There was a time when my mobile phone was only used for making phone calls. The phone call function now seems to be an optional extra. It’s now basically my camera, runs the house and sons Pokemon world generator….

As the great Terry Pratchett once said

Always be wary of any helpful item which weighs less than it’s operating manual.

As ever Terry in his hilarious fantasy worlds got life better than many so called modern philosophers. And while we let that thought hang in the air, let’s move onto the last Thursday challenge for a while. Yes people you will be safe from my terrible poetry for a number of months. But as Terry P also aptly pointed out

It’s not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren’t doing.

So it’s time for Chelsea Owens last challenge for a few months and my poetry….. Chelsea is taking a much earned blogging break over the Summer. This week’s challenge is about writing your very worst poem possible. Bonus points for squeezing in Douglas Adams like Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy references. Truly awful poems need to forwarded to Chelsea by 8.00am MDT on the 29th. As a Yorkshire lad I have no idea what MDT meansbut it does sound kinda cool. Maybe something like Mindless Donald Tweets.

This poem might not mean too much if you have never read the great Douglas Adams books or have not had to endure the UK governments truly disgraceful lies (on a different scale over the last few days). To cut a long story short our PM is not in charge. That honour goes to a bloke called Cummings who is unelected but seems to have plenty of dirt on enough people to make him important. The country followed strict lockdown rules with the police taking action action rule breakers. We were told the rules were not requests, they were mandatory instructions. Stay at home or people will die. Senior People have been forced to resign for breaking them. Well apparently the rules didn’t apply to Cummings. He travelled 250 miles from his home to his parents (also a no no). This was when he and his wife had symptoms. Let’s just hope they didn’t need fuel…. He then decided to apparently test his eyesight by driving his wife on her birthday and with young son and dogs in the back of the car, 60 miles to a tourist site (Barnard Castle). Now this has been discovered the public are what is the phrase I’m looking for – pissed off. But now the government is saying that Cummings acted as any parent should do. So absolutely no action should be taken against him. In fact he’s a great citizen and parent according to Hancock (Health Minister). Basically all the parents who stayed at home and followed the lockdown instructions were stupid mugs.

*************

Douglas Adams wrote of other worlds and evil races like the Vogons

He didn’t need to lie and cheat, no need to come up with patronising slogans

Now we have our very own new fantasy story authors

Cummings, Hancock and Boris, the UKs evil lying rotters

They inspire as much hope as Marvin the Paranoid Android

And are as pleasant as a hot curry to someone with a hemorrhoid

They only look after themselves, just like two headed Zaphod Beeblebrox

They gorge on the finest food while the peasants are expected to stay in detox

We all thought the answer to life was forty two

Well apparently not, that answer was a load of poo

The answer to everything is now apparently the tourist site called Barnard Castle

We are instructed to lockdown but for Cummings that is far too much hassle

If you are Cummings you can test your eyesight by driving your kid 60 miles

Just a coincidence it’s your wife’s birthday, ignoring restrictions with many smiles

Now that’s apparently Ok as it Cummings says his little poodle called Hancock

A man so stupid he’s turned this country into nothing more than a laughingstock

So thank you Douglas for writing some of the funniest stories ever told

And thank you those who voted for Boris, a man as useful as the common cold

***********

*** This is version two. The cleaned up version. It’s amazing what words you can find to rhyme with words like luck, fit and flanker…. ***

43 thoughts on “Other worlds 2

  1. Great use of Mr Adams fine work! It IS frustrating when our so called leaders are pompous a$$holes! Orange Idjit is bad enough but I’d like to wipe the smarmy look off McConnell’s (Senate Majority Leader) face with some steel wool. 😑

    Phew! Sorry about that… got a little ranty. Really good Terrible Poem… so I don’t know if that’s a well done or a failπŸ€·πŸΌβ€β™€οΈπŸ˜‚
    Oh, and MDT is for Mountain Daylight Time. We have 4 time zones in the lower 48 (everything except Alaska & Hawaii) Pacific, Mountain, Central and Eastern. Do you feel more knowledgeable or confused now??πŸ™„πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ’ŒπŸ’Œ

    Liked by 1 person

  2. It’s even made the news over here… well, the long illegal jouney. Nothing about it being to visit fam, nor being symptomatic, nor the 2nd journey.

    It was such a short while ago that I had hope for a united world & global vision. How did it disappear, everywhere, so fast??

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh, I think dotard is going to make it a race between countries. Have you seen the pics coming out of the US? Packed beaches, swimming pools, bars, and restaurants.

        I’m very much following my own rules now… keeping myself safe.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I avoid the news now but had it on tonight and learned dotard pulled us out of the WHO???? What the hell???!@!??
        I don’t want to die but I hope the world gives us the finger and refuses to share info.

        Like

  3. WHAT??? A cell phone can be used to … call people? Who knew? Mine is used to check my blog, check the weather, check email (3 accounts), text message, play Sudoku, read Kindle books, check news outlets for updates, check Facebook & Twitter, see what day of the week it is, wake me in the morning … but I didn’t know you could also make phone calls! Cool!

    WHAT??? Months without any terrible poetry from you??? NOOOOOoooo … say it ain’t so! I live for your terrible poetry! As re today’s offering, Version #2 was good, but I would have loved to see Version #1, the uncut, unedited one! Sigh … I shall have to print this one and stick it on the front of my fridge for the long months that I pine for Gary’s terrible poetry.

    Liked by 1 person

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