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Weeks

Why do my wheat photos always come out so GRAINy.

It’s BARLEY believable that I told that one. Might be the last STRAW for many.

Sorry….

10 weeks. Just 10 weeks before the start of the new school year. Hawklad’s last in this school with the delights of the final exams. Just 10 weeks now. Deep down, I realise it’s not enough time. Yes he has made great strides, even a concert. BUT. He’s so on edge when people get too close (within yards). He can’t touch alien surfaces. That’s outside, inside the issues are ramped up so much more. He can’t even stand in a shop for more than a few moments.

He’s a million miles from returning to the cramped classroom, sitting there for hour after hour. Probably too many miles to cover in just 10 weeks. If that’s the case then where does that leave us. Starting another school year at home with exams that he might not be able to sit. The antiquated UK school system just has no flexibility or desire to cope with that.

At least this pesky school year will be done in 4 weeks time. That’s 6 weeks of freedom from schooling. 6 weeks to be free to wander the fields. Good weeks but never enough good weeks before it all starts again.

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Bluebells

Just a short walk out of the village and there is a magical little wood. Especially magical at this time of year.

A carpet of blue.

It’s good to have those moments of dreams. It’s a release from the challenges of the day.

It’s a great place for Hawklad to spend some time. To dream. To forget his worries for a while at least. Currently these are not easy times for him to navigate. Another week and another source of worries in these unsettled times. News of yet another scary named infectious virus. Already sky high anxieties ramping up even higher. Yes he can get out but he is a million miles from truly returning to society. He can’t touch any surface away from the safety of his house. Probably in all reality real progress needs a settled, safer feeling environment. That’s not these times.

So a few dreamy, care free moments in BLUEBELL WOOD makes all the difference.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 39 Comments

Fashion sense

Clearly the Sun has well and truly set on my fashion sense…..

Not being able to take a rapidly growing teen into a clothes shop is an issue. These days I also can’t often offer him some of my old items. He is long and thin, I’m NOT…. So it’s mostly taking a punt on the style and sizing of online fashion. Whisper it, often from the bargain basement aisles. I

remember the happy days of a son who had as much interest in fashion sense than I had in doing the splits….. Anything was super cool and fashionable if it had a Dinosaur emblazoned across most of it.

Oh I miss those days.

“Dad I can’t believe you are expecting me to wear a turtle neck in 2022….”

Wow, that’s most of my wardrobe. Yep the Sun has gone down on my fashion sense.

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Isolation

Perfect isolation.

Sometimes isolation is needed. Over the last two years some of that isolation has been enforced. But much has been locally needed isolation. Needed by Hawklad. It will be needed going forward. The question is how much. Maybe less. Maybe more. It will change over time. This week it’s been needed much more.

Whisper it as well. Isolation maybe needed by me as well.

Perfect isolation.

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Marvel at Scotland

Back to last week. See you don’t need the multiverse to do a spot of time travel.

“Dad tomorrow can we go to Scotland. Don’t mind where just can it be really quiet. Somewhere different. Maybe even exciting.”

Two herbal teas later the solution popped into my head. Visit a place where we can MARVEL at who grand Scotland is.

Quiet means arriving early. As we were heading 180 miles north then we set off just after 5am.

Heading to the stunning coastal village of St Abbs. Part of the Marvel Universe……

The second highest grossing movie of all time, End Game used St Abbs as New Asgard. Hulk and Rocket came here to find Thor. Hawklad didn’t think he would be stood outside Thor’s house…..

I didn’t cause an international incident by taking my shirt off and pretending to be one of the Avengers. Maybe next time. Actually if people think that Thor looked out of shape when he was in New Asgard, wait to they get a look at my version of a shirtless Avenger. Let’s just say the 6 pack is well and truly hidden these days.

As we wandered around St Abbs a thought struck me. The place feels remote almost cut off from modern life. Operating at its own pace with the Sea dominating life. Could somewhere like this be a place which would suit Hawklad. Then the realisation, it might actually suit me. I was brought up by the Sea until I left to go to University. It feels very familiar, very safe. Would a return suit my mindset. Would it blow away the life cobwebs. Would it fix the problem that the world now seems to spin at a different speed to me. Is it a great place to forget the past.

Maybe Thor had a point moving to somewhere as wonderful as St Abbs. A perfect place for his New Asgard

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It’s back

Yes it’s back. Just when we thought it was shorts weather for the next six months, oh no, it’s back into THREE jumper weather.

Definitely not enough for even the most rubbish snow angel ever but just enough to send all exposed skin a funny shade of blue.

