Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 85 Comments

Pancakes

Oh no it’s pancakes. I have been let back into the kitchen. How can I wreck the pancakes this year. Like most things baking – they don’t come naturally to me. So this year the ingredients are ready. Carefully measured out.

What could possibly go wrong…

AND the results…..

Where do I start….

Not exactly round. Not exactly fluffy and light think putty. Either to thin or verging on a bread loaf. The taste well I thought ‘delicate, unobtrusive flavouring’ while Hawklad thought ‘tasteless mush only saved by mountains of sugar’.

So somewhere between 5 out of 10 to 1 out of 100. But here’s the thing. Pancake Day was special this year. Really special. It made the day DIFFERENT. In these lockdown times that makes it special.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 64 Comments

Forgetful

Do you get those moments when you realise that you have clearly lost the plot. I’ve been telling Hawklad that the school half term week off is the last week of February. It always is….

I couldn’t work out last why a few of the teachers kept talking about end of module lessons, need to get things finished this week, we start something new in a couple of weeks…. Still the obvious didn’t sink in. Not until one teacher set an ‘end of half term test’.

Ok the week off is this week. This is completely down to me. School emailed parents after Christmas with the correct dates. The school calendar is clear. Basically the muppet gauge is registering ‘off the scale’ currently with me. That might explain why I put my coffee cup into the tumble dryer with the towels. That might explain why I filled my bath with cold water. That might explain why I lost my mobile so I tried phoning it on the land line – kept getting the engaged sound and didn’t work out that I was repeatedly phoning the landline. Might explain why I couldn’t find the toothpaste and strangely found that it was in my hand all the time. Might explain why I put Deep Heat on a hand cut rather than Sudacrem.

Everyday I move further away from George Clooney and ever closer to Homer Simpson. That’s both in looks and thought.

Wish I could forget that bit.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 68 Comments

Man of action

That’s as good as the weather has been in days. Apparently there is still blue sky up there.

I like to still see myself as a MAN OF ACTION. Unbounded reserves of energy. Chiselled, carved out of granite, built like Thor. I do try lots of exercise. Increasingly heavy weights and kettlebells. More and more sit-ups, press-ups and planks.

Sadly the reality is some what different.

Permanently feeling tired, trying not to nod off. A constant battle with my weight. A body more Homer Simpson’s than Superhero. AND I strongly suspect that any self respecting MAN OF ACTION won’t have Pirate George on his duvet cover.

The secrets out now…

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 109 Comments

Are you sure

A moment of quiet contemplation between the mayhem. A penny for his thoughts.

I wonder if it was ‘in a few minutes I get a chance to really bark at the shopping delivery driver’.

Well he needed patience today. Definitely late delivery.

We are so fortunate to be able to book a weekly food delivery. Ok what comes is a little random but it so helps during these strange lockdown days. The drivers are usually really friendly and helpful. Today it was a new driver who looked only just old enough to drive the van. About an hour late the phone rang.

“I’ve been sat outside for 10 minutes and your not in. I’ve food to be delivered.”

Sorry but you are not outside our house.

“Yes I am”

Sorry I can’t see you on our drive.

‘Well I am parked on your drive”

Sorry but your not. You might be at the wrong house.

“Definitely not, I’m here”

Wait a second and I will see if I can see you….. I can see you. I’m waving at you. You are at the wrong house.

“No you must have used put the wrong address on the order. It says xxxxxxxxx as the address ”

Yes that’s our house address. It’s the one that has been used by the supermarket for 9 months. It’s the address to this house not the one your parked at.

“Are you sure…..”

Strangely yes I am sure. I’m currently stood outside my house and you are parked outside the wrong house.

*******

Finally the van arrived at the correct address. The food was delivered and then the deep philosophical discussion continued.

“That house had the same colour door as the one you included in your instructions..”

I don’t think it does. I put on the order that our house had a white door. That one over there has a brown door.

“It’s very confusing I bet the other drivers have struggled to find you.”

No you are the first to get lost.

“For the future could you add some more detail to the delivery address.”

So apart from the correct address, the correct colour door, instructions on how to get to our house from both village entrances. The ones which are on the order already – what would you suggest.

