Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 55 Comments

Bad parenting

That’s a moody landscape, maybe it knows just how messed up this LAND has become. That it has become the LAND of BAD GOVERNING.

Every single day more evidence of corruption, lies, self interest, extremism, vacuous morality and staggering incompetence.

The Environment, The Economy, Education, The NHS, Public Services, Democracy, Governance, Law, Support to those in Need, Equality, Families, Communities, Futures, ALL being TRASHED.

But what do you expect when we vote in clowns and charlatans to lead this Land.

Case in point, The Deputy Chairman of the Conservative Party and frequent spokesman for the Government. Lee Anderson MP who previously claimed ‘Poverty in the UK’ was NONSENSE has now stated that….

ADHD is down to BAD PARENTING.

That bad science bombshell is news to the actual Scientists, Experts, Professional, Families and everyone who better understand ADHD. ADHD is associated with factors such as Genetics, Brain Structure, Brain Chemical Reactions and with extremely low levels of associated neurotransmitter transmission.

This bloke from the Government is spouting unfounded urban myths and conspiracy theories, AGAIN. This time by stigmatising caring and loving families who are just trying their hearts out and doing the best they can. He is trying to turn people against them. Divide and conquer.

As a parent who still lives in the ADHD world, I’m not going to take any lectures from this CLOWN. He has no idea, he doesn’t care but sadly has a massive ego and even bigger mouth.

Come on people of the UK, when the time comes, DO THE RIGHT THING and get rid of the Charlatans.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 50 Comments

Waterfalls

Surprisingly given the amount of rain, Yorkshire isn’t exactly overstocked on waterfalls. However over the last couple of weeks we have ventured to a couple of the local examples.

Not too shoddy at all.

There is one much bigger Falls just over an hours drive from us.

There is history there as well. It was the last place we visited as a family of three. After the world changed, going back seemed impossible. TWO could never be THREE. But now 7 years have passed. TWO still isn’t THREE, but now THREE is about memories, TWO is about living right now,

Maybe we will venture there this weekend for an adventure.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 47 Comments

Age

A bit of that Tropical Yorkshire Jungle….

We knew this would begin to happen eventually. Almost 10 years back, the first Autism Specialist who worked with Hawklad warned us what would inevitably happen. Initially he would get support from a number of health and education teams. This would last until he became an older teenager and then it would start to change. Services and support would then be withdrawn until basically he was on his own, with his only support system being Family. As the Specialist explained, the system hasn’t got enough resources and is continually being further squeezed. Support needs to be available LIFELONG but in the UK you get to an age when that support is withdrawn. Hawklad will then be expected to fend for himself come what may with only family to turn to. Some describe Adult Autistic Support Provision in the UK as PATCHY, others call it NONEXISTENT.

That is such a worry going forward,

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 25 Comments

Summer

Yorkshire SUMMER..

Proper WEATHER..

This is midday and it’s 12C..

We are most definitely missing the frightening heatwave hitting much of Europe.

So School is most definitely out, I guess it has been for a month now. But nothing official, just kinda happened. The fabled Parenting Handbook doesn’t really cover this, WHAT HAPPENS NOW. Like most things, I’ve ended up WINGING it. I supposed that School would be in touch. Providing guidance on what needs to be done with things like picking up books, passing on key records, returning school property, official last day when school is shot of the pupil, where to get career guidance, college help, exam results, who you need to contact if you have any queries about next steps, if problems are encountered. We just knew what day the last exam was happening. He just walked out the exam room and that was it. Well part from a Muppet Dad embarrassing him as he walked towards the car. Apparently it’s not COOL to stand precariously on the car roof and applaud while wearing a bowler hat which is at least four sizes too small.….

But we received nothing. I did email school to get Hawklad’s results emailed to him. The only other email we have received since his exams was a bizarre one about the School Prom. He had no idea the Prom was happening but a couple of hours before the Event, we received an email asking that if pupils attending the Leaving Prom were arriving in a TRACTOR, could the Tractors not drive over the School Lawns or Fields.

Glad that’s been cleared up then.

Thankfully Hawklad saw the funny side of things. “At least I don’t have to comb my hair… I’m hoping to go the whole summer without doing that “ So far so good in that one then….😂😂😂😂

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 40 Comments

Poppy

One very lonely poppy, I’m pleased that today it had a number of visitors.