Alberts back as well…

Can’t believe that the only Albatross in the northern hemisphere has decided during this truly tropical spell to return to the Yorkshire coast. Albert definitely needs to fire his holiday adviser. Last year he stayed 30 miles away from our house, for his summer holidays. It was actually mostly very nice and almost warm. Maybe that’s why he stayed for nearly two months. Sadly this years vacation finds temperatures north of zero. He must be tempted to head somewhere warmer.

If he hangs around this time then we will try to catch up with him. Last year was an awesome meet-up.

With any luck we can visit him when the Easter School Break starts next Friday. Easter is a bit of a challenge these days. Hawklad likes to get out, likes to visit places. But he needs these place quiet or even better, EMPTY. That doesn’t often happen over the two and a bit week break. Most places tend to be mobbed. This forces us into the early strategy. Get there as soon as a place opens and then stay until it starts to fill up. It’s not a guarantee of success. Last year we had several visits to RSPB Bempton to try to catch an albatross sighting. Problem is that such an extremely rare epic bird brings people, lots of people. We had a number of trips were although we had set off from home just after 7am, when we arrived a busy car park was way too much for Hawklad. So we started setting off much earlier. 4.30am early….. The prize was for an hour or so we did get the cliffs almost to ourselves and as soon as the crowds started to arrive, we left. Back home before 9am. It might be tiring but even if you don’t get to see Albert it’s so worth it.

Isolation has drawbacks but every so often it doesn’t half deliver. We just wouldn’t be stood on a cliff as the sun comes up.

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Not ready.

Another weekend has come and gone. Again just the two of us. Talks in the garden, walks around the deserted fields. Occasionally passing a fellow dog walker in the village, bringing just a quick nod. No deliveries. No postman. No sign of the neighbours. No phone calls.

Here some are starting to ignore the Government line that Covid is under control. Numbers are rising rapidly here. The hospitals are stretched again. So people are far less likely to stop and talk, preferring a quick shout from across the road.

That is adding to the isolation feel here.

We did look at visiting somewhere else, Hawklad fancied a historic site but the online booking systems clearly showed that there where extremely busy. So we stayed put. A weekend at home. Not using the car saved a bucket load of cash.

The last person I had a conversation with before the weekend was with his health professional. When I raised the school pushing for him to sit exams, she was clear. A clear “ he is not ready, not ready at all for that, he is potentially months or more likely much longer away from being anywhere near ready for classrooms or exams’. So let’s see what schools attitude is when I convey that message to them.

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Glove

We both love listening to the Rolling Stones. A news item came on the radio that they were playing three concerts here in the summer. Hawklad asked if the concerts would be busy and crowded. YES. He kind of resignedly shrugged his shoulders and sighed. Then the radio said that although the tickets aren’t on public sale yet, all three shows only had limited tickets left. Again Hawklad sighed and said “probably for the best, let’s go for a quiet walk”.

Always a treat going down this path. Very distracting. A cut through from the village road to one of the surrounding fields. Definitely a treat at this time of the year.

But let’s not forget that it’s Yorkshire. It might look like Spring but it’s still cold. That cold that the fences still have their gloves on…..

Rather classy gloves at that.

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Back in the fields again

Almost 2 years ago we crashed into a national lockdown. Months of being at home. Restricted to the house, the garden, to the adventures around the surrounding fields. The car was hardly used. It became such a luxury item, it gathered dust.

Yesterday I filled the car up with Diesel. I drove past two service stations which had NO FUEL signs showing that they were closed. The third station was open but with long queues. Wow it was expensive. The price has almost doubled in just under two weeks. Hardly any people wearing masks. The shop radio playing as I waited to pay had a Government expert saying that they didn’t know why Covid cases were rising so fast again, but don’t worry as we are now living with Covid. I reached the checkout, wow that’s almost three figure money to feed the car.

As I drove back it started to feel like 2020 and 2021 again. Time to park up the car. Let it gather dust again. Treat the car as a luxury item. Restrict long trips out. A period where adventures are just local ones. Ones we walk from the house.

One mile walk from our house, Captain Chaos almost trod all over these beautiful flowers. We are back in those fields again.

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Solitude

A weekend walk.

Hawklad wanted a long walk but with one big caveat . A local walk of solitude, preferably one to ourselves.

This walk is usually a perfect fit for that. Very local and hardly ever visited.

Almost perfect.

A three hour walk almost entirely to ourselves. Just one passing farm vehicle, no other sign of human life. We will settle for that, just what Hawklad needed. We had started trying to visit places with more people there. Try to build his confidence around others back up again but it was starting to really stress him out. It may well be too soon for him. Maybe it will never be the right time for him. Anyways we are going back in the solitude lifestyle again for a while. Hence this type of walk.

Let’s see which road forward is best for him. Just next time, let’s take waterproof coats with us.

It was almost completely dry as well. Almost, apart from one almighty rain storm. Hardly a surprise, this is Yorkshire.