“Anything to make it clearer….”

*********

So on the next order maybe I should include the door colours that do not apply to our house. A note saying that it might be an idea to check the door number on the door matches the one on the order. And listen out for the really noisy dog. That should do it…

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 70 Comments

On thin ice

Sometimes you are on thin ice. Very thin ice

I’m sat on a living room chair drinking a decaf coffee. Trying to help with Pythagoras theorem. You remember that one. ‘In any right angled triangle, the square of the hypotenuse is equal to the sum of the squares of the other two sides’. A perfectly fine theorem spoilt by including squares. Ok the squares of 2 and 3 and 4 are fine. But really the squares of numbers bigger than 23 should be banned.

Anyway I was in the zone. Drinking decaf and trying to help with maths when out of the blue…

“Dad what’s a Drag Queen?”

Trying to mop up the decaf now spilt on my lap. I spluttered out an answer while longingly remembering questions involving the square of 38…..

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 70 Comments

20 years

A really special tree. All by itself on an exposed little hill. This angle shows the impact of a few too many storms and a couple of direct lightning strikes. Definitely much bigger and a little more symmetrical when we first moved here a couple of decades ago.

Having said that I bet the tree is saying something similar about me. Not quite the same human than he was 20 years ago.

Definitely a bit heavier. My old baggy goalkeeper top has become a trendy skin tight one. Let’s say it’s all more muscle…. 🙀

But that made me think about other stuff which has changed over those 20 years.

Parenting

Bereavement

Hair….🤯 (maybe the two above are the cause of that….)

Stopped drinking alcohol

Stopped drinking coffee

My dress sense has improved (did I really wear that stuff)

Body has decided to disagree with lots of stuff I liked 20 years ago (caffeine, dairy, garlic, oats, baked beans, raw onions, gluten, spicy stuff, liquorice, fizzy drinks, apples, peanuts)

Over those 20 years they clearly have been making mobile phone screens and book lettering much smaller and more blurred

Memory has gone the same way as my eyesight

Seemingly can’t get out of a chair now without making audible noises

Can now seem to understand what the Tellytubbies and Clangers say

Now older than many world leaders

20 years ago I was a bit of a computer expert and now even the TV remote control is beyond me

20 years ago I would spend hours setting up my mobile to be the perfect fit for my lifestyle and now I just hand it to my son to sort it out

Developed a liking for beige things

I’ve become much more Homer Simpson than Bart

Can now get into a One Legged Pigeon position…..

Ok that last one I can get into the position but there are no guarantees I can get out of the pose. So surprise surprise, in those 20 years I’ve got older. Older yes. Bigger yes. Creakier yes. Wiser – not entirely sure……

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 65 Comments

Not sure it will

Temporary farmers field lake is still going strong and still delivering. Kind of want it all year round. Wonder if my hosepipe will reach that far….

I’m not sure it will.

I was doing my morning torture ritual. Set the alarm to go off while it’s still dark. Exercise and then let the real torture begin. Yoga. Trying to follow the helpful and really nice instructions.

“To extend this pose why don’t you just take those knees just a bit lower…”

I’m not sure they will.

“This is a scrumptious hip opener why don’t you just hold it for another 10 seconds…”

I’m not sure I have the will.

“Try to breathe in through your nose to the count of 7 and then breathe slowly out to the count of 8.”

I’m not sure my lungs will.

“Now try to touch the ground with the outside of your left knee while twisting your body as far you can to the right.”

I’m convinced it will not do that without rupturing my spine.

“While keeping your right leg off the ground cradle your left thigh with both arms, start to rock.”

If you count going into catatonic shock as rocking, then I can…

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 57 Comments

Tired

Back to dark, moody weather. Apparently it’s warmer that’s why I’m wearing a wooly hat, gloves and 38 layers….

You know your tired when you function without using your brain. You make a drink with the coffee machine but forget to put a cup in the holder. You drop a full toilet roll into the bowl. You put your shirt on inside out and back to front. You give the cat dog food and the dog gets cat food. The washing machine programme settings are several pay grades above your abilities. And you microwave a tub of mint chocolate ice cream rather than a frozen cottage pie.