Just one poppy in the entire field.

They are such beautiful, resilient flowers with such powerful symbolism. Family meaning as well. Grandfather was gassed in the trenches during WW1. My mum had a younger sister called Poppy who died in infancy.

Always so many stories. Not always happy ones.

Sorry went all Leonard Cohen on you there.

School is still most definitely out. Even after a week Hawklad is still on edge after the exams. But hopefully a very loud and noisy Iron Maiden concert will soon blow those cobwebs away.

AND I am still brain fudged. Why can I still recite so many chemical formulas, quote Love Poetry lines and Shakespeare. Last night I even dreamed about being a university student having to do a practical exam in fractional distillation. I can remember writing down the formula and clearly getting it right. And yet when I went shopping today I couldn’t remember one single item we needed.

At least I can still remember the stories behind the Poppy. That is something.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 42 Comments

Privatisation

I think I hit new BRAIN FUDGED exam heights this afternoon. Just driven back from school and for about 10 seconds I was stood bemused next to the house front door. The locked front door. Why wouldn’t it open. I was repeatedly pressing the car remote door opening key.

D’oh.

Once I had finally opened the pesky front door with its traditional key, I found a letter from a rather large public utility company which had been privatised a few years decades back. Customers were told that this would significantly improve service levels and keep prices down….

We are still waiting for those particular benefits to arrive.

The letter was addressed to Hawklad’s Mum. Over the 6 plus years since the world changed, I have repeatedly tried to get them to change this. Apparently the main database has been changed but other databases not linked to the main one keep popping up. Clearly the privatised company can’t afford to link all its systems. Got to pay those Dividends…..

Well back to the letter. A few years back, seeing my partners name on the address would have wrecked me. Things have changed now. The grief journey moves further down the road. This time I focused on the text next to the address.

We know times are hard, we are here to help. We want to do all we can, so open the envelope to see what we can do for you…

Well for a start you could stop fleecing your customers with ridiculously sky high prices and monumentally poor service levels. You could also stop your Chief Executive getting millions in performance related bonuses.

I dealt with the letter in the appropriate manner. Throw it to the mad Cat and Dog, let them rip it to shreds.

But the key point is that I focused on the contents of the letter rather than on the name on the letter. I never thought I could ever do that but when the time is right, the journey starts to become just a bit less painful.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 38 Comments

Butty

Do you think I would get away with this in my garden as a bit of a water feature. You don’t think that it might be a tad pretentious. My current water feature is me walking about with a watering can….. Imagine the fun Captain Chaos would have with this.

We were in the garden (without a water feature) playing table tennis and trying to lift Hawklad’s spirits after a demoralising couple of hours revising. He was frustrated and dispirited because we had picked up that he had been using the wrong method to calculate something in mathematics. He’d apparently been doing it the wrong way for a couple of years but as the teacher hasn’t been looking at his submitted maths work, it wasn’t picked up until we spotted it.

He had an Easter Egg, I had a coffee with a BUTTY.

I came from a family that survived on Butties… Dad would always say only POSH people called them sandwiches. Most items could be placed between two slabs of bread for a tasty meal. Family favourites included

Fish Finger butties

Chip butties (My favourite)

Crisp butties (Mum’s favourite)

Baked Beans butties (don’t wear a white shirt eating this one)

Sausage butties

Yorkshire Pudding and Gravy butties (a particularly messy one)

Mushy Peas and Vinegar butties

Fried Egg and Tomato Ketchup butties

Last nights Pizza butties

Pork Pie butties (Dad’s favourite)

At one stage I even started having Pot Noddle butties

All things butties. I even once remember a debate about whether a slice of bread sandwiched between two other slices of bread counted as a Bread Butty or just three Slices of Bread. Whatever the answer to this philosophical point, we had so many butties as a family for one good reason. Bread was cheap, it was a cheap way of padding out our meals.

Now a thought has crossed my mind. Sitting in our garden, it’s summer, after the exams, next to that giant water feature, having a butty. That works…

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 35 Comments

Talent

What’s he looking at….

Somebody with lots of talent has been very busy.

Talking about talent, I could really do with even just a little bit of that stuff. I was taking the Mad Dog for his walk or more accurately HE was pulling me along for afternoon walk and deep shoulder workout, when a delivery truck pulled up. It was my niece and we had a lovely chat while she got excitedly bounced on by Captain Chaos.

