Surprised these are not vultures today

It’s been one of those days. You wake up as a zombie with one mission – to create havoc. The alarm went and as I swung out of bed I managed to send a glass of water hurtling towards the wall like an Exocet missile. I dried the wall, picked up the glass pieces and applied the plasters to my fingers. Then it was time for my pre school day workout. For some mad idea I decided to opt for single arm press-ups. Who do I think I am, The Rock. Clearly I forgot I am a middle aged chump. Although I managed a few reps, the problems came later. My arms clearly were not impressed. Now the shakes make drinking from a cup a real challenge. Today I’m just accepting that I have a permanent have you just wet yourself look.

Then as Son was doing his history lesson I decided to garden. First I tried to trim back a tree branch that is growing unerringly towards the overhead telephone cable. I should have been more concerned with the chainsaw power cable. Within seconds I had a power lead in two pieces and a out of action chainsaw. Let’s try something less dangerous. Let’s plant some seeds. Start with the flowers then plant some vegetables. I did a wonderful job with the hanging baskets. Carefully filled with seeds. So I moved onto the soil patch that I had carefully prepared for the vegetables. Why have I still got all the unopened flower seeds and can’t find the carrot seeds. Yep I’m going to have some beautiful hanging baskets with glorious displays of carrots. Well that went well.

Lunch went well. First of all I decided to pour tomato soup onto the carpet. I then tried to grate some cheese, unfortunately the plastic wrapper got involved, so bits of plastic got shredded as well. Wonder if that qualifies me for a Michelin star.

Finally I set the washing machine off on a daily wash cycle without actually loading much in. When I say much that means one pair of socks. All other items remained in the washing basket sat in front of said machine. Deep sigh. So basically today I have been useless. Having said that I have been doing this for years. It’s scary that it’s taken millions of years of evolutionary progress to get to me. Wow.

So now it’s time for some terrible poetry in the form of Chelsea Owens weekly terrible poetry challenge. This week the rules are most appropriately

  1. Let’s Topic on a humorous end to a useful object. Irony is encouraged.
  2. The Length is between 5 and 155 words.
  3. Rhyming is optional, but recommended.
  4. Make it terrible! Make me rue the day I ever started a contest based on bad poetry …until the next week’s prompt.
  5. Rating: PG or cleaner. You can do it.

You have till 8:00 a.m. MST next Friday (April 24) to submit a poem to Chelsea.

Well here goes and I can’t think of a better subject here then ME…..

Face it I am a muppet

As useful as badly worn glove puppet

The youthful sporting body is sadly no more

Now this used body constantly needs to visit the drugstore

I just can’t bend over without making a groan

I can only move thanks to heaps of cortisone

Once brimming with dreams of adventure and success

Now I’m wracked with anxieties and filled with stress

Everyday I deliver mistake after mistake

Always sweeping up the stuff I carelessly brake

Increasingly I’m covered in dust

With a bank balance which has gone bust

These days definitely more rounded in the middle

Watching life fly past featuring only as a second fiddle

No more than a terrible poetry bard

Maybe it’s time for me to visit the knackers yard

72 thoughts on “Usefulness”

  2. Nah, you’re not ready to be glue yet😉
    And I like your poem. You’re not good at being a “terrible poet”.😘 Did I insult or compliment you?🤔 This sleep deprivation is causing all kinds of problems. My balance seems to be off… I kept nearly falling over🤷🏼‍♀️
    Get some rest and no more power tools😉💌🌬

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  10. Please stay away from power tools. Or knives. Scissors maybe. Just anything sharp. Maybe you could fill a room with soft furnishings and no edges or corners, no hot foods or liquids. It could be the place you go to when you have one of ‘those’ days. X

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      3. Of course. We should practice social distancing though. Not anything to do with covid, just both of us being incredibly clumsy and accident prone .. there’s always a risk, even in a sensory soft padded room x

        Liked by 1 person

  12. “Mama said there’ll be days like this
    There’ll be days like this, mama said
    (Mama said, mama said)
    Mama said there’ll be days like this
    There’ll be days like this, my mama said
    (Mama said, mama said)” – the Shirelles

    Yup some days are like that. Waking up like you just swallowed a liquid lunch of clumsy. Please stay away from power tools on such days. But the poem really wasn’t bad at all. Nope, you messed that up and made it not bad at all. Just saying.

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  15. Ah, I see Superdad is still trying to be Superman as well. It’s good when some things don’t change. 😆 I’m quickly forgeting what I wanted to comment… maybe my next poem isn’t so fictional after all…

    Your poem was really good! Too good to be terrible.

    Oh yeah… I remember now. I’m looking forward to seeing your carrot hanging baskets grow. That’s how great things are discovered, you know. Now everyone will want carrots in their hanging baskets.

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  16. Believe it or not… I just knocked my bottle of water off the bed stand. The up side… no broken glass… the down side water everywhere. I immediately thought of your glass incident and was more amused than annoyed. It’s not the first time I’ve done that. It likely won’t be the last.

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  20. Number 1, this poem is not terrible. I write cry-inducing horrible poems so I know.

    Number 2, this was a really bad day huh? I can imagine, having had some days Luke this but the good news is that we hang in there and we get out better.

    I was in tears when I got to the laundry accident part.

    Carrots in hanging baskets may not be bad. How deep are they? Lol

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  21. Yowza, Friend, that WAS a day. But the great thing about days is that they have to end, and I’m thankful yours did. At least one thing is certain: not every day can be that day. Hugs to you from Wisconsin–it sounds like you could use them!

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  22. Dude. You are SO clearly overwhelmed. It sounds like you don’t know whether to wind your butt or scratch your watch. You really should be kinder to yourself. Mishaps are products of exhaustion and stress. You are still grieving, you are still a single parent, you are the target of a brilliant child and you are at the mercy of a tyrannical government. It’s hard to function with so much on your shoulders.

    Please be careful with that chainsaw (of course, with a cut cord, you may have taken care of that). I keep thinking about your eye, trying to work on the other tree. Perhaps the chainsaw incident was directly related to the quivering, overworked arms?

    A plastic cup won’t shatter. Just saying.

    The good news is, your washer WORKS and carrots in a hanging basket might be lovely. They have pretty green tops.

    Hug your son and take a deep breath. You will be fine.

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    1. Thank you. The garden birds have gone crazy for whatever is in the hanging baskets. It’s almost form an orderly queue to get to them. I think you get used to working with no sleep. It’s not ideal but you find a way to function, just not firing on all cylinders.

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  24. Pingback: WINNER of the Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest 4/24/2020 | Chelsea Ann Owens

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