your arses and took meaningful action then the kids wouldn’t need to walk out. If you didn’t pander to the fossil fuel companies, actively promote the disastrous fracking industry and cut renewable energy investment…. then you might be taken seriously. What trust do you expect the next generation to have in you when they see the monumental f*****g screwup you are making of Brexit. The entire political system has abjectly failed its primary roles of protecting the world and securing the futures of the upcoming generations.
This has to stop. The kids get it. Unfortunately our dim witted, self serving leaders don’t. It’s time for the next generation to take over and time for our politicians to go back to school. Maybe then they would see what a gigantic mess they have made of the education system as well.
A Dad trying to cope with the loss of his Partner and becoming a single parent. 