Terrible Poetry

It’s that time again to don the terrible poetry cap. Chelsea Owens has set the following criteria for this week.

  1. The Topic is vacations. Were you in paradise, the envy of all your online ‘friends?’ Did you finally cross off your bucket list trip to sleep atop the grave of Edgar Allen Poe? Or, was your experience a little less than ideal?
  2. As may be expected, this means the Length is postcard parameters. Write your poem home to your parents, to your grandparents, or your pen pal you want to impress.
  3. Rhyme if it works, or if it doesn’t. The choice is yours.
  4. Make it terrible!! Don’t make me sic the camp counselors on you, right after unleashing beach sharks to photo bomb your Leaning Tower of Pisa pic.
  5. Vacations aren’t risqué. This rating can stay PG or cleaner.

The PG level rules out my previous trips to Amsterdam, Brussels, Glasgow, Prague, Lille, Oban, Cardiff, Brighton, Dover, Paris, Caen, Strasbourg and most certainly Aberdeen. This week I handed over the poetry/postcard cap over to our son. He asked for a location and I gave him Marseille.

It’s Marseille

Postcards are redundant

Will email so I can attach photos

With that he hurled the cap back in my general direction. Ok. Here’s my go. I asked son for a location and he helpfully gave me Pluto. Does an airmail stamp cover space?

Arrived in Pluto just 459 years late.

You wouldn’t believe what they are charging on the exchange rate.

Can’t open the hotel windows as the air tends to dissipate

Can eat what I want as the low gravity gives me little weight

The beaches are empty so it feels a little desolate

The trip round the 5 moons was first rate

The nightlife is great at the disco you should see the locals gyrate.

Tomorrow off to one of the poles to ice skate.

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I have to own up I did promise to include a theme for someone but just couldn’t fit it in this one – definitely next week. Plus this is version 2. Version 1 finished with the line copulate….

Terrible Poetry

It’s time for a bit of the weekly Terrible Poetry indulgence run by Chelsea Owen. This week the guidelines are

  1. Topic: Plot twists. Lament about how often stories have them, include a few in your poem, or pull a fast one on us and keep the poem going exactly where we expect.
  2. Length: Since this is Bruce’s first time, let’s be nice to him and keep the word count under 200.
  3. Rhyme? Your call. Have fun with it!
  4. As the #1 rule listed at #4, make it terrible. I want Bruce himself, master of the macabre story twist, to shake his head in disbelief and secretly envy the part of the twisting Roman gutters in which your mind lies.
  5. Rating? For general audiences, keep things PG-13 or cleaner. Bleep it out if you really need to release a torrent.

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Yoda was the all seeing Jedi Knight

Yet was fooled with a hood and a dodgie light

While Luke was being the Star Wars Galahad

Who honestly thought that Vader was his dad

Bruce Willis seemed the perfect host

But ended up being a sodding Ghost

Poor Liberty Valence ended up getting shot

By John Wayne that’s a strange train of thought

The Sting was a shock when Paul and Robert copped it

But it just ended up being a gigantic counterfeit

The Village tried to fool us with a bit of double play

But it ended up being set in the Present Day

Anthony Perkins seemed such a nice chap

Yet as Mum and a psycho he got me into a flap

Seven tried so hard to subvert

By having a Box in the desert

Vertigo was Very very bleak

Judy being Madeleine was a bit of a cheek

Who in the Murder on the Orient Express would be first to admit

But what a sneaky trick to have them all do seem do it

The Wizard of Oz seemed strangely certain

Yet the wizard was a sad bloke behind a curtain

Reservoir Dogs was as cool as a soda pop

Yet sneaked in that Mr Orange was in fact a cop

Wow Scream tried smoke and mirrors

All to hide we didn’t have one but two killers

Jacobs Ladder tried to hide the thread

Hang on a moment another one who is dead

Even poor Harry Potter tried to be as shifty as a Manx Cat

I never saw Peter Pettigrew was Scabbers the Rat

Terrible Poetry

It’s time for Chelsea Owens weekly poetry challenge. If you want to have a go pop over Chelsea Owens great site by 8:00 a.m. MST next Friday (August 8) to submit a poem. This week the challenge is.

  1. Our Topic is Anything. You choose.
    The catch? Whatever subject you select has to be way too flowery and/or descriptive. Adjectives and adverbs are your new best friends, closely followed by metaphor, simile, hyperbole, synecdoche, and personification.
    The other catch? The type of poem is free verse.
  2. Length? For the judge’s time and sanity, keep things under 250 words.
  3. For the first time, you may NOT Rhyme! What could be more poetic than free verse? Most people think that’s true and who are we to add rhyme to their meter?
  4. As always, make it terrible. Poets who take themselves way too seriously must applaud your efforts, worried to be the first to point out the emperor has no prose.
  5. Although a bawdy free verse poem is likely to exist somewhere, most stay around PGor cleaner; you can as well.

