First up apologies for yesterday’s school rant. Probably suffering from Toffee Appleitis. It was heart felt but probably did come across as a bit of a winging parent. I suspect it might not be my last moan but I will try to keep a lid on it for the post.

The Toffee Apple update was quite positive. I did manage to find one rather sad looking specimen which apparently was quite tasty. While he was at school I moved away from the high science of Toffee to the more accessible chocolate approach. Chocolate is so much easier than Toffee – it falls within my very limited cooking range.

Chocolate Apple – success. Then the success went to my head – chocolate dipping anything I could find. Grapes, strawberries, banana, pineapple and melon. At one stage we had chocolate spectacles – but that was just an unintentional fumble. With the exception of the glasses – all chocolate covered items happily consumed.

After the chocolate eating fest our son brought up school and in particular drama. Apparently the class had a drama test which consisted of reading a script. No reading help was provided. When I asked how he coped his response was

“I couldn’t read the words but I didn’t panic, I just remembered the advice you gave me about drama”

This worried me on two counts. One I can’t remember any such advice and secondly the only thing I’m worse at than cooking is the performing arts. My only two ventures into the performing arts during my life have hardly been inspiring.

1) At school my class was entered into a singing competition. My signing was so bad that the teacher told me to stand at the back and just mime. I remember how he put it “for gods sake don’t sing or were buggered”.

2) A bit further down my educational journey I “performed” in the year end play. That year it was Julius Caesar. I was given the role of a centurion with one job. Stand on a podium (chair) and shout “hail Caesar”. Unfortunately on the big night I got a tad excited. I managed to let out a bellowing “Haiiiiiiiiiii” as I feel backwards off the chair, pulling most of the back curtain down.

So with trepidation I asked my son exactly what advice I had given him.

“You told me that if I had to do any acting and I didn’t know what to do then you should pretend to be a famous actor. Pretend to be someone like Christopher Lee playing Dracula”. ### he once watched a documentary about Christopher Lee’s career when he was appearing in Lord of the Rings and loved the Dracula bit ####

“So I just pretended to be Dracula stalking round the stage not saying a word. I later found out that it was some romantic stuff I was supposed to read”.

I couldn’t get the image of this vampire like figure stalking round the stage when they were expecting something more akin to Laurence Olivier or Colin Firth. Seconds later we were both in tears of laughter.

So in summary I can’t rule out future blog moans but I can categorically rule out any form of thespian advice.

48 thoughts on “Thespian Advice”

  7. You might not have a singing voice or the ability to cry on cue (balancing, of course) but, your writing & expression are excellent. You draw pictures with emotion with your words. A talent for telling stories and drawing an audience is not an everyday thing. You are literally working on a book…right now. Your chronicles of your struggles and everyday weirdness is a lot of fun to read. Is Donald your son’s name? HE is an incredible young man…and you are guiding him well. Parenting is not a set of instructions, following A, B & C, it is a “hang on for dear life” wild buggy ride.

    I look forward to every single post. Congratulations. You have a following. Keep talking/writing/ranting…all you want.

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      2. I most admit apart from the likes of Spongebob, Simpson’s and ScoobyDoo plus a quick check on Newcastle’s latest defeat – no other TV is watched. Suspect I’m not missing much. I don’t think I’ve watched the news since the morning we voted to leave Europe. I suspect it’s my version of an ostrich sticking its head in the sand.

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      5. (Two countries separated by a common language) Sausage? Food reference or something else?

        I have seen friendships ended over sports teams. I don’t get it.

        Losing your hair? Shave your head and grow a Van Dyke. That seems to be the trend…at least here.

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      6. It’s a food reference, my dad would always say to ‘you silly old sausage’. I’m not sure what the current phrase is for pulling your hair out at your losing team. One problem is that Newcastle is the most northerly premier team, it gets a bit chilly sat down watching footy in winter. Need all the hair you can muster.

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      1. Teaching is very complex and it’s not just kids the autistic spectrum who lack support. I mean, family background is a huge determiner for educational success, so it is good that you are invested.

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      5. In my son’s class there is a girl who is clearly really bright but for some reason the school seem to have labelled her as low attainment and is not getting much pushing. So your so right that it is a complex and wide ranging issue. I remember one teacher I was friends with saying she was sure that if the school day was halved and parents taught the kids instead that the results would drastically improve in many cases.

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      6. I think the results would be very different: individualised attention! Except that some children just wouldn’t get any attention from their parents (or other caregivers). You can legally take your child partially out of school as long as you undertake to educate them yourself.

        Poor girl… every child has the right to be encouraged to reach their potential.

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  9. Hey, Christopher Lee was a BAD ASS. You can’t go wrong when you model your acting after him!

    And your experiences made me think of one of the Snoopy Christmas cartoons where Charlie Brown’s sister Sally has one line in the play: she’s an angel to say “hark!” Instead, she yells, “Hockey sticks!”

    And and this moment’s another sweet reminder of just how much your son admires you and looks up to you. He’s taking in what you say even when your mind doesn’t always keep track (mine sure doesn’t).

    And and and, cooking’s a terror. I can’t even get brownies right. 😦

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      3. HA! Not a bad choice, either! He’s quite grandiose, comedic, and loveable. 🙂 I’m just thankful America still has music lessons once in a while; it usually takes turns with art. No drama whatsoever. A small amount of phy ed. Honestly, I get confused by the schedules. Blondie was in a mixed grade room for years (Kindergarten-2nd grade with one teacher (it’s our tiny church’s school)) and yet she somehow covered as much ground in kindergarten if not a bit more than the boys in their kindergarten public school classes. But I’m just a college teacher, which means I never had to study education.
        Hard to get more ironic than that…

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      4. It isn’t. Son did history in primary with dates and key events. Geography with capitals and countries. In his first year of secondary school and history seems to be nothing about history and geography seems to be more about history. Science is about just correcting spellings and English doesn’t involve reading. Bizarre.

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