My niece, now covered in dog hair (it’s a sign of affection really) eventually had to head off to make her next grocery delivery. So it was back to being remorselessly pulled while listening to a podcast on my iPhone headphones. But disaster, NO SOUND. Nothing. I stood there for ages messing about with settings, rebooting and generally shouting at the tech.

Then a brief and rare moment of clarity in which the secrets of life and the universe are revealed.

No wonder you can’t hear anything from the iPhone while you still have the earphones shoved deep into your trouser pocket…. What an absolute wazzock, that’s even beyond muppetry.

iPhone should cater for the permanently lost like me and start to make a range of THIGH or HIPphones. Or maybe have the iPhone give the user a short electric shock to warn users that they have started to become completely delusional and falsely claim that technology is in full scale rebellion. Or just maybe a friendly text message reminding the useless user that ‘bizarrely earphones are designed to work best when placed next to the ear, and definitely not in a location around the groinal region….”

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 82 Comments

Those Northern Lights

Last week Hawklad was talking with my sister. The intrepid exploring sis was on the phone from somewhere near the Arctic Circle. On a cruise ship….

She was trying to describe the wonders of seeing The Northern Lights. Hawklad so wanted to see them one day. His Dad as well. Occasionally Aurora Borealis can wander south just far enough to reach Yorkshire. Unfortunately then the wonderful Yorkshire weather kicks in and any light show is hidden behind the cloud and rain. I’m not saying the weather is unusually grim here but after all these many decades, this muppet was still waiting on his first glimpse of this wonder.

So we decided to add ‘way up north’ to the bucket list.

One day….

Then just a couple of days later, look what happened to our part of the world. A magnetic storm brought the light show to Yorkshire (and even further south) AND unbelievably the clouds parted.

Our first glimpse from the house back door. The photos are a bit blurred as my poor old iPhone isn’t so hot in low light and I never did buy a tripod for it.

The green sent the two of us scampering to the car and off we went on our version of storm chasing. A few moments later a more open northern view revealed the glorious light show.

Gradually just a hint of red. We took a gamble, jumped in the car again and headed to The Moors.

And wow was it worth it.

We got back home at just after 1am, what an adventure. You just never know what the day will bring.

Hawklad loved it.

Maybe next time we can see them from within the Arctic Circle.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 15 Comments

Parked up

It’s a hard life on the pet sofa. Boys will be boys.

I’m writing this in my so called car listening to a bit of deep and meaningful art, an art form called Whitesnake. Here is a random fact, that band’s lead vocalist worked in a fashion clothes shop which was next to my Dentist torture site. That Dentist was an ex army, old school medic and it showed. The caring nature of Rambo who has just found out that Arnie has much bigger biceps than him. That Dentist practice was horrible. But to be fair to him after every horrible, painful appointment he would make his one allowance to being a member of the human race. It was his attempt to be nice, to be caring. He would let you pick out a lollipop from the sweet jar, I guess it was all about keeping business healthy…

Anyway I’m parked up in a community library parking place. Hawklad is having his FIRST one to one, direct bit of teaching since March 2020. We have been after this since then but school just haven’t been able to free up teaching resources. Well now, two months from Hawklad’s final exams it’s happening. Unfortunately it won’t cover all the subjects due to teaching resource constraints, the sessions if they can continue will be sporadic. After Science, History and Geography were excluded from these sessions the focus was supposed to be on both English and Maths. Unfortunately school have dropped Maths now. Apparently someone has walked out on school and they won’t be replaced until after the exams.

But at least it’s something. Any helping hand is a good hand.

A Teaching Assistant will be providing a short session covering a bit of English and a bit of exam techniques. I wonder if they will cover any of the areas we have requested. I really hope it helps Hawklad.

Looking at Hawklad’s face as he went into the Library he had the same terrified look that I must have had visiting that Psychotic Dentist, just WAY WORSE. This is so not easy for him, he is so close to an anxiety meltdown. It shows just how little contact he has had with school staff, zero relationships have been established. It’s probably also a reflection of just how painful an experience this school has been for him.

Let’s just hope that like my trips to the dentist, he can put this behind him and actually he gets something out of it. In my case with the Dentist at lease I got some dodgy chemical filled fillings and a sugary lollipop. I want so much more for him. I just want him to feel at ease with life and be happy.