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In our darkest times you bring unbroken sunshine

With a bouquet unrivalled amongst the finest wine

Like a fragrant flower sat below the finest red pine

How can something so small be so life enriching

Your smell, your taste so utterly bewitching

Just one drop is so completely uplifting

You shine out on our world like the stars of the southern cross

You are as wondrous and spectacular as the wandering albatross

You paint the world with a sparking diamond jewel embossed gloss

In the kitchen you are the unrivalled boss

Riding across the sky like the ancient god Helios

You are our light oh Great Tabasco Sauce

****come on you try to find something that rhymes and fits with sauce

Not Just My Verse, Your Two Two Too

I have been tagged by Jay-lyn to participate in Rory’s Not Just My Verse.

Not Just My Verse, Your Two Two Too! Created by Rory of A Guy Called Bloke and K9 Doodlepip! Please do remember to include the ping back, otherwise l lose track of the verse and your additions, cheers.

NB: If the poem goes unanswered from a Tagged Blogger for more than three days, l will collect it back and re-tag a new writer.

Welcome to ….

Not Just My Verse, Your Two Two Too! 

I will choose a topic, write four lines of Rhyming Verse then l will tag one of my readers who will in turn add four lines of Rhyming Verse to my mine and Tag one of their own readers, and then it is a case of wash rinse repeat and let’s see how far our topic goes in so far as a Rhyme?

Once the poem [Verse] leaves my blog, the next blogger along can take it where ever they want with regards their own four line verse but always staying on topic.

Got it?

The day is as long, as the night is young,
Four more lines of verse, to make another rhyme,
What topic shall we do to have some fun..
This time?

Ooooh l know

 

Ode To The Insomniac!

Why do evade me so? It makes for no sense,
In truth, to do so unkindly and unwarranted, is nonsense!
I have tried counting all sorts, from stars to wide eyed sheep!
Yet still you , yes you decline me shut eye and valuable sleep!

Jay-lyn’s contribution

Tossing and turning pulling blankets near

What is that noise that I hear?

It is not the Sandman come for me

Why won’t you let me sleep dear?

My contribution

Countless late night biscuits and black coffee

Walking around like a spaced out zombie

Listening to Cohen and Floyd on endless loop

Convincing myself that no sleep is common in my age group.

I pass the baton hopefully to the wonderful Lorraine (Blind Wilderness)

The Gerbils did it

Gerbils meeting world politics is not a usual combo. But it delivered this week with the wonderful Chelsea Owens letting me win this weeks Terrible Poetry Contest. The Gerbils celebrated by destroying a large Amazon Cardboard Packing case – hope they weren’t expecting it back.

If you fancy a bash at some terrible poetry please check out Chelsea’s latest competition. It’s good for the soul and top fun. The more the merrier.

Terrible Poetry the Rodents are here

The wonderful Chelsea Owens has a weekly Terrible Poetry Contest. This week she has openly said that she is trying to tease one of our entrants, but don’t tell him“. Just have a look at the topic.

“Hello poets, and welcome to the 31st Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest!

Read the basic how-to about what we do around here if you’re confused. If you don’t want to click a link and read an outline, that’s cool. You can also stay up all night and write whatever comes out before drinking coffee.

Besides that, here are the specifics for this week:

  1. Just to be inclusive, the Topic is small rodents’ opinions on political policies.
    I am a moderate and do not approve of anyone shaming, judging, hating, or blaming others for their views; but the politicians themselves are free game.
  2. Don’t filibuster for too long. Keep the Length to 200 words or fewer.
  3. Rhyme if it makes your constituents happy. Or, just promise to.
  4. Most importantly: Make it terrible. In fact, make “Make it terrible” your slogan. Slap “Make it terrible” stickers on babies and kiss their sweet mothers for the camera.
  5. I realize this sort of thing can raise some blood pressures, so keep your poem PG or cleaner. After all, in rodent politics they don’t actually want fur to fly.

You have till 8:00 a.m. MST next Friday (June 28) to submit a poem.”

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The US wants to build a really big wall

It’s to keep bad folk out maybe like Darth Maul

Paris is a beautiful place full of Yellow Vests

A great city to visit especially if you like protests

Canada seemed to have a charismatic leader

Now he seems tainted to the lay reader

The UK is run by a bunch of useless buffoons

Soon to become no more than Trumps spittoon

Clearly we are being failed by our politicians

Yet our rodents have untapped political ambitions

They want to address Climate Change

Rodents want positive action not wasting time on the golf range

They are not happy with our leaders looking after the rich only

Rodents will favour the poor and make sure the rich feel very lonely

They see that nationalism has disastrous consequences

Rodents will build bridges not really big fences

Politicians like to feed on your souls

Rodents like to munch on your toilet rolls

The ruling elite need to tremble

As its time for the Gerbils to Assemble