Yep getting a few of those days recently.

And then I just have to raise the brain fail stakes….

Cutting hair while tired. Starting to trim without putting the No2 guard on. In fact NO guard. End result a rather fashionable shaved area. On the plus side it’s a national lockdown so no-one outside the house is going to see it for weeks. Plenty of time to grow back. And as my parents would say ‘a rider on a passing horse won’t notice..’. They would also say ‘only 2 days between a bad hair cut and a you need to comb your hair cut’ – in this case make that a few weeks…..

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 42 Comments

Lagoon

The real village lake and it’s frozen. That does not happen that often. Must be cold.

The call came from Hawklad’s counselling team. All visits are suspended until further notice. Basically until the lockdown is lifted. Which is such a shame as Hawklad had just met his new lead professional. She seemed really good. She set up weekly sessions but these are now on hold. They are going to try a video version but she is not hopeful that it will do any good. He hates all things Zoom and it really throws him.

It’s clear that she also thinks that this is a long term process. Maybe well beyond 2021. The worry is that it will just keep on getting longer until real counselling sessions can regularly commence. But it is what it is.

Anyway back to the frozen lake. I have history here……

I bought the two of us a mini drone to play with. Hawklad struggled to fly it as he found the coordination difficult. So it was down to Top Gun Maverick to show him how it was done. The first controlled garden attempt resulted in the drone being launched like a missile and flying rapidly over our house roof. It crashed near the road, thankfully with no casualties. It’s not big or clever kids…..

So after the drone was repaired with superglue, tape and blu tack, it was ready to go again. The second flight took place in the farmers field. More controlled with a less dramatic crash landing. Only problem was that some of the farm animals took a liking to the drone. That took some retrieving. That never happened to Tom Cruise.

After several more test flights I started to really master the high speed nose dive (wings smashing off) landing. One more flight. This time higher. Quicker. Then disaster. A tight banking turn was too much for the patched up aircraft. The wing dropped off. A spectacular crash followed unfortunately not into the farmers field. A direct village lake hit. Let’s try to be cool and say I performed an ‘in the ocean’ emergency ditching. No recovery craft here. Basically I had to jump over the fence, take my trousers off and wade in. The lake is surprisingly deep. Definitely bracing…. Belly button deep and very muddy. Certainly nothing like Tom Cruise emerging from the ocean. Now you can see where they got the idea for the Monster from the Black Lagoon movie.

Posted on by bereavedandbeingasingleparent · 52 Comments

Say that again

Say that again…..

I so need to have a notebook which I carry around in my pocket at all times. Every time something is mentioned that has the slightest chance of becoming important then I could write it down. A permanent record to prompt my sieve like memory and stop those say that again moments.

Had a few too many of those over the last few days.

“Dad did you get the glazed cherries for our Christmas Eve treat?”

Say that again!!!!

“Dad did you buy the Home Alone 4 dvd for our Christmas Day movie?”

Say that again!!!!

“Dad did you phone school before they broke up to tell them that the Teams password isn’t working?”

Say that again!!!!

“Dad did you remember to make a donation to the school charity appeal last Thursday?”

Say that again!!!!

“Dad did you phone up XXXXXXX mum to get hold of their address so we can send them a card?”

Say that again!!!!

“Dad you haven’t forgotten that we are having Salmon to eat on Christmas Eve?”

Say that again!!!!

“Have we got the sausage rolls, French sticks, onion rings, pineapple rings, Doritos and mango chutney in for our Christmas Eve buffet?”

Say that again!!!!

“Dad did you remember that you said that you would send a copy of the family tree to Auntie Xxxx”

Say that again!!!!

“Dad did you remember to take the bread out of the oven. It’s been in there for most of the day and it’s looking a bit burnt.

Say that again!!!!

“Mr Xxxxxxxxx did you remember to submit form 5a. It needs to be received by the end of this month or the service will stop.

Say that again!!!!

“Ok you will need to give your dog these nasal sprays at least once a day. Will your dog sit still to let you do that.”

Say that again!!!!