I always wanted to stay a night here. Maybe one day. Almost touching distance of The Eiger, the famous mighty Swiss mountain.

The winter months, the inhospitable weather, deserted paths and seasonally closed cafes. This time of year always makes me more reflective, some would say EVEN more reflective.

I’ve been thinking about parenting, specifically before our family world changed and I fumbled my way into single parenting. With parenting you sometimes get things right, sometimes get things wrong and sometimes you kinda just drift about on the tides of life. Given that there is no parenting blueprint to follow and the propensity of our little raptors to transform the seemingly straightforward into sleepless, stress filled angst maelstroms, we can forgive ourselves for not always being perfect. As a couple we were very different with very different takes on how to bring a child up. Sometimes we agreed, more often we negotiated (possibly argued) our way to compromises. And YES we didn’t get everything right, sometimes we got it spectacularly wrong. Looking back that doesn’t frustrate me, we did our best.

But now, in 2025 something does bother me, frustrates me, makes me feel sad. It’s not the decisions we got spectacularly wrong, it’s the decisions and opportunities that we kicked into the future. We didn’t say NO, we just said not now. ‘Not now’ because of some fairly unimportant work stuff, because it took us slightly out of our comfort zone, because it will complicate things, because we don’t need to push now because we have loads of time to sort this out in the future….

Let’s think about it again next year…

Let’s not do that now but maybe later….

Let’s talk ourselves out of this even though it could be so wonderful, no pressure, plenty of time to get round to it….sometimes sitting doing nothing can seem better than having the time of our life’s.

We were fooling ourselves, time ran out….

I keep going over those moments. Often trips, adventures or holidays that didn’t happen. Like the big Christmas adventure, the chance to take Hawklad to Lapland to visit Santa. Never happened even though we could have done it and we both knew it was a great adventure. Yes just the two of us could do it now but it’s not quite the same after the pesky Art Teacher decided it was time for some festive tough love… What a missed opportunity because we thought there was plenty of time.

Then there are those moments, missed opportunities that yes we can still do (and sometimes have already addressed) but we left it too long for his mum. She missed out. Hawklad never got to experience these moments with her. Disney Florida, Panto, trips to see Whales, Horse riding, skiing, Yellowstone, Kennedy Space Centre, Patagonia….. I could go on. Especially this little beauty, I managed to film Hawklad’s first walk on an old video camera, his mum was at work. The camera wouldn’t connect to the TV, so I needed to get the tape converted to VHS. I never did get round to it, I put it off (plenty of time) and then it was forgotten in both our life’s. She never did get to see that special moment.

Now I feel sadness over those moments, moments his mum never got to experience, Hawklad never got to share with her. It’s a painful lesson.

Time will run out……

39 thoughts on “Time will run out.”

  3. You’ve so many beautiful photographs and memories to share. Don’t be too hard on yourself. We all, without exception, have regrets of some sort and January, I’ve found, can be a “blue month!” It’s a natural part of the grieving process to reflect on these things at this time of the year. I hope and pray you’ve a wonderful year ahead.

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  7. A very bittersweet reflection, Gary. From what you’ve shared, you have shared many moments with Hawklad’s mom. But you are right, it sometimes just feels like it’s never enough. And I’m so sorry for that.

    But there is now and the time that you do have in front of you. And I hope you can embrace this gift you have now with Hawklad and make those memories you’ve held off. Hope Switzerland is in your near future and a stay at that beautiful hotel.

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  8. I thought that i have the whole life ahead when I realized it’s half way thru already. It’s such an unexpected thing, the other half will be different, not what I expected it to be. Do you ever plan your life ahead? If you do you kind of rob yourself of unexpected twists and turns that may be good or bad, who knows…

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  9. You are so right about time running out. We all (well many of us) do the same thing, we’ll do it next time, next year. Unfortunately, you learned that time lesson in such a sad way. But, your post is wonderfully great advice. Because none of us know how many tomorrows are left. Thanks!!!

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  10. What a powerful and heartfelt reflection. It’s so true that time often feels infinite, until it isn’t. Your words are a reminder to all of us to cherish the now, to take those adventures, and to create those memories while we can. It’s clear how much you’ve done and continue to do for Hawklad, and even though there are moments that bring sadness, there’s so much beauty in the love and lessons you’re passing on. Wishing you both many wonderful adventures ahead—you’re an inspiring dad.

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  16. All our lives could be filled with regret but truly, it is pointless. The lesson for all of us is to never take for granted that there will be time in the future. I have never had the daunting responsibility of caring for a child but I wish more parents put as much devotion and thought into it as you.

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