The Matterhorn

As a child I could eat most things as long as it was covered in at least 1 inch of Tomato Ketchup… even pesky vegetables. Now all these years later,Hawklad has upped the ante. Seemingly everything on his plate is edible as long as it’s found submerged in a sea of the red stuff. But whereas I would be fine with the cheapest ketchup, Hawklad has to have Heinz…. And when I say a sea of the stuff, it’s at volume levels which create destructive pressure levels. The Swiss Hotel we would stay at on more than one occasion had to order more ketchup as someone had completely exhausted their stocks.

Spiez, a wonderful town which every so often has had its Ketchup stocks put under extreme pressure….

43 thoughts on “Code Red”

  5. I worked with a man who ate ketchup on everything, and he confessed to me he didn’t enjoy it snymore. BUT everyone expected him to smother his food in ketchup, and he thought they would be disappointed if he stopped. He was autistic, and he had no idea how to stop. So I gave him an out, of sorts. I bet him if I could find a food he would not eat ketchup on, he would have a reason to quit. He gave me a week. On day 1 I gave him a garlic dill pickle. He put ketchup on it and ate it. Day 2, tapioca puddng. Day 3, i can”t remember but it was another failure, as were days 4,5, and 6. On the morning of the 7th day I was desperate. I stopped at the supermart on the way to work, looking everywhere for anything that might work. And then I saw it. I bought it, put it in a paper bag, and took it go work. By then everyone at work knew about the bet, and they were wstching me like like a hawk. I sat Mike down at a table, and told him to wait. I went to the kitchen and prepared my coupe de gràce, put it on a tray under a bowl, added a bottle of ketchup, and a spoon. I swept into the main room and placed the food before him. “Are you ready? I asked. “Whatever it is, I will eat it,” he said back to me confidently. I picked up the bowl, and everyone gasped — except Mike. He picked up the ketchup, poured it on, and lifted a spoonful to his lips. He put it in his mouth, and bit down. And sprayed everyone around him with ketchup-covered grapefruit.
    He never ate ketchup again after that. I collected my winnings from my co-workers who bet I could not do it, and went happily on my way. And Mike was free of his curse!

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      1. Yeah, tough on me! 🙂
        You know how hard it is to find the perfect food fot the perfect purpose? The first few days Mike was still wanting to stop useing ketchup, but he loved the challenge, and it reinvigorated his love for ketchup. I wasn’t expecting thwt. I asked him if he wanted the challenge to srop, but he was getting more attention from other people. And he thought I could not do it, find the perfect food. Finding it wss possibly the biggest challenge of my life!

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  12. Can we bring out the scientist in Hawklad?
    I’d buy all the different brands, from all the different supermarkets and use labels on the bottom of saucers… you get the idea. Oh and chips of course to dip in and test the theory in a scientific way, maybe.
    I actually found Lidl ketchup to be the nicest.

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      1. No, no, no, no, no, it’s got to be a scientific experiment. Be all up front and start with another sauce first, say Brown sauce and HP and Daddy’s. All labelled as [A] [B] [C] and you take it in turns. Then go for the jugular with the tomato ketchup.
        As for Jedi Knight, my nephew put his religion down on the National Census as Jedi. In fact did you know that:
        The 2016 census results list all religions receiving more than 30 responses, including 2,050 (0.085%) under “Jedi Knight”

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  13. “Ketchup stocks put under extreme pressure”, lol. Gary, you’ve mixed tangy and a LOT of cuteness with Hawklad–and the stunning Matterhorn? Heinz is in my refrigerator–it’s the only one I buy. I’ve attempted others and caved to pressure in the past! I’ve bought others (and gasp, the CHEAP versions) and felt VERY judged by the Heinz lovers in the family. The Matterhorn looks even more amazing with a dollop of Hawklad! 💕💕💕💕

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  15. Ha ha ha! Love this and, mid inflation hikes of last year, did insist that the household downgraded from Heinz to an ‘own brand’. They did get used to it I thought, until one gave another genuine Heinz ketchup as a Christmas present 1🤣 xx

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